EPTIf you choose to read the following, I will presume that you have nothing better to do, since this is all personal stuff that I just need somewhere to rant to.
To start with, we'll name the chosen female in this case Felicity.
To start with our history.
Felicity first met in March of my freshman year (now December of my senior year) and we just started talking, a lot, texts mostly since she lived a good hour away from me, and I am terribly shy. We met because my family was house-sitting for my cousin's family because three of them were in Boston for the weekend (we live in Maine) and the other cousin was at Felicity's house. My cousin, who we'll name Meghan, texted me because they were working on a math problem and they needed help. Being fairly intelligent, I did my best to help them.
From there, Felicity and I just started talking, and becoming good friends, but she had a lot of emotional issues, mostly from her past, and she was obsessive. Terribly obsessive, and I pulled out of said relationship without saying much. It was scary, and being a relatively immature freshman, I was rather scared. I couldn't help but do what I thought was best.
So, later on in the summer, we started talking again because I missed talking to her, I guess. I've never had a ton of friends, especially that go to school with me, so I'll talk to anyone that's willing to listen, and she was. However, at some point during that summer, she let it slip that she had cut herself because of me, which I mentioned to my father, who called Meghan's mother, and at that time, Felicity was at her house, so apparently they talked, and we just stopped talking for a while.
Since then, we've just been kind of talking off and on, a few texts here and there, and life goes on.
The summer before my senior year, I spent in Florida with my father, who had since moved there. I did it for a number of reasons, mostly because he was living alone and I felt bad for him. No one should be lonely. However, being all too optimistic, I had hoped he had gotten over some of the reasons that I had stopped trying to continue a relationship with him, but he hadn't, and it was a VERY long summer.
However, during that Felicity and I started talking, and skyping, and she became my best friend. She had visibly grown up, and I was lonely, so we just started fresh, I guess. Neither one of us mentioned the past, and we just went from there.
When I get back to Maine at the end of August, we're still talking, and our relationship is just fine. She asked me a lot when I was going to go see her, which was rather difficult since I didn't have my license yet, and I was really shy, and nervous, and scared.
On September 16th, I passed my license test (on the first try /le brag) and the when are you going to see me?! resumed. Of course, while I didn't go to see her for a while, we just talked constantly, and got even closer. Eventually, the topic of dating came up.
I myself had been single for all 17 and some years of existence. I had never kissed a girl, or done anything more with one, so, as before, I was nervous, shy, and scared about the whole thing, but I was willing, and eventually so was she. It was difficult to get her to tell me, but she said she wanted to go slow with said relationship so we don't mess anything up, which I thought was perfectly reasonable.
So, throughout September and October, we continue talking, and skyping, getting closer until November 5th which was the day everything changed.
November 5th was the day that I finally was able to go see her. As luck had it, her dad was working the entire day, and his girlfriend was leaving at around noon (I got there at 11.) So we were alone for the majority of the day until her friends popped in at like 4, and her dad came home for a while but they all left eventually.
During that day, a lot of things happened. For one, I had my first kiss with her, and I ende up asking her out and we just spent the whole day together at her house, and it was one of the best days of my life. I was finally happy. I had found someone who wouldn't shun me when she actually got to know me. The feeling of being needed was an addiction for me. I've never needed many other people in my life, but having someone that is always there for you, and needs you, and loves you for who you are was one of the best feelings in my life.
I am the fat, gamer kid in high school. What bigger of a target could I put over my head to be the victim of horrendous harassment, insulting, and teasing? People have never really accepted me in school, and there's never been a group of people I've 'belonged' to, so I've always been pretty much a loner.
During the days that we were together, it was the best days of my life. Unless you've been in the situation that I described in the above paragraph, you won't know how it feels to found what I had, or so I thought.
Fast forward to November 14th.
She had been acting exceedingly weird that day. I was trying to talk to her, trying to figure out what was wrong with her, but she didn't talk to me. Finally, I asked one of her friends to text her, and try to get her to talk to me, because at that point I was getting really scared.
At some point that night, she finally messaged me on skype. Long story short, she wasn't happy, she felt like our relationship was that we were still friends, and she wanted to go back to what it was like before we were friends. Heartbroken, but respectable, it happened, but I think this is where the biggest rift in our relationship happened.
I would like to say that I was never mad at her. Everyone has to do what they have to do to be happy, and some people get hurt in the process, and this time it just happened to be me.
Love has always been a topic that seemed pointless to me. My parents got divorced when I was in 8th grade, and I had always been shunned by peers, so I thought love was retarded. I couldn't have been more wrong. Though our time of being together was officially short, there was a lot more to our relationship then those 9 days, and I was heartbroken over this. I had treated her like a princess, and I had been the best to her I could be, I had been a perfect gentleman, and it still felt like we were friends. I had said things to her that I normally would have wretched over saying.
So, basically, I tell her that I think it would be best if we don't talk for a while so I could at least get over being heartbroken. She said that isn't what she wanted, but I told her that she didn't really matter in this decision. This wasn't about her. It was about me doing what I thought was best.
After a while. I start talking to her again, and things are going o.k. Still awkward, but it was better then it could have been. During this time, one of her 'friends' and I started talking, and we became friends, and it became a point where her friends, including Felicity, had pretty much ditched her, and she really needed someone to talk to, and I was there for her. However, I also needed someone to bitch to, and she was there for me, and since she knew Felicity, she understood what I was saying.
So, news of this got to Felicity, and obviously, all I did was shit-talk her. (I'm being sarcastic.) I'm not that kind of person. I hate it when people decided to judge me for they even knew me, so I was not going to willingly let anyone else do that (more on this in a bit.)
So - she becomes increasingly distant. One word texts after I've tried being reasonable and explaining why I've done what it did. It got to the point where I was so fed up with her crap that I didn't talk to her on her birthday. Amazingly, that finally got her to talk to me, and I finally felt like my point got across.
However, this just pissed her off more, and it was a battle to get her to tell me why.
So - I go a few days, and find out a friend, sort of, from school moved, and was going to Felicity's school. So, I texted Felicity, trying to apologize, but that just turned it into even more of a fight. So, this girl, we'll name her Monique, was going to a school that was 3x the size the one that she went to previously, so I try to find her a friend, and my first choice was Felicity, mostly since I found out that they live pretty close to each other. Well, that didn't work.
So, I go back to the friend that needed to rant, and her friends ditched her, we'll call her Abby. Abby agrees to try and help out Monique. So, they become good friends, which I am glad for. However, Felicity found out that I had a few things that I mentioned to Monique that involved her (none of which were bad, by the way) and she texts me, accusing me of shit talking her, under the impression that all I do is shit talk her, which I don't. I try my best not to.
So, with a sass and a bit of being a smartass, I get her over that.
A few nights ago, I text her, telling her that I was almost done trying to still be friends, and she responded with "I just don't know what to say to you anymore. Everytime I talk to you, all I can think about is Abby." which is just utterly stupid. So - I ask her what her ultimate problem is with the situation and I get no response. I ask her why she's mad, and no response. So last night I tell her "Okay. I'm done. Have a good life." and no response.
This has been my attempt to be completely unbiased in the telling of the story. At this point. I'm just done trying. I'm tired of fighting a losing battle, and I'm tired of trying to continue a friendship with someone who showed no obvious interest in being friends.
Obviously this isn't absolutely everything, but I feel that it contains the most important things needed to tell the story.
