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*OK, I've had some trouble with my parents and their control over my life for some while now, and have been trying to combat it on my own, through friends, and such. I would like the public's opinion on this issue, and how to help convince my parents that dictating my life is not right. Here's my story*
Hi, I am 15 years old, and I am struggling with my parents (as I feel like many people are at this age). My dad especially has his opinions on what he believes is right, and he sticks to them no matter what. He believes in a Hobbesian point of view, where he believes I am inately evil, and he needs to control my live, my free time, and my study time to have me succeed. In my sophomore year, at a difficult charter school, I am working like crazy to get good grades, and juggling soccer along with that. I am an E-SPORTS fanatic, and I would like to use my little free time to play video games, but my father greatly restricts my play time, as well as overall fun time in favor of additional studying. He also pressures me to the extremes, making me scared I am going to just pop.
I have been consulting with my clan mates(thanks Nortac!) about what to do about his nazi-like control of my life, and we decided that I should approach him directly about treating me like I'm my age, and not 5. When I confront him about allowing me to use my free time with a little more fun, he essentially freaks out and does not listen to me, but rather decides that he has not been strict enough on me and shortens my rations. His freak outs have been rather severe, and have forced me into a tough time. If i go even seconds above my ration, he has closed my computer, taken my doors off of the hinges (making me doorless, which is an issue I’m about to mention), as well as other harsh rulings.
An example of his dictatorship is with a simple issue. I would like the privacy of having my door closed, yet he does not allow me to close it. In our house, if the door is open to my room, it feels like the entire house is in my room. I have asked him many times to allow me to close it, but in return he threatens me with several punishments as possibilities. Although this might seem juvenile, to me its almost a war of attrition.
I have thought of many ways to try and combat him. One idea I’ve had is to contact people with authority at my school (such as the school shrink) to talk to him. I brought up the idea of having a possible “counseling session” between us with the school counselor/shrink and he immediately asked what was wrong with his parenting that way it was. I am still considering talking with the counselor by myself to see if she has any advice.
<side-story1> Last year at school, one of my teachers believed that I was anxious, and really under pressure and stressed out. After talking to me with it, I finally told someone about what my parents were doing, and actually came to the epiphany myself that my parents controlled my life. The teacher recommended seeing somebody, but at the time, I had not thought of it as a large issue, I was just submitted into believing that his way of parenting was OK. So, I decided to combat it by myself, and I thought I had cleared everything up when my dad was being nice to me, and positive about everything. This has not been the case. </side-story1>
One more recent story was, last night I was playing starcraft, and my dad decided that I can’t play video games any more. He said that unless I quit gaming, he won’t drive me to the soccer games. I decided to continue playing for 2 minutes to finish the game, and he did not drive me 10 minutes to school to get transported to soccer today. (i had to get a ride with a friend, so did not end up that bad).
His dominance over me, a nearly 16 year old kid, has caused me to have a subdued personality, and I have not been able to really enjoy life over the last year or so.
I don’t really know what else to say, but I really need some ideas on how to deal with this issue. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks for reading until the end!
P.S. this is the first time I've been able to see everything that’s happened like this, with the teacher it was aloud, and it was almost surreal, so I apologize if what I said seemed unimportant, or if they really aren’t that bad.
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I'm not really good with advice, so I can't really give you any, but hopefully someone on here can give you a good solution
Good Luck!
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I totally understand your issue, if you look at some of my previous blogs i face similar issues as you except with violence.
Do what i did, play starcraft but hide it, if you need tips on how to hide it i should make a guide.... No need to change what he believes, do what you want and tell him what he wants to hear.
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tell that cocksucker of a dad off. and if he doesnt change leave, remember its not about the video games its about the restof your life so if tis that bad then you need to leave
User was warned for this post
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On September 18 2011 13:41 Spray wrote: tell that cocksucker of a dad off. and if he doesnt change leave, remember its not about the video games its about the restof your life so if tis that bad then you need to leave
Its not necessarily about the video games, its the fact that he wants to control my life, and is essentially trying to relive what he believes to be the best childhood through me.
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On September 18 2011 13:47 lvatural wrote: how are your grades? I have all As and a few Bs. my non weighted gpa was about 3.8 freshman year, with all but 1 honors/ap classes.
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On September 18 2011 13:39 YPang wrote: I totally understand your issue, if you look at some of my previous blogs i face similar issues as you except with violence.
Do what i did, play starcraft but hide it, if you need tips on how to hide it i should make a guide.... No need to change what he believes, do what you want and tell him what he wants to hear.
i had a similar situation (without violence luckily) and i did what you suggested, do what i want and tell him what he wants to hear...well at some point down the line his overly suspicious nature caught on to the fact that i wasnt doing what i was telling him, ala i was playing sc and talking with friends rather than studying (which imo i didnt need to do, what i needed to do was actually write out written work instead of just getting 90s on tests) the consequences sucked, and although things managed to work out a bit since then im pretty sure ive lost his trust and support for life (or at least til I can legally drink, hes quite the alcoholic T__T; and he hated my older brother til he could drink w/him at which point they were suddenly like old friends >.>)
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I know someone who has a similar problem to yours, only it's his mom, and it's slightly different. You actually have it worse off than him =( especially with the not driving you to soccer business.
I like the idea of consulting another adult like a school shrink. If your dad feels like you are incapable of your own choices/innately evil then find someone else with authority who disagrees with his beliefs. There are millions of other children with less parental dominance who came out fine.
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On September 18 2011 13:41 Spray wrote: tell that cocksucker of a dad off. and if he doesnt change leave, remember its not about the video games its about the restof your life so if tis that bad then you need to leave
uncalled for. ban?
anyway, i've been through this before when i was a kid.. it's just his way of caring for you man... when you grow up you'll realize, as i did, that things happen that way sometimes growing up. when i became older, he became more lenient and less controlling. He is just concerned about your future. A nice sit down and talk would help alot. He should realize that you're at an age where certain decisions should be up to you. Anyway, good luck. And family first always.
User was warned for this post
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On September 18 2011 13:51 bebe01 wrote:Show nested quote +On September 18 2011 13:41 Spray wrote: tell that cocksucker of a dad off. and if he doesnt change leave, remember its not about the video games its about the restof your life so if tis that bad then you need to leave
uncalled for. ban? anyway, i've been through this before when i was a kid.. it's just his way of caring for you man... when you grow up you'll realize, as i did, that things happen that way sometimes growing up. when i became older, he became more lenient and less controlling. He is just concerned about your future. A nice sit down and talk would help alot. He should realize that you're at an age where certain decisions should be up to you. Anyway, good luck. And family first always. I have tried a sit down talk with him, but he just freaks out and starts screaming at me without bothering to listen. Maybe I'm not doing the sit down talk right? I have been asking him why he does it, or if I could be granted more freedom, but how should I "correctly" go about talking to him?
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On September 18 2011 13:53 wattabeast wrote:Show nested quote +On September 18 2011 13:51 bebe01 wrote:On September 18 2011 13:41 Spray wrote: tell that cocksucker of a dad off. and if he doesnt change leave, remember its not about the video games its about the restof your life so if tis that bad then you need to leave
uncalled for. ban? anyway, i've been through this before when i was a kid.. it's just his way of caring for you man... when you grow up you'll realize, as i did, that things happen that way sometimes growing up. when i became older, he became more lenient and less controlling. He is just concerned about your future. A nice sit down and talk would help alot. He should realize that you're at an age where certain decisions should be up to you. Anyway, good luck. And family first always. I have tried a sit down talk with him, but he just freaks out and starts screaming at me without bothering to listen. Maybe I'm not doing the sit down talk right? I have been asking him why he does it, or if I could be granted more freedom, but how should I "correctly" go about talking to him?
He seems a bit psycho to me. I vouch for the counselor style. On a side note, i sit around being mad i cant play starcraft 2 for more than 5 hours and how my parents are always suspicious but never check(thank god) of substance abuse. Your situation seems entirely more worse and you should work to rectify it.
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My two cents:
Attempt to get them into school with a counseling session, from the sounds of your situation it seems this may not happen, but I think if you come from that angle if he keeps his parenting up the way he is, you're going to resent him the rest of your life it may get you started on the right track to fixing the problem.
If he is opposed to this for whatever reason, I think you should approach him on your own, see if he's willing to at least hear you out, even if it doesn't mean he changes anything at all. At the very least being able to get it off your chest and explain how you're feeling can help alleviate some of the stress you're feeling.
As a complete last resort, if he refuses to budge and you can't take it anymore: fight him. I'm talking a serious fight, call him out on the spot, if he doesn't fist up, punch him in the gut to show you're not budging, and duke it out. Obviously if your dad is as crazy as he sounds, he may beat the living hell out of you, so I'd suggest doing this around someone else in your family so they can end the fight should things get out of hand. In the end, you either get to say you beat your dad up and got your wishes granted, just beat your dad up, or at the least stood up for yourself and proved you aren't going to take any of this crazy bullshit from him anymore. Again, this should absolutely be a last resort, as violence with parents (especially between father and son) can result in an extreme disruption in the balance of power in the relationship (assuming the child wins). This may be exactly what you need though, since it seems like you're not looking for complete independence, but just a little space.
Good luck whichever way you attempt to solve the problem, just don't tank your own future trying to get back at your dad, it's not worth it and in the end you'll be able to move out and never him again if you so choose.
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I had a friend who had a similar problem to you. Honestly, I doubt you can change him. Just kiss some ass until you graduate, and when you hit university...never look back. You will have so much freedom in college and will essentially be able to do whatever the fuck you please.
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On September 18 2011 14:14 tests wrote: I had a friend who had a similar problem to you. Honestly, I doubt you can change him. Just kiss some ass until you graduate, and when you hit university...never look back. You will have so much freedom in college and will essentially be able to do whatever the fuck you please. My dad is an asshole to me, for stupid reasons too, But im doing this, im just holding out till i grauduate then telling him to fuck off and never talking to him again.
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On September 18 2011 14:25 Yung wrote:Show nested quote +On September 18 2011 14:14 tests wrote: I had a friend who had a similar problem to you. Honestly, I doubt you can change him. Just kiss some ass until you graduate, and when you hit university...never look back. You will have so much freedom in college and will essentially be able to do whatever the fuck you please. My dad is an asshole to me, for stupid reasons too, But im doing this, im just holding out till i grauduate then telling him to fuck off and never talking to him again. I would like to try and obtain a positive relationship with my parents, not just ignore them for the rest of my life.
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On September 18 2011 14:25 Yung wrote:Show nested quote +On September 18 2011 14:14 tests wrote: I had a friend who had a similar problem to you. Honestly, I doubt you can change him. Just kiss some ass until you graduate, and when you hit university...never look back. You will have so much freedom in college and will essentially be able to do whatever the fuck you please. My dad is an asshole to me, for stupid reasons too, But im doing this, im just holding out till i grauduate then telling him to fuck off and never talking to him again.
Eh, you shouldn't stop talking to him. Pretty sure parents do what they do because they feel they know "best" for their children. They just want you to grow up and be as successful as possible. You should definitely continue talking to him. Just let him or her know that your old enough to take care of your self and make your own decisions.
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On September 18 2011 14:28 tests wrote:Show nested quote +On September 18 2011 14:25 Yung wrote:On September 18 2011 14:14 tests wrote: I had a friend who had a similar problem to you. Honestly, I doubt you can change him. Just kiss some ass until you graduate, and when you hit university...never look back. You will have so much freedom in college and will essentially be able to do whatever the fuck you please. My dad is an asshole to me, for stupid reasons too, But im doing this, im just holding out till i grauduate then telling him to fuck off and never talking to him again. Eh, you shouldn't stop talking to him. Pretty sure parents do what they do because they feel they know "best" for their children. They just want you to grow up and be as successful as possible. You should definitely continue talking to him. Just let him or her know that your old enough to take care of your self and make your own decisions. I do agree with this, but my dad is an asshole to everyone, its hard to explain but if you knew him you would understand.
I would like to try and obtain a positive relationship with my parents, not just ignore them for the rest of my life.
Yeah i understand that, but im still going to talk to my mom because she is cool.
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15 years old? You're really young dude. I know you may not realize it but your dad obviously does. What you need to do is stop with the "how do i combat him" mentality and try to find common ground. You have to prove to him that you are ready for more freedom not by sitting him down and telling him but by giving him the results he is looking for without him having to ask.
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I know what you mean about the door closing issue, but my parents don't care nowhere near as much as yours, although they do occasionally bring it up
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Be rational. From what I read between the lines you'd also study and do your tasks without his pressuring, right? Tell him that pressuring you into something you'd already do by yourself will sooner or later make you stop doing it, because you associate the pressure with it. Also, I doubt he is doing this because he wants the best for you - I don't know how much older your brother is, but from what I experience is that it's usually just the first child that has to go through all this controlling stuff, because the parents are being over-cautious. Maybe you should have a talk with your brother. Another thing you might want to do is to tell your father that the additional studying he wants you to do is unnecessary (assuming it really is). If he doesn't believe you and tell you it's not enough, tell him to quiz you. Give him your material and make him ask questions. If you know your stuff he should realize.
Just one more thing. Please, be calm. Be rational. I know it's hard, but you really don't want to mess up the relationship between you and your parents (or your dad for this matter). They're your parents after all, they took care of you, still care about you and you will not hit adulthood and be all like "Freedom, who needs parents?!" You'll need them eventually, trust me. Family, man.
Edit: The door thing is evil. Tell him you want your door closed because you need your privacy, need silence to be able to concentrate properly and need some space of your own.
Oh, and if all talking and rationality doesn't work, try to talk with your school about it.
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On September 18 2011 14:35 SuperbWingman wrote: 15 years old? You're really young dude. I know you may not realize it but your dad obviously does. What you need to do is stop with the "how do i combat him" mentality and try to find common ground. You have to prove to him that you are ready for more freedom not by sitting him down and telling him but by giving him the results he is looking for without him having to ask.
Exactly what I'm thinking...
Your dad is not the enemy... He is doing his best to help you succeed.
Yes, his methods are NOT the best way, but he is trying as hard as he can.
That being said, I don't think there is anything you could say to your dad to convince him of anything as he is being unreasonable and being reasonable with him would not do anything
It's pretty much impossible to convince an unreasonable person of anything he doesn't want to be convinced of, so your options are...
1) Tough it out. Yes it sucks, but it's probably for the best. Realize that he's not trying to make your life hard, but is just trying to give you the best chance of success because he loves you
2) Sneak. Prepare for being caught eventually though. Even the sneakiest are caught eventually, and then there will be hell for a few weeks where you'll have to stop gaming. Then, they'll loosen up their guard and you can start playing games again. It's basically a cycle.
3) Talk to him. Seems like you've tried without much success. It probably won't work.No matter how much you reason with him, if he insists of being unreasonable, you won't be able to do anything.
4) Get someone he respects to talk to him - Would be much more effective than you talking to him. The problem is getting him to talk to a person who would talk on your behalf.
Also, where is your mother on this matter? Is she with your dad [which I'm assuming she is?], or is she neutral or on your side?
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if nothing helps, get an appointment with some sort of youth social worker Oo maybe you're school has some kind of councilor for such issues, you should definitely talk to that person. if you're afraid that your dad will flip out when they call and talk to him about it, make that the first thing you tell them and work from there.
The guys saying it'd be better to stop resisting and find common ground are certainly right, but, depending on where you're dads grounds lye, that might just not happen. so think about that option first, but if you don't think you can make it work, get someone trained for dealing with such issues to help.
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I may be the first to say this. Having survived a experince like this (being 18 now has stopped him from taking anymore action)
What he is doing is abuse. There is no other way to sugar coat it. Not allowing you any sort of privacy other than in the bathroom is extreme and is emotional and mental abuse.
Combating him will be like hitting a brick wall. Finding common ground like people are suggesting is not possible because he will make it his point to nto find common ground. Personally if I had the back thought, I would have gotten the school shrink involved, and I suggest you do that asap.
No matter what you will do, stand up for yourself. If that means getting in his face and over yelling him. Then do that. Don't let him step on you. Cause that only allows him to contiune doing that. If you lose your comp for a few days, then so be it.
If you are even willing to take it to the extreme. Just threaten him with throwing a test or two and lowering your grade if he doesn't give in to your demands.
Treat it like 2 males trying to be the alpha male in a herd. Talking from a purely bioliogcal standpoint. Your father wants to keep you under his thumb because he doesn't want you to overtake him as the alpha male. this is all us males who run families. When a new baby is born and grows. soemtimes the alpha male kicks the younger male out because he does not want a challenge to his status.
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Hooooly shit! I'm just thinking of how this contrasts to when I was that age. My parents were as liberal as can be, didn't force me into any physical activities, let me play video games as much as I'd like, etc, and so it's tough for me to put myself in your position and imagine what I'd do.
From the few fights I had between me and my parents (mostly whenever they tried to put some serious strain on my playtime, because I was spoiled haha) I guess what I would of done at that age would probably be to lock myself in my room, play Metallica or something really loudly and wait for one of them to approach my room to talk to me about it.
That "door issue" I also kind of had, but only because my room was really really warm (sun pointed directly towards the large windows) compared to the rest of the house so they wanted some air to flow in. Also, I couldn't give them a good reason why not which obviously meant they jumped to the most common parental conclusion in the world ("HOLY SHIT HES JERKING OFF") haha
But really yeah, you deserve to have a moderate amount of privacy at that age. I really don't know what else to tell you, as to solutions etc, it's a tough one. Best of luck.
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I fought my dad at age 13, and won. I had to beat him 2 more times after, and the balance of power really got screwy in the house, he attempted to murder me many times even while sleeping afterwards, I survived and we ended up getting along again from age 20 to 25, he passed away last year. He apologized for all the crazy things he did, and I apologized for fighting him.
If you fight him prepare to lose your life, I wouldn't recommend it.
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I got the same problem OP, only I'm 17, have 20 days of high school and I'm failing all my subjects, it is EXTREMELY likely I'll fail Year 12. I've made only one request, remove my forced bed time, but they refused. So I'm refusing to do any work, wasting their time, effort and money. I know it doesn't fix anything, but I am just so angry at them.
And that no fun allowed thing is also an issue for me. I pretty much do everything now under the effects of some kind of illicit substance.
This has lead to me having a repressed personality. I don't know anything and can't think for myself due to my parents controlling everything I do. I have no real world experience of my own and don't know much about anything except for games. I don't even know what I want to do in 20 days time when I finish my high school.
I know about that privacy issue too. I share a room and my computer isn't even in that room, it's in my lounge room.
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On September 18 2011 15:10 frogmelter wrote:Show nested quote +On September 18 2011 14:35 SuperbWingman wrote: 15 years old? You're really young dude. I know you may not realize it but your dad obviously does. What you need to do is stop with the "how do i combat him" mentality and try to find common ground. You have to prove to him that you are ready for more freedom not by sitting him down and telling him but by giving him the results he is looking for without him having to ask.
Exactly what I'm thinking... Your dad is not the enemy... He is doing his best to help you succeed. Yes, his methods are NOT the best way, but he is trying as hard as he can. That being said, I don't think there is anything you could say to your dad to convince him of anything as he is being unreasonable and being reasonable with him would not do anything It's pretty much impossible to convince an unreasonable person of anything he doesn't want to be convinced of, so your options are... 1) Tough it out. Yes it sucks, but it's probably for the best. Realize that he's not trying to make your life hard, but is just trying to give you the best chance of success because he loves you 2) Sneak. Prepare for being caught eventually though. Even the sneakiest are caught eventually, and then there will be hell for a few weeks where you'll have to stop gaming. Then, they'll loosen up their guard and you can start playing games again. It's basically a cycle. 3) Talk to him. Seems like you've tried without much success. It probably won't work.No matter how much you reason with him, if he insists of being unreasonable, you won't be able to do anything. 4) Get someone he respects to talk to him - Would be much more effective than you talking to him. The problem is getting him to talk to a person who would talk on your behalf. Also, where is your mother on this matter? Is she with your dad [which I'm assuming she is?], or is she neutral or on your side? Thanks for the advice (i just woke up to some great advice, thanks!). A few things, first off my mother is slightly in my favor, but hse is scared to go against my father, so she is essentially neutral. Kind of like the mother in Purple Hibiscus, if you've read that book. I do not know who my father would respect, as he seems not to have respect for anybody. F.E. if we are in public, and he does not get priority, he just yells at the people working, because he thinks he's better than them.
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What your mom thinks? Is she being hard on you too? What if you ask your mom to talk with him a little?
But i gotta agree with this for the most part:
On September 18 2011 14:35 SuperbWingman wrote: 15 years old? You're really young dude. I know you may not realize it but your dad obviously does. What you need to do is stop with the "how do i combat him" mentality and try to find common ground. You have to prove to him that you are ready for more freedom not by sitting him down and telling him but by giving him the results he is looking for without him having to ask.
I understand that he is trying to his best to help you succeed, but OP seem to have very good grades already so i don't see any harm on playing video games on your free time as long as you control it, i.e it doesn't get out of hand and start getting bad grades etc. So i think his father is a bit too hard on him on that matter.
Being rebellious or anything like that won't really help. Wouldn't suggest that.
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Honestly he's probably just looking out for you in his own, weird way. He wants you to be successful and hes "guiding" you.
Unless hes being physically or verbally abusive I wouldn't suggest doing anything drastic like some of these people are suggesting. Although talking to your school counselor or sitting down both your parents and confronting them about these issues is what I would do.
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Another option will require your patience and dedication. You have to sacrifice your love of soccer and videogames until your dad breaks.
Stop doing school work.
Just. Stop.
He won't let you play soccer or video games, that's fine, sit in your room and stare at a wall.
If he forces you to do work, sits over your shoulder and watches. Do poor work that he has to constantly correct. Refuse to hand it in when it's done.
His main goal seems to be forcing you to get the best grades possible. You can't get grades if you don't do work. You can't get graded if you don't hand in school work. When teachers ask you whats wrong, you tell them you can't focus on school because your dad is a nutbar.
His power trip backfires if you take control of the one thing that he's trying to be in control over. And that's your grades. Let him control your gaming and soccer life, those are distractions for him, what he's REALLY trying to control is your schooling, and the amusing FACT about that is that it's the one thing he truly can not control. He can't force you to do good work, and he can't force you to perform well on tests. As you take control of your school work, he'll lose his shit, but you'll be in control. Let him take your door, watch your marks drop 10%. Let him take your computer, watch your marks drop another 20%. Let him ban you from soccer, watch those failing grades appear on the next report card. He goes even more extreme, you stop going to school.
You tell him "Dad, every time you ban me from something I love, I promise you that my marks will get worse. I'm responsible enough to balance my own life, and I can still get the grades you want while playing soccer, videogames, and leaving my door closed. I can't focus on school when you remove the things I need in my life to relieve the stress of school, I get anxious and my marks get worse."
The obvious CON to this plan is that you may have to stay in high school for an extra semester or year to make up the classes you fail. The PRO is that you take control away from your dad, and show him that his unacceptable actions have negative repercussions that he can't control.
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On September 19 2011 01:58 Nemireck wrote: Another option will require your patience and dedication. You have to sacrifice your love of soccer and videogames until your dad breaks.
Stop doing school work.
Just. Stop.
He won't let you play soccer or video games, that's fine, sit in your room and stare at a wall.
If he forces you to do work, sits over your shoulder and watches. Do poor work that he has to constantly correct. Refuse to hand it in when it's done.
His main goal seems to be forcing you to get the best grades possible. You can't get grades if you don't do work. You can't get graded if you don't hand in school work. When teachers ask you whats wrong, you tell them you can't focus on school because your dad is a nutbar.
His power trip backfires if you take control of the one thing that he's trying to be in control over. And that's your grades. Let him control your gaming and soccer life, those are distractions for him, what he's REALLY trying to control is your schooling, and the amusing FACT about that is that it's the one thing he truly can not control. He can't force you to do good work, and he can't force you to perform well on tests. As you take control of your school work, he'll lose his shit, but you'll be in control. Let him take your door, watch your marks drop 10%. Let him take your computer, watch your marks drop another 20%. Let him ban you from soccer, watch those failing grades appear on the next report card. He goes even more extreme, you stop going to school.
You tell him "Dad, every time you ban me from something I love, I promise you that my marks will get worse. I'm responsible enough to balance my own life, and I can still get the grades you want while playing soccer, videogames, and leaving my door closed. I can't focus on school when you remove the things I need in my life to relieve the stress of school, I get anxious and my marks get worse."
The obvious CON to this plan is that you may have to stay in high school for an extra semester or year to make up the classes you fail. The PRO is that you take control away from your dad, and show him that his unacceptable actions have negative repercussions that he can't control.
Ignorance is bliss? Maybe, it seems like a good idea, but in the long run to get into colleges and such, I need good grades
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Well that would be what spending the extra time in High School is for. You would redo those credits, ace them, and go to college a year later.
It's an extreme step though, I won't deny it.
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On September 19 2011 01:58 Nemireck wrote: Another option will require your patience and dedication. You have to sacrifice your love of soccer and videogames until your dad breaks.
Stop doing school work.
Just. Stop.
He won't let you play soccer or video games, that's fine, sit in your room and stare at a wall.
If he forces you to do work, sits over your shoulder and watches. Do poor work that he has to constantly correct. Refuse to hand it in when it's done.
His main goal seems to be forcing you to get the best grades possible. You can't get grades if you don't do work. You can't get graded if you don't hand in school work. When teachers ask you whats wrong, you tell them you can't focus on school because your dad is a nutbar.
His power trip backfires if you take control of the one thing that he's trying to be in control over. And that's your grades. Let him control your gaming and soccer life, those are distractions for him, what he's REALLY trying to control is your schooling, and the amusing FACT about that is that it's the one thing he truly can not control. He can't force you to do good work, and he can't force you to perform well on tests. As you take control of your school work, he'll lose his shit, but you'll be in control. Let him take your door, watch your marks drop 10%. Let him take your computer, watch your marks drop another 20%. Let him ban you from soccer, watch those failing grades appear on the next report card. He goes even more extreme, you stop going to school.
You tell him "Dad, every time you ban me from something I love, I promise you that my marks will get worse. I'm responsible enough to balance my own life, and I can still get the grades you want while playing soccer, videogames, and leaving my door closed. I can't focus on school when you remove the things I need in my life to relieve the stress of school, I get anxious and my marks get worse."
The obvious CON to this plan is that you may have to stay in high school for an extra semester or year to make up the classes you fail. The PRO is that you take control away from your dad, and show him that his unacceptable actions have negative repercussions that he can't control.
don't do this, it is a one way ticket to military / boarding school. I speak from experience lol
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On September 19 2011 02:27 ZoW wrote:Show nested quote +On September 19 2011 01:58 Nemireck wrote: Another option will require your patience and dedication. You have to sacrifice your love of soccer and videogames until your dad breaks.
Stop doing school work.
Just. Stop.
He won't let you play soccer or video games, that's fine, sit in your room and stare at a wall.
If he forces you to do work, sits over your shoulder and watches. Do poor work that he has to constantly correct. Refuse to hand it in when it's done.
His main goal seems to be forcing you to get the best grades possible. You can't get grades if you don't do work. You can't get graded if you don't hand in school work. When teachers ask you whats wrong, you tell them you can't focus on school because your dad is a nutbar.
His power trip backfires if you take control of the one thing that he's trying to be in control over. And that's your grades. Let him control your gaming and soccer life, those are distractions for him, what he's REALLY trying to control is your schooling, and the amusing FACT about that is that it's the one thing he truly can not control. He can't force you to do good work, and he can't force you to perform well on tests. As you take control of your school work, he'll lose his shit, but you'll be in control. Let him take your door, watch your marks drop 10%. Let him take your computer, watch your marks drop another 20%. Let him ban you from soccer, watch those failing grades appear on the next report card. He goes even more extreme, you stop going to school.
You tell him "Dad, every time you ban me from something I love, I promise you that my marks will get worse. I'm responsible enough to balance my own life, and I can still get the grades you want while playing soccer, videogames, and leaving my door closed. I can't focus on school when you remove the things I need in my life to relieve the stress of school, I get anxious and my marks get worse."
The obvious CON to this plan is that you may have to stay in high school for an extra semester or year to make up the classes you fail. The PRO is that you take control away from your dad, and show him that his unacceptable actions have negative repercussions that he can't control. don't do this, it is a one way ticket to military / boarding school. I speak from experience lol
Ehh... He's 15 and I believe thats grade... 10? If so, the grades there don't go to university, so just pass the course and if he doesnt break then gg out and tryhard the next 2 years.
P.S. I have no idea how the american school honors thing work or how important it is, so if you really need those to do well, then I wouldnt throw your marks.
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honestly i have about the same problem as you, and im the same age what i suggest is that you just ignore it. kind of like combatex's play style; never attack.
just stand up for your values and opinions, and if he says hes not driving you to soccer, walk or bike. parents need to know that they cant control you.
regarding how you deal with playing sc2 without them findign out, heres what i do i have different desktops on my laptop, so i usually set one desktop as my "work desktop" and the other as "play desktop", and i open sc2 on one, and my work on the other
the program is called Dextop http://dexpot.de/index.php?lang=en
if you have to hide file that contains starcraft, just make a .batch file which looks like a system addon due to its icon http://www.lytebyte.com/2007/06/25/how-to-lock-and-hide-folders-in-windows-without-additional-software/ follow the steps there to make the file remember to name the .batch something weird (like on my pc theres a uninstalled windows update titled "0635104fbd9ecc88fae78065899634", so i made my .bat file "092348ggreas909f9aab990esgya122" if you don't want to change the name of the batch file put it inside a folder and change the icon of the folder to something weird by right clicking on the file and selecting properties, then customize and change the icon
remove your files from seach by simply disabling search, follow steps here: http://www.ehow.com/how_5113822_disable-windows-desktop-search.html
hope this helps
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Snet
United States3573 Posts
Pretty much your only option is to deal with it for three years.
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On September 19 2011 02:58 Snet wrote: Pretty much your only option is to deal with it for three years.
Trust this guy
He rips of screaming ladies panties for a living
+ Show Spoiler +
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this is a common problem, especially with asians where parents want their child to succeed so much that they try to control their lives where studying dominates their lives. I had the a similar thing happen to me with my dad until college where I moved away. Now we rarely ever talk to each other and I don't have any plans to change that. Sure the kids might grow up to be successful but the relationship with their parents might be fucked up beyond repair. I can only hope you can get it sorted out with your dad, good luck.
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yehh i'm 16 and i have parents like this... i have less of an excuse because my grades aren't where i'd like them to be i think if i had grades like yours my mom would hassle me a lot less... i just play whenever i can and i agree with snet there, i'm just waiting for college to come when i move out and i can play when i want ^^ don't listen to nemireck, as tempting as it is to punish your dad back he doesn't lose anything from it and you lose a lot. keep your grades up and submit to what your dad asks you to do for the most part. when my mom comes in and asks me to stop playing i'll usually ask for 5 more minutes to finish my game up but when she doesn't want to hear it she'll just unplug the internet :s so yeah, just stick it out ^^
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Obviously we don't have his side of the story so I can't say if you're right he's wrong, you're wrong or whatever. Although. after reading your post, your story really just seems like puberty kicking in with you wanting to have more freedom and just defying your parents for any reason imaginable. I'm not taking sides with your father, but do realize that you are only 15 year old and most parents usually don't like seeing their kid spending huge amounts of time playing video games
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On September 18 2011 14:14 Battleaxe wrote: My two cents:
Attempt to get them into school with a counseling session, from the sounds of your situation it seems this may not happen, but I think if you come from that angle if he keeps his parenting up the way he is, you're going to resent him the rest of your life it may get you started on the right track to fixing the problem.
If he is opposed to this for whatever reason, I think you should approach him on your own, see if he's willing to at least hear you out, even if it doesn't mean he changes anything at all. At the very least being able to get it off your chest and explain how you're feeling can help alleviate some of the stress you're feeling.
As a complete last resort, if he refuses to budge and you can't take it anymore: fight him. I'm talking a serious fight, call him out on the spot, if he doesn't fist up, punch him in the gut to show you're not budging, and duke it out. Obviously if your dad is as crazy as he sounds, he may beat the living hell out of you, so I'd suggest doing this around someone else in your family so they can end the fight should things get out of hand. In the end, you either get to say you beat your dad up and got your wishes granted, just beat your dad up, or at the least stood up for yourself and proved you aren't going to take any of this crazy bullshit from him anymore. Again, this should absolutely be a last resort, as violence with parents (especially between father and son) can result in an extreme disruption in the balance of power in the relationship (assuming the child wins). This may be exactly what you need though, since it seems like you're not looking for complete independence, but just a little space.
Good luck whichever way you attempt to solve the problem, just don't tank your own future trying to get back at your dad, it's not worth it and in the end you'll be able to move out and never him again if you so choose.
I like this idea. Dont know if this happens to you too but after a fistfight im always chummy with the guy I fought with, like we were old friends
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I am 16 and face similar issues with my dad as well, he has even threatened to take my door off the hinges. Thankfully my guitar playing made him think otherwise lol. I wish I had some helpful advice but sadly, I do not. I do wish you the best of luck in finding a solution to your problems though!!!
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