EPTI know this isn't a uncommon living style and there's a lot of people putting the same ammount or even more effort than me, but looking at my classmates I can't help but feel a little bit jealous because they can go to mid-week parties, don't have to work and such.
And recently I've been thinking to myself, what are my goals? are they worth it? shouldn't I just take my life easier? My best buddy have GF now and they recently moved to their own place (We're both 20 btw), he is financially fucked as they have almost no surpluss of income, He isn't going to college, he doesn't have a carreer, nothing. But they are happy. Should I just take the life easier like this in order to be a happier person?
One of these days coming back after a long day, I listened this song on the radio, a song from a brazillian musician Chico Buarque: Roda-Viva. The song is about the brazillian dictatorship period. I listened this song my entire childhood but never really understood what it was all about I just liked the rhythm until 2 weeks ago when I finally realized the meaning behind the lyrics.
These words on me like a truck.
This verse in particular:
"We go against the flow
until we cannot resist
in the return of the boat is that we realize
how much we failed to comply"
During my high school days, I played basketball as a pivot on during 3 years and I was fairly good at it, but suddenly puberty and everyone else on the team grew more than me and suddenly only speed and technique just won't cut anymore, you had to be at least 180cm tall to be competitive.
But there was something I learnt: hard work pays off.
The pleasure and fullfilment you get by achieving your goals are proportional to the ammount of effort you put into it.
Currently I have three goals:
1. Become a Game Designer.
2. Get my degree on Product Design.( I like Product Design a lot but not as much as Game Design)
3. Move out from my family's house.
1. I have no idea how to become a game designer, I'm a programmer for one year and a half now, aside from my current job where I program educational games ( and I have close to none power to modify the project) I never did programmed anything related to games and I don't see how I could get more into this universe.
2. I want to conclude my studies abroad, currently there is a program where they are sending students who speak japanese (which I do) or english to study in Japan and I will try to be one of them. But I will not be able to work while I'm there and this would mean 4 years that I could've been working on something related to 1. / buying my stuff to move out from my family's house.
3. This one is strongly related to 1. and 2.. I am smart enogh to get a comfy well paid job on a state facility. It would mean much more money ( at least twice as much as I make now) but I'd have to give up on being a programmer for now (I still could work on it on my free time, but I hardly have some anymore). I do want want my own place, but I don't know if it's worthy putting aside my carreer goals in order to achieve it.
I am putting a lot of effort on these three goals, but I still feel like I could've been doing a lot more. I feel like I'm being a underachiever and I finally reached the gate that separates those who will fulfill their dreams and those who will just fall aside but I don't know if I'm strong enough to open it and get to the other side.
I'm doing the best I can as long as I can so one day I can look back and be proud of what I did and have no regrets.
PS: Link to Roda-Viva Lyrics
youtube link
