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[This is about counter-strike:source, not sc2 unfortunately]
*Edit* This is probably really shitty writing, but I just wanted to blog about it.
When I was very young and growing up(8 or so) we had one computer in the house. It sat between me and my brother's room, and we were got a DSL connection fairly early on. With me being the younger brother, and my brother being addicted to counter-strike, I got very little time on it, however, when I was on it, I was playing counter-strike[1.6]. This was maybe 20 minutes a day and it was quite a fun time.
At some point, my family got another computer that was more up to date(2004 maybe) and naturally, that was the computer my brother took, and he switched over to playing counter-strike:source(css). I continued playing CS1.6 and longed for the day that i would have a computer powerful enough to run the game that looked like so much fun that my brother was constantly playing. Well... I eventually got that computer, and this is essentially the story of what happened.
When I first got a computer capable of running counter-strike:source, I pubbed quite a bit. I was maybe 13 at the time and pubbing was a source of enjoyment. In 2008, near the collapse of the CGS, I discovered(through some pub clan) the enjoyment that was that of competitive gaming, and I never looked back. I constantly played scrims through mIRC and gamed essentially all day. After about 6 months of this I got truly competitive about the game.
I began trying my best to be the best. I watched juansource(CSS's equivalent of a day9 in depth daily) all the time, often falling asleep watching it, and while I was up I was either scrimming, deathmatching(to improve my aim) aim mapping(to improve my aim) or sitting in an empty server thinking up strategies for my team to use the next time we scrimmed. Let me get this straight. I didn't play this game just "a lot", I played it korean style, 10-12 hours a day(even on school days) every day, literally every moment I had I was on the computer and every moment of that was spent in game trying to get better.
I lived this "life" for approximately 2.5 years, culminating in my grade 11 run in which i went to less than 40% of my classes, and failed every non-academic course i took. This game was my life. For those 2 and a half years i was dedicated to never losing, always improving, and being the best that I could possibly be. I can tell you, however, I didn't even almost succeed. My best css achievement was going 9-0[full season is 16 games] in the lowest league division, and then having the team die on me due to unreliable fucking crazy people on the team. That was essentially the end of my css "career"(if you would call it that). I quickly realized that even though I spent every waking moment trying to be the best at this game, and it was literally two times the amount of any pro that touched the game since the death of the CGS, I would never be good enough to even call myself almost nearly there.
The moral of this story, essentially, is that even if you put your heart and soul into something, if you don't have the innate talent you cannot, and will not, ever make it to "the big leagues" even when it's just a game, and the big leagues don't even pay more than $5000 to split between 5 people for a first place victory in the biggest tournament.
I won't say that what I did was stupid or a waste of time because I honestly don't believe it was. It taught me a life lesson that I'll never forget, however, I should have realized much sooner that it wasn't going to happen, and in the end, I sacrificed all too much for a dream that never came to fruition.
Follow your dreams, but don't fuck up your life in the process.
 
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On January 12 2012 07:07 voo05 wrote:
Follow your dreams, but don't fuck up your life in the process.
these are wise words
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In a team game you are good as your weakest link. It sounds like with better networking your luck could have been different, especially since you were putting in the effort.
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United States10289 Posts
On January 12 2012 07:12 jlim wrote:Show nested quote +On January 12 2012 07:07 voo05 wrote:
Follow your dreams, but don't fuck up your life in the process. these are wise words
Amen to that.
Emotional story. I hope your life is back on track, at least, as close as it can be. This is why I never like playing 2v2 in BW, because you can never really trust ur ally(ies) unless you actually know them.
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what a refreshing (and realistic) new take on the "Going pro" blog.
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On January 12 2012 07:19 Sinensis wrote:
In a team game you are good as your weakest link. It sounds like with better networking your luck could have been different, especially since you were putting in the effort.
that's a possibility, however one thing i forgot to mention in the blog is that not only did I dedicate my life to a game for several years but I also am a fat piece of shit so I've never had more than a few friends(and even less true friends) and not developed my social skills as i should have by this point, so often when I was in a position to join a team I thought I could play on my level, they wouldn't want me because I'm one awkward mother fucker
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Really good read, sorry about the consequences. But, if this is any comfort: "Far better is it to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checked by failure...than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy much nor suffer much, because they live in a gray twilight that knows not victory nor defeat." -Teddy Roosevelt
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On January 12 2012 07:28 happyft wrote:
Really good read, sorry about the consequences. But, if this is any comfort: "Far better is it to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checked by failure...than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy much nor suffer much, because they live in a gray twilight that knows not victory nor defeat." -Teddy Roosevelt
Yeah I've read those types of quotes quite a few times.
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you failed the minute you switched to css from 1.6 :D
I was considering getting serious with 1.6 back in the day, back when cal-m meant a shit load. then cal p ruined cal-m and then cal died, and then cpl tt. that scene was really fucking awesome for a time. really a shame to see it taper off.
at least now you can go into pubs and go 20-0 before you get banned for owning the 14 year old retard server admins too hard every month or so. i know that's what i do with my residual 1.6 skills ^^
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Sorry to hear, but that does sound like a really good life lesson. I had my same run with SC2, doing nothing but it outside of school and hw. Lucky me, school was/is always a priority, so I didn't go down the same road you did. In the end, I burned out, despite the # of hours I put into it.
Sad stuff! But at least we can mourn together, right? ;3
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On January 12 2012 07:36 Alejandrisha wrote:
you failed the minute you switched to css from 1.6 :D
I was considering getting serious with 1.6 back in the day, back when cal-m meant a shit load. then cal p ruined cal-m and then cal died, and then cpl tt. that scene was really fucking awesome for a time. really a shame to see it taper off.
at least now you can go into pubs and go 20-0 before you get banned for owning the 14 year old retard server admins too hard every month or so. i know that's what i do with my residual 1.6 skills ^^
hahaha I never really liked 1.6 because of the wallbang mechanic tbh
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oh i have a 1.6 story also. we had like 1 loss in our reform cal season and 1 in our reform cevo season and i had played with those guys for like 4 years. and then it turns out one of my guys (he was actually the newest edition.. prob 6-7 months playing with him)--and i mean you know this.. if you play this game with a set team for an extended period of time you trust the shit out of them--was toggling and we had like 75% of our matches overturned
that's when i quit.
fuck team games. self reliance.
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That sucks dude, nice change of pace for a blog though, going on about a failed atempt as opposed to all those "I'm going to go pro." Threads.
Regardless, CSS was the first game I played some what competitivly, had great fun playing it, although my skill was like mid on mIRC scrims but my team was like high (I had a shit pc and was carried :D). Was a lot of fun though, made a lot of friends :D.
Nice read 5/5
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On January 12 2012 07:42 Alejandrisha wrote:
oh i have a 1.6 story also. we had like 1 loss in our reform cal season and 1 in our reform cevo season and i had played with those guys for like 4 years. and then it turns out one of my guys (he was actually the newest edition.. prob 6-7 months playing with him)--and i mean you know this.. if you play this game with a set team for an extended period of time you trust the shit out of them--was toggling and we had like 75% of our matches overturned
that's when i quit.
fuck team games. self reliance.
I understand the feeling, It's happened to me a few times.(however, not with people that I played with for that long.. maybe 2 months)
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i can name every single player i played in matches with, and this was in 7th-8th-9th grade and im a senior in college now. 1.6 ballers roll deep^^
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all i wonder is where were your parents during this? they let you play 10-12 hours on the computer on school days, and let you fail your classes? i would slap my kids silly if they tried that.
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On January 12 2012 08:03 dAPhREAk wrote:
all i wonder is where were your parents during this? they let you play 10-12 hours on the computer on school days, and let you fail your classes? i would slap my kids silly if they tried that.
same.. my gaming sched back in middle school/high school was like.. school til 2:30, baseball ti'l 5:30 or 6, maybe see gf for 2-3 hrs then play for 1-2 hrs and i thought i was a gamer just because i put all of my free time into it. but i guess it really wasn't that much :/ in the off season i could go for 4-5 hrs a day max, though.
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On January 12 2012 08:03 dAPhREAk wrote:
all i wonder is where were your parents during this? they let you play 10-12 hours on the computer on school days, and let you fail your classes? i would slap my kids silly if they tried that.
I failed my first class in grade 11, along with 1 other, just was only getting borderline in all my classes from grade 8 onward
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On January 12 2012 08:16 voo05 wrote:Show nested quote +On January 12 2012 08:03 dAPhREAk wrote:
all i wonder is where were your parents during this? they let you play 10-12 hours on the computer on school days, and let you fail your classes? i would slap my kids silly if they tried that. I failed my first class in grade 11, along with 1 other, just was only getting borderline in all my classes from grade 8 onward
not to pry but what was home life like? if i was on comp for 4-5 hrs my mom would start nagging me to do something and i'm glad she did haha. oh the nerd baller i'd have been, though tt
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I've never played counterstrike, but I can image how you must have felt. Nice blog, and good advice.
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EPT
