[BW Battle Report] Adventures in D Level #5

It’s a ZvT on Grand Line, just like every other game I’ve played since I figured out how to host a few days ago.

For whatever reason, a wee bit of the right side of the screen got cut off in all these pictures. If supply counts arouse you, I am sorry.

Hokay so he’s going factory, didn’t wall, and he stopped producing from his barracks after one marine. I’ve been trying very hard to overcome my old, totally bullshit ways but if there was ever a player begging to be all-in-ling’d, it was this guy.

“Pay no attention to the man behind the nothing at all!” - This guy

I’ve got 8 lings out right away instead of my normal 4, with nothing but more lings rallied behind them. I’m going 3 hatch and getting gas, but only for ling speed.

Have you ever wondered what a game of Flash vs Kwanro would look like if Flash had a stroke and was hit in the head by a bat at the start of the game and Kwanro lost both his hands? Wonder no more, here you go!

My lings get to his base and he has exactly as many units as he did when my drone was there. I cant help but feel any strategy that gets you an army value of exactly 50 minerals by the 4 minute mark should be reconsidered.

To be fair, I think he might have had a vulture in his main by now but even vultures aren’t that imbaimba, no matter what incontrol says.

He starts microing his one vulture against my initial 8 lings but he’s got quite the project ahead of him.

I feel I can most succinctly describe this vulture’s feelings with the following:
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While his vulture is off bullying some of my cute little zerglings, I’ve got 4 in his mineral line dry-humping (probably) his SCVs.

Unfortunately SCVs are super strong in this game so the lings are pretty boned as soon as the SCVs notice they’re dying.
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After about a minute and a half of lings vs vulture micro (by that I mean vultures patrol furiously while I A-move blotches of zerglings), I’ve got all the vultures dead with a handful of lings still standing. With a stroke of sheer common sense brilliance, I do the following:

I actually felt dope as hell doing this. Shh.

By this point he has speed on his vultures and, once he manages to get a few out, he cleans out the rest of my lings. I’ve got a few stragglers coming but they can’t do anything so I need to turn around with them.

Also of note is that Armory. This silly goose thought I was actually good and had a follow-up!

Okay so the whole time this is happening it felt like there were some serious problems happening. I didn’t think I had as many lings as I should. Also, I felt like I had enough drones to constantly make lings from 3 hatches but I was finding myself short on money. I figured out the first problem upon looking at my base for the first time in what feels like forever.

Also I mined 300 more gas than I wanted.

Alright, the rest of the report will be in yet another spoiler. This is because coming up right now, is a brutal, Rated R, Hostel-esque scene. If you have any small children in the room, tell them to leave. This is about as close to NSFW as an in-game screenshot of a normal game of Starcraft could possibly be. Even if someone never saw the game and had no clue how it works or what a computer is, they would still likely faint after seeing something this terrible, stupid, and quite frankly grotesque.

I know what you’re thinking: “It can’t possibly be that bad.” I’m going to tell you right now that it totally is. After I realized what happened, all the dogs on my street starting barking and a bird shit on my window. My 2 year old nephew came into my room and uppercut me in the dick (not unlike Wario in Smash Brothers Brawl). A blind leper came to tell me how obscenely bad I am at this game. Saint Peter descended from above to tell me there was “No f**cking way in hell you are getting into Heaven.” (Yes I understand its a weird way for him to word it and I genuinely had no clue he swore like that but hey, I’m just quoting the man.)

If you’re alone and brave enough, you can continue on to see what I did.
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