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God. I hate auditions. Somehow, the idea of 3 judges grading you is more nerve-racking than a solo in front of a solo in front of ~20 people to me. Prior to writing this, I played an audition for an orchestra, which wasn't the best audition I've ever had (not that I've ever had a good audition). Ok, I lied, actually, that audition was horrible. It's amazing what nerves can do to you. I'd been practicing around 2 hours a day, but when the real thing happens, hands tense up and instrument doesn't do what you want. Then, you get that sinking feeling that comes after the blunder.
It's been an hour since my audition. Can't help but think that I might get last chair. A quote from a workshop past holds true: "I wonder why I chose to pursue music. You practice hours and hours, but what happens when you perform? You miss a note, lose your place, and all your practice goes to waste." Which adds to my respect of the top performers in the world. I haven't seen a major blunder out of Yo-Yo Ma or Itzhak Perlman yet, and they perform for thousands, maybe millions of people on a regular basis. That being said, I'm sure they practice a great deal more than me.
I'll try to relate this to Starcraft. The reason I'm so bummed over this is because it was a simple mistake and I overreacted and brought my score down. It's like outmacroing your opponent but keeping colossi in the front. Or, maybe it's detonating all your baneling mines and only killing 1 marine. But you know, it's just that feeling that is killing me.
What else can I say? Truthfully, I don't think there's much else to say, I guess some people are just not meant for performances. Writing this blog really helped. It put the scope of my problem into perspective, and now I realize that it's not actually all that bad. I'll bet good money it's the simple action of just looking at what's troubling you and facing reality. Which, I'll add, isn't all that bad at times.
On to more cheerful topics! Let's talk about some school.
Ah, essays. Essays, essays, essays. Through the years, I've grown not to hate them, as they are a crucial component of academia, and they are absolutely central in the acceptance process of notable universities. That being said, I should be doing my essays instead of blogging. So why am I blogging? I love the freedom that blogging gives. There's no prompt, I can change topics whenever I want, go off on random tangents, and the like. Although, I will add that going off on random tangents will probably get readers lost.
Blogging is fun. It also helps with writing for school. True, I'm not following prompts and doing timed essays, but this blog is MINE. I can do whatever I want with it. I can go talk about bronies, or maybe some rant about how BW is dying (it's not, BW4lyf). I write for my own enjoyment, not for someone else's. There are benefits to blogging. I've noticed that I can express ideas more coherently, as if the words are now easier to grab and the thoughts are organizing themselves more efficiently.
That was fun. I think I'll go do some actual writing for school now. Stay chill, and don't forget to listen to Mumford & Sons, MGMT, and Flight Facilities (picks of the day). Have fun wherever you may be, at school, at work, or at home. Cheers!
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I have the same problem with auditions as you. However, I find that if I close my eyes and pretend that the panel isn't there, then I play at a much higher level. As my teacher says, just sit there, ignore the panel, and enjoy the music and let your preparation do all the work.
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Ehh, thanks. I'll have to try that sometime.
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Instead of trying to recreate your normal mindset in the audition, there is also the reverse tactic: trying to recreate the nervousness and worrying you normally only have at an audition in a practice session. Try remembering an audition and pretend you are in that serious situation sometimes.
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only audition i've ever done was for a school play, and we had to sing a verse of a song from the play in front of the musical director and everybody else trying out. Not only do i suck at singing, but i'm very self conscious (why i enjoy performing is a mystery even to me).
the solution i found was blocking out everybody and focus on the music stand. Worked well enough, except that in my attempt to block out everybody, i had inadvertently configured my arms in such a way that it looked like i was trying to use the force on the music stand.
got a shitty part too, but hey, that's life.
essays are only bad if you don't like or care about the subject you need to write about, at least for me. If i care about a topic i can write pages upon pages of mostly good stuff, but if it's something i hate, that essay is going to suck. (liking the subject can be forced if i really need a good grade on that paper though)
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What exactly are you auditioning for (what orchestra)? I know exactly what you feel like. I just ignore the judges. Try to think of doing the audition for yourself more than doing it to impress the judges. Like learning for the sake of learning, not getting a grade. Breathe deep breaths in and out. Try to stay chill.
And Mumford and Sons ftw.
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To calm down nerves for music centered auditions, my private lesson teacher always told me to have fun with it. Personally, my way of doing that was me playing my audition music as if it were background music to the creative deaths/humiliation of the judges. If you can laugh to yourself before and during the audition, you should be fine. As long as you enjoy it and don't brood over it afterwards ^^
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Try not to place some of the top musicians on too high a pedestal. I've seen Perlman in concert and heard him screw up a few times. Best thing to remember is, we are all fallible and there's no such thing as a perfect performance, just a difference of interpretations. And as others have said previously, performing for yourself, or ignoring that there are judges in the audience is a really good way to tackle nerve issues, that and the more that you keep auditioning, the more used to these situations you'll become. Keep at it and good luck mate!
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I think what's most important is to realize that mistakes are okay. Even the best players in the world screws up. I've heard Ronnie Cuber rush the tempo and leave the drummer behind (To be fixed about 2 measures later), I've heard Ithzak Perlman miss notes and I've heard Krystian Zimerman come in a beat early. The important thing is that they just play on, making a mistake isn't crucial and doesn't ruin the music you're playing. Most of the time, I find that people make a mistake, tense up and think about the mistake, causing you to make another mistake or focus less on the music you're playing, which leads to performance or audition screw-ups.
Edit - BTW, what do you play?
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in high school i played the french horn, and i had plenty of auditions. my director said if you make a mistake, just pretend like it was supposed to be there. i would be going for my high notes, and would fairly often miss them, too low or too high, but i kept on going. just try your best, and as long as you give your best, dont sweat it so much.
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^^ valdor4: The people who are listening to him audition will hear each and every mistake, if the orchestra he is trying out for is any good. Best not to even focus on mistakes you make at all.
If music is your passion, you must continue to do auditions, competitions, and performances. Maybe it'll be hard for you for a long time, years for sure. Do enough and you'll eventually go into an audition and realize that you aren't really nervous. Maybe a bit nervous, but nothing that'll reduce your performance by any significant measure. A good way to practice this is to arrange mock performances and auditions, just with your friends, teacher (and their musician friends who have a minute), or whoever. It'll eventually reach the point where you don't have to do any fancy tricks to get into the right mindset. You'll already be there.
If that doesn't work, eat a banana before hand. I've had some excellent teachers tell me that potassium reduces nervousness.
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One thing I actually did during performances to boost my confidence is to believe that my tone and sound was like a professional (I played clarinet/sax, so I used people like Larry Combs and Michael Brecker). It's kind of like deceiving yourself, but if you can lead yourself to believe it, it's a good confidence boost and confidence is good when you're nervous.
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On August 29 2011 08:42 LaXerCannon wrote:
I have the same problem with auditions as you. However, I find that if I close my eyes and pretend that the panel isn't there, then I play at a much higher level. As my teacher says, just sit there, ignore the panel, and enjoy the music and let your preparation do all the work.
This is pretty much how I always got my best auditions; remember that you are playing a musical piece which is to be expressed and enjoyed. If you just try to play your audition piece for the sake of its beauty, then you can get absorbed in the music and forget that the judges are even there. This goes for performances as well.
But yeah, I know exactly what you mean. I can generally perform solo in front of a bunch of people with nothing more than a slightly elevated heartbeat, but it's auditions that really get to me with the complete stress response: shaky hands, pounding heart, sweating, etc. It really makes a lot of sense: you can shrug off a mistake at a performance, but at an audition, that mistake could cost you first chair or first violin, or even getting into the ensemble at all. Feels bad, man.
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I know exactly what you mean. I play violin in a youth orchestra and I always play terribad during auditions. I'm just thankful our conductor knows what nerves can do to a player and therefore doesn't put all the weight on the audition.
What instrument do you play?
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I play the cello; but really, the auditions are what get me. @matjilav.
It seems as if everything just freezes when I audition; the feeling is horrible. It's as if there's a need to be perfect.
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Remember that in solo auditions, even pp dynamics are allowed to be mf (for the audience's sake, mainly) as long as you keep it relatively soft - AKA when you feel nervous don't be afraid to belt it out a bit. That and enjoy the point of the music - phrases that you have mastered and sing out into a church is one of the most rewarding experiences a hard-working musician gets. There's nothing taht compares to the sound of Kodaly or Wieniawski ringing in the air.
That and what most judges care about 99% of the time (unless you're in a stupidly large competition) are clarity, not fucking up, intonation, not playing like a bot, and rigid tempo (I've been had so many times on that shit due to diff interpretations...goddamn you score-reading judges...just because I didn't mark the stuff on there...)
EDIT: What kinda piece are you doing, a slow piece like Elgar/Chopin or a faster Popper piece? Because depending on the piece you can take soooooo much artistic liberty and get away with the judges still nodding.
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I've had the luck to only have to audition for fairly easy orchestras in my area. Screwed up majorly in almost every single one, pretended like nothing happened, and still got a decent spot near the front of the violins.
My coach suggested you eat a couple bananas to get rid of the jitters (something about potassium and nerves; idk) and just focusing on the music that comes out of your intstrument, not the notes on the page.
What instrument do you play?
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If you get situational anxiety, like that of auditioning, you should consider taking a beta-blocker, it will help you considerably control your nerves. Likewise, I was watching a documentary and it seems many auditioners (especially those for orchestras) use this to calm their nerves. Unlike sterioids or other 'performance enhancing drugs' beta-blockers have no long term side effects (well except for lower risk of heart failure). Best of luck!
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Well, I just got home from practicing from my audition so this is a nice coincidence. My audition is tomorrow night! Don't stress too much, everyone has some bad auditions.. (at least that's what I tell myself....)
On August 29 2011 11:27 ymir233 wrote:
Remember that in solo auditions, even pp dynamics are allowed to be mf (for the audience's sake, mainly) as long as you keep it relatively soft - AKA when you feel nervous don't be afraid to belt it out a bit. That and enjoy the point of the music - phrases that you have mastered and sing out into a church is one of the most rewarding experiences a hard-working musician gets. There's nothing taht compares to the sound of Kodaly or Wieniawski ringing in the air.
That and what most judges care about 99% of the time (unless you're in a stupidly large competition) are clarity, not fucking up, intonation, not playing like a bot, and rigid tempo (I've been had so many times on that shit due to diff interpretations...goddamn you score-reading judges...just because I didn't mark the stuff on there...)
EDIT: What kinda piece are you doing, a slow piece like Elgar/Chopin or a faster Popper piece? Because depending on the piece you can take soooooo much artistic liberty and get away with the judges still nodding.
For an orchestra, I would assume it's excerpts. In which case, they want you to play as precisely as possible, both rhythmically and dynamically. 0 margin for error in an orchestra excerpt audition really.
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EPT
