|
I'm a perfectionist. In the strict sense that I happen to perfectly screw up any chance I have to achieve proper happiness. It's not so much a learned skill more so a natural talent of sorts. Like i'm not perfectly hell bent on a course of self destruction or anything. It just happens to be a natural occurrence that my dreams are ritually and savagely laid to waste on islands fabricated from failed ambitions floating in a bitter sea of regret.
I'm talking about a girl of course, what else could bring a self proclaimed independent, intelligent well spoken gentleman to write the most self depreciating of blogs.. yes the not so elusive but always entertaining Girl blog. Never have I read a Girl blog that I couldn't somewhat relate to, from the most cringeworthy of failures to the most pathetic driveling over that perfect girl. I think every guy has been there, and even girls too, infatuation is a crazy thing that turns the most sensible of folk into deprived, somewhat mentally unstable stalkers who will hold on to any sense of hope no matter how trivial in pursuit of their (for lack of a better/appropriate word) victim. In any case, on with the show!
Sit awhile and listen, I go to a smallish university in a small-ish city, i'm 20-ish, I'm highly meticulous-ish. I've had many failed attempts with girls mostly stemming from insecurities common to teenagehood and a rebellious unwillingness to compromise for anyone. As a man of principle, I quickly forgot my principles and my first success with a girl came from compromising in every imaginable way, a year long relationship that was as happy as it was soul destroying, which was pretty fucking soul destroying in a "in a sweet Jesus! what have I become!" kinda way. So first lesson learnt, never compromise.. So after I inconspicuously exited that relationship through the back widow came the dreaded Friendzone! (Bolded to emphasise the exact level of dread implied by the words)
There was another girl that I had been friends with all through school, a bubbly, kind and attractive girl, lets call her Jen because that's her actual name.. It was our final school year, a year after the Viper had drained all that was good from my veins, and we moved from being just standard friends to being ridiculously close. We went everywhere together! because we were in all the same classes.. but yeah we walked out of school together everyday and had long conversations at night discussing the philosophical nature of the inner mind. You know the usual stuff that at the time seems really deep but looking back it was stuff that now comes in the form of inspirational messages posted on social media websites that make me want to physically get sick. I have issues.
Anyway, by the end of the year all our friends were making sly remarks on the side and even our teachers had asked if we were a couple, which is kinda weird thinking back. Anyway, a friend of hers started asking me about it all and it turns out that Jenny liked me. So as anyone would I went to my loyal friends and was like "yeah so… etc" and they were like "….no shit" and in a show of true friendship and support laughed at me until I eventually snuck away. I was completely oblivious to the situation, an incredibly attractive and good-hearted girl was practically professing her attraction to me every day of the week and I only ever thought of her as a friend. I don't know if I just didn't realise it because I thought she was way out of my league or if I just genuinely cherished her friendship in the end I realised I did like her, but it was too late. So yeah I Friendzoned a girl I actually liked.
That night I ran through the previous months in my head, the constant breaking of personal space that it became natural, the making excuses to come talk to me, sitting beside me in classes all that subtle bullshit people read into too much. One moment really stood out in my mind, despite the many that should have. It was late one evening, we were completely alone in her car after an evening that was pretty much a date (I was completely oblivious to this), ice cream and all. Her hair was down well past her shoulders, it was dark brown in colour and slightly messy, it was always slightly messy. She was laughing at something, it doesn't matter what. In hindsight she was perfect in this moment. If I had known what I know now, I would've kissed her in that moment. Instead I jumped out of the car and stole her a sign discouraging the driving of forklifts in the area. Why I ever doubted myself I'll never know..
I had the perfect setup but I had undersold my self I didn't think I was good enough for her so I completed missed every possible sign and missed out on an real chance of happiness. Ultimately, she gave up on me before I had a chance and she got with someone else that she's still with today, cheers to her, and I got a summer full of loneliness and despair.
I'm sure there's many lessons to be learn here, don't undersell yourself ever, if something looks obviously like something there's a pretty high chance that it's that something and finally and most importantly "If you snooze, you'll lose and your pathetic heart will be quite justly trampled on until you're a whimpering shadow of who you used to be."
So yeah, stay alert or you'll end up writing a Girl Blog on TL about something that happened 3 years ago, there are worse fates but it's hard to think of them. There is more to come, a more recent and much more painful excursion from the other side of the dreaded Friendzone. I got sidetracked with that first missed opportunity, I didn't realise how important it was to current events until now. So part 2 will be about the girl that's actually brought me to this new personal low and is much much worse.
Anyway, thank you if you bothered to take the time to read this, pitiful, fragile moment of self absorption.
Oh and on a side note is making a pun while someone is crying and trying to engage in an emotional conversation the height of insensitivity?
 
|
I hope you're not offended by this, but as a girl myself, I think they were playing you. If you want some one to talk to, you can PM me. I would be glad to help you. 
|
Gotta label this [Girl Blog] if you want views.
It's k, I learned the same lesson this summer through something that follows just about the same story arc. Just gotta switch friendzone with girl with boyfriend and "white knight code of honour."
|
On August 15 2012 12:35 Nymphaceae wrote:I hope you're not offended by this, but as a girl myself, I think they were playing you. If you want some one to talk to, you can PM me. I would be glad to help you.
Well thank you kindly, of course i'm not offended but I'm not sure how you reached that conclusion? could you elaborate maybe?
Gotta label this [Girl Blog] if you want views.
It's k, I learned the same lesson this summer through something that follows just about the same story arc. Just gotta switch friendzone with girl with boyfriend and "white knight code of honour."
I'm not really sure if I want that many views haha or officially come to terms with the fact i've written a girl blog, this was one of those late night good ideas that you regret the next morning. Yeah that white knight code of honour stuff really gets in the way of a lot of things. Actually any code of honour or set of principles really does. Nothing's worth trading away your personal integrity though.
Cheers for the replies!
|
I think they thought that you might have been gay, and that her friend was trying to use you to make her boyfriend try harder.
|
Hahaha, yeah I'm a raging homosexual, but yeah I suppose you could probably have come to that conclusion with the information given. I left out a lot for the sake of keeping it short and I never really intended to write that much about her. She knew I wasn't gay and in the months after she came clean herself but yeah it was too late by then. Fun times.
|
On August 16 2012 04:07 PointyShoes wrote:
Hahaha, yeah I'm a raging homosexual, but yeah I suppose you could probably have come to that conclusion with the information given. I left out a lot for the sake of keeping it short and I never really intended to write that much about her. She knew I wasn't gay and in the months after she came clean herself but yeah it was too late by then. Fun times.
But why do you think some one would come clean? Would you tell some one else that you loved them, if you were dating some one else?
|
On August 16 2012 04:33 Nymphaceae wrote:Show nested quote +On August 16 2012 04:07 PointyShoes wrote:
Hahaha, yeah I'm a raging homosexual, but yeah I suppose you could probably have come to that conclusion with the information given. I left out a lot for the sake of keeping it short and I never really intended to write that much about her. She knew I wasn't gay and in the months after she came clean herself but yeah it was too late by then. Fun times. But why do you think some one would come clean? Would you tell some one else that you loved them, if you were dating some one else?
We were in a pretty awkward stage of friendship her boyfriend hated her talking to me, to the point he practically forbid her from it. She told me to give the whole thing some sort of finality I suppose. Our friendship couldn't go on like it was before and she explained why and that she had moved on.
|
On August 16 2012 04:53 PointyShoes wrote:Show nested quote +On August 16 2012 04:33 Nymphaceae wrote:On August 16 2012 04:07 PointyShoes wrote:
Hahaha, yeah I'm a raging homosexual, but yeah I suppose you could probably have come to that conclusion with the information given. I left out a lot for the sake of keeping it short and I never really intended to write that much about her. She knew I wasn't gay and in the months after she came clean herself but yeah it was too late by then. Fun times. But why do you think some one would come clean? Would you tell some one else that you loved them, if you were dating some one else? We were in a pretty awkward stage of friendship her boyfriend hated her talking to me, to the point he practically forbid her from it. She told me to give the whole thing some sort of finality I suppose. Our friendship couldn't go on like it was before and she explained why and that she had moved on.
You should text her late at night something like this. 4jdksgj jkgdsj klgj kldgj kl. You shouldn't let her just say she moved on. If she texts you back, just text her back something like dg dg gsdggsdg gdgnjkl ngkl, and if she calls you, be sure to have some club music playing really loud. Girls love it when it seems like a guy is drunk dialing them.
|
On August 16 2012 04:59 Nymphaceae wrote:Show nested quote +On August 16 2012 04:53 PointyShoes wrote:On August 16 2012 04:33 Nymphaceae wrote:On August 16 2012 04:07 PointyShoes wrote:
Hahaha, yeah I'm a raging homosexual, but yeah I suppose you could probably have come to that conclusion with the information given. I left out a lot for the sake of keeping it short and I never really intended to write that much about her. She knew I wasn't gay and in the months after she came clean herself but yeah it was too late by then. Fun times. But why do you think some one would come clean? Would you tell some one else that you loved them, if you were dating some one else? We were in a pretty awkward stage of friendship her boyfriend hated her talking to me, to the point he practically forbid her from it. She told me to give the whole thing some sort of finality I suppose. Our friendship couldn't go on like it was before and she explained why and that she had moved on. You should text her late at night something like this. 4jdksgj jkgdsj klgj kldgj kl. You shouldn't let her just say she moved on. If she texts you back, just text her back something like dg dg gsdggsdg gdgnjkl ngkl, and if she calls you, be sure to have some club music playing really loud. Girls love it when it seems like a guy is drunk dialing them.
Haha, yeah and while I'm at it I can send a 2,000 word essay over Facebook mail explaining how much I miss her or maybe a badly written poem which I could look back on with shame and embarrassment for the rest of my life. Hell, I could go all out and draw a portrait of her and leave it outside her front door underneath a bunch of roses. But yeah, It's all okay, I never had much time to get emotionally invested in the whole situation. It's more about what could've been and how i missed out on it due to my complete ineptness.
|
|
|
|
|
|
EPT
