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So, it's that time of year again. I helped out some people many many years ago with college prep, and now I'm back because I've made it into a profitable business, editing essays for college and medical school applicants. I've helped people get into schools like Stanford, Dartmouth, MIT, Brandeis, BU, American, Northwestern, UPenn, and Yale. (Not yet Harvard, but we're working on that) 
Timeline: You better write these essays before November 2012. Wasting time and not turning in applications early is your downfall.
Here's the thing: most people are confused when it comes to writing these essays. I've read about a thousand college essays, and most of them suck. They're too formal, uncreative, and have horrible storylines. I think even smart students get nervous and write as if it were an English class essay. As long as the grammar and content were okay, they would get A+. However, for college essays, that is not the case.
MUST READ ESSAY GUIDE:
#1 Rule: You must grab their attention!
#2 Rule: You must tell them about how you are smart, creative, social, and resourceful.
#3 Rule: Do NOT get caught up in details. Think of the overall idea that you’re trying to get across.
Objective: So, show them how you think! Present yourself in the best light! Don’t overwhelm them with too many details. Don’t overwhelm them with too much narrative. Overwhelm them with insight on how you think through adversity and can come up with ways to succeed or learn.
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Examples.
Let's talk about the Stanford University supplement.
Essay 1: Stanford students possess an intellectual vitality. Reflect on an idea or experience that has been important to your intellectual development.
Rich students are sent abroad or to cool technology or medical related companies to gain experience just for essays like this Stanford essay. However, they ALWAYS mess it up by giving a really broad story of their work experience.
IF you have that work experience, we have something solid to work with and it'll be an easy task. You always encounter problems at work, and you can show how well you overcame it to complete your job.
If you're like 90% of the world, and you didn't have the money to get that kind of work experience, talk to me, and I'll give you the inspiration to write something anyways. It could be ANY sort of intellectual development, whether it is social, emotional, academic, or physical.
Emotional: You listen, Help, Improve someone through a tough time.
Physical: Sports (very risky, majority of kids write about sports)
Social: Community, Shelters/the poor, political movement, helping with campaigns
Language: Communication strengths, leadership, ability to talk and MOVE people
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Stuff you want to avoid:
Do NOT read books like "Best college essays". That shit does not help you. If your parents are like mine, they would buy you that and it will only depress you. You'll try to create poor imitations of these spectacular, one-in-a-million essays and you'll fail getting into college.
Don't be so focused on writing big words. I read essays that are so dry and boring, it hurts. And what's worse is that they use words that just make it awkward.
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Inspiration and strength for college applicants who don't believe in themselves:
You might think:
- I don't have the best grades!
- I don't have the best SAT scores!
- I don't have cool activities or community service!
- I am not on a varsity sports team!
HOW AM I GOING TO GET INTO HARVARD?!
To get into a top 10 university, all you need are two things:
1. A GPA of between 3.7-4.0 out of 4.0 (Without taking cream puff classes, of course)
2. An SAT score of approximately 2100 or higher, give or take 200 points. (and comparable SAT2 scores)
Now, when a school looks at your application, they only see test scores and an essay. The ESSAY is your saving grace if you don't have awesome extracurriculars. Take a look at these two sample applicants.
Harvard Applicant #1: Mr. Awesome Snob
SAT scores: 2400/2400
GPA: 4.0/4.0 (valedictorian)
Essay: I was the tennis captain and playing #1 singles for our team. We had some rough patches and took some hard losses. Then, we fought through and practiced hard. I led our team to victory in the state championships and won the singles title. I learned how hard work pays off and you can be a success. I hope to bring this to Harvard University and become a successful doctor in the future.
Verdict: *YAWN* This bores me to death. Nice scores. Shit essay. You see about 40% of essays looking EXACTLY like this. This kid didn't learn anything. He didn't show his true self. It's a bad, cliche essay. Score, C.
Harvard Applicant #2: Mr. Dedicated Friend
SAT scores: 2100/2400
GPA: 3.6/4.0 (#16 in class)
Essay: "I want to kill myself." Those words echoed through the receiver of my phone, and my body went limp. My friend had just called me one night, and was breaking down in tears. His life was in a seemingly downward spiral and he was considering suicide.
[Explanation of how he felt pressure because he was failing classes against the high expectations of his strict parents. Show how you listened to him, helped him with studying for classes, showed your leadership by talking to teachers for help, asked friend to seek professional help as well, juggled your own life as well caring for your friend.]
Verdict: Good attention-grabbing intro. Shows depth of character of how you can help a friend through problems by being resourceful. Helping him study. Talking to others to get help. Harvard would really appreciate a person like you on their campus. Grade A.
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Contact me if you're seeking help on college applications.
jsslee@MIT.EDU
  
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Very good advice, I've helped friends through similar essays within their classes and their career and post-secondary pursuits. A lot of people get lost in some of the details they really need to help them through things.
The only aspect I would caution in regards to your examples is the level in which one is dramatic. Outlining adversity, strengths, weaknesses, and growth into a harrowing tale (whether legitimate or exaggerated), straddles a fine line towards doing too much against your cause, and showcasing what makes you potentially worth accepting.
EDIT - Moreover, you also mentioned a good and unique point in your objective that many people forget. Your example of the snob is in line with exactly what you want to avoid; they are likely to make a descriptive list of events in a very general way. A big way to improve that, as you mentioned, is showcasing your thoughts and how you come about things. For instance:
You had to make three important decisions regarding X, Y, Z during your schooling. Describe the ways they were problems, the solutions you utilized and the process behind those decisions. How did it make you feel? How did everything turn out? Etc...
Your essay has to be so much more than a listing and description of what occurred, and what you may or may not have been occupied with.
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Do you work at MIT or are/were you a student there?
From your post it sounds like you're an admissions rep or something along those lines.
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On August 25 2012 20:39 divito wrote:
Very good advice, I've helped friends through similar essays within their classes and their career and post-secondary pursuits. A lot of people get lost in some of the details they really need to help them through things.
The only aspect I would caution in regards to your examples is the level in which one is dramatic. Outlining adversity, strengths, weaknesses, and growth into a harrowing tale (whether legitimate or exaggerated), straddles a fine line towards doing too much against your cause, and showcasing what makes you potentially worth accepting.
EDIT - Moreover, you also mentioned a good and unique point in your objective that many people forget. Your example of the snob is in line with exactly what you want to avoid; they are likely to make a descriptive list of events in a very general way. A big way to improve that, as you mentioned, is showcasing your thoughts and how you come about things. For instance:
You had to make three important decisions regarding X, Y, Z during your schooling. Describe the ways they were problems, the solutions you utilized and the process behind those decisions. How did it make you feel? How did everything turn out? Etc...
Your essay has to be so much more than a listing and description of what occurred, and what you may or may not have been occupied with.
Exactly. You highlight what I said in my post, the objective of this essay: "Overwhelm them with insight on how you think through adversity and can come up with ways to succeed or learn."
Anyways, I wrote this at 6am in 20 minutes, so those examples are just half-assed essays that I just made up on the fly.
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On August 25 2012 20:58 CatNzHat wrote:
Do you work at MIT or are/were you a student there?
From your post it sounds like you're an admissions rep or something along those lines.
I was a student there, and worked in the admissions office to read essays.
It's been a while since I graduated, and during the fall, I'm hired to edit and help people with their applications.
I'm not an admissions rep or affiliated with anything. Then I wouldn't be able to do this.
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On August 25 2012 21:06 WhatisProtoss wrote:Show nested quote +On August 25 2012 20:58 CatNzHat wrote:
Do you work at MIT or are/were you a student there?
From your post it sounds like you're an admissions rep or something along those lines. I was a student there, and worked in the admissions office to read essays. It's been a while since I graduated, and during the fall, I'm hired to edit and help people with their applications. I'm not an admissions rep or affiliated with anything. Then I wouldn't be able to do this.
I got a perfect read on you :D
Slightly interesting stuff, but not any different from the advice I got from the admissions reps that I talked to.
Good rule of thumb when writing something to be read by someone else, ask people who have to read it what they want to read...
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On August 25 2012 21:04 WhatisProtoss wrote:Show nested quote +On August 25 2012 20:39 divito wrote:
Very good advice, I've helped friends through similar essays within their classes and their career and post-secondary pursuits. A lot of people get lost in some of the details they really need to help them through things.
The only aspect I would caution in regards to your examples is the level in which one is dramatic. Outlining adversity, strengths, weaknesses, and growth into a harrowing tale (whether legitimate or exaggerated), straddles a fine line towards doing too much against your cause, and showcasing what makes you potentially worth accepting.
EDIT - Moreover, you also mentioned a good and unique point in your objective that many people forget. Your example of the snob is in line with exactly what you want to avoid; they are likely to make a descriptive list of events in a very general way. A big way to improve that, as you mentioned, is showcasing your thoughts and how you come about things. For instance:
You had to make three important decisions regarding X, Y, Z during your schooling. Describe the ways they were problems, the solutions you utilized and the process behind those decisions. How did it make you feel? How did everything turn out? Etc...
Your essay has to be so much more than a listing and description of what occurred, and what you may or may not have been occupied with. Exactly. You highlight what I said in my post, the objective of this essay: "Overwhelm them with insight on how you think through adversity and can come up with ways to succeed or learn."Anyways, I wrote this at 6am in 20 minutes, so those examples are just half-assed essays that I just made up on the fly.
that essay is better written than the essay I wrote for my final. Seriously, I'll never get these things right.
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I come on TeamLiquid to get my daily dose of Starcraft information and this is the first blog I see......
Maybe I should go back and keep workin' on them essays.
But thanks for the post, I'll keep all of this is mind and hopefully the hard work will pay off.
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I always thought about writing an essay like that, but I always worry that my ideas would conflict with the schools research.
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Somewhat relevant question: Are you allowed to lie on college admission essays? I don't mean for things like grades, schools, or service, but making up stories that will grab attention? How will the college punish those (if at all) found to have lied? I would have it so much easier if I could write an attention grabbing story, because my life is honestly very boring.
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On August 26 2012 01:37 Chocolate wrote:
Somewhat relevant question: Are you allowed to lie on college admission essays? I don't mean for things like grades, schools, or service, but making up stories that will grab attention? How will the college punish those (if at all) found to have lied? I would have it so much easier if I could write an attention grabbing story, because my life is honestly very boring.
You should embellish, in my opinion. This means, overemphasize points and almost even exaggerate things for effect.
But you should NOT lie. It's harder to pull off, and you might have to explain yourself in the interview. If the college finds out, it's automatic expulsion. You probably will be black-listed from entering some other colleges too.
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What if you have never experienced anything special like "I changed this kid's life" or something like that? What do you write about then?
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On August 26 2012 03:43 NationInArms wrote:
What if you have never experienced anything special like "I changed this kid's life" or something like that? What do you write about then?
Then you should write about an experience that required you to be quick-thinking and resourceful enough to get yourself out of trouble. How to handle some sort of disappointment and bounce back.
Maybe you can't think of a good example on your own and just need some inspiration to think through what you've done in your life. I personally haven't met a single person who came to me for help who lacked such an experience.
If you really do not have such an experience and have spent your life locked up indoors, only studying, then maybe an Ivy Leage college is not meant for you. If you have zero experience, you NEED to have some academic awards to back yourself up, like an International Olympiad gold medal.
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If you don't have an actual experience, just say a friend's mother died and through her death comes your motivation to stop what killed her. (Most common is cancer.) Make it a childhood friend and make that experience traumatic and make sure you have "lost" contact with this kid because he ended up moving because of the experience.
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It's important to tell a true story, no matter what because it will just come off as more genuine. No matter how prestigious the university or college, they all want kids with personality that will bring something unique to their class. Personally, I never had any life changing experience or hardship, but I wrote about something that I'm passionate about and how it influenced and helped teach me throughout my life and it worked out.
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On August 26 2012 04:36 DigiGnar wrote:
If you don't have an actual experience, just say a friend's mother died and through her death comes your motivation to stop what killed her. (Most common is cancer.) Make it a childhood friend and make that experience traumatic and make sure you have "lost" contact with this kid because he ended up moving because of the experience.
I would highly recommend not doing something like this. It's like pretending to be handicapped and asking for charity...
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On August 26 2012 04:36 DigiGnar wrote:
If you don't have an actual experience, just say a friend's mother died and through her death comes your motivation to stop what killed her. (Most common is cancer.) Make it a childhood friend and make that experience traumatic and make sure you have "lost" contact with this kid because he ended up moving because of the experience.
You will fuck yourself over by doing this.
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This is great. Thanks for this post. Im a dutch student atm and I will study in the US next year(2013/2014). My writing in dutch is above average but in english it all sounds a bit different. I could use the tips haha!
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This is pretty good advice
You're also a beast :O
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On August 26 2012 04:54 redoxx wrote:
It's important to tell a true story, no matter what because it will just come off as more genuine. No matter how prestigious the university or college, they all want kids with personality that will bring something unique to their class. Personally, I never had any life changing experience or hardship, but I wrote about something that I'm passionate about and how it influenced and helped teach me throughout my life and it worked out.
Did it get you where you wanted to go?
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EPT
