Why are girls so hard to understand?!

On June 20 2011 17:09 ILOVEKITTENS wrote:
Okay I got your back man.

You say you want Korean fob girls, and that they are only attracted to Korean fob guys? And you are Chinese? Follow these steps and you will be eating bibimbap and sexing it to 2 pm in no time.

PART 1: APPEARANCE

Step 1: Attire

Appearance and first impressions are everything. I imagine you know this already, because that is what has garnered the existing amount of success you have with these women (apparently none beyond the occasional eye contact and maybe a joke to one of their close friends later). Think about it logically, here are the rules you have yourself determined from your environment:

1. Korean girls go for Korean dudes
2. Korean girls ignore other dudes
3. Korean girls ignore you

What does this mean? It means that you need to become a Korean dude. This is a lot easier than it sounds. All you have to do is go here and get some trendy, tight-fitting stuff. Remember, accessories are essential. Nothing says "I'm so fob my semen tastes like kimchi" like some manly accessories. Bracelets, necklaces. sunglasses, a poppin' watch, some sort of belt clip or strap that screams Seoul. Basically, look at these pictures and any kpop celebrity.

Picture 1
Picture 2

Must haves:

• Ironic and Konglish graphic T's. Bright colors with high contrast a plus.
  
• Cardigans. Many cardigans.
  
• Shoes. Many shoes. Different shoes. Semi-formal loafers, poofy sneakers with perpetually untied laces, all-star imitations.
  
• Sunglasses that a blind person would wear. To become blinder.
  
• Skinny, curved jeans with artificial wear-marks, creases, and fades.
  

Being sexy is rarely cheap. Sometimes you have to sell your soul for it. I have given up more for Korean pussy in my day, though, so I say you should spend at least half of your life savings on this transformation (if you have less than $1k in the bank you have to fix that first before you can hope to get a 'fob' girl, they love shopping).

Also, make sure the clothes you buy match. Just because a top looks good and a pair of jeans look good, doesn't mean they will work together. Same goes for all your accessories. Which is why you need many, many, many articles of everything. If they catch you wearing the same-ass outfit every week, you can forget your dreams of spicy katsu pussy.


Step 2: Haircut

A brief google search shows an observable trend: most famous, young, and attractive Korean men fall into one of a few hair archetypes.

There is the "Anime isn't just for Japs" haircut.

The "I spent 15 minutes to make my hair look messier" look.

The typical Asian spike helmet.

The "I would be an emo kid if I wasn't too fuckin cool for it" haircut.

As you can see, most of these require medium-to-long hair, so you probably will have to go with the spikes until your hair grows out long enough for you to choose one of the above that suits your facial structure the best. I would suggest going with either the Anime or Emo archetypes if your Chinese heritage is too obvious.

Most essential part of this is:



If it's not Gatsby, they will know. They can smell it. Trust me.


Step 3: Fitness

In case you haven't noticed, most Korean 'fob' guys are slim at best, devastatingly thin at worst. I don't want to go into too much detail here because I don't know what your body shape is like, but to wear tight-fitting contour dress shirts with rolled up sleeves and skinny jeans, you need to be thin. Otherwise you look like a sad wanna-be in denial, like those fat girls at parties that have their saggy cleavage exposed to the midriff because they deluded into thinking any part of them can be aesthetically pleasing. Except even drunk Korean girls won't hit on you. True story.

Step 4: Finishing touches

Cigarettes. All Korean fobs smoke cigarettes. Get in the habit of it. Better be Asian import cigarettes, too. Otherwise you are getting white-washed in their eyes. This will also help you with your anorexic endeavor to fit into 28 waist girl jeans marketed to men that must be eunuchs.

That distant hazy look that makes you seem wholly disinterested in everything.

Acquire a direct but an un-intrusive walking style. Nothing says that you just got a fake driver's license at your local Korean church than the fact that you don't want to have anything to do with anyone, and the way to portray that is by walking from a to b as directly an unconfrontationally as possible. Because there be AMERICANS about. Shibal kissekyo.


PART 2: MENTALITY

So, you must think that you're almost a Korean fob already. You might even start thinking or acting like one. And you are right - you already have 90% of the attributes that define this sub-class of human being. However, the selling point is how you approach your new skin. If you were trying to be a goth kid, even if you had all the chains and black nail polish that you could buy from Spencer's, you wouldn't be accepted at the next morbid gathering of self-imposed depression with a grin on your face and a sparkle in your eye. The same idea applies here. It's like an actor, in a movie - you are not playing a role, you ARE the role. The sooner you believe it, the sooner they will. How successful you are at this point is purely dependent on how much effort you are willing to put in. Here are some approaches:

1. Learn some basic Korean and Korean slang. This shouldn't be that hard after Chinese. This will help sell your image. You should say that you moved to some foreign country when you were young, though, so your Korean is limited. I would go with some obscure European country that probably has good shopping and an obscure culture that will make you unique. Like Sweden. That way you can pretend to know a language they don't know, that isn't Asian (all Asian people hate Asian people from other Asian countries, but that is obvious). Exotic.

2. Speak less and choose your words carefully. Speaking too much is a sign that you care too much. Being overly excited or hateful towards something does too. You are only allowed to hate all things Americans, Chinese, Japanese, and bad clothes/accessories/hairstyles from now on. Everything else is to be treated with indifference.

4. Study up on your kpop. You can't be left out of the loop - the media is your source for everything. Latest styles, gossip, suicides, everything. Here you go.

5. The same disinterest they showed to you - that is how you have to treat them, at first at least. No more of that... Wait you're not white, so I can't say yellow fever... Well, anyway, you know what I am talking about. The second you show them that you want them badly, they know that you are not worth their time, because any man that gives them so much attention is clearly below them.

I hope this helps. FIGHTING!