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Boxers protip - Page 3

Blogs > N3rV[Green]
Post a Reply
Prev 1 2 3 4 Next All
PassiveAce
Profile Blog Joined February 2011
United States18076 Posts
July 19 2011 15:41 GMT
#41
lol very deceptive title.
Call me Marge Simpson cuz I love you homie
Jyvblamo
Profile Blog Joined June 2006
Canada13788 Posts
July 19 2011 15:44 GMT
#42
On July 20 2011 00:41 PassiveAce wrote:
lol very deceptive title.

Only if you don't pay attention to apostrophes
Blazinghand *
Profile Blog Joined December 2010
United States25553 Posts
July 19 2011 15:47 GMT
#43
5/5, like, thumbs up, +1 for deceptive but accurate blog post title. also, just a great story.
When you stare into the iCCup, the iCCup stares back.
TL+ Member
djbhINDI
Profile Joined June 2011
United States372 Posts
July 19 2011 17:02 GMT
#44
Epic blog.
You can't emphasize enough how much you need to be a paradigm shifter. - Savior
Primadog
Profile Blog Joined April 2010
United States4411 Posts
July 19 2011 17:22 GMT
#45
5/5 will read again.

Question: what State?
Thank God and gunrun.
mizU
Profile Blog Joined April 2010
United States12125 Posts
July 19 2011 17:39 GMT
#46
I lol'd.
Blog of a champion.
if happy ever afters did exist <3 @watamizu_
leo23
Profile Blog Joined November 2010
United States3075 Posts
July 19 2011 19:36 GMT
#47
5/5 very nice
banelings
BroOd
Profile Blog Joined April 2003
Austin10831 Posts
July 19 2011 20:52 GMT
#48
I would’ve had a heart attack and probably died.

Scorpions are probably my biggest “irrational” fear. When I was a kid, I learned about crabs and lobsters, and I was terrified to go into the ocean for fear of stepping on one of them and having them pinch me with those massive claws, easily crushing through the bones in my feet like garden shears through loaf of bread. There were vivid images of them spearing my feet with their dagger claws, and pulling me down underneath the water into their dark, decidedly un-Disney-like ocean caves to drown for having stepped on them. I generally spent a lot of time on dry land at the beach (except for the brief period where my cousin had me convinced of the existence of “land sharks”, a species of shark that could tunnel beneath the sand and burst forth, snatching me up like something out of Tremors, but that’s neither here nor there).

So, naturally, when I found out there were miniature lobsters that could traverse land, hide in the darkness to pinch your feet, and even inject you with poison through a built-in weaponized syringe, I was done. Out of the game. Lobsters are one thing. You can keep track of lobsters. Look around you. Are you standing in water so deep you can’t see the bottom? If not, your chances of being attacked by a lobster remain refreshingly low. Scorpions, on the other hand, continue to prowl the walking world unfettered. They look like hybrid alien bugs, genetically engineered attack lobsters, cross-bred with black widows, and with an extra-evil glossy black finish. I can’t even watch hatcheries morphing. Image the nightmarish click-click-click of their spindly legs as they hit the floor of your darkened bedroom, their claws snapping at the air in fevered anticipation of their next pinch, and their stinger cocked and ready to shoot out at your unsuspecting bare ankles. Maybe he goes full blast and injects his whole payload into your foot, or maybe he just runs up and snips a toe off. I doubt he’ll think twice about it. Either way, you might want to do like I did and set your bed up on a set of car jacks and just crank it up a few feet once you’re in. I’ve also hooked up a bunch of industrial fans to a diesel generator, and I like to keep them blowing on me at about 35 miles per hour to blow away and low-mass predators that might make their move.

I keep a scorpion trapped in amber, deep in a wooden chest in my room in case I ever need it for a Michael Bay-style plot device where I use it to figure out their secret weakness when they rise up and start their inevitable revolution. The first night I had it, I woke up in a cold sweat after dreaming the scorpion had re-animated itself and tunneled out of the amber prison holding it and was free inside my room. I actually got out of bed and pulled it out of the chest to make sure this wasn’t the case. I got out of bed at 3 AM to prove to myself that a dead souvenir scorpion hadn’t dug its way out of a block of amber in an attempt to get me. I actually did that. And, thinking about it now, it’s been an awful long time since I’ve checked on that scorpion…
ModeratorSIRL and JLIG.
Ryalnos
Profile Joined July 2010
United States1946 Posts
July 19 2011 20:56 GMT
#49
Thanks for the spice, 5.
Fulgrim
Profile Blog Joined July 2009
United States560 Posts
July 19 2011 21:47 GMT
#50
+ Show Spoiler +
On July 20 2011 05:52 BroOd wrote:
I would’ve had a heart attack and probably died.

Scorpions are probably my biggest “irrational” fear. When I was a kid, I learned about crabs and lobsters, and I was terrified to go into the ocean for fear of stepping on one of them and having them pinch me with those massive claws, easily crushing through the bones in my feet like garden shears through loaf of bread. There were vivid images of them spearing my feet with their dagger claws, and pulling me down underneath the water into their dark, decidedly un-Disney-like ocean caves to drown for having stepped on them. I generally spent a lot of time on dry land at the beach (except for the brief period where my cousin had me convinced of the existence of “land sharks”, a species of shark that could tunnel beneath the sand and burst forth, snatching me up like something out of Tremors, but that’s neither here nor there).

So, naturally, when I found out there were miniature lobsters that could traverse land, hide in the darkness to pinch your feet, and even inject you with poison through a built-in weaponized syringe, I was done. Out of the game. Lobsters are one thing. You can keep track of lobsters. Look around you. Are you standing in water so deep you can’t see the bottom? If not, your chances of being attacked by a lobster remain refreshingly low. Scorpions, on the other hand, continue to prowl the walking world unfettered. They look like hybrid alien bugs, genetically engineered attack lobsters, cross-bred with black widows, and with an extra-evil glossy black finish. I can’t even watch hatcheries morphing. Image the nightmarish click-click-click of their spindly legs as they hit the floor of your darkened bedroom, their claws snapping at the air in fevered anticipation of their next pinch, and their stinger cocked and ready to shoot out at your unsuspecting bare ankles. Maybe he goes full blast and injects his whole payload into your foot, or maybe he just runs up and snips a toe off. I doubt he’ll think twice about it. Either way, you might want to do like I did and set your bed up on a set of car jacks and just crank it up a few feet once you’re in. I’ve also hooked up a bunch of industrial fans to a diesel generator, and I like to keep them blowing on me at about 35 miles per hour to blow away and low-mass predators that might make their move.

I keep a scorpion trapped in amber, deep in a wooden chest in my room in case I ever need it for a Michael Bay-style plot device where I use it to figure out their secret weakness when they rise up and start their inevitable revolution. The first night I had it, I woke up in a cold sweat after dreaming the scorpion had re-animated itself and tunneled out of the amber prison holding it and was free inside my room. I actually got out of bed and pulled it out of the chest to make sure this wasn’t the case. I got out of bed at 3 AM to prove to myself that a dead souvenir scorpion hadn’t dug its way out of a block of amber in an attempt to get me. I actually did that. And, thinking about it now, it’s been an awful long time since I’ve checked on that scorpion…



Just as good as the blog. Scorpions are tricky mofos
One does not simply walk into mordor
Probe1
Profile Blog Joined August 2010
United States17920 Posts
July 19 2011 21:53 GMT
#51
4/5 would have been better story if it had stung you.
Just kidding, 5/5

Brood that post was there times longer than the blog

우정호 KT_VIOLET 1988 - 2012 While we are postponing, life speeds by
eviltomahawk
Profile Blog Joined August 2010
United States11135 Posts
July 19 2011 22:17 GMT
#52
Scorpions are the holy symbol of the Brotherhood of Nod.

Your treachery against them will not be forgotten. Long live Kane! Down with GDI!
ㅇㅅㅌㅅ
Vinski
Profile Joined November 2010
505 Posts
July 19 2011 23:19 GMT
#53
lol 5/5
"Sound is in a bad marriage, instead of divorcing her and keeping half your shit, he just committed suicide"
amd098
Profile Blog Joined January 2011
Korea (North)1366 Posts
July 19 2011 23:55 GMT
#54
dammit you lured me in thinking of lim yo hwan
well played sir, +5
North Korea is best Korea!
Torenhire
Profile Blog Joined April 2009
United States11681 Posts
July 20 2011 00:07 GMT
#55
You guys coming in here thinking it was a post about Boxer are silly.

Can't you see that it CLEARLY says Boxers and not Boxer's? Tsk tsk.




not gonna lie, though, I assumed you meant Lim Yo Hwan, but the blog was funny as hell, haha. I used to live out on the outskirts of Las Vegas and we'd have scorpions all over everything, and they loooove to hide in your shoes. I don't live in a state with Scorpions anymore but it's habit to bang my shoes out now. :p
SirJolt: Well maybe if you weren't so big and stupid, it wouldn't have hit you.
OmniEulogy
Profile Blog Joined July 2010
Canada6593 Posts
July 20 2011 00:19 GMT
#56
From that point on I'd always be afraid to wear anything that I just picked up from the floor =/ rofl. 5/5
LiquidDota Staff
N3rV[Green]
Profile Blog Joined August 2009
United States1935 Posts
July 20 2011 04:40 GMT
#57
Ok, I've been horrendously busy today and just got back to checking up on shit....and my god O.o

I guess first off I live in Utah, but go to school in Colorado, so I kinda live in both states.

This scorpion thing actually happened a good while ago, and it's actually happened TWICE. The more recent one was senior year of high school and I'm now going into my third year of college.


The desert is just a terrible, mean, dangerous place. And yet where I live is also the most beautiful place on Earth if you like rocks at all.

Just gotta be careful, and never EVER put on clothes without inspections.....I relearned that a few days ago when I donned my TL jersey shirt that apparently had a house spider in it, which bit me 6 times on the left side. That reminded me of the scorpion story, and thus my tale was spun.

Also, this includes towels, even if they've been 100% out of use in the closet or whatever. One time I grabbed a towel out of my bathroom (still folded and everything, straight out of the closet) and as I was turning around a fold of the towel unfolded and I was looking directly at a black widow spider about 2 feet or so from my face.


So seriously, if you come to the desert, just don't trust ANYTHING. it will prolly bite/sting/main you.
Never fear the darkness, Bran. The strongest trees are rooted in the dark places of the earth. Darkness will be your cloak, your shield, your mother's milk. Darkness will make you strong.
Z3kk
Profile Blog Joined December 2009
4099 Posts
July 20 2011 04:50 GMT
#58
Came in expecting grammatically-poor blog about Boxer.

Left in tears


of laughter.
Failure is not falling down over and over again. Failure is refusing to get back up.
JingleHell
Profile Blog Joined March 2011
United States11308 Posts
Last Edited: 2011-07-20 04:55:17
July 20 2011 04:54 GMT
#59
I've been stung by some of the less-poisonous varieties of scorpion. I can't even imagine the horror of that particular wound being inflicted upon my manhood. That level of pain... ugh. That would be even worse than having a no-lube fap and chafing the poor bugger.

Probably on par with using Icy hot as lube though. Only made that mistake once.
EchoZ
Profile Blog Joined October 2010
Japan5041 Posts
July 20 2011 05:20 GMT
#60
LOL. I was srsly misled.
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