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Ever since Sc2 released and I got re-interested in E-sports my gaming life has been ruled by a driving need to be competitive in a game, I spend more time worrying about which game would be a better choice to practice than actually practicing a game.
A little back story first, I am turning 27 this year and currently have no semblance of a career, I spent 3 years studying in a technical school as a web designer and developer only to find out that without a computer science degree in my area of the country there are no jobs, and without a job moving to another area to find one isn't exactly a possibility. Fast forward to today, I work in retail and I spend the majority of my day thinking about or playing Dota 2 and to a lesser extent Tribes: Ascend and Sc2. I get so entrenched in practicing to try and be good at a game I ignore real life obligations which while it hasn't taken a serious toll yet, likely will when I begin university in a year.
I understand that a small percentage of people will ever become "pro" in a game, I even understand that I will make more money with a mediocre job than I ever would as a "pro gamer", I even understand that at my age I lack the resources and time to become pro. Despite knowing these things I still spend every day with the delusion that I need to become well known in a gaming scene.
I am genuinely curious nowadays why I can't just enjoy a game, Dota 2 is a beautiful game and Sc2 is a lot of fun but I am held back from enjoying either of them by my ego. Pipe dreams aside the question remains, why can't I just have fun?
 
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It's the simple matter of battle of the fittest. We're engrained with the feeling we need to achieve/dominate an aspect of our life and to feel successful. With success brings everything you're ancestors tried to achieve as well: food, wealth, and continuation of your lineage. Psychologically you can achieve whatever you want to, but do you have the work ethic to?
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Katowice25012 Posts
There are a lot of things going on here but it sounds like you're putting a lot of pressure on yourself to make something of that part of your life, in lieu of your original career plans going a bit awry. You're not having fun because you're trying to hard thinking trying to force it, so you can say "well at least I am really good at Dota/Tribes/whatever" because you don't have anything else you feel is substantial in your life.
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I would suggest trying new races. Maybe get a smurf account? Last season I wasn't enjoying Protoss in master league at all really (the playstyle), so I started playing Terran on a smurf and ended up with more games than my main account and a similar MMR  It's a great way to simply play the game for fun while still improving your mechanics.
Trying to get legitimately good at a new race can also help you enjoy watching starcraft more, for example nowadays I have a reason to watch a TvZ or Terran stream because I am interested in the Terran's builds as well now.
For every starcraft player who takes the game relatively seriously, there is a pressure to become established / really good. But in order to really improve at a rate faster than all the other players in your league, you have to lose your ego and realize that if you lost, you only lost in that one particular game. It doesn't mean you're bad overall because of that one really-long macro game you lost on ladder, but rather in the one instance you made some mistakes (that can help you improve by thinking about them). ie, I see players like NSHS Sage or LiquidHerO lose to stupid stuff that I lose to all the time on their stream (ie a 2 rax you failed to defend well, a micro mistake in PvP, etc). That doesn't make them bad players though, just because of that one ladder game.
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It's a real problem. I have no ambitions or false hopes of being pro, but I still want to be better, and I'm never satisfied with my level of play. Not watching the pros would probably be a good start: They provide a totally unrealistic standard of play. (Watching Day9 cast the After Hours Gaming League helped me a LOT, when I realised how terrible these MASTERS players were compared to the professionals.)
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What level are you at? I was like you but after a while, I reached a level that I was happy with and settled down. Plus, it looks like you are lacking a little direction in your life. I guess like Heyoka said, don't force yourself to want to do things, just do things naturally and take it as it comes.
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On April 30 2012 12:55 heyoka wrote:
There are a lot of things going on here but it sounds like you're putting a lot of pressure on yourself to make something of that part of your life, in lieu of your original career plans going a bit awry. You're not having fun because you're trying to hard thinking trying to force it, so you can say "well at least I am really good at Dota/Tribes/whatever" because you don't have anything else you feel is substantial in your life.
Without sounding all psychological this is likely the reason, the biggest issue I fear is going to be getting out of the slump that is causing me to overcompensate in areas I can control.
What level are you at? I was like you but after a while, I reached a level that I was happy with and settled down. Plus, it looks like you are lacking a little direction in your life. I guess like Heyoka said, don't force yourself to want to do things, just do things naturally and take it as it comes.
I really only focus on Dota 2 right now, I would say I am just below high level, upper mid level player but without a ladder it's hard.
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Whenever I used to have feelings of wanting to become known in the ESPORTS scene and whatnot, I just realized that a progamer is basically the same thing as a professional athlete without the immense riches and fame. So unless you really have what it takes to become a professional athlete, you just need to chill out and play for fun. Since you're focusing in DotA2 right now, just try some new heroes, don't take into account picking for your team (at a reasonable level; don't go Sniper if you have another Agi Hard Carry, ect.) and trying to counter their team, and just have fun. Or try playing some single player games. Or try doing something else other than gaming -- read a book or something.
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EPT
