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So, it's that time of year again. I helped out some people many many years ago with college prep, and now I'm back because I've made it into a profitable business, editing essays for college and medical school applicants. I've helped people get into schools like Stanford, Dartmouth, MIT, Brandeis, BU, American, Northwestern, UPenn, and Yale. (Not yet Harvard, but we're working on that) 
Timeline: You better write these essays before November 2012. Wasting time and not turning in applications early is your downfall.
Here's the thing: most people are confused when it comes to writing these essays. I've read about a thousand college essays, and most of them suck. They're too formal, uncreative, and have horrible storylines. I think even smart students get nervous and write as if it were an English class essay. As long as the grammar and content were okay, they would get A+. However, for college essays, that is not the case.
MUST READ ESSAY GUIDE:
#1 Rule: You must grab their attention!
#2 Rule: You must tell them about how you are smart, creative, social, and resourceful.
#3 Rule: Do NOT get caught up in details. Think of the overall idea that you’re trying to get across.
Objective: So, show them how you think! Present yourself in the best light! Don’t overwhelm them with too many details. Don’t overwhelm them with too much narrative. Overwhelm them with insight on how you think through adversity and can come up with ways to succeed or learn.
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Examples.
Let's talk about the Stanford University supplement.
Essay 1: Stanford students possess an intellectual vitality. Reflect on an idea or experience that has been important to your intellectual development.
Rich students are sent abroad or to cool technology or medical related companies to gain experience just for essays like this Stanford essay. However, they ALWAYS mess it up by giving a really broad story of their work experience.
IF you have that work experience, we have something solid to work with and it'll be an easy task. You always encounter problems at work, and you can show how well you overcame it to complete your job.
If you're like 90% of the world, and you didn't have the money to get that kind of work experience, talk to me, and I'll give you the inspiration to write something anyways. It could be ANY sort of intellectual development, whether it is social, emotional, academic, or physical.
Emotional: You listen, Help, Improve someone through a tough time.
Physical: Sports (very risky, majority of kids write about sports)
Social: Community, Shelters/the poor, political movement, helping with campaigns
Language: Communication strengths, leadership, ability to talk and MOVE people
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Stuff you want to avoid:
Do NOT read books like "Best college essays". That shit does not help you. If your parents are like mine, they would buy you that and it will only depress you. You'll try to create poor imitations of these spectacular, one-in-a-million essays and you'll fail getting into college.
Don't be so focused on writing big words. I read essays that are so dry and boring, it hurts. And what's worse is that they use words that just make it awkward.
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Inspiration and strength for college applicants who don't believe in themselves:
You might think:
- I don't have the best grades!
- I don't have the best SAT scores!
- I don't have cool activities or community service!
- I am not on a varsity sports team!
HOW AM I GOING TO GET INTO HARVARD?!
To get into a top 10 university, all you need are two things:
1. A GPA of between 3.7-4.0 out of 4.0 (Without taking cream puff classes, of course)
2. An SAT score of approximately 2100 or higher, give or take 200 points. (and comparable SAT2 scores)
Now, when a school looks at your application, they only see test scores and an essay. The ESSAY is your saving grace if you don't have awesome extracurriculars. Take a look at these two sample applicants.
Harvard Applicant #1: Mr. Awesome Snob
SAT scores: 2400/2400
GPA: 4.0/4.0 (valedictorian)
Essay: I was the tennis captain and playing #1 singles for our team. We had some rough patches and took some hard losses. Then, we fought through and practiced hard. I led our team to victory in the state championships and won the singles title. I learned how hard work pays off and you can be a success. I hope to bring this to Harvard University and become a successful doctor in the future.
Verdict: *YAWN* This bores me to death. Nice scores. Shit essay. You see about 40% of essays looking EXACTLY like this. This kid didn't learn anything. He didn't show his true self. It's a bad, cliche essay. Score, C.
Harvard Applicant #2: Mr. Dedicated Friend
SAT scores: 2100/2400
GPA: 3.6/4.0 (#16 in class)
Essay: "I want to kill myself." Those words echoed through the receiver of my phone, and my body went limp. My friend had just called me one night, and was breaking down in tears. His life was in a seemingly downward spiral and he was considering suicide.
[Explanation of how he felt pressure because he was failing classes against the high expectations of his strict parents. Show how you listened to him, helped him with studying for classes, showed your leadership by talking to teachers for help, asked friend to seek professional help as well, juggled your own life as well caring for your friend.]
Verdict: Good attention-grabbing intro. Shows depth of character of how you can help a friend through problems by being resourceful. Helping him study. Talking to others to get help. Harvard would really appreciate a person like you on their campus. Grade A.
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Contact me if you're seeking help on college applications.
jsslee@MIT.EDU
  
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Very good advice, I've helped friends through similar essays within their classes and their career and post-secondary pursuits. A lot of people get lost in some of the details they really need to help them through things.
The only aspect I would caution in regards to your examples is the level in which one is dramatic. Outlining adversity, strengths, weaknesses, and growth into a harrowing tale (whether legitimate or exaggerated), straddles a fine line towards doing too much against your cause, and showcasing what makes you potentially worth accepting.
EDIT - Moreover, you also mentioned a good and unique point in your objective that many people forget. Your example of the snob is in line with exactly what you want to avoid; they are likely to make a descriptive list of events in a very general way. A big way to improve that, as you mentioned, is showcasing your thoughts and how you come about things. For instance:
You had to make three important decisions regarding X, Y, Z during your schooling. Describe the ways they were problems, the solutions you utilized and the process behind those decisions. How did it make you feel? How did everything turn out? Etc...
Your essay has to be so much more than a listing and description of what occurred, and what you may or may not have been occupied with.
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Do you work at MIT or are/were you a student there?
From your post it sounds like you're an admissions rep or something along those lines.
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On August 25 2012 20:39 divito wrote:
Very good advice, I've helped friends through similar essays within their classes and their career and post-secondary pursuits. A lot of people get lost in some of the details they really need to help them through things.
The only aspect I would caution in regards to your examples is the level in which one is dramatic. Outlining adversity, strengths, weaknesses, and growth into a harrowing tale (whether legitimate or exaggerated), straddles a fine line towards doing too much against your cause, and showcasing what makes you potentially worth accepting.
EDIT - Moreover, you also mentioned a good and unique point in your objective that many people forget. Your example of the snob is in line with exactly what you want to avoid; they are likely to make a descriptive list of events in a very general way. A big way to improve that, as you mentioned, is showcasing your thoughts and how you come about things. For instance:
You had to make three important decisions regarding X, Y, Z during your schooling. Describe the ways they were problems, the solutions you utilized and the process behind those decisions. How did it make you feel? How did everything turn out? Etc...
Your essay has to be so much more than a listing and description of what occurred, and what you may or may not have been occupied with.
Exactly. You highlight what I said in my post, the objective of this essay: "Overwhelm them with insight on how you think through adversity and can come up with ways to succeed or learn."
Anyways, I wrote this at 6am in 20 minutes, so those examples are just half-assed essays that I just made up on the fly.
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On August 25 2012 20:58 CatNzHat wrote:
Do you work at MIT or are/were you a student there?
From your post it sounds like you're an admissions rep or something along those lines.
I was a student there, and worked in the admissions office to read essays.
It's been a while since I graduated, and during the fall, I'm hired to edit and help people with their applications.
I'm not an admissions rep or affiliated with anything. Then I wouldn't be able to do this.
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On August 25 2012 21:06 WhatisProtoss wrote:Show nested quote +On August 25 2012 20:58 CatNzHat wrote:
Do you work at MIT or are/were you a student there?
From your post it sounds like you're an admissions rep or something along those lines. I was a student there, and worked in the admissions office to read essays. It's been a while since I graduated, and during the fall, I'm hired to edit and help people with their applications. I'm not an admissions rep or affiliated with anything. Then I wouldn't be able to do this.
I got a perfect read on you :D
Slightly interesting stuff, but not any different from the advice I got from the admissions reps that I talked to.
Good rule of thumb when writing something to be read by someone else, ask people who have to read it what they want to read...
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On August 25 2012 21:04 WhatisProtoss wrote:Show nested quote +On August 25 2012 20:39 divito wrote:
Very good advice, I've helped friends through similar essays within their classes and their career and post-secondary pursuits. A lot of people get lost in some of the details they really need to help them through things.
The only aspect I would caution in regards to your examples is the level in which one is dramatic. Outlining adversity, strengths, weaknesses, and growth into a harrowing tale (whether legitimate or exaggerated), straddles a fine line towards doing too much against your cause, and showcasing what makes you potentially worth accepting.
EDIT - Moreover, you also mentioned a good and unique point in your objective that many people forget. Your example of the snob is in line with exactly what you want to avoid; they are likely to make a descriptive list of events in a very general way. A big way to improve that, as you mentioned, is showcasing your thoughts and how you come about things. For instance:
You had to make three important decisions regarding X, Y, Z during your schooling. Describe the ways they were problems, the solutions you utilized and the process behind those decisions. How did it make you feel? How did everything turn out? Etc...
Your essay has to be so much more than a listing and description of what occurred, and what you may or may not have been occupied with. Exactly. You highlight what I said in my post, the objective of this essay: "Overwhelm them with insight on how you think through adversity and can come up with ways to succeed or learn."Anyways, I wrote this at 6am in 20 minutes, so those examples are just half-assed essays that I just made up on the fly.
that essay is better written than the essay I wrote for my final. Seriously, I'll never get these things right.
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I come on TeamLiquid to get my daily dose of Starcraft information and this is the first blog I see......
Maybe I should go back and keep workin' on them essays.
But thanks for the post, I'll keep all of this is mind and hopefully the hard work will pay off.
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I always thought about writing an essay like that, but I always worry that my ideas would conflict with the schools research.
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Somewhat relevant question: Are you allowed to lie on college admission essays? I don't mean for things like grades, schools, or service, but making up stories that will grab attention? How will the college punish those (if at all) found to have lied? I would have it so much easier if I could write an attention grabbing story, because my life is honestly very boring.
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On August 26 2012 01:37 Chocolate wrote:
Somewhat relevant question: Are you allowed to lie on college admission essays? I don't mean for things like grades, schools, or service, but making up stories that will grab attention? How will the college punish those (if at all) found to have lied? I would have it so much easier if I could write an attention grabbing story, because my life is honestly very boring.
You should embellish, in my opinion. This means, overemphasize points and almost even exaggerate things for effect.
But you should NOT lie. It's harder to pull off, and you might have to explain yourself in the interview. If the college finds out, it's automatic expulsion. You probably will be black-listed from entering some other colleges too.
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What if you have never experienced anything special like "I changed this kid's life" or something like that? What do you write about then?
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On August 26 2012 03:43 NationInArms wrote:
What if you have never experienced anything special like "I changed this kid's life" or something like that? What do you write about then?
Then you should write about an experience that required you to be quick-thinking and resourceful enough to get yourself out of trouble. How to handle some sort of disappointment and bounce back.
Maybe you can't think of a good example on your own and just need some inspiration to think through what you've done in your life. I personally haven't met a single person who came to me for help who lacked such an experience.
If you really do not have such an experience and have spent your life locked up indoors, only studying, then maybe an Ivy Leage college is not meant for you. If you have zero experience, you NEED to have some academic awards to back yourself up, like an International Olympiad gold medal.
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If you don't have an actual experience, just say a friend's mother died and through her death comes your motivation to stop what killed her. (Most common is cancer.) Make it a childhood friend and make that experience traumatic and make sure you have "lost" contact with this kid because he ended up moving because of the experience.
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It's important to tell a true story, no matter what because it will just come off as more genuine. No matter how prestigious the university or college, they all want kids with personality that will bring something unique to their class. Personally, I never had any life changing experience or hardship, but I wrote about something that I'm passionate about and how it influenced and helped teach me throughout my life and it worked out.
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On August 26 2012 04:36 DigiGnar wrote:
If you don't have an actual experience, just say a friend's mother died and through her death comes your motivation to stop what killed her. (Most common is cancer.) Make it a childhood friend and make that experience traumatic and make sure you have "lost" contact with this kid because he ended up moving because of the experience.
I would highly recommend not doing something like this. It's like pretending to be handicapped and asking for charity...
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On August 26 2012 04:36 DigiGnar wrote:
If you don't have an actual experience, just say a friend's mother died and through her death comes your motivation to stop what killed her. (Most common is cancer.) Make it a childhood friend and make that experience traumatic and make sure you have "lost" contact with this kid because he ended up moving because of the experience.
You will fuck yourself over by doing this.
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This is great. Thanks for this post. Im a dutch student atm and I will study in the US next year(2013/2014). My writing in dutch is above average but in english it all sounds a bit different. I could use the tips haha!
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This is pretty good advice
You're also a beast :O
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On August 26 2012 04:54 redoxx wrote:
It's important to tell a true story, no matter what because it will just come off as more genuine. No matter how prestigious the university or college, they all want kids with personality that will bring something unique to their class. Personally, I never had any life changing experience or hardship, but I wrote about something that I'm passionate about and how it influenced and helped teach me throughout my life and it worked out.
Did it get you where you wanted to go?
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Just think about what made you the person you are, really. For me, my entire essay revolved around debate and how it made me realize what I wanted out of life and what my parents/teachers/authority figures wanted me to do were different.
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On August 26 2012 08:33 TiCHEN wrote:
This is great. Thanks for this post. Im a dutch student atm and I will study in the US next year(2013/2014). My writing in dutch is above average but in english it all sounds a bit different. I could use the tips haha!
Well, I hope you get an English speaker to look over your writing for you!
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So... I have a chance even if I don't score amazingly perfect scores for my GCSE A Levels?
+ Show Spoiler +
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On August 26 2012 11:14 Azera wrote:So... I have a chance even if I don't score amazingly perfect scores for my GCSE A Levels? + Show Spoiler +
You're Singaporean, people will give you the benefit of the doubt anyways.
You could always just go to the military for two years and come out of it as an Armed Recon Captain, colleges always like a badass
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On August 26 2012 17:50 Shady Sands wrote:You're Singaporean, people will give you the benefit of the doubt anyways. You could always just go to the military for two years and come out of it as an Armed Recon Captain, colleges always like a badass
Compulsory enlistment for 2 years before I go to Uni anyway. Makes me a bad ass? What benefit of the doubt? I don't get it.
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On August 26 2012 20:42 Azera wrote:Show nested quote +On August 26 2012 17:50 Shady Sands wrote:On August 26 2012 11:14 Azera wrote:So... I have a chance even if I don't score amazingly perfect scores for my GCSE A Levels? + Show Spoiler + You're Singaporean, people will give you the benefit of the doubt anyways. You could always just go to the military for two years and come out of it as an Armed Recon Captain, colleges always like a badass Compulsory enlistment for 2 years before I go to Uni anyway. Makes me a bad ass? What benefit of the doubt? I don't get it.
When I was in undergrad, me and my friends used to avoid sections where there were a lot of Singaporeans since all they ever did was raise the class average and make it impossibly hard for normal kids like us to get good grades 
As for armed forces thing, I think US universities look for examples of leadership and ambition. Working in General Staff or supply units is not going to demonstrate as much of either as leading a combat recce team.
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On August 26 2012 20:46 Shady Sands wrote:Show nested quote +On August 26 2012 20:42 Azera wrote:On August 26 2012 17:50 Shady Sands wrote:On August 26 2012 11:14 Azera wrote:So... I have a chance even if I don't score amazingly perfect scores for my GCSE A Levels? + Show Spoiler + You're Singaporean, people will give you the benefit of the doubt anyways. You could always just go to the military for two years and come out of it as an Armed Recon Captain, colleges always like a badass Compulsory enlistment for 2 years before I go to Uni anyway. Makes me a bad ass? What benefit of the doubt? I don't get it. When I was in undergrad, me and my friends used to avoid sections where there were a lot of Singaporeans since all they ever did was raise the class average and make it impossibly hard for normal kids like us to get good grades As for armed forces thing, I think US universities look for examples of leadership and ambition. Working in General Staff or supply units is not going to demonstrate as much of either as leading a combat recce team.
Hmm... I don't think I'm the average Singaporean though. I'm not particularly studious with excellent grades or anything, you might even say that my studying habits are quite American-esque
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On August 26 2012 20:50 Azera wrote:Show nested quote +On August 26 2012 20:46 Shady Sands wrote:On August 26 2012 20:42 Azera wrote:On August 26 2012 17:50 Shady Sands wrote:On August 26 2012 11:14 Azera wrote:So... I have a chance even if I don't score amazingly perfect scores for my GCSE A Levels? + Show Spoiler + You're Singaporean, people will give you the benefit of the doubt anyways. You could always just go to the military for two years and come out of it as an Armed Recon Captain, colleges always like a badass Compulsory enlistment for 2 years before I go to Uni anyway. Makes me a bad ass? What benefit of the doubt? I don't get it. When I was in undergrad, me and my friends used to avoid sections where there were a lot of Singaporeans since all they ever did was raise the class average and make it impossibly hard for normal kids like us to get good grades As for armed forces thing, I think US universities look for examples of leadership and ambition. Working in General Staff or supply units is not going to demonstrate as much of either as leading a combat recce team. Hmm... I don't think I'm the average Singaporean though. I'm not particularly studious with excellent grades or anything, you might even say that my studying habits are quite American-esque
American kids don't study, they party and then cram the weekend of. (j/k, but really, studying habits at a US college are pretty bad on average. You're probably more hardworking.)
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On August 26 2012 21:04 Shady Sands wrote:Show nested quote +On August 26 2012 20:50 Azera wrote:On August 26 2012 20:46 Shady Sands wrote:On August 26 2012 20:42 Azera wrote:On August 26 2012 17:50 Shady Sands wrote:On August 26 2012 11:14 Azera wrote:So... I have a chance even if I don't score amazingly perfect scores for my GCSE A Levels? + Show Spoiler + You're Singaporean, people will give you the benefit of the doubt anyways. You could always just go to the military for two years and come out of it as an Armed Recon Captain, colleges always like a badass Compulsory enlistment for 2 years before I go to Uni anyway. Makes me a bad ass? What benefit of the doubt? I don't get it. When I was in undergrad, me and my friends used to avoid sections where there were a lot of Singaporeans since all they ever did was raise the class average and make it impossibly hard for normal kids like us to get good grades As for armed forces thing, I think US universities look for examples of leadership and ambition. Working in General Staff or supply units is not going to demonstrate as much of either as leading a combat recce team. Hmm... I don't think I'm the average Singaporean though. I'm not particularly studious with excellent grades or anything, you might even say that my studying habits are quite American-esque American kids don't study, they party and then cram the weekend of. (j/k, but really, studying habits at a US college are pretty bad on average. You're probably more hardworking.)
Monday~Friday: 30mins to an hour of hardwork put in. Homework? What homework?
Saturday: An hour or so of work
Sunday: Tuition for three hours on Math and Science and an hour of work
How am I still in the express steam...
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On August 26 2012 21:07 Azera wrote:Show nested quote +On August 26 2012 21:04 Shady Sands wrote:On August 26 2012 20:50 Azera wrote:On August 26 2012 20:46 Shady Sands wrote:On August 26 2012 20:42 Azera wrote:On August 26 2012 17:50 Shady Sands wrote:On August 26 2012 11:14 Azera wrote:So... I have a chance even if I don't score amazingly perfect scores for my GCSE A Levels? + Show Spoiler + You're Singaporean, people will give you the benefit of the doubt anyways. You could always just go to the military for two years and come out of it as an Armed Recon Captain, colleges always like a badass Compulsory enlistment for 2 years before I go to Uni anyway. Makes me a bad ass? What benefit of the doubt? I don't get it. When I was in undergrad, me and my friends used to avoid sections where there were a lot of Singaporeans since all they ever did was raise the class average and make it impossibly hard for normal kids like us to get good grades As for armed forces thing, I think US universities look for examples of leadership and ambition. Working in General Staff or supply units is not going to demonstrate as much of either as leading a combat recce team. Hmm... I don't think I'm the average Singaporean though. I'm not particularly studious with excellent grades or anything, you might even say that my studying habits are quite American-esque American kids don't study, they party and then cram the weekend of. (j/k, but really, studying habits at a US college are pretty bad on average. You're probably more hardworking.) Monday~Friday: 30mins to an hour of hardwork put in. Homework? What homework? Saturday: An hour or so of work Sunday: Tuition for three hours on Math and Science and an hour of work How am I still in the express steam...
Maybe you're just a genius. How many IMO medals do you have? The Sing kid in my dorm block my first year had three, two silvers and a bronze.
He kept complaining that no girls wanted to attend classes with him. We told him that no one, period, wanted to attend classes with him, and that it wasn't because he was a horrible person, it was because we all sucked compared to him.
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On August 26 2012 21:11 Shady Sands wrote:Show nested quote +On August 26 2012 21:07 Azera wrote:On August 26 2012 21:04 Shady Sands wrote:On August 26 2012 20:50 Azera wrote:On August 26 2012 20:46 Shady Sands wrote:On August 26 2012 20:42 Azera wrote:On August 26 2012 17:50 Shady Sands wrote:On August 26 2012 11:14 Azera wrote:So... I have a chance even if I don't score amazingly perfect scores for my GCSE A Levels? + Show Spoiler + You're Singaporean, people will give you the benefit of the doubt anyways. You could always just go to the military for two years and come out of it as an Armed Recon Captain, colleges always like a badass Compulsory enlistment for 2 years before I go to Uni anyway. Makes me a bad ass? What benefit of the doubt? I don't get it. When I was in undergrad, me and my friends used to avoid sections where there were a lot of Singaporeans since all they ever did was raise the class average and make it impossibly hard for normal kids like us to get good grades As for armed forces thing, I think US universities look for examples of leadership and ambition. Working in General Staff or supply units is not going to demonstrate as much of either as leading a combat recce team. Hmm... I don't think I'm the average Singaporean though. I'm not particularly studious with excellent grades or anything, you might even say that my studying habits are quite American-esque American kids don't study, they party and then cram the weekend of. (j/k, but really, studying habits at a US college are pretty bad on average. You're probably more hardworking.) Monday~Friday: 30mins to an hour of hardwork put in. Homework? What homework? Saturday: An hour or so of work Sunday: Tuition for three hours on Math and Science and an hour of work How am I still in the express steam... Maybe you're just a genius. How many IMO medals do you have? The Sing kid in my dorm block my first year had three, two silvers and a bronze. He kept complaining that no girls wanted to attend classes with him. We told him that no one, period, wanted to attend classes with him, and that it wasn't because he was a horrible person, it was because we all sucked compared to him.
ROFL most of the time I barely pass maths. I'm not even qualified for the math olympiad.
I'm an English/Lit/Humanities guy. Unfortunately whatever talents I might have won't be acknowledged by the system.
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On August 26 2012 21:13 Azera wrote:Show nested quote +On August 26 2012 21:11 Shady Sands wrote:On August 26 2012 21:07 Azera wrote:On August 26 2012 21:04 Shady Sands wrote:On August 26 2012 20:50 Azera wrote:On August 26 2012 20:46 Shady Sands wrote:On August 26 2012 20:42 Azera wrote:On August 26 2012 17:50 Shady Sands wrote:On August 26 2012 11:14 Azera wrote:So... I have a chance even if I don't score amazingly perfect scores for my GCSE A Levels? + Show Spoiler + You're Singaporean, people will give you the benefit of the doubt anyways. You could always just go to the military for two years and come out of it as an Armed Recon Captain, colleges always like a badass Compulsory enlistment for 2 years before I go to Uni anyway. Makes me a bad ass? What benefit of the doubt? I don't get it. When I was in undergrad, me and my friends used to avoid sections where there were a lot of Singaporeans since all they ever did was raise the class average and make it impossibly hard for normal kids like us to get good grades As for armed forces thing, I think US universities look for examples of leadership and ambition. Working in General Staff or supply units is not going to demonstrate as much of either as leading a combat recce team. Hmm... I don't think I'm the average Singaporean though. I'm not particularly studious with excellent grades or anything, you might even say that my studying habits are quite American-esque American kids don't study, they party and then cram the weekend of. (j/k, but really, studying habits at a US college are pretty bad on average. You're probably more hardworking.) Monday~Friday: 30mins to an hour of hardwork put in. Homework? What homework? Saturday: An hour or so of work Sunday: Tuition for three hours on Math and Science and an hour of work How am I still in the express steam... Maybe you're just a genius. How many IMO medals do you have? The Sing kid in my dorm block my first year had three, two silvers and a bronze. He kept complaining that no girls wanted to attend classes with him. We told him that no one, period, wanted to attend classes with him, and that it wasn't because he was a horrible person, it was because we all sucked compared to him. ROFL most of the time I barely pass maths. I'm not even qualified for the math olympiad. I'm an English/Lit/Humanities guy. Unfortunately whatever talents I might have won't be acknowledged by the system.
Then you will do just fine in a US college. Just write a funny story about the time in which you skipped studying for a math test or some nerd activity in order to finish up a short story or something.
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On August 26 2012 21:20 Shady Sands wrote:Show nested quote +On August 26 2012 21:13 Azera wrote:On August 26 2012 21:11 Shady Sands wrote:On August 26 2012 21:07 Azera wrote:On August 26 2012 21:04 Shady Sands wrote:On August 26 2012 20:50 Azera wrote:On August 26 2012 20:46 Shady Sands wrote:On August 26 2012 20:42 Azera wrote:On August 26 2012 17:50 Shady Sands wrote:On August 26 2012 11:14 Azera wrote:So... I have a chance even if I don't score amazingly perfect scores for my GCSE A Levels? + Show Spoiler + You're Singaporean, people will give you the benefit of the doubt anyways. You could always just go to the military for two years and come out of it as an Armed Recon Captain, colleges always like a badass Compulsory enlistment for 2 years before I go to Uni anyway. Makes me a bad ass? What benefit of the doubt? I don't get it. When I was in undergrad, me and my friends used to avoid sections where there were a lot of Singaporeans since all they ever did was raise the class average and make it impossibly hard for normal kids like us to get good grades As for armed forces thing, I think US universities look for examples of leadership and ambition. Working in General Staff or supply units is not going to demonstrate as much of either as leading a combat recce team. Hmm... I don't think I'm the average Singaporean though. I'm not particularly studious with excellent grades or anything, you might even say that my studying habits are quite American-esque American kids don't study, they party and then cram the weekend of. (j/k, but really, studying habits at a US college are pretty bad on average. You're probably more hardworking.) Monday~Friday: 30mins to an hour of hardwork put in. Homework? What homework? Saturday: An hour or so of work Sunday: Tuition for three hours on Math and Science and an hour of work How am I still in the express steam... Maybe you're just a genius. How many IMO medals do you have? The Sing kid in my dorm block my first year had three, two silvers and a bronze. He kept complaining that no girls wanted to attend classes with him. We told him that no one, period, wanted to attend classes with him, and that it wasn't because he was a horrible person, it was because we all sucked compared to him. ROFL most of the time I barely pass maths. I'm not even qualified for the math olympiad. I'm an English/Lit/Humanities guy. Unfortunately whatever talents I might have won't be acknowledged by the system. Then you will do just fine in a US college. Just write a funny story about the time in which you skipped studying for a math test or some nerd activity in order to finish up a short story or something.
Or maybe a blog on TL even. I used to churn out those things daily. Now, not so much. Then I can link my love of writing with eSports and so on and so forth
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I think with American colleges to foreigners, they want some one to come here, and then leave a good recommendation to the foreigners when they go back to their country.
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Here was my personal statement/college essay.
To Die For
Tyrone and I met on the playground in first grade. Well, I was a first-grader. He was a third-grader at the time, bigger than the rest of his year already. The way he said hello was by landing on me from the monkey bars. It hurt.
I still remember his voice, loud and clear. "Oh shit! You okay man?" He reached down, helped me up, and then was promptly hauled away by the playground monitor for saying a bad word.
My parents had arrived in America as grad students, which meant that when school got out, I'd enviously watch my other friends get picked up by their parents in cars of every shape and size (but all so shiny and new), while Tyrone, myself, and a few other less lucky kids would crowd aboard the short bus. The only other thing I remember from first grade was the yellow caution tape and broken glass that encircled a 2-story duplex fifty yards from our front door, a drug deal gone bad.
My parents used it as an educational opportunity. So did Tyrone's apparently. "My daddy said they deserved it. Said they were snitches." What was a snitch, I asked. He said it was someone who told on a friend.
Needless to say, when our fortunes improved, we moved out. My 11th birthday rolled around and I asked my parents if he could come. They first laughed a little, said they didn't remember any of my friends with that name. I didn't get the hint and asked again.
That was the first time I ever argued with my parents. Tyrone came over, thirteen now, and he brought his mom. Later, I asked him where his dad was, and he didn't answer.
So instead, we talked about other things. Well, it was mostly Tyrone. He prefaced all his stories by saying his dad was the best storyteller around. I told him he was a chip off the old block. He didn't get what that meant, so I explained it. Then his face got dead serious and he gave me a black eye. "I'll never be like my dad, you hear?"
I still wanted to hang out with him and didn't want to get shot, so I told my parents I'd slipped and fell.
But it was another six years before I saw Tyrone for the third time. He caught me on the street, walking back from my summer job as a telemarketer, and gave me a ride back in his very new and very shiny car. Along the way, we stopped at a Chinese place, where I remember him pointing at the menu and asking what each item meant. It took me a moment to realize that he couldn't read the English translations either.
There, over pepper beef and rice, we talked. He asked if I liked the car. I nodded. He grinned from ear to ear, said that he had saved up for a year to buy it. Then he leaned real close and whispered that his dad was getting out in a week, and he'd gotten the car for his dad, to prove that his son was a grown man. Then he asked where I was going after graduation.
I said that I wasn't sure yet, but I was thinking about staying in-state, since I wanted to save up for a car myself. He shook his head, hard. He said he'd seen me on the newspaper a few months back winning a science fair, said that I was smart, and that I deserved some "Ivy League shit". I wanted to tell him it was actually a debate contest, and I'd only taken third, but his face looked dead serious, so I shut up. He leaned close again, pointing at the newspaper, and said that people would die for the chances I had.
I saw Tyrone's high school yearbook photo four days later. He looked a lot happier being on the newspaper than I did, the braces perfectly framing his smile. He was killed in a drive-by.
I wanted to tell him that he was wrong. People shouldn't die for chances, because they'll never get to enjoy them. Then I realized how many people made that mistake each day, and how lucky I was to have a way out. All I have to do is make the most of life--so that one day, I can give others the chances I got myself. And ___________ is where I'll do that.
Yeah, I know it sounds cliche reading it, but at the time I was kind of another Asian male math/science/debate clone, so I wanted to write something that would set me apart. So please forgive me if it sounds corny ><.
EDIT: Also my other essay was a lot shorter and a lot more focused on debate. But that one is really bad lol.
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Out of [an overactive, if I had to be honest] curiosity, what do you do now--for a living, I mean? Also where did you end up going and what did you major in? I also can't tell how old you are but I assume you got married from that one blog? :D If it's too personal or otherwise not worth answering, don't worry about it.
That's definitely a good personal statement, but wow that must have been rough. I grew up in the definition of suburbia whose residents generally were at significantly higher socioeconomic standing than average. There were two accidental suicides involving motor vehicles and bicycles in high school, but it never got worse than some high school kids here and there doing marijuana.
Also you should come to the TL ABL irc trust me, that's where all the fun is.
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On August 27 2012 09:31 Aerisky wrote:Out of [an overactive, if I had to be honest] curiosity, what do you do now--for a living, I mean? Also where did you end up going and what did you major in? I also can't tell how old you are but I assume you got married from that one blog? :D If it's too personal or otherwise not worth answering, don't worry about it. That's definitely a good personal statement, but wow that must have been rough. I grew up in the definition of suburbia whose residents generally were at significantly higher socioeconomic standing than average. There were two accidental suicides involving motor vehicles and bicycles in high school, but it never got worse than some high school kids here and there doing marijuana. Also you should come to the TL ABL irc trust me, that's where all the fun is.
I grew up in suburbs too, but when I got to college, that's when it started to get kind of crazy during my Jr/Sr. years. I had some one try to kill me, so that some one would kill him, and I was part of a really big drug deal with machine guns and exotic cars involved. I have 3.6 GPA, so I guess I'll have to apply to Harvard, and see if I can get in.
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So I am about to write my personal statements and stuff (actually should have done them months ago) but nothing really happens in my life.  I was thinking of writing about my depression but I felt it would sound like some "my grandma died I cried and now I am stronger" bit...
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On August 27 2012 16:42 Azera wrote:
You're asian?
Yes, why is that surprising?
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Something about Asians stereotypically not really going into going into humanities or something.
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On August 28 2012 04:55 Aerisky wrote:
Something about Asians stereotypically not really going into going into humanities or something.
I wound up majoring in Econ, lol. So I guess I didn't escape that stereotype
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Ah, well I'm glad you decided to turn to being a writer(?). Good stuff
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Yes, its quite. Where from?
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On August 28 2012 07:08 Azera wrote:
Yes, its quite. Where from?
China
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The most important thing is that it comes from your heart and you're passionate about what you're writing. Colleges have a way of looking past generic quality and phony stuff.
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On August 28 2012 07:37 EffervescentAureola wrote:
The most important thing is that it comes from your heart and you're passionate about what you're writing. Colleges have a way of looking past generic quality and phony stuff.
...or not. I know some of the guys on admit committees and all they really do is drink Maker's Mark and write shitty poetry. Honestly, you'll do a lot better if your essay appeals to their egos.
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Hey, do you still post here? Or is someone else with some experience willing to help with essays? I'd appreciate any help
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EPT
