EPTStep 1: Creative Title!
Stupid shit like "I have a problem" or "Does she like me?" just won't cut it. Get creative make me want to click the fuck out of that blog link.
"This can't be my fault"
"Can I fix this mistake"
"I'ma huge fuck up >.<"
All make me wonder how big of an idiot you are and make me want to click that link. Make me want to read how you fucked everything up or how she just wouldn't go for your slick ass moves. This is the most crucial point of any girl blog. You can have [Girl Blog] Written there but I don't give a shit unless I have a reason to read it. Title needs to say it all!
My last title?
"when the pieces just fit"
See what I did there? Made you want to read that shit. Is he talking about a puzzle or his life? hell maybe he's even making something like a shelf. I don;t know but I wanna read that shit.
Step 2: Song about your feelings!
You messed everything up or she totally is falling for you and you don't know what to do. Dude I need some help understand how you feel. You aren't a New York Times best seller so you can't get your feelings across with words very well. I want a youtube video that makes me understand the chemicals.....I mean "feelings" going through you right now.
Suitable songs? Depends on your taste in Music...
Country?
How about some John Michael Fucking Montgomery?
"Rock"?
some Mother Fucking Lifehouse
or some fucking Bullet?
Rap?
The Fucking Usher, If you didn't know that idk man
If you're really saucy? Nelly You dumb fuck.
Step 3: The Story
Yea this is the meat of the blog. Where you spill your heart to a bunch of random people who will give you both good and shitty advice. Which you'll take? No one knows. But you just opened the door to everyone in this fucking place to help and or ridicule you. Now look at that active member number. Yea it's 9000, in fact that shit is OVER 9000! Now take a second before you write that shit down. after that second where you realize you're an idiot for asking a forum, write that shit anyways. We ENJOY it. It's entertainment, it makes some of us realize how intelligent we are and how stupid some of us are. Don't click that submit button yet. Look at that fucking story you just wrote. Go back through that shit and give that girl you love/hate/wanna fuck a different name because if you don't all these mother fuckers will know who she is and go tell her immediately. You did that already? good shit, you're a pro. Lastly check that shit again, make sure you didn't write anything about yourself fucking anything up or doing anything remotely wrong. This is the internet, you want to be perfect so you don't give all these random people this idea you're weak and the internet's view of you is more important than how this girl actually feels about you.
Did you make sure everything is the other person's fault? Or even that friend of yours who totally cock blocked you because he wanted to stick it in her too? I don't care if you're 15 or 25 or even 45 that's the goal. Don't make this about "love". you barely know this chick. Unless it's a break up blog, then that chick is a fucking bitch and made a huge mistake, you better tell us that too or we'll just assume you're a piece of shit and you didn't want her anyways.
Now you can click submit. This is where you wait for anyone of these 9000 people to give you that advice you're seeking, or attention who the fuck knows?
Step 4: Wait!
Oh yes, the most agonizing part. Will you get useful feedback? Or will Waxangel come in to tell you that you fucked up the whole premise of a girl blog? Shut the fuck up and wait, you posted it on a forum instead of calling up a friend or sitting down with this person, so obviously you have time and your priorities are in perfect order. Hell click a stream while you wait, play some mother fucking starcraft, that's all you have right now anyways might as well enjoy while you can.
Step 5: Read the comments
This is the part you've been waiting for! This is how you get the girl! This is your 42! Read that shit and realize you coulda thought of all that shit by yourself if you weren't watching those fucking streams or playing some mother fucking Starcraft. Yea instead of helping yourself you were being a lazy fuck and letting these people do all the work. But don't feel bad they volunteered. Now take all the good advice and compliment them on being a genius and how it helps you so much, take all the bad advice and just ignore it. Personally I find people taking the bad advice to heart is a lot more entertaining but to each their own.
In this section you get gems like:
"Dude just talk to her"
"You like her that much but you haven't told her yet?"
"Are you 12?"
"Congrats! Best girl blog I've read!"
"You've Motivated me to go get my girl too"
Don't listen to that shit. Listen to the real shit, the person who took half an hour of their fucking time to write you a page and a half explanation on why you're a fucking moron because they happened to be in a similar situation that actually has no relevance to your story at all, or because they happen to be a marriage counselor. Trust them, they are the internet.
Step 6: Plan!
This is where you take all those productive comments you just read and devise some awesome fucking plan that will totally get your crush to sleep...I mean go on a date with you so you can express how much you love them *eyeroll*. This is where you think about dinner, a movie, an expensive ass present, and most importantly the sex....again I mean the cuddling and talking that happens.
This is where the whole thing deviates into either 7a or 7b
Step 7a: Don't Do Shit
Yea you didn't do shit cuz you're a pussy. You blogged your love life on a forum and didn't do shit in real life to fix the problem. You took all this advice and wasted everyone's time just to sit there and watch someone else stream or play some Starcraft. Good shit!
Step 7b: Get Some
Fuck! You got laid bro! Sorry, you got the girl of your dreams and you're so happy! You've never felt this way before. She makes you fell different than the last girl and there's no one better! Until the next one.
Step 8: Reblog!
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Full Circle bitches! Once you post one you can't stop. It's like fucking Lost. You're stuck on and island but they keep making a story about it. Idk how you make new episodes of the same thing but they found out how and so did. Go make another blog expressing your disdain for the opposite sex or how much you love TL and thank them for all the advice you could have thought of if you weren't too busy writing down your feelings and then playing that Fucking game called Starcraft.
Some Notes on Girl Blogs:
If you don't get Sayle, Chill, or Rekrul to post on your shit, then you fucked up somewhere. These are the measures of girl blogs and only the best of the best receive this honor.
Expect to hear shit you don't want to. It's the fucking internet.
This is the best part of TL, don't ruin it with your shitty girl blogs. I want fucking drama, I want fucking complex scenarios, hell I just want fucking.
Disclaimer: This was meant to be humorous, you don't like it gtfo it's my blog. I actually was going to make a girl blog instead of this but decided this was a better waste of my time. Give me a couple hours to take this exam and I'll be back to you with a perfect example of this guide.
