I'm having a hard time. I don't like to be negative. I'm a happy person by default- I'm optimistic, positive. But I just can't help it right now. I dunno if I'm just depressed or what, but it's really starting to get me down. I'm tired, unmotivated, and not doing the things I want to be doing or should be doing. I can't eat right; I don't even want to. I'm addicted to the computer- that much is for sure. I don't want to do anything else, though. I should go exercise, or just get out. But I've become so introverted that I hate leaving the house.
I feel really lonely, but that's my fault. I don't get out like I should. I have friends, I just feel like they are interested in other people and so I don't hang out with them much.
I've realized how much of a waste high school is. Busy work is all it is. I've been skipping too much. I get good grades, but my attendance is crap. That's going to change, but I don't want it to. I hate going and learning absolutely nothing that will help me in life.
I'm unmotivated to change at all. I don't want to ask for help, but that's my pride talking. My health isn't great right now, both mental and physical. I wish I could just say, Time to be done with the computer, time to be my old self, go out and do things with people I like doing them with. But it's almost as if I don't want to let myself be happy.
Just a rut. This is the worst it's been, though. And it's been a long rut. I want to be my old self. I want to help other people with the things that are going on in their lives, and not be focused so much on myself. I want being happy to be easy again.
I have a terrible attitude about this. I don't look for help, because I want the people I care about to ask me how I'm doing, to show some care for me. It's so stupid- I'm stupid for thinking like that, but I can't help it.
Bleh. I'll pull through. I'm just frustrated, unmotivated, and unconcerned about myself. Thank goodness for Christmas break.
Edit: Three things I'm grateful for, because I hate thinking like this.
1.) My family. 2.) I have a great life- I've never been in want. 3.) My bed is really comfortable.
Its habit.. and habits are unfortunately exceptionally hard to alter... I'd even consider them akin to a drug addiction//withdrawel in the psychological impact.
You know the answers to your problems anyway, its clear in the way you type.
"How can I will myself to exercise, eat heathily, change my lifestyle, be more sociable, try harder, and care more about school"
The answer is DO IT.
And once you've broken past a certain threshold it will stop being "having to force myself to do x..." and start simply being something you as part of your lifestyle.
Ehh, it looks you just gotta do it. Personally I'm pretty content sitting on my ass and playing some combination of video games and guitar. But if you're not and you feel bad about it, my only piece of advice would be a literal gtfo (of the house). Go do the shit you say you want to do.
If you'd like, I can yell at you whenever I see you on Sc2. : )
On December 19 2011 10:52 Bibbit wrote: Ehh, it looks you just gotta do it. Personally I'm pretty content sitting on my ass and playing some combination of video games and guitar. But if you're not and you feel bad about it, my only piece of advice would be a literal gtfo (of the house). Go do the shit you say you want to do.
If you'd like, I can yell at you whenever I see you on Sc2. : )
Meh, I'd just not get on and still stay on the computer. I've just gotta go do something.
On December 19 2011 10:52 Bibbit wrote: Ehh, it looks you just gotta do it. Personally I'm pretty content sitting on my ass and playing some combination of video games and guitar. But if you're not and you feel bad about it, my only piece of advice would be a literal gtfo (of the house). Go do the shit you say you want to do.
If you'd like, I can yell at you whenever I see you on Sc2. : )
Meh, I'd just not get on and still stay on the computer. I've just gotta go do something.
I could also yell at you on skype or from under your bed
Anyways blogging on TL isn't the best start to solving this problem imo. T_T
On December 19 2011 10:52 Bibbit wrote: Ehh, it looks you just gotta do it. Personally I'm pretty content sitting on my ass and playing some combination of video games and guitar. But if you're not and you feel bad about it, my only piece of advice would be a literal gtfo (of the house). Go do the shit you say you want to do.
If you'd like, I can yell at you whenever I see you on Sc2. : )
Meh, I'd just not get on and still stay on the computer. I've just gotta go do something.
I could also yell at you on skype or from under your bed
Anyways blogging on TL isn't the best start to solving this problem imo. T_T
Like I've said before, writing helps me get my thoughts straight.
This sound like some kind of melancholia state to me, i don't see how computer can hurt you, maybe you should adjust you time managing, this is important skill to have in life, infact i think its one of the most usefull ones, i cannot do it myself properly if you ask me, but hey i will, so should you.
Remember we live only once, so stop being afraid of beeing who you want to be, got do it!
I've realized how much of a waste high school is. Busy work is all it is. I've been skipping too much. I get good grades, but my attendance is crap. That's going to change, but I don't want it to. I hate going and learning absolutely nothing that will help me in life.
Stop thinking and allow the universe to control your body. Just stop, become aware of your surroundings, but don't think. Then task your body to do something that will help you get closer to a goal. Do not move. Simply allow your body to be controlled, and it will get done. Don't ask me how I figured this out. You can call it god if you want to.
Edit: You are not your body, or your mind, or your ego. I have this idea that maybe the human body is like a magnet for consciousness. So if you think of yourself as not your body, rather, you are something bigger or part of something bigger, and you could actually be existing far away from your body without noticing it because you have the limitations of a human brain right now, because your consciousness is attached there. It's a perspective trick. It gets you out of your own life and allows you to work at a distance. And I find it works pretty well.
That youtube video is worth a watch too.
Edit 2: Stop thinking you're Dalguno. Start thinking like "Dalguno is having a problem. What can I do to fix Dalguno?"
EPT
