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This is gonna be somewhat weird, as I have never talked about these feelings to anyone. Still with the way things are happening currently I feel the dire need to get things of my chest.
Let me start of by describing who I am, or better, who I was. 9 years back I was an university student working as a part time call center agent to pay for my studies and living. At some point something went wrong and instead of studying I switched to working that job full time. I was somewhat good at what I did and had a way with people, so my boss promoted me to be an assistant to the teamleader we had back then.
When our company started opening another call center about 600 kilometres away I was sent to instruct the new found agents on some of our projects. I was not asked, I was sent. Back then all of us were temporary workers. I didn't do my job awfully well, it was just that the teamleader in that new callcenter didn't do his job at all, so they were in dire need and offered his job to me since I was there. It was an offer for an internal positition, so I jumped on it, moved down south.
When I first did that job, I entirely sucked and I missed being "just an agent". I missed hanging around with the other agents poking fun. Couple of years later, my boss at time tried to screw over one of his employees to move on to another position. There's things I don't tolerate and injustice is one of them so I tell his director. I got ready to get fired and move back, but the guy just keeps on doing things wrong and screws up. And I get promoted. Again, for not really doing anything.
Now we're closing in on the now. I'm a manager in the callcenter now and just got into a program which will make me the manager of both callcenters, both the original one, where I started to work as a student and the other. In the mean time I met my wife and we have a kid.
But I feel a depression coming. I should be grateful for another huge chance for a better posiition, right? But I don't. I get an awesome feedback on my management assessment, but I don't feel joy, I feel sadness. And I don't know why. Can't really tell anyone about it, because everyone I know thinks I do that job oh so well, and know so much stuff and shit like that.
Can't really quit the job, as I will never be able to find a job with a wage like that with my education (basically a bit better than I high school degree).
I don't really know what to think or do, but I look at my fellow agents (now employees) and I envy them.
Just had to get that off my chest. Don't really know if it'll help or if the feeling will go away. Maybe it's just a phase or the pressure to be good in something you don't really know how good you're in.
But I feel it coming...
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Start a part-time course in something that actually interests you. Seriously, at least try it -- sure, it's quite a bit of extra workload, but it might give you something to look forward to, which is always great; besides, when you're busier it's easier to fight off any depression-like feelings. Even if you don't turn the eventual degree into a career, it should help you get through the rough spot.
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On March 31 2012 03:24 Sethronu wrote:
Start a part-time course in something that actually interests you. Seriously, at least try it -- sure, it's quite a bit of extra workload, but it might give you something to look forward to, which is always great; besides, when you're busier it's easier to fight off any depression-like feelings. Even if you don't turn the eventual degree into a career, it should help you get through the rough spot.
Yeah, you could go back to school part-time. A lot of work, but you'll probably feel less depressed and have something of meaning to work towards.
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On March 31 2012 03:17 RubiksCube wrote:
but I don't feel joy, I feel sadness. And I don't know why. Can't really tell anyone about it, because everyone I know thinks I do that job oh so well, and know so much stuff and shit like that.
My guess is you are feeling this way because you are managing a call center. I can see why doing that for years might make someone unfulfilled, especially since the way you describe it makes it sound like there aren't a lot of mentally challanging situations or interesting things you get to work on.
You say you've been making a good wage for years, my question to you: why didn't you ever go back to school? I would assume Europe has night school programs like we do here in the US. Why aren't you trying to get a degree in business or management? With your experience and a degree I would think a lot of opportunities would open up for you.
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i'd say it's probably going to be hard, but you've obviously got a ton of experiences and, from the sound of your mentioned promotions, more skills to provide than you are willing to admit. It might be possible to find a job by advertising those experiences and skills rather than your incomplete education. If you can bring up the motivation, just look around what kind of job offers have about the right requirements and for those maybe try to find out if they'd take you.
and since you can't figure out why you don't like your current job, maybe ignore that and try to answer this: do you know what you would need from a job in order to like it?
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If you feel you are getting a real depression, go talk to an expert.
You can remind yourself all day long of all the reasons why you should be happy, but if it is a real depression, it doesn't matter. You could win the lottery three times a day and you still wouldn't be happy.
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dude dont quit the job,
there is NOTHING else out there for highschool guys. waiting tables/cleaning sinks is NOT fun
you need to start studying something in your spare time that will let you progress..
i dont know what, but some sort of skill, music/guitar, programming, language, or there are TONS of courses that might be business related or anyyything else.
you could potentially even study it with your wife
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Thanks for all the good advices.
I already though about a night school program, and while I don't think it would be that hard to put in the additional level of energy what has hold me back so far was that I would've to invest time I normally spent with my wife/son (whom I spent to few time with to begin with due to that manager stuff).
I tried to get into some hobbies. When I was just an agent I used to do stuff for video game websites, even moderating a radio show on it. But I feel that this job has killed my creative energy to do so after work. And my wife really doesn't understand why I still like to play games at my early 30's, so that's out.
I'd like to learn to play the guitar, but I'm not good in taking lessons. I learned most things on my own and I think it'll be quiete frustrating. Maybe I should just give it a try.
@MisterD: You might be right about me having more "skills" than I admit, but the problem about self-earned skills is that noone can really assure you that you're right about them. I spent most of my life thinking that what I know is common knowledge and all the people around me who "learned their jobs" (i.e. studied) know what they are doing.
On might say I feel like I'm improvising most of the time and happen to come out on top due to a combination of luck and thought. What I fear most is probably the point where improvising and luck won't cut it anymore and people realize that I'm not as good as they expect me to be (although it seems to have worked on the psychologists at that management assessment).
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pick up a hobby. start traveling. go nightschool or online.
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On March 31 2012 04:35 RubiksCube wrote:
Thanks for all the good advices.
I already though about a night school program, and while I don't think it would be that hard to put in the additional level of energy what has hold me back so far was that I would've to invest time I normally spent with my wife/son (whom I spent to few time with to begin with due to that manager stuff).
And what would happen if you lost that job? What if the company goes out of business or they start laying people off? What would you do? You're right, it does take a lot of time and effort to get a degree, but if you are serious about putting your family first, I think it would be far better for them to have a provider who would be able to secure another job should he lose his. My father went back to school for a graduate degree when I was younger. Sure for a few years there were a few nights per week where I didn't see him, but overall it wasn't a huge deal.
Also, have you ever thought about sending out some resumes? It sounds like you have a ton of experience in customer service and management I would think there's a chance you may be able to get something else. Maybe it wouldn't pay as well, but what good is money if you are totally unhappy? Sending out some resumes takes little effort and you might get lucky.
Honestly, it sounds to me like you've gotten totally comfortable working for this one company for so long and you're afraid to step outside that comfort zone either for going back to school or looking for a new job. Well sometimes to get what we want in life that's exactly what we have to do, we have to take risks and put ourselves out there.
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It's an issue of contentment, you can have all the great gifts of the world but still not feel satisfied. You have these great gifts, but don't feel you deserve them, so you're not happy. This is a big issue, take good time to examine and reflect, find out all the reasons why you don't feel right, and decide how to solve them - seek counsel and advice (bro, if it were me I'd ask my pastor).
You've been given these roles that feel like gifts, don't squander them [even if you feel you aren't the best person for the job, clearly, you are], but steward them as best you can and make the talents grow.
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in the air tonight! Oh lord....
OK, on a more sers note. What did you want to be before you got sucked into this job?
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Let's try to break this down to a few simple equations.
1) You have a level of education on par with high school
2) You have a good job with opportunities to do better in the same country/environment
3) You dislike your job
What holds you back soliciting to other jobs? I'm not saying you should quit your current job before finding something new but keep an open mind. You don't even have to inform our boss about your desire to find a new job. If you have an intake your current boss is (as far as I know) obliged to give you the day off or at least a part of it.
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Ok, you a stable job at the moment that is about to get even better right? Stable income, able to support your family, saving up for your child's education, time to spend with your family to have fun, etc. Why not just keep working and have fun with your family? If you really have the free time (spend time with your child goddammit) then consider upgrading yourself in specific academic areas that are relevant to your job. You might become boss one day.
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what your beginning is called a "Mid life Crisis."
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My opinion: find a reputable course at a college or online university that is in a field you're interested in. Bonus points for being able to list your current job as experience.
You can take something like TESOL/TEFL (being an English teacher for people of other languages) for relatively cheap that throws you into a whole other type of life where things are exciting again, and interactive. However, that sounds like what you are looking for.
Basically, have a look at your life, and see how you can make it better without hurting people that you love.
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First world problems.
Just go take a walk to subway and order something off the premium menu because hey, you can.
My point is no matter how successful you are, you're always going to want more, that's why billionaires continue to work even though they wouldn't ever need to work another day in their life.
It's human nature to always want more.
Just look on the bright side, you have a family, you have a well paying career and I'm assuming you're not really hurting for money. A lot of people would kill to be in your shoes, going to any fast food restaurant can be a very humbling experience.
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EPT
