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Poetry For My First Public Audience

Blogs > Alborz
Post a Reply
Alborz
Profile Blog Joined March 2006
Canada1551 Posts
March 24 2012 05:05 GMT
#1
Hello Hello Poetry Of Social Judgement

My name is Borz

Its actually Al-Borz

People have a tough time with my name, but thats alright.

People ask me, why you say? or how you say? thats all thought.

Ok, listen here. Its just like this. I love you. Your my human and im your human.

We are in this together and judgement is a big fear.

Sometimes I compliment my thoughts for my dear.

My dearest is closet to me than my near.

SO I write free flow to get them by my ear.

But what is it to me if you hear?

I have nothing to give but my share.

In farsi, share means song.

So I tell you, listen to this chong.

I talk truth, and write rhythm.

FOr your mind, and my mind to prism.

Peak to the altitude, touch base, and shoot for gold.

We go higher an higher, taking the world.

We go higher and higher, touching the soil.

Its a vertical, dimensional, prism.

No limits, but those of fear induced jism.

Touch the sky, and see that there is no sky, but your imagination, bring you by.

Ego boost full. Mission complete. I am better than you. So I am defeat.

**
Isolath
Profile Blog Joined August 2011
Australia17 Posts
March 24 2012 05:14 GMT
#2
I'm confused. :/
somewhere there is somebody doing something
ohsea.toc
Profile Blog Joined December 2011
Australia344 Posts
March 24 2012 05:36 GMT
#3
"fear induced jism"

5/5

Do you speak Farsi?
Clip, clop, Camelot.
jrkirby
Profile Blog Joined August 2010
United States1510 Posts
March 24 2012 05:42 GMT
#4
Just FYI, I think good poetry puts more emphasis on imagery and metaphor than rhyming.
Fishgle
Profile Blog Joined May 2011
United States2174 Posts
March 24 2012 06:41 GMT
#5
On March 24 2012 14:42 jrkirby wrote:
Just FYI, I think good poetry puts more emphasis on imagery and metaphor than rhyming.

agreed;
Ezra Pound said:
That part of your poetry which strikes upon the imaginative eye of the reader will lose nothing by translation into a foreign tongue; that which appeals to the ear can reach only those who take it in the original.
aka ChillyGonzalo / GnozL
cmen15
Profile Blog Joined December 2010
United States1519 Posts
March 24 2012 06:56 GMT
#6
Very fckin sick man 5/5!!!!!!!
Greed leads to just about all losses.
Alborz
Profile Blog Joined March 2006
Canada1551 Posts
March 24 2012 08:20 GMT
#7
HAHA thank you everyone. Thank you. Yes, I speak Farsi. Baleh dadash. Lol I really like you guys
Alborz
Profile Blog Joined March 2006
Canada1551 Posts
March 24 2012 08:21 GMT
#8
On March 24 2012 14:42 jrkirby wrote:
Just FYI, I think good poetry puts more emphasis on imagery and metaphor than rhyming.



Thanks. Ill remember this. Yea.. It turned into a rap LOL <3
Alborz
Profile Blog Joined March 2006
Canada1551 Posts
March 24 2012 08:23 GMT
#9
On March 24 2012 15:56 cmen15 wrote:
Very fckin sick man 5/5!!!!!!!

Thanks bro. re-reading it I truly appreciated it haha
Alborz
Profile Blog Joined March 2006
Canada1551 Posts
March 24 2012 08:23 GMT
#10
On March 24 2012 14:36 ohsea.toc wrote:
"fear induced jism"

5/5

Do you speak Farsi?

Thanks haha yes I do, do you?
Alborz
Profile Blog Joined March 2006
Canada1551 Posts
March 24 2012 08:24 GMT
#11
On March 24 2012 14:14 Isolath wrote:
I'm confused. :/

Confusion is ok haha
ohsea.toc
Profile Blog Joined December 2011
Australia344 Posts
March 24 2012 08:41 GMT
#12
On March 24 2012 17:23 Alborz wrote:
Show nested quote +
On March 24 2012 14:36 ohsea.toc wrote:
"fear induced jism"

5/5

Do you speak Farsi?

Thanks haha yes I do, do you?


I speak Arabic but no, not Farsi.
Clip, clop, Camelot.
hp.Shell
Profile Blog Joined April 2010
United States2527 Posts
March 24 2012 08:49 GMT
#13
On March 24 2012 17:21 Alborz wrote:
Show nested quote +
On March 24 2012 14:42 jrkirby wrote:
Just FYI, I think good poetry puts more emphasis on imagery and metaphor than rhyming.



Thanks. Ill remember this. Yea.. It turned into a rap LOL <3

Good hip-hop tends to be a mix of both, I say focus on imagery first and then try to make it rhyme.

From one beat to another.
Beat being used as an antonym to deadbeat. :D

Please PM me with any songs you like that you think I haven't heard before!
Shock710
Profile Blog Joined December 2009
Australia6097 Posts
Last Edited: 2012-03-24 12:01:07
March 24 2012 11:59 GMT
#14
It is possible to record u saying this? i dont have a very good poet voice or like the know how to ready poetry out loud, so when i read it in my head it sounds dull T_T, its very intresting i think it would sound much better if i could hear u say it. Good Job man, i actully like the imagery in the poem but i just suck at poetry T_T
edit: tempo its tempo i dont know the tempo at which to read it, thats what i was trying to say, lol, sry just remembered the word for it.
dAPhREAk gives Shock a * | [23:55] <Shock710> that was out of context -_- [16:26] <@motbob> Good question, Shock!
ZaplinG
Profile Blog Joined February 2005
United States3818 Posts
March 24 2012 17:22 GMT
#15
I don't mean to be a debbie-downer or a negative-nancy, but this poem is bad on so many levels...
Don't believe the florist when he tells you that the roses are free
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