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Fascinating, really. Two thousand posts. Although the majority may just be one-liners, it still has to mean something, right? Nope. To me, it really isn't about how many times I've posted, but the journey I've been through ever since I've decided to dedicate myself to this site.
I fondly recall my first blog. It was around around 11pm or so, that I decided that I could no longer have all the angst pent up inside of me. I needed a place to vent. Remembering that I have seen many other people on the site pouring themselves out as well, I did the same. Resolving to get some advice from TLers and hoping that I would feel a slight bit more comfortable with myself, I got out of bed and started typing away.
If you were so inclined to take a peek at my first blog, you will realise that I had a bunch of inane, baseless generalisations that I spewed out. Judging people and perhaps myself more harshly was and still is a problem. I happen to have a massive inferiority complex and tend to be quite insecure. Some people may not completely understand what the world is like to someone like me, so allow me to elaborate.
Whenever I'm living, doing something, I act based on how I want to be perceived. Sounds quite normal, right? Well, I'm convinced that the major difference is that I have a voice in my head ( Very subconscious-esque, but I'm aware of it in the moment ) going "What would -insert somebody here- think of this?" Sometimes it'll be the girl I'm infatuated with. Will she frown upon this action? Sometimes it'll be friends from school, particularly two of them who will probably read this blog. Will the consider me to be of lesser worth if I were to do this? I consider these two friends of mine to be superior to me in every way conceivable if they were one collective consciousness.
Allow me to go on a tangent and talk about these two friends. One, I will refer to as X. He is a rather artistic individual, pompous at times, eccentric, and has multiple personalities that he assumes to what I think is to hide from reality. Academically capable, but dismisses praise of his prowess in the manner of that douchebag who always scores amazingly well and cries out in class lamenting how low his score actually is. The main problem I have with X is that sometimes I am unable to tell if he's being genuine or not. Whenever we converse, I sense an air of grandeur from him and he more often than not comes off as condescending. After making a statement, he will usually reply with a curt "Yeah." and nod his head. Make three or four more statements trying to prompt a longer, more thoughtful response from him - "Yeah, yeah okay. So what's your point telling me this?".
The second friend I will refer to as Y. There is not much to say about Y because to me, he always keeps his emotions in check and words of him always seem to be drained of their blood and left to dry under the Sun for a week. Talking, there is a severe lack of passion in any topic. If anything, the only thing that does not make him appear as a robot is the one emotion that he cannot seem to control. Frustration. There always seems to be something eating away at him. Whatever it may be, god knows.
Some traits that X and Y share is that they are both, in my eyes, intellectuals. They may be pseudo-intellectuals in the eyes of someone much smarter than I and they, but to me they are what they are. Overly cynical, and with a superiority complex that they may not know exists.
Now that I'm done with that, let me continue. One concept I'm trying to swallow is that there will be somebody better than me, and I cannot do anything about it. I have to accept that there are going to be people that I am going to meet on the bus, on the train, in a restaurant, in school, just about everywhere and anywhere, that are better than I am. This is in no way bastardizing my very existence, but a way of acceptance of what I am. To give a relevant example, I take a public bus to school everyday there is, and I see many students who attend an elite school and are academically superior to me. I feel as if they are judging me because of the school I attend (made obvious because of my uniform. Students have to wear uniforms here). Childish as this may be, and I can remind myself as many times as I want that it doesn't matter, but it is hard to forget all the indoctrination of Singaporean culture. You're bad academically? Well fuck you, because you're worthless and you've failed your family.
Of course, I have realised that a person's value is much more than what numbers are letters are printed on a piece of paper that has his name on it. So what if I'm not good enough to handle 12 subjects in school or win some national competition? I will be content with a middle-class lifestyle with a job that I love. Is that not what we want in life? All I want is to have a loving wife, kids, an adequate home, a job I like, and some spare change for the occasional vacation.
One coping mechanism that I'm playing around with recently to deal with inferiority is reminding myself how insignificant everything is in the grand scheme of things. I look up to the vast cerulean sky above, and perhaps some patches of clouds will prevent me from getting a full view, and think about what lies beyond. I look at the horizon and think that I'm actually in a sphere that is gravitating around another immensely bigger sphere. I fawn over the perceived curve of the sky, with the Earth being a sphere and all, and revel in the fact that with the plains of the Earth already being so vast and huge, how big the entire Universe is in comparison.
I like to believe that I've made a few friends on TL for the time I've been here. Off the top of my head, OpticalShot is one. ohsea.toc and Plexa, are others. Be it through private messages or open discourse in my blogs, it feels great to have some sort of connection with another person. Even if it's through electronic data that is very much lifeless.
I would like to thank the amazing TLers for being part of the community. Except if your only purpose on this site is to post blatant baseless hate and to troll, then go away please. I would like to thank the moderators for doing their best to keep this forum nice and clean. I would like to thank Nazgul and R1CH for making all of this possible.
Team Taeja Liquid Fighting!
+ Show Spoiler +OH I DID'NT JUST DO THAT!
Anyway, I hope all of you have enjoyed this blog. Here's to many more!
 
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Canada6330 Posts
=)
Same theme, same answer. Think less, enjoy life more!
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On August 13 2012 01:00 OpticalShot wrote:
=)
Same theme, same answer. Think less, enjoy life more!
There is some pleasure to think about certain things ya know :D
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Our posts per day are so close :O! Congrats on 2k!
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You definitely have the right attitude about post counts. Though it is special when someone plans a 000th post to have something special, and it is appreciated, the actual count is irrelevant for most users. There are, of course, exceptions like Jinro and others that have massive post counts because they are part of the foundation of the community. But in the end, for most of us at least, it's just another number that we don't notice ourselves.
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On August 13 2012 03:19 Probe1 wrote:You definitely have the right attitude about post counts. Though it is special when someone plans a 000th post to have something special, and it is appreciated, the actual count is irrelevant for most users. There are, of course, exceptions like Jinro and others that have massive post counts because they are part of the foundation of the community. But in the end, for most of us at least, it's just another number that we don't notice ourselves.
Says the man with one of the biggest dicks postcounts around
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On August 13 2012 03:19 solidbebe wrote:
Our posts per day are so close :O! Congrats on 2k!
Thanks!
On August 13 2012 03:19 Probe1 wrote:You definitely have the right attitude about post counts. Though it is special when someone plans a 000th post to have something special, and it is appreciated, the actual count is irrelevant for most users. There are, of course, exceptions like Jinro and others that have massive post counts because they are part of the foundation of the community. But in the end, for most of us at least, it's just another number that we don't notice ourselves.
Good job with the 14k posts!
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Roffles
Pitcairn19291 Posts
On August 13 2012 03:19 Probe1 wrote:You definitely have the right attitude about post counts. Though it is special when someone plans a 000th post to have something special, and it is appreciated, the actual count is irrelevant for most users. There are, of course, exceptions like Jinro and others that have massive post counts because they are part of the foundation of the community. But in the end, for most of us at least, it's just another number that we don't notice ourselves.
When you spam like 400+ a week on a weekly basis, of course post counts become irrelevant.
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On August 13 2012 04:13 Roffles wrote:Show nested quote +On August 13 2012 03:19 Probe1 wrote:You definitely have the right attitude about post counts. Though it is special when someone plans a 000th post to have something special, and it is appreciated, the actual count is irrelevant for most users. There are, of course, exceptions like Jinro and others that have massive post counts because they are part of the foundation of the community. But in the end, for most of us at least, it's just another number that we don't notice ourselves. When you spam like 400+ a week on a weekly basis, of course post counts become irrelevant.
Are you jealous of Probe1's post count? 
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On August 13 2012 04:45 Azera wrote:Show nested quote +On August 13 2012 04:13 Roffles wrote:On August 13 2012 03:19 Probe1 wrote:You definitely have the right attitude about post counts. Though it is special when someone plans a 000th post to have something special, and it is appreciated, the actual count is irrelevant for most users. There are, of course, exceptions like Jinro and others that have massive post counts because they are part of the foundation of the community. But in the end, for most of us at least, it's just another number that we don't notice ourselves. When you spam like 400+ a week on a weekly basis, of course post counts become irrelevant. Are you jealous of Probe1's post count?
I smell a good opportunity for grudge match..
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I don't play dota
for the record I have way less posts its all the LR thread inflation.
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Probe1 vs. Roffles!
First to 20k wins. Loser gets perma'd.
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Roffles
Pitcairn19291 Posts
On August 13 2012 07:40 Azera wrote:
Probe1 vs. Roffles!
First to 20k wins. Loser gets perma'd.
I've already won. I'm Konadora tyvm.
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I can tell you here and now, you aren't worse than them, you just can't see the ways you're better.
Instead of feeling inferior, instead of living with it, you could try to better yourself.
If it's really bothering you, find something they can't do, and learn it. I suggest piano, another language, perhaps dwarf fortress with it's original graphics, anything you could be proud of counts.
If you keep just accepting them being better than you as fact, it will become exactly that.
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Aotearoa39261 Posts
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Cheers yo! I agree with probe (post count as a number really doesn't matter, but being able to stop at certain numbers and just sort of reevaluate yourself and/or do cool stuff great). Always nice to see how much you've grown as a person.
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congrats! I personally love reaching to a Xk post amount so I have an excuse to write a super long blog that I normally wouldn't put the time into to do :D happy 2k posts
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On August 13 2012 10:42 Aerisky wrote:
Cheers yo! I agree with probe (post count as a number really doesn't matter, but being able to stop at certain numbers and just sort of reevaluate yourself and/or do cool stuff great). Always nice to see how much you've grown as a person.
It's interesting to think that there is a noticeable change in me can be observed through my writings. How have I changed?
:D
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I never get this fasination people have with post counts on this site. I mean does anyone count how many words they have spoken during the year ?, seems like the same thing. Can someone help me understand this cuz I truly don't get it 
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United States10328 Posts
On August 13 2012 17:06 SarR wrote:I never get this fasination people have with post counts on this site. I mean does anyone count how many words they have spoken during the year ?, seems like the same thing. Can someone help me understand this cuz I truly don't get it
it's pretty weird, I agree. But having that number above each post you make really gets into your head 
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Ur girl blogs were awesome and really helped me with my own situation. Also that nuzlocke challenge that you did way long time ago was pretty awesome.
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On August 13 2012 18:19 MysteryMeat1 wrote:
Ur girl blogs were awesome and really helped me with my own situation. Also that nuzlocke challenge that you did way long time ago was pretty awesome.
Thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed my blogs and that they were able to impact you in some way.
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On August 13 2012 17:13 ]343[ wrote:Show nested quote +On August 13 2012 17:06 SarR wrote:I never get this fasination people have with post counts on this site. I mean does anyone count how many words they have spoken during the year ?, seems like the same thing. Can someone help me understand this cuz I truly don't get it it's pretty weird, I agree. But having that number above each post you make really gets into your head
Wait till you get on a vBulletin based forum with reputation enabled...reps, that really gets in your head.
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EPT
