EPTMy apologies if this writeup is a little more self-centered than usual, but I feel icky.
THE DAYS BEFORE
A rapid series of highlights and lowlights flashed before me at a wicked pace as I started to pen down notes for this event's article. I often refer to my esports work as my hobby or folly and leave it to the readers, viewers, and listeners to decided which is the correct description. Leading up to this event many things went right, but just as many went wrong. My Post-IPL 4 world is strange and exciting, but filled with worry. I met a girl many years ago, but only recently have she and I started to timidly date eachother. After IPL 4 she was the one to be out of town. It was a couple weeks before we found time to go out. A combination of living in different cities and both having irregular incomes makes things a bit awkward though it hasn't been an issue yet worry clouds float around in my head. IPL 4 did not go as well as I liked, but I'm finding more and more as days pass that my still-yet-to-be-determined illness or condition slows me down a lot. The muscle twitches are less and the headaches no longer constant, but now there is intense pain in both knees and the muscles in my legs and arms feel unexplainably sore seeminly at random. Other times I feel lightheaded and my left arm feels deadened and heavy. The chest pain recurrs, but it less frequent. The symptoms keep changing and it worries me. Now I cough and sneeze a little, but that could just be conincidence and I'm only paying attention to that more because of what's been going on. Other people commented on the coughing so I assume it's a new issue.
Medical mysteries aside I've been casting and becoming more involved with League of Legends' Dominion game mode. Seven consecutive weeks of broadcasting broken by MLG Anaheim. The DominateDominion.com League of Legends Dominion Tournament #8 will not have me behind a mic. I'm sad about this. In an earlier post I mentioned how I didn't know how much Dominion meant to me until it threatened to be taken away. Now I find myself extremely devouted to it's success in a very hostile world. I've learned a lot about the game type which I enjoy most which makes me happy. From those broadcasts I've met awesome people and been able to speak to Riot employees at times. It's so rewarding to have started at zero and now see a little bit back from it. Making other people makes me happy and if one person views my work I break even for time invested. If two people view my work then I'm making a sort of entertainment profit. If enough people consume my content it turns into time travel or something. That metaphor feel apart, but the point is I'm excited that my enjoyment is shared by others in equal amounts and they would not have had access to it were I not willing to make it available to everyone.
Money is a scary word. Each time I hear it I worry about whether or not I can endure whatever subject it pertains to. IPL 4 happened during a time when I had money and could pay the entire event. MLG Anaheim however comes at a time where I am critically underfunded. Dating is an exercise in precision as to not overspend and at the same time not overburden myself or "Felicity" with having to provide the funds for an outing. Then I need hardware to start recording games, money to buy a bicycle, money to move out with covering first month's rent, last month's rent, and utility deposits, I owe money to more than one person, and then there's MLg Anaheim. To my left is a pile of hospital bills I can't even begin to make an impression on. Rent for me is usually four hundred dollars. It's a two-hundred sixty dollar payment and a two-hundred dollar payment which is split across two checks, Each check is for half the amount of their combined total. However just before the tourny the two-hundred dollar check hit all at once instead of as half. As a result I had to spend three-hundred thirty out of a three-hundred ninety check. Half that remaining thirty went to gas and a date. The other half is going to MLG. With empty pockets I embark on this insanity again.
YOLO bitches. I don't know what that means but Destiny yells it when things get exciting during his gaming stream so I feel like it must apply here.
DAY 0
Wednesday night I hastily packed and woke up to a cat peeking over the side of a fold-out bed at me. Timid little bugger that adorable creature is it darted away when I looked over at it. Closing my eyes again I was still reaching out with my ears mapping the rooms around me. The innate fear that's been conditioned into me over the years taking hold. I was clearly safe at Bandito's house, but the reflex never leaves me like child support payments, a felony record, or tatoo ink. After getting a fair grasp on my surroundings while seemingly asleep I waited until the room was clear to sit up and look around.
Leaving Bandito's we were soon on a plane to California. That word is strange to type. There's been a werid stigma about California for as long as I've been able to remember. It's a place of people who are above others. The rich dominate society and the streets are filled with ignorant tourists, foolishly misguided youths with wide-eyes and impossible dreams, immigrants trying to make a better life for themselves whether legally or otherwise, but no where is something ordinary. To me it's been unshakably a world of living stereotypes. Though I know it not to be so the initial impression from visual media over the years keeps that embedded in my memory.
Walking always suited me. Cars and planes are a necessary evil. I don't like being seperated from the ground and speed is a scary thing. These days I find each step is unsteady and difficult for reasons unknown. Imagine C-3PO from Star Wars Episode 1: The Phantom Menace and that gives you an idea of what walking is for me. There's a constant feeling like I will fall at the slightest misstep or collision. Regardless we walked from the hotel to Disney Land.
As a joke I said to Bandito "The only way I'm ever going to Disney Land is if someone makes me." because I never had even a passing curiosity about it. Bandito is a person subject to novelty, impulse, and unpredicability. It was unwise to make such a statement because he took it with a proud "challenge accepted." and made plans. Experiencing internet memes in real time was a new experience and as I stood between the two Disney parks I was filled with a sense of dread and wonder.
It was a long day. Another sunburn on my forehard provoked the fear of cancer. My family has a history of skin and colon cancer. Knowing that it's an almost certainty for me it's difficult to shake the worry. Every day is a game of distracting myself enough for the anxiety to not cripple me. Disney did an amazing job of this. Despite walking on knees that felt as if they'd buckle at any moment and the breath-robbing spasms in each knee joint things were good. Fun is always a strange world when you're barely getting-by in life, but this was fun. Not fun as in "oh this is neat" but fun to the extent of not even realizing nine hours had passed and you can't believe it's actually over. The architecture kept me entertained throughout. For all the rides and activity the visuals reigned supreme. With dampened hearing and smell I appreciate that which I can see and touch far more than other things. The buildings and colors were so vivid and unreal. From within Disney it's a different universe. They are in full control of what their visitors see and hear. It's a little unnerving, but every step of the way Disney puppets it's attendees. Cast monitor everyone's movements outside of lines and travel on the strees. Everything is simple because it's done for you. There is no effort on a guest's part to be there. Signs and obvious landmarks, wide lanes to provide line of sight and towering structures make navigation simple. It's clear they are the masters (for good or bad) of this industry. Having some mild experience with working at a place similar to Disney Land I could see better than the average person the ins and outs of it's functionality. The ninja doors to the backstage which blend seamlessly into the background. Their only obvious feature is a blank flat expanse of wall wide enough to fit a vehicle through. Otherwise everything was decorated from top to bottom.
Each ride was simultaneously a new and different experience. The physical sensations from a ride are all the same. You feel the cars rolling and hear the noise it makes as it jerks along corners. The difference here is the atmosphere. Music and pictures mark every ride heavily. Few things aren't blatantly Disney. At the end of the day under a dark and less oppressing sky I watched water turn to colors that water should be incapable of transmitting. On the way back to the hotel after it was all done we stopped at a McDonald's for dinner. McDonald's is a pitiful excuse for sustenence who's continued existence amazes me at how a person can accept quality so low by choice as opposed to necessity. At the end of the day I was happy to sleep somewhere cold. I got tired of sweating every single night throughout the night. This night the sweating was minimal due to the boss mode air conditioning. Guess I coulda laid off the blankets a little bit.
On a wholly unrelated note I like having an excuse to use my vocabularly a little bit more than normal, but writing fucking sucks. I'm envious and deeply appreciative of the people who do it regularly and write amazing articles for the esports community. It's a fun break for me, but man I couldn't write these weekly.
Day 1 Returning to MLG
Anaheim 2012 was my first MLG event since MLG Orlando. I missed Providence because it was too close to Thanksgiving (American holiday) to get a flight and Columbus 2012 directly confilicted with my job at the Arizona Renaissance Festival and festival takes priority over everything with esports coming in second. If I have the resources those two things are what drive my life forward. Without those two communities I would be a lot worse off. It was refreshing being back. Walking into the venue being greeted by an amazing statue of Kerrigan I knew the weekend would be good.
Exchanging greetings and catching up with a few people I noticed that things were subtly different. This event was inundated with business. People I'd regular be able to have short discussions with were entirely unreachable. Others that I'd have at least like to say hello were busy with the two tournaments, surrounded by fans, or dealing with media either as the subject or creator. A short talk with Josh (AskJoshy on youtube) was rather enlightening. We spoke briefly about the inherent difficulty in being a content creator especially in the present day landscape as more and more professional level media join this industry. He's always been helpful to talk to and I'm very thankful for each opportunity to exchange words with him. If you read this or word gets to you otherwise I'd like to say thank you Josh. The insight you give me has been a major boon to my progress.
Heart of the Swarm and I interacted by way of longing gaze and temptation. Due to a wrist injury I've been compltely off keyboard and mouse gaming so I couldn't play. League of Legends never really appealed to me outside of Dominion. Starcraft 2 had yet to begin it's main broadcast and King of Fighter's wasn't my thing. I'm a 3-D fighter fan. Mortal Kombat and Soul Calibur are what I play. It leans a lot more towards Soul Calibur though. Aimless wandering led me to the Starcraft 2 bracket table. For all the chaos of gameplay, media, and doe-eyed spectators there was a constant. As events pass I've learned that sometimes it's better to leave out names in most circumstances, but after some consideration I felt I had to include this one. Kaila who tends to the brackets at MLG events was one of the first non-players that I spoke to at an event. Back during MLG Columbus 2011 simply due to the nature of her job she was in the same place every time. To fill dead gaps in time I would stop by when it wasn't busy and say hello, trade idle chat, little stuff to make downtime less dreadful. You'd think it would be simple to just look at the game screens, but jumping into a game broadcast right in the middle leaves a lot of context absent and really kills the enjoyment of it. Having short conversations really staved off my anxeity throughout events. While other people I had to chase down or run into by chance it was nice for something to be reliable in this chaotic landscape. Though I often worry about being that weird guy that hands around too much I'm thankful for her politeness when I was new to all of this when others were stiff with me. She's a popular person and with the two tournaments running she was swamped with people. It was nice to see a familiar face.
Weaklink showed up a little way into the day, but he's like a shark and is constantly on the move. The day passed and there was little to show for it. That is typical for day one of an event though. Looking back at previous trips the majority of my interviews are done on day three. The second most are on day one and there have been almost none on day two. Taking a guess without doing the math I'd say it's distributed 20%, 5%, 75%. That feels correct, but it's two in the morning and I work in a couple hours. Sleep deprivation and arithmetic are not good bedfellows. Always take midday math classes in school. As day one closed out I slept a little uneasily worried for the future of the weekend with currently zero prospective interviews on the line.
Day 2 A Whole New World
This was the repetion of every day two that preceded it. Knowingly I arrived a little later in the day knowing most players were waiting until their first match to arrive. Conversation was sparse as people were slow to arrive. Bandito has a season pass to Disney so he was there for the early part of the day. Trying to pursue Weaklink was futile. Arguyle would show up later in the day and I traded a lot of talk with Rioters over League of Legends and tried to say "Ranked Dominion" to every Rioter I could find. Riot... That reminds me.
Having commentate League of Legends Dominion for multiple weeks now I wondered how the tournament was going to go today. I wouldn't be able to see it, but I was hopeful for a high viewer count and good games. As I talked to Rioters I made attempts at filling in some of the gaps in Dominion history. Devastation LAN 2011 had a League of Legends Dominion tournament that was cast by FourCourJester and Semmler. I'd met and cast with FourCourtJester, but had never had an opportunity to speak to Semmler. In early NESL Conflict on the Crystal Scar tournaments Curse, Green Forest, Legion, and vVv played in them. Imaqtpie from Dignitas played with his friends under the team name Miku League Baby. I'm fairly sure team 4 Nothing played as well a couple times.
During the event I tried to dig up info from those teams and players about their experience with Dominion. vVv, Green Forest, and Legion were uncatchable for comment. I did manage to get words in with Dignitas' Imaqtpie about his team Miku League Baby, but he dodged the question really hard and downplayed the hell out of it. Curse however was extremely helpful. The people I talked to there and especially ElementZ were very friendly and chatty about it. I never gave much thought to SR teams, but I like curse now. Usually the response to Dominion queries is a stiff attitude, but not with the people on Curse.
The day rolled on with little leads for interviews. With two tournaments running and Heart of the Swarm players never stopped moving. At the same time it felt like there was just more and more media with each passing event. I was reminded of my earlier conversation with Joshy about how saturated things are becoming. My spirit a little dampened I sat down to watch the KeSPA players invitational. Beside me was ONOGMuffins which was a pleasant surprise. Having watched ONOG events before I was rather excited to be talking to her.
INTERMISSION
Normally I have a lot more to write and I do, but it's best to summarize briefly. Saturday night I ended up hanging out with people that I'd never never expected in a million years to be in the same room with. Sunday was a lot of declined interviews and futile chasing, but I did get a very nice interview with Semmler. I'm very happy with how well that interview went. Unfortuantely it's my only one for the event so I view it as an overall failure as a business trip. Sunday night I missed Live on Three (omg wheat/slasher/scoots I'm so sorry, I love your show) in favor of a repeat of Saturday night's events.
One of the things that struck me powerfully that weekend was something Kaila said to me. For my brief appearances at all these events and my sporadic attendance there was a point Sunday night where she called me out on my behvaior. While typically I'm talkative and energetic the events of that night I was in a more serious and calculated mindset which she picked up on. Hearing the words "I know you." followed by a description of how I usually act compared to how I was acting at the time lit up something in the back of my mind. That reliability I mentioned earlier seems to be a two way street. There's other people that remember me and are aware of the things that I do even if only small amount. Every event I try to be consistent. The jacket stays and will always stay. The hair stays and will always stay. My tendency to force my shyness away, get out of my comfort zone, and fill dead time with upbeat chatter is intentional if a little nerve wracking for me sometimes. Very carefully I display myself in a way that people can remember so that despite my spotty attendance and limited time there's something recognizable there. To have seen that effect directly made me happy and that recognition couldn't have come from a nicer and more awesome person than her who's been a consitent source of smiles every time I go out. This would be a simple "omg someone remembered me" except for one thing. As I headed out for the night I exchanged goodbyes and see-you-next-times with people, but Kaila's answer was different. Cheerily I said I'd see her at IPL 5 if she was going and that I was probably skipping Raleigh because I didn't like the location. She told me Raleigh would be her last event. My plans changed that moment in favor of Raleigh. To me the most important thing over all else, not my success or the content I make, is that here with this community of people I am not alone. There are people who remember me and in my chaotic world that counts for so much so I'll take it where I can get it. Likewise I want to return that sentiment by remembering others as well. I'd never want someone to feel forgotten or be forgotten myself. If I'm never "e-famous", if I never get 100,000 views on a youtube channel, or get a partnership, an industry job, if at the end of all this someone says, "Yeah, Gandair did interviews" and I can contribute to this amazing commuity then that is all that matters and it's why though sometimes I am sad when I have a bad weekend for business like this or like Raleigh 2011 that I'm doing something and even if it's only a few people someone is enjoying what I do.
I'm just so glad to have met everyone and I look forward to every event I can attend. Sorry for the odd conclusion to my usual event blog posts, but things in my life took a turn for the sad. I met an amazing girl. Well, met's the wrong word, I've known her for six years, but we've never been single at the same time before and so we got together. It's only been a few months, but there's a lot of comfort and a lot of smiles. Now she's sick. Not in a simple way either... It's like. She's not well and it's bad and hell if it goes as bad as it can go then there's no future for her and I. There's no future for her, she's too nice and too young for that. I'm kinda wrecked about it and it's just screwed up my ability to try and finish this article. I call them articles because if I could get my own website together well that's what they'd be. They'd be less personal and maybe more event focused but here in TL blogs I can dial up the personal. It's just very sad for me right now and I'm hopeful that things will be ok. Nothing's settled on how severe things are so there's hope.
It's funny to think that my friends who I see weekly are hardly moved by the situation, but all the people I work with online are more concerned. That's why I like you all, readers, viewers, broadcasters, sponsors, players, because you guys get it. Thanks for being so nice to me. I look forward to my next event with hopefully better news. Better proofreading would be nice too, but it's late and I'm mentally overwhelmed.
Summary of highlights is, World of Color, Space Mountain, corn dog, conversation with Josh, conversation with Hannah, after-hours stuff Saturday and Sunday nights, talking to Laura, qxc, Scott, Gatored, SirScoots, Day[9] and some of his Day9tv crew, interviewing Semmler, being away from home, getting my Starcraft 64 cartridge signed by Leta and seeing Jaedong's face when he saw me holding it, and hanging out with Weaklink.
If the Semmler interview I filmed is live at the time of this posting then this event has come to a close for me. If it's not there then it's almost over.
