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Hey everyone who may have stumbled upon yet another whiny topic of TL blogs concerning the fragile nature of the human mind toward itself. I already apologize for my own improper behavior of using this website as a little bit of a psychologist. I'll pay in eMonies for good responses!
Now for the meat of this post. It's Saturday night tonight and I'm Home from university, which is good. I haven't seen my dad or his girlfriend (or my kitten) in a few months. We (my dad and bis brother) went out to eat at a restaurant that was new to us in a trendy part of town. It is easy enough to act like a person that's well informed, has fun, and is "a catch" for any woman at my age when you're at university where there is a relative standard for intellect and conduct that you can just edge by a little to be "too cool" or show some form of independence from social standards, even when you want to fall into most. Today was a big slap in the face.
Upon arriving at the restaurant we are prompted by a two hour wait, which is fine because it is in a big shopping area buzzing with other things to do while we wait. I'm dressed fairly well for myself, graphic tee with trendy windbreaker on and... Some jeans that are torn and don't fit as well as some strange athletic shoes. I begin to be self conscience as I see other guys, taller, better dressed, more in shape, and more fun than me, all of them showing their women good times. The last one is the worst part to me c, yet also the most subjective.
As I said, I'm home from university and it's supposed to be a celebration about e and what's new for me. Obviously I want to know what's new in the family and at home but that was all taken care of in the first hour of waiting. Not much changes in a few onthe. What happened was that we got to discussing my dads past, and the events of his youth with his. Either. I'm not saying they were not entertaining but through dinner and desert, 3 hours, I sat with nothing to say, add, or recollect. This gave me time to festor my insecurities and begin to dive into madness why no one was asking what I was taking, how I was doing, what's new for me, my girlfriend, etc. I stared into space for at least an hour according to my watch trying to see where I went wrong in society at large.
In order for this all to make sense I must note I'm the 18 year old who gets called hun and dear by waitresses often, has no facial hair, little muscle definition, stands 5'2 tall, and has a high voice. In short, I look young. As an example, when I got a speeding ticket the cop initially thought I was underage and was checking my ID rigourously to make sure it was real. Personality wise I'm really only into tech and games, with some sports on the side. My am option lies in my professionalism and it's hard for me to just kick back and have a good time...until I want to, and when I do, no one else does. Obviously this is all how I feel about myself but I don't want to feel horrible. No one really understands my passions or even gives them much credit, as one of them is gaming and the other is t valued highly outside of its own realm, academia.
I don't want to be this social outcast nor do I want to be that person for my lovely girlfriend (who I intend to marry). I want people to want to listen to what I have to say and respect my choices in life. It's right now and a lot lately I have been having issues with my image. I'm losing respect for myself but never giving up the passion to surrender what I'm passionate about. This newfound loss of respect is generated by my ever lowering self esteem, as everyone who I talk to, including my girlfriend, begins to look at my as of I'm crazy to be thinking some of the thoughts I do think. I need help, TL, and I want it now. I don't want to change, I want people to respect me, and not see me as that one smart kid who I'd do homework with.and then never talk to him afterword.
I know I need to man up and I also understand I can't impress everyone, but I want to impress everyone that might matter to me, rather than be speaking a foreign language about the things I'm
Passionate about in front of the people in whom I'm passionate about.
Tha k you for surviving this horrendous, blog
Post, TL reader. If you made it this far I award you one Internet. If you have any soothing words of advice on making good friends or self esteem or other anecdotes of similar situations I would love to read them.
P.s. this is a part one, written in the emotional state of mind described in the post... I shall be returning at some
Point with a follow up on how I am, and how bad days affect people. I'm sorry for the bad formatting as well, as this is all written from my phone on the TL app as my
Computer is still in my dormitory.
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It's easy to think like that at your age. I'm not much older, but keep in mind that in your late teens and early twenties you notice a LOT more shit than when you were in your high school bubble. Take these huge changes and combine them with the amount of hormones your body is producing and you'd be considered weird if you didn't have these thoughts.
It's tough going from an environment where everybody is more or less the same (as in high school) to college and beyond where people begin to truly excel at whatever it is they do. From an outsider's point of view, it's easy to compare their lives to yours which in turn may make you feel unsuccessful or inferior or even unintelligent.
Although I still grapple with some of the same feelings you stated in the op, just keep reminding yourself that there will always be people you envy, and there will always be people who envy you for what you have done. Also keep in mind that it's easy to distort facts with just a little information you know about someone. Keep trying to improve yourself because that is the only thing of which you have full control and stay positive.
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Stop focusing on the the things that you aren't, and focus on the things that you are.
We have all heard it a thousand times, but, just be yourself. Stop trying to fulfill an empty image of yourself that you have created to please the people around you.
Let people see who you really are. Its fine to get mad, or disagree with everyone. If you are an ass, be an ass. If you are nice, be nice.
People like you for who you are, if you are not yourself than you will always be trying to fill others expectations.
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18 year old who gets called hun and dear by waitresses often, has no facial hair, little muscle definition, stands 5'2 tall
i'm 110 pounds, 5'10, with very little facial hair and i'm 23. i don't drive but i do get carded for cigs and liquor every damn time. don't let it bother you, after a while you just get used to it -- i just see it as an indirect complement now to balance out things i see/hear that make me feel old lol.
What happened was that we got to discussing my dads past, and the events of his youth with his. Either. I'm not saying they were not entertaining but through dinner and desert, 3 hours, I sat with nothing to say, add, or recollect.
i rarely participate in small talk also, in the occasions where the conversation gets directed at me i just go along and bs a bit and throw it back to them. its just something for simple-minded people to kill time with, not an intellectual discussion so don't feel shitty because you have nothing to add or don't want to participate.
anyways you shouldn't give a shit what other people think about you. those who judge you for particular interests or characteristics are not worth having around anyways
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On February 19 2012 17:21 ZoW wrote:
its just something for simple-minded people to kill time with, not an intellectual discussion so don't feel shitty because you have nothing to add or don't want to participate.
Stop being delusional, smalltalk is a very important social skill. I'm goddamn awful at it myself but at least I realize it..
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I like to think small talk is useless, to allay the fact that I can't make any.
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Smalltalk is important, how are you gonna make new relationships without it ? Thinking it's for small-minded people, or is useless, is pretty much being small-minded yourself. Quit living in a bubble of "I'm too smart for this shit", you'll get hurt at some point.
Anyway, OP, I can relate to you in some ways. Omisa said it best, be yourself. Sounds easy, in fact is hard as hell at first, but oh so worth it.
Here's some quick tips :
People are mirrors. If there's something that pisses you in someone, you most likely have some issue with it yourself, totally unrelated to said person. Use that to gain knowledge about yourself.
Confidence is not something you should seek. I believe it's a consequence of being true to yourself. It's totally unrelated to other people, once again, it's all in your head.
Don't act different depending on the people you face. That's a sign of not being true to yourself.
Get out of your comfort zone. If you're uncomfortable about something you'd like to do, because of how you think other will perceive it, force yourself into doing it anyway. You'll learn much about yourself this way.
I used to be in the mindset of pleasing everyone (replace with impress and you should relate ?) since like, as far as I can remember. The thing is I didn't know myself. Sounds stupid, but when you act based on what you think others like/dislike, well you're not yourself. So, get to know yourself. And for that, you have to let go the need of pleasing/impressing people. It was scary for me (boooh, unknown...), it lead to some.... issue (like me yelling at one of my best friend for some small thing), but I litteraly discovered myself in the process.
Practice some qi-gong/tai-chi. This shit is very powerful for letting go. Not kidding, I've been doing that very casually for the last couple of months and it works wonder, paired with the right mindset (focusing on your "true" self).
Be good with yourself. The goal is to love yourself like a mother would love her child.
Even though it looks egocentric, really, the key is focusing on yourself and be sincere.
Mh, that's it for now. I'm still deep in the process, sometimes the work I still have to do seems overwhelming, but I carry on anyway. It's not the easy way, but I believe it is for the better. I'm with you man.
Cheer !
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On February 19 2012 16:36 TG Manny wrote:This gave me time to festor my insecurities and begin to dive into madness why no one was asking what I was taking, how I was doing, what's new for me, my girlfriend, etc. I stared into space for at least an hour according to my watch trying to see where I went wrong in society at large.
Never take yourself this seriously.
What if you had stood up in the restaurant and began to badly improvise an song about your time at university, your girlfriend and what was new with you at max volume? If you keep following the action in your mind, and you are reasonably realistic, you'll find that very little would have changed beyond you guys having to wait even longer to eat. Most of our actions don't really have that large an impact on our lives. Relax and enjoy the view a little more.
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hey man insecurity happens in a lot of people. i am 20 yrs old but i probably look like im 25+. people thought i was 21 when i was 15 yrs old. i'm 5'11'' 195lbs work out and have a full goatee and growing a full beard. i'm insecrure as fuck and rarely go out and get really nervous around people, and can't stand to be the center of attention.
don't think that what you look like really affects what type of person you are.
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EPT
