EPT
No title as of know.
Another night lost in another drink, thinking of where it all went wrong. Now I could sit here and tell you I was a victim of cicumstance, just another lost soul in this unforgiving world, but I would just be lying. I'm not here to ask for sympathy or forgivness, but to tell the story of a man without limits, boundries, or worries. The ability to have whatever, whenever, wuth whoever, seems like a dream to most. Those who have these opportunities will tell you its a nightmare. A world wher your on top only leaves you with the option of only going down. Finding yourself looking over the edge, wondering not if but when you will fall over.
So there i was standing on the very edge peering over into a world filled with the unknown. Thinking to myself, "why me" what had led me to this point. Each second seemed longer then before. The room began to spin faster with each cubersome beat of my heart. As I laid their wondering if I could do it all over would it be any different. Would I make the same mistakes I had before, or possibly by some divine intervention would I end up in a boring city, with my boring wife and boring two and half boring children. Driving my boring minivan each day to a job that I loathed, with a boss thats more incompetent then the guy cleaning his office each night.
As I ponder all the what ifs, the could ofs, should ofs, would ofs. None of it matters, because I was ready to take my last stand. A world that doesn't need me, will become a thing of the past. As the mirage of pills and oceans of liquer consume my body, I imagine myself at the edge taking that penultimate leap.
I was consumed by a world of nothingness, complete blackness, an absence of being. There was no self revealing ascension into heaven, no white pearly gates guarded by saint Peter. Had I been doomed to an entirnity of nothingness, this my own personal hell. To be consumed by my thoughts. This couldn't be it, there hd to be more. Had all religions truly been wrong, god no more then a fairytale dream for all the fucked up lost souls. As these thoughts raced in my head, I came to feel an overwhelming sense something I never experienced before. It took me from this hell of nothing, suddenly I was in the back of an ambulance an EMT looked down at me difibulator padels in his hands. Our eyes meet and I could see this look of satisfaction on his face. He had just taken me from the deepest point of a bottemless point, my own personal hell. Yet as of know I was alive, I was given a second chance.
Many years later...
