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I never thought women could confuse me to the point of making a girl blog on TL, but here I am. To understand the dilemma that I'm in, I'll start at the top. Two months
Fuck it, short version:
* Girl is 21, hot as shit, intelligent and has a lot in common with me.
* I am 22, not disgusting to look at, dresses reasonably well, without any real materialistic advantages since I've just started working.
I've liked this girl since 2 months ago, we always have a lot to talk about and I asked her out about a month ago.
She rejected me informing me that she's done dating young men and prefer to date older men (high 20s? low 30s?). I know she really likes and wants kids, so most likely she just wants a stable life with someone more mature and reasonably successful. I understood her decision and backed off.
However, 3 weeks ago she came onto me at a social gathering, resulting in her spending the night at my place. Afterward, I asked her again if she wanted to have a relationship, to which she replied that our night together was merely a drunken impulse, with the standard "I'd still like to be friends" line in addition. Fine, just women exercising their libido, I got mine so whatever.
Now, it's been more than 2 weeks since she started texting me like crazy (I'm talking about 1 text every 30 minutes, often just asking me what I had for lunch, etc.) Moreover, her texts are quite personal, not words you'd send to just a friend, asking me to go and cook with her at her place, to go swimming, etc. I've been worked like a dog at work, so my response texts have been very short and I declined her offers for outings.
Yesterday, she called me, audibly very upset, telling me that she hated me and wished that she had never met me, and hung up the phone quickly robbing me of a phone reply so I replied with a text asking her the same question as before, as in what she wanted from with me. She never replied to my question and I was starting to become very confused.
Since this morning, I've been getting her texts as usual. Nothing about her call to me last night, just the usual flirtatiousness with liberal amounts of winking smilies usage. So far today, I've gotten 12 texts from her when I've replied to none.
TLDR version:
I ask out a girl, she rejects me. Some time pass, and we fuck after a social gathering. We have a talk afterwards, to which she explains that our night was just a drunken impulse and telling me she does not want a relationship with me.
Afterward for 2 weeks, she starts texting me flirtatiously with alarming frequency basically asking me out, but I decline her offers due to work.
1 night, out of nowhere, she calls me telling me that she hates me and wishes to have never met me and then hangs up the phone. I text her asking her what she wants from me, to which she does not reply.
Today, she has been texting me since morning. 12 texts, to which I've replied to none.
And now, I'm just confused as fuck. I never would have imagined someone could be this crazy / emotionally unstable / manipulative / etc. ? I don't know what to think of any of this.
Maybe I've just never dealt with crazy women before, but seriously, lol, the fuck?
  
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I would like to help.... but I have no idea. All women are crazy to begin with, and then throw in the fact that shes apprantely even crazier than most.... good luck!
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Maybe I'm getting a little bit stereotypical here but to me that sounds pretty normal of women, I believe your in the same boat as the millions of other men who get confused as shit by women.
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All signs point to stay the hell away
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On April 07 2012 18:07 feanor1 wrote:
All signs point to stay the hell away
Yes. As a general rule of thumb, I try to stay away from people that are unable to state what they want in an adult and mature manner. You want to fuck? Fine, let's fuck. You realized than you changed your mind and actually want to engage in a relationship? Then just SAY IT, do not try to make the other people understand it through not-so-subtle text messages harassment !
This applies to men AND women.
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either keep ignoring her or tell her what's up directly what you feel (I didn't quite get if you were still interested in her at the end of the blog), either way tell her that she should make it out wether she wants a relationship (maybe just friends with benefits?) or not.
Make it as simple as possible, in the same time you make it as simple as possible for yourself too (should be even easier if you don't feel emotionally connected to her, cold but hey it works)
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tldlr: bitch be crazy
you are dumb or simply blinded by love/passion/lust if you can't see this.
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On April 07 2012 18:23 phosphorylation wrote:
tldlr: bitch be crazy
you are dumb or simply blinded by love/passion/lust if you can't see this.
Can you people learn to have a bit more respect?
I'm absolutely infuriated by the number of men acting all misogynistic on Internet. Calling women "bitches" doesn't make you cool, you know? At best, you sound like an intoxicated frat boy at a party.
This person is acting crazy, and doesn't look mature enough to express what she actually wants. Does that make her a bitch?
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She is "shit-testing" you. A shit-test (also known as a fitness-test) is a technique girls use to evaluate whether you are "guy-worthy". They do this mostly unconsciously and they can't help but do it.
If her current behaviour is something you don't like (looks like it), you need to put a stop to it. Tell her what she's doing is not acceptable to you and then don't reply until she gets her act together. For instance, you can say stop playing games and either commit or don't. An important thing is to not get angry - stay calm and make reasonable demands. At all costs, you must not answer her texts like nothing has happened.
Basically, what you're doing now is rewarding her bad behaviour - in the past, you've been answering the texts even though you've got nothing concrete in return. Basically, rewarding her need for attention without anything back.
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It's a vernacular idiom (ie she is not literally a "bitch")
But perhaps I was being rash with the words. I apologize if I have offended anyone.
Regardless, my point still stands.
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seems to me to be the following: she initially just passed this off as a one night stand and was content to do so. however,maybe you see each ofter often. are you coworkers? shes probably taken quite a liking to you and despite of what she said might be growing attached to you. people often state things, with feelings and romance involved these things often get thrown out of the window or are rather more loosely adhered to. so despite her initial stance on looking to get settled in with someone a little more mature ( not to say you arent) shes let her guard down /opened up towards you and is ofc looking for some like-minded feedback from your side. since your attention on her has been rather scarce lately ( due to you being swamped) she might feel kinda pissed off, precisely BECAUSE she let you into her romantic life and now all of a sudden you dont seem to be that interested in her anymore. you might be but given your curt messages/lack of attention/etc shes getting another picture. and about the change of attitude all of a sudden: maybe she should apologize, i dont know, but shes just willing to overlook that slight in favor of getting in contact with you again.
so if you still havent gotten it: she really likes you!
thats my take on the situation
*edit* i forgot: never underestimate the effect of a night of intimacy and waking up next to that person in the morning.
ofc everybodys different but in my experience this holds true for most people at that age.
early twenties are often such a confused time for people. and id hate to sound sexist but
there are lots of people who will says that women(especially young ones) just cant tell sex and love apart.
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It really sounds to me like she wants the benefits of a relationship without actually committing. I could be wrong though 
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My guess is that the girl is torn between her social conditioning/instinct to become a gold digger and potential desire/longing (one night stands can deeply affect certain girls) for you.
In any case, it is a mess and you should steer clear.
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On April 07 2012 18:31 Azzur wrote:
They do this mostly unconsciously and they can't help but do it.
Are we talking about human beings there, or are we conducting a field study about some strange animal? I'm not quite sure from your answer... Actually the more I read it, the more it looks like some guide to educate your pet...
On April 07 2012 18:31 Azzur wrote:
Basically, what you're doing now is rewarding her bad behaviour - in the past, you've been answering the texts even though you've got nothing concrete in return.
Relevant:
![[image loading]](http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/pickup_artist.png)
To OP: I really don't think you shouldn't take any advice from a forum visibly crowded with people thinking they know everything about women because they read "PUA" forums regularly. My piece of advice is what I stated above: do not see this kind of behaviour differently because she is a woman. What would you think of a male friend or co-worker acting incoherently?
Either he is crazy, or he can't seem to tell you something that is bothering him. The same applies to this situation, and depending on what you think is true you should:
1°) Do not see this person again
2°) Ask the person to stop acting childishly and demand an explaination
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She sounds pretty messed up, I doubt a healthy realtionship can come out of that
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On April 07 2012 18:46 Ahelvin wrote:Show nested quote +On April 07 2012 18:31 Azzur wrote:
They do this mostly unconsciously and they can't help but do it.
Are we talking about human beings there, or are we conducting a field study about some strange animal? I'm not quite sure from your answer... Relevant: + Show Spoiler +To OP: I really don't think you shouldn't take any advice from a forum visibly crowded with people thinking they know everything about women because they read "PUA" forums regularly.
Added a spoiler to the image so it won't take up too much space.
Just like guys are attracted to beauty, girls have the need to shit-test. By saying they do it unconsciously means that she's not doing it on purpose just to mess with the OP but that is part of who they are. Game works because it gives a man the insight into male-female interaction: what works, and what doesn't.
To the observer, it's clear that her behaviour is not acceptable to the OP (i.e. bad behaviour). My suggestion is 100% reasonable and in no way demeans the girl or the OP.
All you've done is made some replies condemning game and white-knighting her but you haven't made any positive contributions to help the OP.
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On April 07 2012 18:30 Ahelvin wrote:Show nested quote +On April 07 2012 18:23 phosphorylation wrote:
tldlr: bitch be crazy
you are dumb or simply blinded by love/passion/lust if you can't see this. Can you people learn to have a bit more respect? I'm absolutely infuriated by the number of men acting all misogynistic on Internet. Calling women "bitches" doesn't make you cool, you know? At best, you sound like an intoxicated frat boy at a party. This person is acting crazy, and doesn't look mature enough to express what she actually wants. Does that make her a bitch?
Get off your high horse. A bitch is a bitch. Doesn't mean every woman is a bitch or that you hate women. She was behaving all bitchy is all.
OP dodged a bullet. Look at the bright side: you both got laid, life goes on. (I do realise nothing people say right now can really make you feel better since it seems you really liked her but you'll get over it.)
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Read again Azzur, my contribution was repeated over and over again: the girl does not know what she wants, and you should stay away from this kind of immature people. If he cares that much for her, he could give her a chance, go to her and ask her to say what she wants. Period. I said it twice already, now that's the third time.
As for your "Men do this, woman do that" explanation, I don't buy it. I've encountered so much diversity in behaviour from both men and women that any attempt to stereotype any gender is doomed to fail. Or to put it differently, if someone is a stereotype of its gender, I'd rather not have any kind of interaction with this individual as it would be in my opinion an absolutely uninteresting person.
The game works because most people, and more particularly unconfident ones (teenagers and young adults, who are coincidentally the people that are playing "the game") love to have a nice set of things they should follow or not follow, do or not do. Luckily, as people grow up, they find in themselves the strenght to emancipate themselves from those cliches.
Or not.
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On April 07 2012 18:59 d00p wrote:
Get off your high horse. A bitch is a bitch. Doesn't mean every woman is a bitch or that you hate women. She was behaving all bitchy is all.
If you fail to see that the word "bitch" is sexually connotative and should not be used there, I can't help it. She's not a bitch. She can be stupid, immature, childish, egoist, disrespectful, but she can't be a bitch, or a slut, or a whore, or any of those words all too often used to qualify a women doing stupid, immature, egoist or disrespectful stuff.
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EPT
