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Korea (South)1897 Posts
Warning: Boring Parenting Blog Post
A CHURCH SETTING
A week ago my second son, Mark, was baptized at church at 10 months of age (Tiny Atom). In Korea, churches usually have multiple worship services, and the service we had to attend was at 9am. We normally attend the 11:30am service and so bleary eyed, the entire family got up at 6am and got ready to go.
As it was a baptism, I put on my suit and tie and we picked up my in-laws and off we went. Since it was the Adult's service, we had to wait in the children's worship area until we called to present 'tiny atom' to the minister. At this point, our first son, three and half years old, Ethan (Mini Atom) was sitting with his grand parents and after the baptism was over, he got out of the pews and followed us back to the children's worship area.
Now, it was the first time in the children's worship area at the 9am service, and normally at the 11:30am children's worship they have teachers and a set program, but because there were only about 12 kids at the 9am service, the kids did whatever they wanted and they was nothing organized.
MY MINI ATOM
Mini Atom is extremely extroverted and likes people, but he is pretty obvious if people like him or not (after all he is just three and a half), but there were three boys who were much older than the toddlers. They probably were about 8,9 and 10, about twice the height of Mini Atom. And these older boys and cordoned off an area in the play area and used it as their private space. So whenever another toddler tried to play in that area where there were mats, the 3 boys would make a stink and basically forcibly remove the toddler from the area.
Now the moms who were there would just jump in to just get their toddler out of the way and keep them away from these boys. Mini Atom on the other hand, wanted to get into the play area, and it being his first time at the 9am service didn't know the rules of the play area. So he ended up going into the area a few times and ended up getting kicked out with increasing force. By the 3rd time in less than 5 mins, they were starting to get upset, so my wife said to Mini Atom, 'come on lets go outside'.
At this point, I said to my wife, 'no, let him stay' and then she whispered to me, 'I don't want him around those kinds of kids'.
THOSE KINDS OF KIDS
So my wife's first reaction was to automatically label the kids as the bad ones, the ones that their parents didn't teach them any manners and manners in Korea are pretty important as well as the older children taking care of the younger ones. But there is a very ugly side to Korea where being older is taken as right to exert one's authority, aka bullying. Unlike some other parts of the world, in Korea, someone who has been routinely bullied can end up committing suicide. And this has been a major social issue of late.
But a lot of times, kids never tell their parents, they have this idea that there is a kids world and a parents world. Also parents tend to be extremely ineffective in dealing with bullying, much like my wife, in Korea anyway, they would just see the bullies as coming from bad manner families and would rather they just be separated. Or else, the parents will reprimand the bullies, but really, even if the parents reprimand the other parents, what good does it really do? If the parents were looking out for the development of their children's character in the first place, would they be behaving in this way?
TAKING NO SHIT
Mini Atom though, wasn't having any of this shit, but because Mommy was being Mommy, he was getting confused as to how he should react. So while my wife was protesting, I took Mini Atom and put him right in the middle of the restricted play area and I too sat down there. The three 'bullies' started to protest, quite rudely actually, and I just looked at them and said with a smile,'lets have fun together', to which they groaned and sulked and gave me the evil eye.
Mini Atom sensing that these guys were being dicks, decided to sit beside them and then starting screaming 'AH JIN JARO' which unfortunately comes from me when I get mad, and basically means, 'Ah, Really?' but of course it really mean, "Ah What the fucking hell, you cocksucker', but as a somewhat responsible parent, I've learnt to limit myself to 'Ah Jin Jaro', of course my tone betrays my intention. So Mini Atom starts yelling this as loud as he can and the other three bullies then start to push him, but not so hard because I'm there, but the fact that they are pushing him, shows me that they have ruled this roost for a long time.
So I go up to Mini Atom and I try to move him, as he is being loud, it is a bit embarrassing because obviously he yelling something that I yell (lol), but he doesn't wanna move and keeps yelling, 'AH JIN JARO' so I say in a playful tone 'Your older brothers, don't want to play with you, they don't like you' and one of the bad manner boys says with as much venom as he can, 'Yeah I DON'T LIKE YOU' nearly spitting out the words. Then I put my head to his head and laugh and say, 'I don't like you either''.
Now I know, parents aren't supposed to act this way and say things to kids, "I don't like you either', but the reality is that kids are kids. I actually don't see them as bullies or bad kids, but the fact that no one is really taking responsibility for their character development, to me, leads me to this kind of interaction.
ROUND 2
By this time, my wife is frantically signalling me to get the fuck out of there with Mini Atom and stop causing trouble, so with Mini Atom, still yelling 'Ah JinJaRo' which is basically swearing, "Aw you cocksuckers' I pull him out. And the kids feel that they've got a victory here. So I wait until they start playing again and then another little toddler comes by and they kick her out and proceed to just occupy the area again.
Finally when Mini Atom stops yelling, I...let him back in and the kids all freak out and basically are close to swearing and mumbling under their breath. Then I say to them, 'hey you want to arm wrestle?, You three verse me and you can use both hands', and I say this as I grab a small table with my one hand and proceed to just lift it over in between me and them. While they are a bit impressed they look at as an opportunity to get back at me and I can see mischief in their eyes that they are going to try to hurt me (lol) by putting in all their force behind it.
KIDS ARE KIDS
Korea's macho culture it pretty ingrained since birth, any opportunity to show off your strength is a great time. So of course, these kids have zero hesitation and they think they gonna beat on this old guy. So as we start, I look at them and they start putting in all their effort and of course my arm doesn't move. Then I say, 'ok start?' and then I slowly start torquing my arm to the left and they start freaking out and laughing and the reactions are different. The kid who seems most bad manner gets angry, one chubby kids gives up and the youngest one starts to laugh cause he can't believe what is happening. So I look them in the eyes and say in Korean, 'Don't give up, Don't give up - Poki ha gi ma' And finally it ends. Then I make a big roar in victory, grab the youngest by the foot and lift him up over the mat and drop him. Then the other two boys say, 'don't do that please' and I smile and I say, 'ok, ok, but that was fun right' and they can't help but smile and I pat the most bad manner kid on the head and we leave the children's service area.
So the point of this ridiculous but true story is:
1. Mini Atom knows that the sphere of his Dad's influence extended to everything
2. Mommy Atom knows that she shouldn't avoid these kinds of situations for Mini Atom, that he needs to engage it
3.Bullies when they are this young aren't bullies, maybe they just don't have anyone to correct them, to care about them enough or are just left to their own devices. Kids are kids and I wasn't trying to intimidate them, but I was trying to get them know they are accountable for their actions, that someone will do something. But kids really don't have any way to cope with it if the bullies are older and stronger and more numerous, so I feel parents do need to step in; but not to complain about it, but really interact with the other kids,'whether it is to just let the know they will be held accountable or just to tell them that if they continue I really will beat the shit out of their dad and make him cry like a baby (just kidding ^^).
Teachers obviously have their own limitations and the reality is that most adults have totally forgotten what it was to be a child. Ultimately, I think every child does need correction and guidance whether they get it from their own parents or someone else.
 
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FREEAGLELAND26781 Posts
Great blog, MA. I'm not going to lie, didn't expect the ending^^
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Omg I love you for telling this awesome story 
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This is a really uninteresting story despite the fact that your reaction was utterly bizarre. Your wife's approach was far more logical. Despite the fact that it's mean, it couldn't be more natural for far older children to feel superior and act in that way, in any country. Unless they're putting other children in danger there's no reason for you to impose yourself. And you're lucky one of their fathers didn't see you manhandling their child, probably would have attacked you.
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Fantastic story, MA.
I'm not sure how your reaction to the situation would have been dealt with by the other parents in NA though; the overprotectiveness of parents here and the constant blame of everything other than the child him or herself on behaviour causes a lot of entitlement as seen with the 3 'bullies.'
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Korea (South)1897 Posts
On March 05 2012 16:34 Silvertine wrote:
This is a really uninteresting story despite the fact that your reaction was utterly bizarre. Your wife's approach was far more logical. Despite the fact that it's mean, it couldn't be more natural for far older children to feel superior and act in that way, in any country. Unless they're putting other children in danger there's no reason for you to impose yourself. And you're lucky one of their fathers didn't see you manhandling their child, probably would have attacked you.
Lol, well there was a warning it was a boring parenting story and I think you miss the point of the post, namely bullying. And the point is when does it start or where is that line? Culturally in Korea, older children have a responsibility to look after younger ones, thus we don't use names but rather, older brother, or younger brother. It is very obvious when it is the case. Also, the entire point that what is my wife's logical reaction is the wrong reaction which leads to children feeling this separation between the parent/child world.
And it isn't 'despite the fact that it's mean', lol, how can you justify that kind of behavior where these kids are manhandling toddlers? And if the parents are not around? If the kids are so bold to push the children in front of the parents, do you think there isn't an inherent danger in a non-supervised setting, so should parents wait to make judgement call until afterwards?
Lastly, if one of the fathers or all three of them were there, they'd probably join me for an arm wrestle, this is Korea. In any case, it probably would have helped to put in cliff notes so you could know that the observation is about early signs of bullying. lol.
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On March 05 2012 16:08 MightyAtom wrote:
Unlike some other parts of the world, in Korea, someone who has been routinely bullied can end up committing suicide. And this has been a major social issue of late.
I'm shocked that you could think that way and I stopped reading after that. Bullying is a problem in every society not just Korea. And just because some korean social factors influence the likeliness of suicide, it doesn't mean it isn't an problem elsewhere. Very insensitive from you. Though because it has become a personal issue from you, so that may explain why you feel it touches you the most.
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Korea (South)1897 Posts
On March 05 2012 16:39 WaveofShadow wrote:
Fantastic story, MA.
I'm not sure how your reaction to the situation would have been dealt with by the other parents in NA though; the overprotectiveness of parents here and the constant blame of everything other than the child him or herself on behaviour causes a lot of entitlement as seen with the 3 'bullies.'
Yeah, I don't know either, I mean when I was a kid, there was no such thing as ADD; it was more of a matter that you were bored and not paying attention, but while bullying has been around forever, why hasn't there been any solution and is it getting worse; but when those who are getting bullied start committing suicide or start shooting people, I'd think people would start to really question how children are being raised...
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Korea (South)1897 Posts
On March 05 2012 17:00 Otolia wrote:Show nested quote +On March 05 2012 16:08 MightyAtom wrote:
Unlike some other parts of the world, in Korea, someone who has been routinely bullied can end up committing suicide. And this has been a major social issue of late. I'm shocked that you could think that way and I stopped reading after that. Bullying is a problem in every society not just Korea. And just because some korean social factors influence the likeliness of suicide, it doesn't mean it isn't an problem elsewhere. Very insensitive from you. Though because it has become a personal issue from you, so that may explain why you feel it touches you the most.
I don't know why you read it as exclusionary or assumed that it was, I actually didn't mean it like that, and it was actually was meant to be in contrast to lashing out at the bullies, that in the Korean situation, they are more likely to internalize it and feel as though they have no options, thus commit suicide than seek out help or lash out.
I'm also shocked that you'd just assume that I mean it as completely exclusionary as I wrote, ' some other parts of the world' of course I'm not saying that it doesn't happen in other countries and more than anything I wrote this because of what recently happened in the US. I think you shouldn't pass judgement without asking for clarification first.
Edit: Btw, if you simply stop reading at a sentence and take it out of the context of the whole, and just make an assumption about the rest, I don't think that also add to any discussion here. What is the point to post then, for our own emotional reaction?
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Korea (South)1897 Posts
On March 05 2012 16:53 mizU wrote:
I wish I was your son.
^^ I have no idea how to respond to that. You know you're my dongseng lol.
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On March 05 2012 17:16 MightyAtom wrote:^^ I have no idea how to respond to that. You know you're my dongseng lol.
I'm sad I didn't get to see you in Korea. I hope when I eventually go back we can drink together or something.
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On March 05 2012 17:00 Otolia wrote:Show nested quote +On March 05 2012 16:08 MightyAtom wrote:
Unlike some other parts of the world, in Korea, someone who has been routinely bullied can end up committing suicide. And this has been a major social issue of late. I'm shocked that you could think that way and I stopped reading after that. Bullying is a problem in every society not just Korea. And just because some korean social factors influence the likeliness of suicide, it doesn't mean it isn't an problem elsewhere. Very insensitive from you. Though because it has become a personal issue from you, so that may explain why you feel it touches you the most.
This seems like a weird thing to get offended over. When I read that particular part of OP, I immediately thought of a lot of instances in the United States of bullied kids committing suicide, but if you reread, it says "some other parts of the world," not "everywhere else in the world." The way OP put it, it's probably true. No part of the quoted OP text seemed very offensive to me... I mean... it's probably true. Bullying and suicide is a major social issue in Korea at the moment. That's what OP was saying. He wasn't raising a middle finger to the rest of the world, just spotlighting his own situation. That's kind of the point of a blog.
By stopping at that point, you lose all context of the piece. By calling him insensitive, you have been more offensive to OP than OP was in his post.
Good blog, thoroughly enjoyed it. 5/5
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Epic story.
You sound like a great father. When I grow up, I want to be a MightyAtom too!
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On March 05 2012 16:46 MightyAtom wrote:
Also, the entire point that what is my wife's logical reaction is the wrong reaction
Then it's not logical.
which leads to children feeling this separation between the parent/child world.
There is a separation, one which you should better respect. What do you think imposing yourself is going to teach them? They'll just go right back to what they were doing when you're not around. And chances are they'll be even more cruel to your child. Children have very little tolerance for those who have their parents come defend them, regardless of if they requested the help.
And it isn't 'despite the fact that it's mean', lol, how can you justify that kind of behavior where these kids are manhandling toddlers?
I didn't justifty it... I said that it was mean. Nothing you said would lead me to believe that the toddlers were in any kind of danger. Now knowing how nosey you are I'm sure you would have gone way further if they really were.
And if the parents are not around? If the kids are so bold to push the children in front of the parents, do you think there isn't an inherent danger in a non-supervised setting, so should parents wait to make judgement call until afterwards?
That's right, there's always going to be some danger and there are going to be a lot of scenarios where you're not around. Your only option will be to react to something after it's happened.
In any case, it probably would have helped to put in cliff notes so you could know that the observation is about early signs of bullying. lol.
You're almost being as obnoxious as you were in the story by adding 'lol' to every sentence. You're in no position to mock when your solution to the problem is to be an imposing weirdo.
To even bring suicide and the general issue of bullying into this is ridiculous. This was a couple of older kids feeling superior and not wanting to play with younger kids. It couldn't be more trivial or natural. I doubt you would have even gotten involved if it wasn't your child.
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Korea (South)1897 Posts
On March 05 2012 17:31 Silvertine wrote:Show nested quote +On March 05 2012 16:46 MightyAtom wrote:
Also, the entire point that what is my wife's logical reaction is the wrong reaction Then it's not logical. Show nested quote +which leads to children feeling this separation between the parent/child world. There is a separation, one which you should better respect. What do you think imposing yourself is going to teach them? They'll just go right back to what they were doing when you're not around. And chances are they'll be even more cruel to your child. Children have very little tolerance for those who have their parents come defend them, regardless of if they requested the help. Show nested quote +And it isn't 'despite the fact that it's mean', lol, how can you justify that kind of behavior where these kids are manhandling toddlers? I didn't justifty it... I said that it was mean. Nothing you said would lead me to believe that the toddlers were in any kind of danger. Now knowing how nosey you are I'm sure you would have gone way further if they really were. Show nested quote +And if the parents are not around? If the kids are so bold to push the children in front of the parents, do you think there isn't an inherent danger in a non-supervised setting, so should parents wait to make judgement call until afterwards? That's right, there's always going to be some danger and there are going to be a lot of scenarios where you're not around. Your only option will be to react to something after it's happened. Show nested quote +In any case, it probably would have helped to put in cliff notes so you could know that the observation is about early signs of bullying. lol. You're almost being as obnoxious as you were in the story by adding 'lol' to every sentence. You're in no position to mock when your solution to the problem is to be an imposing weirdo. To even bring suicide and the general issue of bullying into this is ridiculous. This was a couple of older kids feeling superior and not wanting to play with younger kids. It couldn't be more trivial or natural. I doubt you would have even gotten involved if it wasn't your child.
again you miss the point, sigh, lol.
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Korea (South)1897 Posts
On March 05 2012 17:51 Silvertine wrote:
I accept your apology.
haha stop troling lol
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this silvertine fellow seems rather angry or not in touch with humanity =/ Great blog, some good hands on parenting :D
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On March 05 2012 17:27 MrBitter wrote:
Epic story.
You sound like a great father. When I grow up, I want to be a MightyAtom too!
This. Sums it up perfectly
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If i joined sunday, 19th of February 2012 i probably wouldnt go around here being a douche. Specially if i was arguing something stupid like "bullying is a kids problem, let them handle it themselves".
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Well, Silver, isn't South Korea the country in the world with most suicides per population capita? :O And I thought it was mainly school students committing suicides. Wether it's because of bullying, harsh school years or any other reason i really dunno but to say that bringing suicide into the OP is ridicolous may in fact be, ridicolous
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On March 05 2012 17:00 Otolia wrote:Show nested quote +On March 05 2012 16:08 MightyAtom wrote:
Unlike some other parts of the world, in Korea, someone who has been routinely bullied can end up committing suicide. And this has been a major social issue of late. I'm shocked that you could think that way and I stopped reading after that. Bullying is a problem in every society not just Korea. And just because some korean social factors influence the likeliness of suicide, it doesn't mean it isn't an problem elsewhere. Very insensitive from you. Though because it has become a personal issue from you, so that may explain why you feel it touches you the most.
If you actually read the sentence it says SOME other parts of the world, not ALL other parts of the world. Very inerudite from you. Please learn some reading comprehension before acting in such a sour way to someone so awesome just trying to share a story.
I've always loved your blogs sir, this one included.
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On March 05 2012 18:37 TOCHMY wrote:
Well, Silver, isn't South Korea the country in the world with most suicides per population capita?
It's second.
:O And I thought it was mainly school students committing suicides. Wether it's because of bullying, harsh school years or any other reason i really dunno but to say that bringing suicide into the OP is ridicolous may in fact be, ridicolous
It's well known that the reason for South Korea's high rate is the enormous amount of pressure they put upon students to perform well academically. That's why there's a huge spike in suicides around the time that their high school students must take their most important test. To act as if there's any connection between that and a couple of children not wanting to play with younger children is, yes, quite ridiculous.
This response actually brings up an interesting issue and that is people conflating instances of bullying that couldn't be less similar. With the massive amount of attention bullying is getting right now coupled with the obsessive involvement of certain parents(exemplified by the OP) people now have the tendency to overreact to what is utterly harmless behavior.
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On March 05 2012 18:59 Silvertine wrote:Show nested quote +On March 05 2012 18:37 TOCHMY wrote:
Well, Silver, isn't South Korea the country in the world with most suicides per population capita? It's second. Show nested quote +:O And I thought it was mainly school students committing suicides. Wether it's because of bullying, harsh school years or any other reason i really dunno but to say that bringing suicide into the OP is ridicolous may in fact be, ridicolous It's well known that the reason for South Korea's high rate is the enormous amount of pressure they put upon students to perform well academically. That's why there's a huge spike in suicides around the time that their high school students must take their most important test. To act as if there's any connection between that and a couple of children not wanting to play with younger children is, yes, quite ridiculous.This response actually brings up an interesting issue and that is people conflating instances of bullying that couldn't be less similar. With the massive amount of attention bullying is getting right now coupled with the obsessive involvement of certain parents(exemplified by the OP) people now have the tendency to overreact to what is utterly harmless behavior.
"Not wanting to play" = pushing the kid around.
What you said about the suicide match the stuff I've heard so..
Nevertheless, Atom handled the situation well IMO. Thumbs up for stepping in, Atom :D
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I, for one loved your blog. Your way was unique in which to deal with bullies.
Most people (and I'm assuming most people who are 'against' you in this blog think like this) either tend to avoid the siltation by moving their child to another school/section or 'confront' the bully with physical force. Now, I was raised up by post-WW1-2 parents/grand parents, and they always believed in 'an eye for an eye'. However, I only slightly believe in it.
As they were kids, your way was perfect. Instead of directly telling them to stop, among other things; or follow your wife's advice advice and leave, you left a little bit of you with those three kids and I assume they took something from it too.
Nice read mate.
Edit: I was never bullied, but having gone to Japanese schools nearly all my life, I know fairly well the devastation that can happen to the victim. Unfortunately I took many wrong actions in trying to help this 'victim' in helping her get past her hurdles and depression - and even confronting her bullies (who were mainly males... which ended up in a fight -_-).
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The suicide stuff is due to the immense pressure that high school students have regarding success in academics.
@mightyatom
Just out of curiousity, why did you decide to settle down in korea, instead of america ( where you grew up in)? I mean, relatively, its an awful place to live in.
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Korea (South)1897 Posts
On March 05 2012 19:46 sharky246 wrote:
The suicide stuff is due to the immense pressure that high school students have regarding success in academics.
@mightyatom
Just out of curiousity, why did you decide to settle down in korea, instead of america ( where you grew up in)? I mean, relatively, its an awful place to live in.
Hey guys, even if I don't respond to all the posts, thanks for each post - regardless positive or otherwise ^^
But again, this was about parenting/bullying and the point about the suicide was more about the severity of the issue, again rather than bullying being the main cause etc. But any cause towards suicide, prime factor or not isn't good.
But to answer sharky246 question, and please take this in the best way because it is simply the reality of my own situation; in Korea I have a relatively good background both in the traditional and modern sense, so for me, a lot of the difficulties in living in Korea do not really apply, in fact, the opposite is true.
Most overseas Koreans who do integrate into regular Korean society (outside of teaching English and working at an actual Korean company) can only 'live' here a maximum of one year, because it is so difficult and the quality of live sucks compared to back in America. And I would say, nowadays, most Koreans would like to have their children educated overseas.
For me, when I'm in Korea, and I'm drinking or eating or with my in-laws or relatives, I simply am happy and comfortable. Because I feel as though, when I speak or do something, my actions are fully understood completely- it is this 'like mindedness' and vise virsa and I completely understand others.
There is one very peculiar understanding that I have that I think makes this work for me, is that I know I'm not Korean in the South Korea sense of the word, or in the Overseas Korean Kyopo sense of the word, but I'm also not Korean in the North Korean sense of the word but neither is a South Korean a Korean in the North Korean sense of the word (still following lol?), but I am simply Korean. And what the essence of what that means to simply know myself as 'Korean', to me is extremely specific to my family background - and so within this microcosm of South Korean society where I am accepted because I express the 'traits' my family background - I just feel as though I am where I am meant to be. Needless to say, very difficult to explain, but I tried ^^
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It's fine I know I'm unimportant. 
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First blog I've really enjoyed in a long time.
Thanks for sharing, MA!
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Enjoyed the story
Reminds me of my Dad in grade school.
Keep at it MightyAtom!
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Nice story. I have a lot of respect for people who can engage children effectively.
That being said I understand where Otilia's reaction comes from. Without context (i.e having read some of your previous blogs) I would have read it the same way too.
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This is pretty cool, great insight!
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Very interesting and a great read
I like your view on the issue.. this is what life is about, they will probably never forget you and someday look back at what you were trying to show them... and sometimes that's what a teacher has to accept about what he teaches to any student...when the student is ready, the teacher appears, whether that's physical or in memory :D
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Korea (South)1897 Posts
On March 05 2012 20:55 Sickkiee wrote:It's fine I know I'm unimportant.
^^ you are lol, I wrote thanks for the comments keke
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On March 05 2012 23:03 MightyAtom wrote:^^ you are lol, I wrote thanks for the comments keke
Yesss! ♥
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You derive quite a lot of ego satisfaction from being able to throw your weight around 3 sub 10 year olds lol. I was expected your kid to somehow have managed to vanquished the big kids on his own. The blog should be entitled 'full grown man on behalf of his toddler vs 3 tiny kids' though I admit it has less snap :/ . Congrats on your atomic parenting, at least your child knows now that he can come to you if he has problems, which is a good thing I guess.
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Korea (South)1897 Posts
On March 05 2012 23:08 sc4k wrote:
You derive quite a lot of ego satisfaction from being able to throw your weight around 3 sub 10 year olds lol. I was expected your kid to somehow have managed to vanquished the big kids on his own. The blog should be entitled 'full grown man on behalf of his toddler vs 3 tiny kids' though I admit it has less snap :/ . Congrats on your atomic parenting, at least your child knows now that he can come to you if he has problems, which is a good thing I guess.
Well it is church, and if he did kick the crap out of 3 kids 3 times his age, and was justified, well I think I'd be proud, but at 3.5 years, I won't hold him to that expectation yet. lol.
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Awesome blog, one of the rare few I've seen here that isn't about teen angst, haha! I thought you handled that situation fantastically and remind me of my own dad in some ways. Demonstrating to those kids how it feels to be "bullied," albeit in a friendly and non-threatening way, is a much better way to teach them to be respectful and helpful to little kids and I hope they learned their lesson. Thanks for brightening my Monday morning.
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Great read way to go!
'ok, ok, but that was fun right' made me laugh.
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Awesome story Turning the bully/ bullied atmosphere into one of confusing fun ^^ There's always someone bigger than you haha.
That was a really great thing you did as a dad
"AH JIN JARO" ... got it 
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Boss parent... is a boss!
I think you handled the situation very well. You stood up for your kid without creating an excessively hostile environment.
5/5
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Oo shit why isn't my dad this badass
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This blog made me happy :D
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Whoever wrote that the wife's reaction is the "right" one either has no kids or no clue.
Not saying MightyAtoms reaction is 100% correct, there is no 100% correct reaction to this. What is important though, and I think this is mostly why MA reacted like he did, is that MiniAtom or any kid for that matter experiences both reactions from their parents.
Mommy maybe the one that stays out of trouble and helps him learn how to stay out of trouble. Dad maybe the one to teach him to stand his ground and fight his fights. It is important that one parent takes on the responsibility of NOT being the overly careful one. And believe me, having a kid that is harder than it sounds.
As a dad you have just the same mental reaction as your wife if you kid climbs a high tree or gets into trouble with other kids: You want him out of there. But still someone has to let him make his experiences or he will never get a sense of accomplishment or self-assurance.
I think you did great. I can relate pretty well, my son is 4.
Nice story, too.
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Excellent blog.
"AH JIN JARO" has been added to my vocabulary.
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My mom was/kinda is still a korean school teacher for over 10 years, and almost every korean kid in my community or just a generation older than me probably had her as a teacher at one point or another. For every person it was always 100% love or hate because of the way she parented them for their behavior in public in front of everyone.
I can honestly say that it alienated me [ only child ] from people I might have been friends with, or wanted to be friends with because if they hated my mom they just felt sorry for me or didn't talk to me out of spite. When she was younger, if she saw kids misbehaving like in your story she would pull them by the collar to their parents and make them apologize in front of their own parents. So you can imagine that if I was your son....I would have to be by her side while those kids had to apologize to me for something I prolly didn't care about or was too young to understand.
On the other hand there are lots of people [ girls mostly ] who really like her so that was a plus for me too growing up.
Enjoyed your story since it reminded me of my childhood a bit. As someone who was in a similar situation as your son a lot I just wanted to say I didn't know what I wanted my parent to do anyway until I got much older. Eventually I didn't want her to do anything at all because her actions felt embarassing, but I agree with your thoughts that children should recognize that there are not separate worlds and they occupy the same space as others!
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You're such a hero, MightyAtom.
This is a perfect example of why Moms can't do Dads' business. (The opposite is also true, but isn't applicable here)
Your kids are gonna be strong psychologically and that's freakin great! ^^
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If every adult took as much responsibility as MightyAtom did here, bullying would be almost extinct. It is the adult who says that bullying is "natural" and turns a blind eye, who perpetuate it.
Ack1027: it is probably that being a responsible and caring adult is sadly not the normal thing anymore. If every parent took that responsibility then it wouldn't feel so embarrassing.
In short: MightyAtom is a boss. A good person/adult/parent is a caring one.
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Hyrule19053 Posts
boring my ass~
Was thoroughly entertained
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I'm not sure if it's a proper line here from psychological standpoint, I always disliked kids who took things for granted, i.e. behave like tools and get into arguments knowing their big bro or daddy will be there to back them up. Can't emphasize how bad that attitude is. On the other hand, it's nice when you know someone has your back. Maybe not in this situation, but elsewhere where the kid was perfectly justified to do what he did.
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This was not boring at all! And when I taught at an academy in Korea, I dealt with these kinds of kids a lot. I'm surprised at how your situation turned out though. I gotta try that next time. Awesome story~!
Oh and also, I think you meant 'Poki ha ji ma' instead of 'Poki ha gi ma'
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Will you be my father?...
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Certainly not a boring blog!
Ah jin jaro... I will remember that thanks
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Excellent blog. Silvertine seems completely out of touch with reality and very confrontational 0_0
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Laying down the banhammer on those kids.
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Korea (South)1897 Posts
On March 06 2012 06:49 Ozarugold wrote:This was not boring at all! And when I taught at an academy in Korea, I dealt with these kinds of kids a lot. I'm surprised at how your situation turned out though. I gotta try that next time. Awesome story~! Oh and also, I think you meant 'Poki ha ji ma' instead of 'Poki ha gi ma'
Thanks guys for the comments ^^ and yes, lol, its 'Poki ha ji ma' fml spelling errors in English, Hangul and phonetic korean lol.
You know the reason I say that 'Poki ha ji ma' (don't give up) to those kids is because I sincerely wanted them to know as well, even though I am much bigger and they are slowly losing, that they shouldn't ever stop to try, it doesn't matter to win or lose, but the point is not to stop trying. At the end of it all, the boys were sincerely happy because I did give them some attention, even though maybe a couple of them were still trying not show it. ^^
I don't know if this would work outside the Korean context, but more than anything, I didn't judge them as actual bullies yet, and I think for some other posters, they may feel as though the 3 boys were just being a bit rough, but when in fact, in Korea, in that situation, the expectation for them is actually to be kind to the toddlers and to some extent play with them.
You'll see this in public playgrounds where the older children will call out 'e gi!' (baby/toddler), it is the majority of children who will not be annoyed that they are sharing the playground construction climber with the toddlers, rather they will becareful around them and make sure that these children are also safe as well.
So when children don't exhibit polite/helpful behavior in Korea, they automatically get slotted into the 'must have bad parents' background. So it isn't like these kids simply wanted their own space to play, they basically occupied the entire play area and shoved the toddlers out, to which most of the moms in there went up and took their toddlers away. So the 3 kids, maybe think, 'ok, we have the right to be here, even their parents think so', but in reality, those parents are thinking, 'I don't want my kid to be near these bad manner kids and learn their habits, theses kid's parents must be bad manner too'. Of course, I think the same way and while having good manners is the norm for all countries/culture, the degree in Korea and the lack of having exceptional manners is probably more extreme than in other countries.
When I was a kid and I met my friend's parents, I'd bow right away. Then my parents would come very shortly after, then the first thing they would say is, 'did you bow to your friend's parents'; at which case, the other parents would say, 'oh yes he did' and I'd say, 'yes I did', but I would still bow again as I was saying this.
Now of course my parents know I bowed before, and there is no reason for me to be bowing twice, but what it shows is that in our family, manners matter a lot, it is the extreme importance. The same thing happens in my home and all Korean homes, the first action children learn is to bow and receive things with two hands. Even think about Starcraft, gg, bad manner, manner please, no manner, etc. These are all from Korean starcraft players.
So when these boys are not being polite, when they give me the evil eye or mumble or are shoving the kids a bit, these things that maybe would be considered harmless behavior in some other countries and just chalked up as being young kids, is extremely concerning in the Korean context.
Kids swear, they are rude between each other, and I do cringe when I hear groups of young boys swear like it is nobodies business in Korea, but when the toddlers are close by, no matter how bad their language is, they will be aware to watch out for the toddler's safety as they play in the same area. For those having not taught, lived or are Korean, its very difficult to explain that these little things point to much bigger things and that it isn't over reacting, in fact, I'm being the least judgmental out of all the parents in the room.
In terms of my son fighting his own fights, if he came to me to resolve an issue that he could resolve himself, then I'd tell him that since there is a 'no pussy' rule in our house, to go back and resolve it yourself. But I want him know, when he feels that he has exhausted the options, or if things are stacked against him to such odds then to come to me, do not feel hopeless. If it was my son and 3 other toddlers, and this has happened, then usually all the parents get involved and just watch to make sure it doesn't get out of hand and if it does (like scratching or crying), then we just pull the distressed toddler out for a time out.
I remember when I was in grad school in my masters program and I just stopped playing rugby as a pro in Korea (pro national level is basically sponsored varsity in America) I was with two friends from school and we were walking through an affluent part of Seoul, Apgujeong and by the high school. There were about 10 highschool seniors occupying one side of the street and a couple of them were smoking. So my two friends said, 'we need to cross the road, those high school kids can be dangerous' And I was like, 'wtf are you talking about, they are high school kids and you two fuckers already finished your army service' And they were like, 'no trust us, its not a good idea'.
So my two friends, actually crossed the road, but fuck that, so I just continue to walk through and none of them actually looked at me when I walked through and then after a block they crossed the road to join me. So at this point, they came up to me and said, 'wow, you're brave' and meanwhile I'm thinking, 'gee you guys are the biggest pussies, I don't think we can be friend anymore' but what I failed to realize was that both these guys still remembered how things were like in high school with the bad bully kids and I think they just knew what these types of kids were capable of, i.e. 5 on 1, extortion etc, and having only had experience as an athlete and university grad student in Korea, I couldn't relate.
I'd say there are a lot of high school movies with bullies in them in Korea, but again, the age rank system in Korea gets warped in it as well, if any of you have time I recommend this movie:
http://www.listal.com/movie/maljukgeori-janhoksa
Maybe it isn't the best example, but I think it is an example enough to get what I'm saying above.
Cheers!
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Pretty interesting read. I came here from the blog you just recently posted.
You also seem like a very interesting person ^^
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amazing story I don't know why some people end up getting stuck on certain things but to each their own I suppose. You have a pretty interesting character
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I love being away from TL for awhile and then returning to read blogs like this. <3
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EPT
