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im gonna say a little bit about myself - Page 3

Blogs > DoctorHelvetica
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Seratonin
Profile Joined April 2011
Australia88 Posts
June 07 2011 12:31 GMT
#41
I want to give you the biggest hug ever. (:
But um yeah, idk what else to say, so
Yeah, the others have good advice, and
Oh, you play protoss? Excuse me while I take my clothes off.
DoctorHelvetica
Profile Blog Joined July 2008
United States15034 Posts
June 07 2011 12:48 GMT
#42
On June 07 2011 21:21 Zorkmid wrote:
Show nested quote +
On June 07 2011 21:04 DoctorHelvetica wrote:
I have severe approach anxiety issues, otherwise I can socialize fairly normally. I'm definitely not autistic lol


That is exactly what a high functioning autistic person might say. (gf is saying this - shes an applied behavior analyst)


are u really trying to diagnose me with autism over teamliquid
RIP Aaliyah
Svartstol
Profile Joined September 2010
Sweden171 Posts
Last Edited: 2011-06-07 12:53:22
June 07 2011 12:51 GMT
#43
I like you Christopher. You seem honest and straight forward and I can see a lot of myself in your story.
That's why I know that no matter what I say will help you out. I will however ask you to hang in there, because once you've hit the rock bottom there's only one way to go and that's up.

You will find yourself eventually, It will take time but you will. I'm hoping that someday I will too.

Oh and, if you want to talk sometime when you feel bad, hook me up. We don't know eachother and we don't have to get to know eachother, we don't need to be friends. But sometimes it's good to have someone to talk to.
Zorkmid
Profile Joined November 2008
4410 Posts
Last Edited: 2011-06-07 13:19:03
June 07 2011 13:03 GMT
#44
On June 07 2011 21:48 DoctorHelvetica wrote:
Show nested quote +
On June 07 2011 21:21 Zorkmid wrote:
On June 07 2011 21:04 DoctorHelvetica wrote:
I have severe approach anxiety issues, otherwise I can socialize fairly normally. I'm definitely not autistic lol


That is exactly what a high functioning autistic person might say. (gf is saying this - shes an applied behavior analyst)


are u really trying to diagnose me with autism over teamliquid


It's worth checking out dude, if you're not looking for help/advice here, then what are you doing?
wbirdy
Profile Blog Joined July 2009
Singapore335 Posts
June 07 2011 14:24 GMT
#45
hey man, for what it's worth, i just want to say that i read everything you said and i feel deeply about your situation. i don't really have any medical advice to give, but if theres one thing i would like to say it's that life isn't worth throwing away, for anything. stay strong dude.
become legendary
DoctorHelvetica
Profile Blog Joined July 2008
United States15034 Posts
June 07 2011 14:28 GMT
#46
On June 07 2011 22:03 Zorkmid wrote:
Show nested quote +
On June 07 2011 21:48 DoctorHelvetica wrote:
On June 07 2011 21:21 Zorkmid wrote:
On June 07 2011 21:04 DoctorHelvetica wrote:
I have severe approach anxiety issues, otherwise I can socialize fairly normally. I'm definitely not autistic lol


That is exactly what a high functioning autistic person might say. (gf is saying this - shes an applied behavior analyst)


are u really trying to diagnose me with autism over teamliquid


It's worth checking out dude, if you're not looking for help/advice here, then what are you doing?

lol i've been in an out of intense psychiatric treatment and testing since i was 6 years old i think autism would have been caught
RIP Aaliyah
Zorkmid
Profile Joined November 2008
4410 Posts
June 07 2011 14:34 GMT
#47
On June 07 2011 23:28 DoctorHelvetica wrote:
Show nested quote +
On June 07 2011 22:03 Zorkmid wrote:
On June 07 2011 21:48 DoctorHelvetica wrote:
On June 07 2011 21:21 Zorkmid wrote:
On June 07 2011 21:04 DoctorHelvetica wrote:
I have severe approach anxiety issues, otherwise I can socialize fairly normally. I'm definitely not autistic lol


That is exactly what a high functioning autistic person might say. (gf is saying this - shes an applied behavior analyst)


are u really trying to diagnose me with autism over teamliquid


It's worth checking out dude, if you're not looking for help/advice here, then what are you doing?

lol i've been in an out of intense psychiatric treatment and testing since i was 6 years old i think autism would have been caught


Just curious, but is that sort of thing covered my health insurance? Sounds really expensive.

User was temp banned for this post.
Nemesis
Profile Blog Joined May 2009
Canada2568 Posts
June 07 2011 14:41 GMT
#48
Wow, I didn't quite know the extent of how hard you've had it.

Thanks for sharing DoctorH.

I think the first step that you can take besides going to the doctor is to stay away from home.

Are you a student in college right now? If so, consider living at dorms or something. Otherwise, find a job and find a place to live by yourself. It might do you some good to stay away from your parents.
Lee Young Ho fighting! KT P are just CHINTOSSTIC.
Rainmaker5
Profile Blog Joined April 2009
United States1027 Posts
June 07 2011 14:41 GMT
#49
Helvetica, I don't think I've ever really spoken to you online or otherwise, but to me you've always come off as a tasteful, intelligent guy. While you worry about all the crap that's going on in your life(which I am in no way trying to minimalize, it really is shitty) remember there are people you don't even know who like you.
(-_(-_(-_(^_(-_(-_(-_-)_-)_-)_-)_-)_-)_-) CJ Fighting! "Beer -> soju -> whisky is a terrible build"~~ Scrarecrow.
Snuggles
Profile Blog Joined May 2010
United States1865 Posts
Last Edited: 2011-06-07 15:06:50
June 07 2011 15:05 GMT
#50
Well no wonder you were thinking about suicide. A lot of people have those thoughts right around your age, its like the sweet spot of suicides lol. I've been there too man. Still getting out of it. But yeah things will brighten up as long as you stay alive. The world is only going to throw even worse shit in your face but if you're man enough you might survive this modern form of social natural selection like I have. Otherwise just kill yourself and join the losers club (pretty big club, not as big as the winners club though), but you're a smart guy- I know you're much better than that.

You got so many years ahead of you. Going from high school to college for smart anti social people can be one of the most depressing moments in their lives depending on what they do with their time. Just hang on, things will get better. It's like that saying, what doesn't kill can only make you stronger haha.
DoctorHelvetica
Profile Blog Joined July 2008
United States15034 Posts
June 07 2011 15:13 GMT
#51
On June 07 2011 23:34 Zorkmid wrote:
Show nested quote +
On June 07 2011 23:28 DoctorHelvetica wrote:
On June 07 2011 22:03 Zorkmid wrote:
On June 07 2011 21:48 DoctorHelvetica wrote:
On June 07 2011 21:21 Zorkmid wrote:
On June 07 2011 21:04 DoctorHelvetica wrote:
I have severe approach anxiety issues, otherwise I can socialize fairly normally. I'm definitely not autistic lol


That is exactly what a high functioning autistic person might say. (gf is saying this - shes an applied behavior analyst)


are u really trying to diagnose me with autism over teamliquid


It's worth checking out dude, if you're not looking for help/advice here, then what are you doing?

lol i've been in an out of intense psychiatric treatment and testing since i was 6 years old i think autism would have been caught


Just curious, but is that sort of thing covered my health insurance? Sounds really expensive.

yes it is
RIP Aaliyah
POiNTx
Profile Joined July 2010
Belgium309 Posts
June 07 2011 15:15 GMT
#52
Wow that's quite the story. I don't know what to say... just keep on hanging in there. I hope that you find some happiness in the responses on this blog and of course in your hobbies.
Fuck yeah serotonin
Kurumi
Profile Blog Joined April 2010
Poland6130 Posts
June 07 2011 15:24 GMT
#53
Your stepdad is a brat. I have my own opinion on abusive people like this,but I will keep it for myself,it is really not OK not behave like that. I feel we're kind of similar,but different at once Chris. I think I stopped loving people at age of 12. I am flushed out of emotions. I am just a shadow of a person.Things which caused that aren't as bad as Your's,I wonder how I'd behave if I were You. Probably would try to kill myself(I was thinking about it many times) I'd try to run away from home (left home and threatened my parents couple of times,mostly my "leaves" were just 15 minutes out of home after some argument my parents/I had) My dad likes to drink too much alcohol(not like hardcore though). I dislike it,but he doesn't give a damn mostly. Both my parents smoke. My mother swore to me when I was like 11 that if price of cigarettes will raise from 5zł to 10zł she'll stop it. Never did,they cost around 11zł now. She always had excuses that she can't,she feels bad after not smoking,she didn't ever go to doctor. I don't love my parents to be honest. I don't love anybody. I declare myself as pure Christian(aka,why would Vatican control what I am going to believe)or an atheist. This is a big hit to my parents(grandparents don't rather know about it,same to other parts of family) I feel like an outcast in the middle of people: I am talkative,"sociable",friendly etc. But that's because I like to help people. That's what I believe. Help people,be happy. I dislike getting gifts of any sort. I dislike being someone's problem. I want to get unnoticed. I don't want to be close with people. I fear them and I push them out of my life. I become aggressive,uncaring and unhelpful. I am afraid of not being accepted or letting them down. I don't want to be subject of someone's tears. I thought about many things and come to a conclusion what's point of my life. I want to die. But I don't want to hang myself,I don't want to die in car accident. I want to die for something. I want to die with honour,as my ancestors would. My sacrifice is going to be one amongst thousands,maybe even millions,but will make me happy. Defending attacked woman then dying,as far I help her at least little bit will make me happy for eternity. The thing is,I am still quite young and this can be counted as "childhood's error". When You're 16(my age,talking about myself) You haven't achieved anything,only made mistakes and learnt from them(most cases of thinking people). The road to adulthood is hard and full of mistakes,I don't even think I am halfway through it. My knowledge is not MY knowledge,it is someone's knowledge. I ask,I hear,I learn. I sit at home in front of computer,learn a bit and grab good grades in school. I don't have any passion. I am not good at anything(maybe doing crazy things noone would,because they're only rumoured to be crazy).
tl;dr / can't understand You,Kurumi
DrH,You're awesome. I feel at least a bit like You.
"The people who are looking at the past and the present,are certain to miss the future" - It went like that,didn't it? I need to move on. I think You just started doing it.
I work alone. // Visit TL Mafia subforum!
qzmpwxno
Profile Blog Joined May 2010
Papua New Guinea152 Posts
Last Edited: 2011-06-07 17:07:05
June 07 2011 17:01 GMT
#54
This is crazy man, hang in there. Everyone has tough situations in their life, but giving up is never an option. Keep your head in the game no matter what, things will work out, they always do.
Stand on one block but own the whole street~
Coagulation
Profile Blog Joined July 2006
United States9633 Posts
June 07 2011 17:38 GMT
#55
Doch Why you no respond to my PM???
Licmyobelisk
Profile Blog Joined August 2008
Philippines3682 Posts
June 07 2011 17:45 GMT
#56
Dude, is there anyway that you can make a song right now while you're pretty sad? I mean you're a musician and usually people who are emotionally high or low has the best creative shit around.. just saying, it's possible you might look at this day or the day you tried suicide and tell yourself.. "Wow, that was me back then.."

Anyway, good luck with life man.. never give up never give in..
I don't think I've ever wished my opponent good luck prior to a game. When I play, I play to win. I hope every opponent I ever have is cursed with fucking terrible luck. I hope they're stuck playing underneath a stepladder with a black cat in attendance a
DoctorHelvetica
Profile Blog Joined July 2008
United States15034 Posts
June 07 2011 18:16 GMT
#57
On June 08 2011 02:38 Coagulation wrote:
Doch Why you no respond to my PM???

i got like 100 pms thats why
RIP Aaliyah
obesechicken13
Profile Blog Joined July 2008
United States10467 Posts
June 07 2011 18:24 GMT
#58
1. I'm just making a few comments on what I've heard you describe. I don't know if these comments will help you.
+ Show Spoiler +

On June 06 2011 12:30 DoctorHelvetica wrote:
My mother and grandmother raised me. I was a gifted child, learning to read at the age of 2. Despite my “brilliant” mind, I had a lot of social difficulties.

No doubt you are above average in terms of intelligence, however after the elementary years, there are students who start to really bloom, and who will catch up to you (at least offsetting their natural talent for work habits). Holding yourself to too high a standard, and wanting to still be significantly better than all your peers, might actually make you feel worse about yourself at times when your "dumber peers' do better in life.


my best friend died of leukemia

Oh... wow...


i became addicted to opiates

Firstly you need to get off this addiction. Being addicted to anything is like the worst possible feeling in the world, because you don't have control over yourself, and without control you can't improve your life for the better.

I can't say that I understand anything about opiate addictions besides what I've read. All I can say though, is that you need help from another individual. If it were possible to quit alone, you would have done it already.


Despite the pain I bear I try my best not to take it out on others and I fail on occasion.

This is an excuse that I use for "I don't want to seem bad in front of others." I care a lot about my self image. Do you? If you do, you have to realize that you are probably hurting the people near you by being in this state. If people want to help you, and you don't let them, then those people suffer by having to watch you suffer. Eventually they realize that the way to not suffer is to leave you.


2. Advice
+ Show Spoiler +

There is no doubt you've had a hard life. I have to echo the sentiment that you should see a doctor. If it ever feels like I am just passing the responsibility of caring for you onto someone else, just pm.

Please keep us updated on what you are doing. Are you applying for jobs today?(You need one to move out. Life gets so much better when you do) How are you feeling today? Did you see a psychiatrist? Did they help? We want to know.

Lastly, if you are feeling unmotivated, then work in microbursts. For a set period of time (25 minutes, use a timer) or for a small enough task (apply to X job) you do not get distracted doing anything else. This is something I'm trying, I think it will help me be less easily distracted, and will allow me to motivate myself to start on things by having clear goals. Maybe it will work for you.
I think in our modern age technology has evolved to become more addictive. The things that don't give us pleasure aren't used as much. Work was never meant to be fun, but doing it makes us happier in the long run.
Gogleion
Profile Blog Joined June 2009
United States534 Posts
June 07 2011 18:53 GMT
#59
I think that it's awesome what you do. I too play bass (string bass too ^^), cooking, and bicycling. What style bass do you play?

And I think that everyone shows at least one symptom of autism, it's such a mystery of a disease.
EffOrt. That is all.
cujo2k
Profile Joined October 2007
Canada1044 Posts
June 07 2011 19:14 GMT
#60
In regards to feeling better emotionally, do you exercise/get a lot of sleep? I find that I get pretty depressed when I neglect both aspects of my life >< Don't really have any other advice though.
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