|
Ive been on speed for 4 months now and I'm stopping. I'm so sick of feeling shitty all the time. I am off from work this week, been up for 2 days and i have no idea when il be able to sleep. At some point I asked my friend on skype if it was saturday or sunday and he told me uhh its tuesday?.. It's such garbage man, fuck. Easy fake happiness. My health is going to shit and i grind my teeth so much they are disintegrating. This shit is such traaaaash. God im sick of getting up at 4 in the afternoon and reading all the embarassing messages i sent to friends and family on fb while fucked up the night / morning before. Stay away from it its shiiiiit. It makes drinking so much more fun but not worth it at all.
edit:
Quick update, I stopped for like 2 days after writing OP but there's always something. I get in a bad mood or I just dont wanna worry about other aspects of my life. So once again here I am been up since friday drinking with no food in me (did the same thing during most of the week)
Every part of my body feels so shitty, my dick looks more like a clit then anything else (for those of you who dont know speed causes intense shrinkage) I feel dirty all over ive been sitting on a leather lazy boy for 2 days playing completely drunk league of legends and facebook scrabble (im on vacation again) and I feel so empty uggh, a few handfulls of cheerios every once in a while is not proper nourishment. I guess human nature is that we are stupid and self destructive or maybe there is just something wrong with me. All my blogs are total downers lately it sucks but I needed to let something out because I was freaking a little bit. Fuck I keep feeling insects on me and seeing stuff in the corner of my eye move. At one point I turned my head and I couldnt see my arms and it disoriented the shit out of me. Owel just need to eat something and try to pass out i guess, I know I'm in no real danger.
  
|
|
|
I have a question for you. When will you start commentating sc2 games
|
28104 Posts
Good for you on stopping. It will lead to worse eventually.
|
good job 
|
Drugs are baaaaaaaaaaadness. Great that you're stopping. But from what I've heard, quitting drugs can be difficult so good luck! <3
|
Quick update, I stopped for like 2 days after writing OP but there's always something. I get in a bad mood or I just dont wanna worry about other aspects of my life. So once again here I am been up since friday drinking with no food in me (did the same thing during most of the week)
Every part of my body feels so shitty, my dick looks more like a clit then anything else (for those of you who dont know speed causes intense shrinkage) I feel dirty all over ive been sitting on a leather lazy boy for 2 days playing completely drunk league of legends and facebook scrabble (im on vacation again) and I feel so empty uggh, a few handfulls of cheerios every once in a while is not proper nourishment. I guess human nature is that we are stupid and self destructive or maybe there is just something wrong with me. All my blogs are total downers lately it sucks but I needed to let something out because I was freaking a little bit. Fuck I keep feeling insects on me and seeing stuff in the corner of my eye move. At one point I turned my head and I couldnt see my arms and it disoriented the shit out of me. Owel just need to eat something and try to pass out i guess, I know I'm in no real danger.
|
Its another one of those days, time to bump the speeeeeed blog. I feel so shitty. There isn't a single thing in the world that could keep me interested right now. Spent my three day weekend alternating between drinking/crunching pills and feeling like shit for 4-5 hour blocks of time.
I've never considered myself an alcoholic but I dunno anymore. I don't remember what it's like to have a nice quiet sober weekend (or why i would ever spend one that way) thursdays and fridays are included in my weekends. It gets to the point that I don't remember 70% of the stuff I say and do apart from flashbacks of obnoxious things i may or may not have done or said. It all comes from my paralyzing lazyness, it's so easy to just get fucked up and not worry about anything baby. The fact that I'm pretty sure I could improve certain stuff in my life makes it so the said stuff will never improve because I tell myself I can just fix it all later.
My friends are all moving to go to school or work apart from my roommate who is probably more fucked up then me and I'm too much of a stupid kid asshole to have meaningful exchanges with any of my familly. I'm addicted to shitty fast food and self pity. Short term happiness will beat long term every siiiiiiiiiiingle time. I've dug myself so deep in this instant gratification lifestyle I dunno what to do. Sure you can say just kick yourself in the ass stop being a whiny loser and do something with your life but I just dont seem to care enough. Every week it feels like I have to start everything over. Reminds me of the STP song. Flies in the vasoline we are, sometimes it blows my mind. Keep getting stuck here all the time.
|
I don't remember what it's like to have a nice quiet sober weekend (or why i would ever spend one that way)
It's quite nice! curl up with a movie and a snack. Sit back and be patient. experiencing wholesome pleasures requires more work, but it is worth it. Good posture, good breathing, focus, patience. These things do not occur naturally but the effort makes things better. Heck, what happened to good old weed? a nice popper in your lungs could do ya some good.
I've never considered myself an alcoholic but I dunno anymore.
It does not matter whether you meet the requirements to be this or that. It matters that you live how you want to. If you had to live every moment, every joy, every pain over and over again, would you like it? You don't want regrets. Fix it.
"Flies in the vasoline we are, sometimes it blows my mind"
No, you're not helpless you just haven't sunk low enough to realize you want to correct your ways. For your sake i hope you do before its not too late. You remind me of myself.
What you get in life is a result of what you give. Whether you choose to be idle and let yourself become helpless or whether you choose to fight and work to cultivate your abilities and grow.
"I'm too much of a stupid kid asshole to have meaningful exchanges with any of my familly"
me too but you gotta have that courage and that zest. just talk to your family. they probably love you. it doesn't have to be anything serious like an intervention. just chillin out for some bbq. haha we need connections to eachother us homo sapien ( i believe) Also i like to remember that a person's outer identity is not everything. A persona or even a life does not have to be taken so seriously. Anything is better than being a slave to some dubious chemical.... you're not alone though. i love my sugar and my weed etc. etc. but i like to have control too.
I dunno... i wish i could help you. just remember you have the power of your will. JUST DO IT. It is definitely no joke to stop using substances that the body can begin to depend on. I don't know the technicalities but yes if it gets too far you might not be able to fight by yourself, meaning you need other weaker substance that are weaker to help you come off. i'm hoping your case is not that serious. Just keep holding on all things must pass... true strengh is taking the hits etc etc.
Pwntrucci FIGTING! also the song semi-charmed kinda life by third eye blind is about being addicted to speed and wanting better for one's self.
|
intrigue
Washington, D.C9935 Posts
damn, speed addiction. sounds messy. gllllll glglglglgl
|
Speed is so retro. Don't the kids just call it meth now?
|
I been there. I been all the way at the bottom (most embarrassing and shameful time of my life) I know exactly what your going through. I can assure you that there is a light at the end of the tunnel if you keep that shit out of your body eventually you will heal and regain your composure.
|
i used to do speed daily 2 years ago now im good.
"Fuck I keep feeling insects on me and seeing stuff in the corner of my eye move."
when you see stuff around the corner do you feel your eyelids like stutter a bit and the things you see in the corner like a ripple and a buncha distortions? cuz thats what i used to see after stopping speed for a couple monthes and i still get em occasionally when i get REALLY tired.
EDIT:
On September 10 2012 11:58 DRTnOOber wrote:
Speed is so retro. Don't the kids just call it meth now?
i dont know if youre joking but meth is methamphetamines lol while speed is just amphethamines. two different stimulants but meth is obviously a lot more worse.
|
wow thanks guys i was actually too embarassed to read the replies of this blog cuz i thought i sounded like an emofag but thanks for the support : )
Damn amphetacheeses, I had so many good times with this stuff. It really doesn't seem so bad when you are having a few beers and pills at night while playing online games with friends. Actually it never really feels like a big problem except when you are down feeling like shit and unable to sleep. Two days later though you don't really remember or care how crappy you felt at that time and you start over again.
|
|
|
|
|
|
EPT
