the dinosaurs won’t leave the house. vicky velociraptor waved to me through the window today, flailing her little flimsy arm enthusiastically but with a sad smile on her face. why don’t you come out and play? it’s so nice out. the sun is smiling. she sounds muted through the cottage window. “we don’t feel like it =(“. i guess it’s the most legitimate reason for anything there is. they are very upset.
basically, what happened was a 4 eyed geek alien came out of hyperspace and came up to us and said excuse me, i really take offense to your pirate ship.
now our pirate ship is amazing. it’s so big, like our main mast is as tall as the empire state building. the wood is so nice and warm under the sun and there are jacuzzis in every room. haploid used a lot of magic for this, and now he’s running off being a slut around all the village girls and charming them with floating fire and lights. well, he looks like he’s having fun. there is a big buffet laid out in a grid like minesweeper, and desserts are distributed like bombs. sushi, crab cakes, disco ball, and peach ice cream!! randomly distributed desserts are the best. but yeah when earth gets flooded we’re gonna sail around and find treasure and do so many activities. i ordered 2000 sets of customized scuba suits off of amazon prime so every animal can go scuba diving. we might even sell it after the flood and all become rich!!
a little dog babby triceratops came up and started telling the alien about the ship and how we all wrote all our names on the flag and the MSRP and how steven ponker’s bosses want him to clean up this planet and the ship’s warranty and how its hand made with love and how the birds are putting the finishing touches on the crowsnest/bird tower. they have a really nice place up there. the alien said why would i want to buy your stupid boat and the dog babby triceratops said STUPID? well you’re ugly.
oh my god, now this alien was so ugly. haploid, you remember? yeah. k thanks yeah haploid remembers it as ugly too, like uglier than your shoes. but we were sooooo excited. haploid hasn’t seen an alien since he arrived at the rim of this galaxy and they’re usually really rude too. they really do stick things up your butt unless you kill them he says. this one was a real maddie, probably because aliens are sensitive about their sex appeal too. do you know what this fucker did? he pulls out a big bonker and bonks the dog babby triceratops and tosses him over the horizon. the dinosaurs all gasp and start crying.
i’ve never seen haploid so mad. he wrecked that alien’s shit so fast and it ran away mad while shitting his pants. strange combination. still can’t find our little blossoming salesman. i bought the dinosaurs 2 trillion USD worth of coloring books to make them smiley more but they just keep looking so sad.