With Black Sun completed and out of the way, it's time to look to the future, and try to do decide what I will attempt to do next.

I was disappointed in how far I let Black Sun slip through quality control, but as I detailed in the Making Of, the last few months of the project were immensely difficult. I have become concerned with how deeply detached I became from my work, and how far I was allowing things to get by without revising them to meet my expectations. I had entered a horrific mental state.

But, at the end of the road, the project is done. I am left with crippling wrist and joint pain, a fresh windows installation to spoil with my modeling software and such again. I am, in a way, starting fresh.

Of course, my eyes turn to my next big project, my next dream to attempt to finish. I do not thinking my writing will ever be complete, and thus I desire to drift away from that world and the anguish associated with it. I need something I can devote myself to, something that won't burn me through and through like Black Sun did. Something that won't drain all of my emotional and creative energy when I need it to the most. Something that won't demand of me absolute perfection.

A time ago I spoke of 2042, a project I was attempting for Age of Wonders 2. Ultimately, that project died as many others did, due to the hardcoded limitations of the game holding me back. Fast forward a year and a half, and Black Sun itself is finally finished, ending my lineage of mods nearly a dozen years old. It seems like yesterday I was making my first total conversion for Brood War, back in 1999 and 2000. Everyone I know has moved on. There are no true to blood modders left in our community. Really, there is not even a community left. Just shadows of what once was.

I am alone in my desire to create, as I always have been alone. Forward I shall stride, however, to whatever ends. Though my world may end at a moment's notice, though any manner of machinations may destroy what I have fought to forge, I shall never cease desiring to create. It is in my blood, my code, to aspire higher and higher, even if I am constantly met with failure and shortcomings.

Knowing my strengths, my weaknesses, and areas I have yet to tackle or improve upon, I crumbled before the face of doubt when I first asked of myself the task I now demand. When I last spoke of this particular goal, I sought to create Armageddon Onslaught 2. A reimagination of one of my Starcraft gametype conversions. But I had no heart in this feeble world. I knew I would not see it through. For a short time I wandered, until deciding to complete Black Sun. So we have come full circle, with Black Sun completed, and much wisdom garnered from its victories and defeats.

And so I set before myself once more a most grand challenge.



I was not ready a year ago. I am probably not ready now. But the psychological pressure of leaving unfinished work behind is over. I am free, I am boundless, and forward I must stride if I am to ever create something I would be genuinely proud of creating. For the doubt, the uncertainty, and the hesitation of Black Sun spoke to me a tale of sorrow and madness. One I only fueled by allowing myself to give in to the obligation of dying worlds. So my bondage to such obligation is over. So my duty is done.

My ultimate goal for the UDK has not changed. I desire to create a God of War-styled game with an open world and RPG elements. I will create it in the Loladins of Legend: 2042 universe, the same one I created my Age of Wonders 2 conversion in. This means silliness, much silliness, but unbound creativity and no obligation to achieve perfection alongside my writing. By removing the obligation to do a perfect job, to live up to my life's work, I may allow myself to breathe a little more easily when I find I can't do things.

Yet, the challenge will remain no less grand. I can do almost nothing required for a UDK project. I am no programmer, and my modeling skills are only entry-level at best. As I planned to do for AO2, I will fill the gaps with user-made content, ripped assets, and, within time, new skills I will have to acquire. Above all, it will rest on my shoulders to improve and learn new talents, which will be directly reflected upon by the progress of my work.

By leaving modding and entering game design I virtually remove all engine-based restrictions. The UDK is so much more powerful than any mere mod or map could ever hope to achieve in any given game. The likes of Alice: Madness Returns, Hunted, and many more were made with earlier versions of this toolset. I can no longer use limitations as an excuse for inability. I remove one of the greatest barriers between me and my dreams, leaving behind only my learning disabilities and mental illnesses to defeat.



It is true; what I ask of myself few men, even those in their right mind, could accomplish. But I must try. Black Sun was not completed because I was afraid of not making something good enough, because I was too afraid people may not understand or like the work. It was completed because I sat down and did it, worrying not of semantics or conjecture. What matters is that I finished it, that I completed my goal.

Even if the UDK is to soundly defeat me, I may learn something in the process. Is that not reason enough for at least trying?

Team Liquid, I originally came here because your database of Brood War VOD's taught me an enormous amount of game design, interactivity, spectating, and so many other things that I could learn nowhere else. I owe to you and the efforts of your people much of what I know. I can only hope that, one day, I can produce something worthy of those efforts.

Until then, I look to the future, of what little I have, and I aspire to build my dreams. Even if they may exist only for but a moment. Although this legacy may mean nothing to you, for it is silent amongst the sea of noise that is life and its motion, it does exist, and it struggles even now, searching for purpose.

The road before me is clear.