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So me and my GF broke up. We were going out for over 4 months and she felt "I was too good for her" and she was afraid to fuck things up. I said she was taking things too quickly and was being too possesive (i.e: Wanted to be with me ALL THE DAMN TIME)
._.
Needless to say after we broke up, we ended up as friends with benefits. We slept together that very same day. I believe that was a mistake, but my brain wasn't in the best position to argue with my penis.
I mean, I understand and accept her decision, but nothing has really changed. I'm still seeing her, we're still sleeping together, going out together, kissing, hugging, hanging out... We're just not a couple anymore. But we behave like one.
I'm terribly confused. I don't even know what the fuck is going on anymore.
I'm not going to lie: I like it that we're still seeing eachother and sharing time, but it's so strange to take the word "relationship" out of the equation...
Maybe she needs a little time to think things over... Maybe I need to back off.
I don't know what the fuck is going on anymore, and I'm not used to not knowing what the fuck is going on anymore. I've been raised and educated to KNOW. I'm a fucking doctor. I should have a hint of what is going on through her mind, but I don't. I can't read situations that happen between us anymore because I'm afraid I'll misinterpret something.
Not knowing what is going on between her and me is driving me insane, and at the same time, is calming me down.
Seriously, WTF is going on?....
  
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I hate to say but this may be the one time where you should listen to your head and not your dick. Pussy is great but it is not worth the shit you are going to go through. Exes make for messy fuckbuddies. Ditch and find another.
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she is sleeping with other men.
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Yo brosky, sometimes is just better the ask the question out right. If I understand your situation it looks like you guys are pretty chill just ask her. I'm sure she'll explain why. Then you can determine if you want to go steady n' such.
Hope this helps. Remember always try to have a positive outlook and trust me I know it is very dffiicult!
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She's as confused as you are but likely for a different reason, be it immaturity, insecurity, neuroses, complexes, or she may have someone else on the side.
In the end you shouldn't stay together with a person who does not want to commit to a relationship though. It will only cause you long-term problems.
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You lost a gf and gained a friend with benefits. Win-win situation, congrats.
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my g/f's answer for why your g/f is acting that way:
"i dont see a future with you
basicallu i dont wanna marry u"
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How exactly was that needless to say?
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imo: She still thinks of you as her boyfriend, she's just to insecure about herself to enforce it. If you really want things to end, you're gonna have to cut things off cold turkey, or else later when you find another girl to date, you'll have a messy ex situation to deal with.
BUT if you insist on continuing things, make sure when you said you're breaking up, that she knows it's over. Make sure both of you know this is just casual sex and it doesn't mean anything. If she's totally fine with you dating other people (she probably isn't) then go ahead and enjoy things until something comes up.
edit: wait, did she break up with you, or you break up with her?
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Well, the thing about a friends with benefits relationship, which I've learned from experience in time haha, is that everything must be crystal clear for it to work. If you don't know WTF is going on, YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG!!!!
Whenever you're in this type of friendship and you start getting confused and wondering what's happening, you need to raise your alarms and stop right there and think. If you have any doubts, this kind of relationship should be open enough to allow you to directly ask what is going on. Also you should start from the base that making your ex-GF your friend with benefits is a goddamn terrible idea.
So basically, what you have to do is stop for a while and think, try to answer the following questions:
-Why are you her friend with benefits? If the answer is anything related to love, you're in for a bad time.
-What are you expecting from her in relation to you? Know this, in a friends with benefits relationship, you can ONLY expect her to behave like your friend, if you expect anything else you don't truly grasp the concept.
-How would you feel if it ended? If you feel your heart will be destroyed by it, then again, you're doing it wrong.
After doing this, and thinking that the most likely answer will be to end it, you should back off. Don't think about her, think about yourself, protect yourself from suffering and find a different person to satisfy your physical needs.
Now, if you want to actually be her BF again, your best bet would be to end the whole friends with benefits thing and force her to make a decision, if she wants to break up indefinitely, then stay away, do what people do when they break up, and see what happens.
By doing this you're basically postponing the inevitable.
With my friend with benefits, who is also my best friend, we have an insane amount of trust in each other, so whenever I have doubts about something I just tell her and we discuss it, and so far she's done the same. But the whole reason it works is that we both are really clear about what we want, why we want it, and the whole set of conditions and rules under which it has developed. A friendship with benefits is first and foremost, a friendship, and you have to respect a friendship.
If your frienship with benefits is first and foremost, a romantic relationship, it should either develop into a real relationship, or end, there's nothing more to it.
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There's an article you can find that has its source within the PUA community that basically says desirable women have no honor and will cheat if their emotions are telling them it's a good idea. I'm not sure if I agree with it completely but I think my perspective on women is more balanced having read it.
Edit: Found it.
Edit2: If any ladies read this I'd love to hear your perspective.
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On March 06 2012 13:04 dAPhREAk wrote:
she is sleeping with other men.
This ^
She didn't want to "cheat" on you, so now yall are just FWB so she can get it from other guys too without feeling guilty nomsayin?
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On March 06 2012 13:27 Megaliskuu wrote:This ^ She didn't want to "cheat" on you, so now yall are just FWB so she can get it from other guys too without feeling guilty nomsayin?
This ^
Which means your sharing your toys ............. And who knows if those other kids disinfect their toys.
Get out my man. Before you get something more than a weird non-relationship relationship.
Edit: And even if she isn't hooking up with other guys it's just messed up. Unless you clearly define what type of relationship (FWB or whatever) it's ultimately hurting both of you; because the longer you hang on to a sinking ship the farther it will pull you under. Let go, inflate your life preserver, get rescued, and move on. FWB only slows you down from starting a new relationship once this one is doomed.
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On March 06 2012 13:04 Probulous wrote:
I hate to say but this may be the one time where you should listen to your head and not your dick. Pussy is great but it is not worth the shit you are going to go through. Exes make for messy fuckbuddies. Ditch and find another.
^
I feel sorry for the emotional roller coaster the OP is gonna go through.
The idea of FWB is great, but really doesn't work when emotions get involved.
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On March 06 2012 13:24 hp.Shell wrote:There's an article you can find that has its source within the PUA community that basically says desirable women have no honor and will cheat if their emotions are telling them it's a good idea. I'm not sure if I agree with it completely but I think my perspective on women is more balanced having read it. Edit: Found it.Edit2: If any ladies read this I'd love to hear your perspective.
Holy shit. That was an amazing read, and it wasn't even very long. I would recommend reading it though it's kind of painful to read if you haven't had much success with women. Also, I think the people who say she is sleeping with other guys are right.
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On March 06 2012 13:04 dAPhREAk wrote:
she is sleeping with other men.
First thing I thought...
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Girls DO want to be with their BFs "ALL THE TIME". Mine do and so do my friend's girlfriends. When I say "ALL THE TIME", it doesn't really mean all the time, but guys FEEL like it's "ALL THE TIME". I feel this way also. I feel that (most?) girls want to spend as much time as they can with their BFs so you should do the same if you love her, but you need to also tell her that you want some time to spend with your buddies. She will understand if you ask. You need to know this if you're going to enter a new relationship. Good luck
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She's told you that she thinks she can do better than you.
Proceed accordingly.
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Who initiated the breakup? I'm assuming it's her?
Basically, what is happening is that she likes the sex + companionship but she doesn't see a long-term future with you. She will suddenly turn cold the moment she finds something better, and you'll be confused at that time because it will be nothing to do with what you did or did not do.
If you want to understand women better, remember this - they are hypergamus. What this means is that within a relationship, she will be extremely committed, but the moment that she feels she can do "better", she can just as easily break it off and start afresh and commit to another man.
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I just got in (or out of) a somewhat similar situation. We "broke up," but still acted like we were together, because it was what we were used to for the 2 1/2 or so years. We are currently "back together" because we realized breaking up right now was pointless.
Basically, you need to talk to her. If you aren't happy with the current situation, say so. Before you have that talk, you need to be prepared to leave her and possibly never talk to her again, if that is what it comes to. If you want to be friends, you both need to set firm boundaries on the relationship (no sex talk, sexting, etc.). Friends with benefits usually doesn't end well.
Also, I wouldn't jump to the conclusion that she is with someone else. While it is a possibility, the guys who suggested it like to troll these sorts of blogs (they trolled mine a few months back), and they are just trying to get a reaction out of you.
Basically, talk to her. If you want to back with her, say so. Her explanation is a little weird. Don't stay in this limbo area, it will only lead to a lot more problems down the line.
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Yea you should talk to her and ask what you guys are doing? If you feel like you need space to think things through, tell her that. Do whatever your instinct is telling you to do.
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From someone who's had good and terribly bad fwbs let me tell you that they never work right after a breakup!! some one always takes it too seriously while the other messes around with other people. So get away now and lay down the ground rules.
My first time around with a fwb I was in your same situation. We started resuming not only sleeping with each other we were doing things tigether and not only hung out with eachother but with each others friends. I sort of fell hard for her but she was seeing someone else already.
She always told me shed rather sleep with exs than with new strangers....Anyways what I learned the hard way was its better to wait and preferably see other people before voing into a fwb after a relationship.
When you have very little of something you automatically lust for it singlemindedly and become needy. But if you're surrounded by it and have many you don't care and can distance yourself. That's the power of choice.
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On March 06 2012 13:37 metbull wrote:Show nested quote +On March 06 2012 13:27 Megaliskuu wrote:On March 06 2012 13:04 dAPhREAk wrote:
she is sleeping with other men. This ^ She didn't want to "cheat" on you, so now yall are just FWB so she can get it from other guys too without feeling guilty nomsayin? This ^ Which means your sharing your toys ............. And who knows if those other kids disinfect their toys. Get out my man. Before you get something more than a weird non-relationship relationship. Edit: And even if she isn't hooking up with other guys it's just messed up. Unless you clearly define what type of relationship (FWB or whatever) it's ultimately hurting both of you; because the longer you hang on to a sinking ship the farther it will pull you under. Let go, inflate your life preserver, get rescued, and move on. FWB only slows you down from starting a new relationship once this one is doomed.
^ This this. Its not worth the headache and pain you will feel later. Get OUT.
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Don't stick your dick in crazy, simple as that.
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On March 06 2012 14:03 RaspberrySC2 wrote:
She's told you that she thinks she can do better than you.
Proceed accordingly.
Other way around.
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On March 06 2012 17:10 Hidden_MotiveS wrote:Show nested quote +On March 06 2012 14:03 RaspberrySC2 wrote:
She's told you that she thinks she can do better than you.
Proceed accordingly. Other way around.
HAHAHA so she made him think.
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I'd like to thank everyone who took their time to share their thoughts about this with me.
Especially mordk. Gotta love the hometown advice.
On March 06 2012 13:24 mordk wrote:
Well, the thing about a friends with benefits relationship, which I've learned from experience in time haha, is that everything must be crystal clear for it to work. If you don't know WTF is going on, YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG!!!!
Whenever you're in this type of friendship and you start getting confused and wondering what's happening, you need to raise your alarms and stop right there and think. If you have any doubts, this kind of relationship should be open enough to allow you to directly ask what is going on. Also you should start from the base that making your ex-GF your friend with benefits is a goddamn terrible idea.
So basically, what you have to do is stop for a while and think, try to answer the following questions:
-Why are you her friend with benefits? If the answer is anything related to love, you're in for a bad time.
-What are you expecting from her in relation to you? Know this, in a friends with benefits relationship, you can ONLY expect her to behave like your friend, if you expect anything else you don't truly grasp the concept.
-How would you feel if it ended? If you feel your heart will be destroyed by it, then again, you're doing it wrong.
After doing this, and thinking that the most likely answer will be to end it, you should back off. Don't think about her, think about yourself, protect yourself from suffering and find a different person to satisfy your physical needs.
Now, if you want to actually be her BF again, your best bet would be to end the whole friends with benefits thing and force her to make a decision, if she wants to break up indefinitely, then stay away, do what people do when they break up, and see what happens.
By doing this you're basically postponing the inevitable.
With my friend with benefits, who is also my best friend, we have an insane amount of trust in each other, so whenever I have doubts about something I just tell her and we discuss it, and so far she's done the same. But the whole reason it works is that we both are really clear about what we want, why we want it, and the whole set of conditions and rules under which it has developed. A friendship with benefits is first and foremost, a friendship, and you have to respect a friendship.
If your frienship with benefits is first and foremost, a romantic relationship, it should either develop into a real relationship, or end, there's nothing more to it.
+ Show Spoiler +
Sabis que tenis toda la razón wn... Estoy puro hueviando, vale por el consejo xD
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Her master plan is to get an STD from another guy and give it to you.
Don't make fuck-buddies with your ex.
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On March 06 2012 22:00 Mementoss wrote:
Her master plan is to get an STD from another guy and give it to you.
Don't make fuck-buddies with your ex.
Well, that was blunt xD
I get it, I get it. Don't stick dick in crazy.
Will talk to her tonight... Will try to do it before my daily netcast so I can rant about it later, LOL ._.
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On March 06 2012 13:53 Cowpieguy wrote:Show nested quote +On March 06 2012 13:24 hp.Shell wrote:There's an article you can find that has its source within the PUA community that basically says desirable women have no honor and will cheat if their emotions are telling them it's a good idea. I'm not sure if I agree with it completely but I think my perspective on women is more balanced having read it. Edit: Found it.Edit2: If any ladies read this I'd love to hear your perspective. Holy shit. That was an amazing read, and it wasn't even very long. I would recommend reading it though it's kind of painful to read if you haven't had much success with women. Also, I think the people who say she is sleeping with other guys are right.
wow, great short sharp summary of many of the things ive read and seem to relate to in the past
i know old topic is old, but people who havent seen it might appreciate this post, and also interested if people actually have arguements or experiences / thoughts against the things in it
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On March 06 2012 23:24 UmbraaeternuS wrote:Show nested quote +On March 06 2012 22:00 Mementoss wrote:
Her master plan is to get an STD from another guy and give it to you.
Don't make fuck-buddies with your ex. Well, that was blunt xD I get it, I get it. Don't stick dick in crazy. Will talk to her tonight... Will try to do it before my daily netcast so I can rant about it later, LOL ._.
First of all, your original post talked about not being able to figure the girl out anymore. It is a fundamental mistake to think you can do this. You're trying to rationalize the emotions of another person. It's not going to work. You should stop.
Anyway, if you're too good to date then you're too good to screw. It's ok, your penis got the best of you last time. This time try to have more self-respect - you can clearly do better.
The best fix to a breakup is usually cutting off communication for a while. I know you think you can "just be friends" but I think it's confusing you more than anything...
Edit: This is an old post? Wish I would have paid attention to THAT sooner......I'm curious if there's an update!
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EPT
