Awesome stuff everyone. Special thanks to zalz and inkblood who took much time into helping. When I get the chance I will be rewriting and posting here. Also perhaps 1000 words regarding someone putting on a coat.

Some thoughts:

I like using adverbs to describe people by illustrating the manner in which they do things. Especially in openings. That said, there are waaay too many in this sample! Some need to be moved in the sentence structure. "Licht sardonically replicated the obnoxious grin on Sandy's face." is much better than "Licht replicated the obnoxious grin on Sandy's face sardonically." Some really don't need to be there. Some bad examples of telling and not showing. "Sandy glared at him with the zeal of an overachiever." as was pointed out is an example.

I need to do a better job of making it clear when I'm not using third person narrative or the lines are blurred (well, the lines are always blurred): The first full paragraph is hopefully trying to be a joke about Licht being very over-the-top in his 'poetic' internal language. I like speaking in the language of the main character when I write, even if I'm in third person. Hence the swearing. But this, at the same time, shouldn't be an excuse for bad writing! Complicated.

Thanks again everyone!