EPTI haven't spoken for a few days. No I mean literally. I have not spoken aloud for four days. It's hot. Too hot. And because of the work on the windows my air conditioning is no more. I've been crying quite a bit too, which is weird. Usually it takes a lot for me to cry. I think realizing that I'll never achieve my dreams has taken a toll on my mentality. Remember that "I give up" entry from a while ago? Yeah this hearkens back to that. I'm not the kind of person who can learn alone. So I'm merely destined to fall lower and lower the longer I go without help. I'm at a point where I can't even watch the streams of my favorite players (Hi SaSe, hi SeleCT) without feeling EMBARRASSED about how TERRIBLE I am. Yeah and I thought that one day I could be a pro...like that's gonna happen. I should probably tell iNcontroL to nevermind the lesson. Not sure one lesson can help someone with zero talent anyway. To think I thought I had talent...wow. WOW. Talk about delusional!! Sometimes I truly amaze myself.
Mm. I'm in a little pain again, but that's just from eating too much. I bring this on myself mostly. Wild dreams that come crashing down on my head and then I have the audacity to cry when it hurts. Michael keeps trying to hang on to something but he's still young...I've got to be rational. With my mental state I think it's safe to say that I will be a NEET for life. Not exactly the future I had in mind but what can you do. Sometimes I feel like you just can't fight fate. I'm not cut out for this.
Losing to a drone rush...how humiliating. And that's just one thing.
Not actually listening to music this time; it's the end of the world so RUN!!!!!!
...Your thoughts?
