EPT2 nights ago was supposed to be my final High School prom. However, some problems arose. I was straight up denied by a girl after spending hours creating a replica of a Harry Potter Yule Ball invitation. I didn't have enough money for the night (dinner, suit, ticket, let alone a date god forbid). My car comes straight out from a "To Catch a Predator" show (I'm used to that by now though). I hate pretty much almost everyone I "know" in my classes (aka. my IB classes, that are somewhat isolated from the rest of the school).
While all of my friends are having fun that night because they all had dates, and then looking at all of the pictures being posted onto Facebook the day after, the absence of everyone from Ultimate Frisbee practice that day, I just sat there thinking about where my life is heading.
Hence, I made the analogy between myself and the character Quentin from The Sound and the Fury by William Faulkner (this is what IB does to you). For those who haven't read the book, he's essentially a morbid, depressive Harvard virgin, who's in love with his sister and ashamed of his virginity (aka. The 20 Year Old Virgin).
Now of course, we look at society and we see how as a teenager I'm supposed to be this fun-loving, party goer, hanging out with everyone, date a couple girls and having the time of my life. That's what's expected of me as I stare angrily at this stupid movie known as "Project X".
Even though I don't have a sister nor have any incest tendencies, I can relate my frustration to Quentin (no I'm not throwing myself into the Charles River). As I see those pictures continuously pop up on my Facebook newsfeed, seeing all of these couples together, I wish I could be as happy as them.
Through my 4 years of high school, I've continuously crushed on girls of many different types. Everytime, they've failed, for whatever strange reason. It's gotten to the point where I just have no idea how to approach a girl that I have a crush on anymore, and I'm just simply lost. I don't care if I found out how not to approach a girl, there are infinite possibilities and only a limited amount of right answers.
And out of all 4 years of High School, I've only had one date. Only one girl has ever accepted my offer to accompany her to a school dance (where she ditched me for another guy at the last second). The date was great but then she turned out to be a crazy nut case.
Yes, I'm ashamed of this, and it bloody sucks, but I want to be able to use this turn myself around. I don't want to be the guy, who doesn't ever get invited to parties or notified of anything at all (even my close friends "forget" to invite me to stuff), who knows who people are but doesn't know them at all. I don't want to be the person who spends friday and saturday nights alone playing Starcraft all night long (as fun as that can be sometimes) by myself.
I want to take this experience and use to inspire myself to become a better person.
I don't know what you think TL. Go ahead and call me a loser like the rest of society probably views me as. At the same time, it's nice to be able to pour out all of these feelings, and hopefully get the one or two gold pieces of advice that can change a person for the better.
