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I agree. This happens when everyone moves away to University/start their lives. Eventually you just make new friends in new parts of your life, and it just seems impossible to see all of your friends as much as you would like. You see them every now and then and still have a good time but its not the same as it was.
+ Show Spoiler +On February 14 2012 21:32 pyrogenetix wrote:
I agree. Friends come and go as you change. That's sort of why I am scared of marriage. Even if I find the perfect girl, what determines if we will age 10, 20 years from now into two people that still have anything in common?
I mean, it's much easier for guys to get along with guys, but even then there are cases where interests just change and I think there's a mutual recognition that you've taken it as far as it will go and moved on. But what about marriage? You're just fucking stuck with that woman for LIFE.
Sorry this sort of derailed the thread but it's something that has been bothering me lately.
^^ The thing about girlfriends I find, is that if you really find a good one.. You thrive off each others hobbies and interests at first coming to enjoy doing what they like with them and vice versa. Then you start finding new hobbies and interests together that you enjoy. The most important part is to just keep your mind open to enjoyment. Ive been with the same girl almost 4 years and we enjoy pretty much all our hobbies and interests that we individually had before we met and found some new interests we enjoy that we discovered together. Of course there is always gunna be time where you each need alone time to zone out and do your own thing too.
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On February 14 2012 21:32 pyrogenetix wrote:
I agree. Friends come and go as you change. That's sort of why I am scared of marriage. Even if I find the perfect girl, what determines if we will age 10, 20 years from now into two people that still have anything in common?
I mean, it's much easier for guys to get along with guys, but even then there are cases where interests just change and I think there's a mutual recognition that you've taken it as far as it will go and moved on. But what about marriage? You're just fucking stuck with that woman for LIFE.
Sorry this sort of derailed the thread but it's something that has been bothering me lately.
Hey man you're not the only one who thinks like that (not talking about me).
My friend got into a serious relationship last year and well our interests differ now. He had the same view as you did and he's happy as fuck right now.
As his friend I'm really happy for him and I'm there if he needs me (I was when it was his birthday and wanted me there even though I had an extremely busy schedule).
I know I can count on him too since I actually asked a favor few months ago after not seeing him for almost half a year.
On another note, damn you thedeadhaji! Another good blog sir 
The blog makes me feel like you're talking about me in a way 
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Korea (South)1897 Posts
On February 14 2012 21:32 pyrogenetix wrote:
I agree. Friends come and go as you change. That's sort of why I am scared of marriage. Even if I find the perfect girl, what determines if we will age 10, 20 years from now into two people that still have anything in common?
I mean, it's much easier for guys to get along with guys, but even then there are cases where interests just change and I think there's a mutual recognition that you've taken it as far as it will go and moved on. But what about marriage? You're just fucking stuck with that woman for LIFE.
Sorry this sort of derailed the thread but it's something that has been bothering me lately.
When you get married, its like you become a single entity anyway, you may not like the same things, have the same views, but you know the other person like no one else. Which works both ways, cause you know what buttons to push as well, but you know when you are ready to get married when you really don't want to. I'm more scared for those who think marriage is a great thing! But I'd say the other way to look at is, sometimes you are with someone that you just can't live without, that person makes you the better man. And it does happen. ^^
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On February 14 2012 21:32 pyrogenetix wrote:
But what about marriage? You're just fucking stuck with that woman for LIFE.
Ahah, not really you know. Just divorce if things don't go as you like. There is always some social pressure and a feeling of failure around but anyway, don't worry about that.
Having children, that (to me) is the big thing.
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hello Uptown, god bless you always. you were always so nice to talk to at LP. take care.
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On February 14 2012 18:35 Rekrul wrote:
i agree with you for the most part with semi-friends or acquaintances, or possibly even applying to childhood/growing up friends
but theres something different to be said about making a true friend as an adult imo, there is an inherent bond that no matter how long you spend apart, when you see eachother again it will feel like no time has passed. the kind of person you can always count on.
That's the good thing with guys, you can spend 10 years without seeing each other, it's like it was yesterday when you meet again.
I can't apply exactly the same thing to gals though, from my experience, since it's hard/rare to be real "best buddies" with a woman without ever thinking about more (you or her). Hence, the reunion is often a bit strange on the mood for a while since both lives have changed, one might be married etc. Could happen though, just didn't for me :p
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thedeadhaji
39489 Posts
On February 15 2012 01:29 jimbob615 wrote:
hello Uptown, god bless you always. you were always so nice to talk to at LP. take care.
LOL I wonder how do people know my LP ID, pretty sure I never publicly made the connection T_T
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thedeadhaji
39489 Posts
On February 14 2012 21:14 tissue wrote:
While that may be true for you, I've found that just jumping into various things with friends can be very rewarding. My friends get me into places and situations I would never find myself in, otherwise. Even if an activity sounds uninteresting, I've long since learned to take a chance and go with the flow. Everything's more fun when friends are around. Now that I'm out of school, I realized I was pretty much dependent on my old school buddies for spontaneity and adventures.
Very true for "new" things.
But how about things that you've already tried and aren't really fond of? What if the things they do 9 out of 10 weekends are things that you know you don't enjoy? It'd hard to say one way or another - there's merits to both going along with it, and declining. I tend to choose the latter is all, after considering the tradeoffs.
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thedeadhaji
39489 Posts
On February 14 2012 18:35 Rekrul wrote:
i agree with you for the most part with semi-friends or acquaintances, or possibly even applying to childhood/growing up friends
but theres something different to be said about making a true friend as an adult imo, there is an inherent bond that no matter how long you spend apart, when you see eachother again it will feel like no time has passed. the kind of person you can always count on.
On February 14 2012 19:04 heyoka wrote:
I feel like a lot of my childhood friends are my most true friends. They're the ones who have seen me at my worst, and have helped me through it. They're the ones I can always count on to help me through tough times, and the only people I'm willing to take a bullet for when they need it. I've grown apart from some of them, but largely for me they're ones where it feels like nothing has changed regardless of how different our lives become.
Real friendship is not how good things are when it's going well (because how fucking hard is it to be friends when your life is on the up and up?) but how well you can handle things when they're all turning to shit. It takes time to learn who those people are, there is a constant process of weeding out the wrong ones and finding those that can give you strength.
On February 14 2012 19:21 trias_e wrote:
Don't toss away old friendships so easily. While they may have been founded on activites and similar interest, there may be more beneath them than just that. Or there may not be, It's of course up to you to determine this.
But I will say, don't be passive. Never say: 'Oh, I guess my old friends aren't into what I'm doing. And I'm not into what they are doing. Oh well.'
Instead think: 'I have so many passions in my life, I can relate to my friends. And I can relate to their passions as well.'
It gets harder to be friends as we get older and we become different. But it just becomes a matter of work and preserverence. Just like a successful marriage takes carnal love into practical love, a successful longterm friendship takes short-term interest into long-term understanding and connection.
As I get older I regret not maintaining my earlier friendships better. Be careful.
Maybe there's a distinction between the "friends that you hang out with", and "the friends that you have an unique bond with". I imagine that overlaps between the two groups are frequent, but this seems to explain a lot of things.
I have a few friends that I see every 5 years or so whom I've known for 20+ years. We don't "do" anything special - usually just talk; thus hobbies/habits/preferences become basically irrelevant. The only thing that matters in these relationship is "who we are" and "who we have become". I guess in these relationships, stuff like our preferred weekend activity is completely irrelevant. (come to think of it, I met a friend for the first time in 15 years, and we hit it off like it was yesterday that we saw each other last)
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EPT
