A rumble erupts from my stomach. God I'm starving, I thought. Oh, right... I only ate once today.
I glance down at my computer clock. 1:00 A.M.
It's late. I'll just sleep the hunger off.
No use. My stomach groans again. The hunger is painful. Crap... I wonder if I have any snacks.
I open my bedroom door and am welcomed by complete silence. My entire family's asleep. I silently head towards the kitchen. I spot my cousin asleep on the sofa in the living room, which is directly beside the kitchen. Better not turn on the lights.
I walk to the fridge and sneak it open.
Hm... anything to snack on? Nope, nothing. With the refrigerator light dimly illuminating the area around me, I search the cupboards for snacks.
Anything? Nothing.
Crap, we needa go grocery shopping. I look over my shoulder, and I'm overcome with a sigh. Better not cook... don't wanna wake him up. I close the refrigerator door and head back to my room.
Whatever, I'll tough this out. No problem.
But it was a problem. The hunger was excruciating.
Ah... guess I'll just go and buy some food. I grab my wallet and look inside. No cash on hand.
Damn. I'll just use my card. I haven't eaten out in a while and I just finished midterms. I deserve a decent meal, I persuaded myself.
I slip my wallet and my cell into my pockets and grab my keys. Like a ninja I sneak out of the house without a peep (okay, maybe a little peep).
A sharp wind blows across my figure. Oh man it's cold. It was a chilly autumn night, and I forgot to bring along a sweater.
I'm an idiot. Whatever. I can handle this.
I slip into my car and start it up. Brrr. Without a second thought I turn on the heater. The sudden burst of cold air hit my body like a block of ice.
It's okay. It'll get warm soon enough.
And that it did. I turn on my music and drive towards Denny's. It was closest.
The streets were empty. Driving around this late at night always felt peculiar, but at the same time, relaxing. I felt like the only inhabitant in the world. I felt at peace with myself.
I arrive at Denny's and immediately find a parking spot. So much for being alone; the Denny's was full of people. Not an unusual sight, though.
I park, slip out of my car and lock the door behind me. Ugh, still cold.
Well, duh.
I make my way towards the front door of Denny's before I'm stopped by a voice. It came from my left. I look over and I spot a homeless man.
"Hey, can you spare some change?"
"Sorry, I don't have cash on me."
I continue on my way towards the door and enter the establishment. Immediately I'm greeted by a voice.
"Hi! For one?"
"Oh, can I just get a menu and order to go?"
"Sure!" The waiter hands me a menu and I take a seat. What to get? I was starving and everything looked delicious. I eventually make up my mind and order.
Less than ten minutes go by before my order is ready. I walk up to the cash register ready to pay. Before I can pay I'm enveloped with guilt. I take a glance over my shoulder.
He's still there. And he looked freezing.
I revert my gaze back towards the waiter.
"Oh, sorry, can I get a hot chocolate also?"
"Sure!" He quickly prepares it and hands it to me. I thank him with a smile and pay for my order before slipping out and heading towards the homeless man.
"Excuse me. Sir? Have this." I extend my arm out to him with my fingers wrapped around the warm cup of hot chocolate. The man looks at me and pauses, full of surprise. He slowly reaches his hands out towards the cup before relieving it from my grasp.
"Thank you! Thank you so much! God bless you!" Spit squirts from his mouth and onto his lips.
"Oh, you're welcome." I faintly smile.
"Thank you so much!" He repeats. His emotions pour out, and his uncleaned face distorts. Tears escape his eyes and paint his cheeks. His lips curl into a slightly open smile, revealing his crooked yellow teeth. He was not sobbing; he was bawling. My heart shatters.
"God bless you." I'm barely able to utter the words before turning my back to him. I head back to my car and slide inside. I keep my vision away from the man, for fear that the very sight of him may break me down. I rush home in due haste.
I step into my bedroom without turning on the lights and place the bag of food beside my desk before situating myself onto my chair. As the fragrance of a nice warm meal filled the air, so did regret.
I should have given it all to him.
My elbows rest upon my desk as I bury my face within my palms. Tears come forth but are trapped within the pockets of my eyes. The image of the man's expression plays over and over within my mind. I have never seen such beautiful tears, nor such a wonderful smile.
That was one of the best reads I've had in the blogs section in a long time. Quite well-written, too. I've found new respect for you. Though your comment "I HATE RAP" in tladt irc still strikes me as prejudiced.
I applaud your generosity. I might not have helped at all.
Nice story, feels like reading a novel . It's true that you could've given him all, but at least you did something good not usually done by others. Don't be too guilty. + Show Spoiler +
You should have given him all but that's not your choice. You could've gotten sick if you let that hunger sit there longer.GJ
I don't spare anything with homeless for a very simple reason. I don't know what it is like in the USA, but in Germany you don't have to be homeless unless you want to, you can get a small apartment and everything, the government is paying for you, those who live on the street here decided it by themselves, so it's their own choice to not have a warm home and have their own food.
Reminds me of a couple weeks ago, when I went to the mall to buy a soda to watch movies with a friend, and some guy comes to us and says:
"Hey guys, I'm not going to ask for money, I'd just like to ask if you could buy some milk and orange juice for my baby girl."
We answered "Okay.". At first, it was just to get rid of him, because he really looked like someone who would cause trouble if we had said no.
But then we just bought his stuff (and while paying for the milk I realised how much my dad rox, for providing that to me and my brothers for so many years, because that thing was really expensive, man. We ended up spending like 6x more with his stuff than with the soda).
And when we gave it to him we saw he was thankful, that was a nice feeling. Too bad it came with the same feeling of "I wish I had done this because I felt like doing it, instead of doing by fear of getting robbed".
But then my friend and I convinced ourselves that we couldn't really know what he was up to, our neighborhood is the most violent in the city, and we were alone in a really dark parking lot.
About the money and homeless guys, yes they'll usually spend it on drugs and alcohol. So even if you buy them food, in a way you're supporting this - they're not hungry, the next money they'll get will be totally going on alcohol or drugs. The bottom line is you can't really do anything, unless you're a part of some organizations dealing with these kinds of people, helping them to get motivated etc. That's my opinion. It might as well be just an easy way out, but I think it's true, what do you guys think? As long as the guy is not going to freeze the following night, any help of this kind is useless.
You left out the most important details... What exactly did you order?
Also, what are you studying? Maybe you can dedicate your career to helping the homeless, like being an entrepreneur and setting up some shelter if you really feel that guilty.
Dude I've gone through this type of thing. A couple months ago there was a homeless lady on the side of the rode and I pulled back to give her my breakfast(just a yogurt and orange juice). I cried the rest of the way to work just because it was such a hard and emotional experience. Honestly I'll never forget her face... once of the prettiest, warmest faces I've seen.
About the money and homeless guys, yes they'll usually spend it on drugs and alcohol. So even if you buy them food, in a way you're supporting this - they're not hungry, the next money they'll get will be totally going on alcohol or drugs.
Disgusting. Even if they do spend their money on drugs/alcohol, they don't deserve to eat? If you don't want to buy them food, don't. And if you want to warn people about giving cash to them, thats one thing. But PLEASE, don't go around trying to convince people to stop buying meals or donating food.
On April 26 2011 22:09 LML wrote: I don't spare anything with homeless for a very simple reason. I don't know what it is like in the USA, but in Germany you don't have to be homeless unless you want to, you can get a small apartment and everything, the government is paying for you, those who live on the street here decided it by themselves, so it's their own choice to not have a warm home and have their own food.
On April 26 2011 22:09 LML wrote: I don't spare anything with homeless for a very simple reason. I don't know what it is like in the USA, but in Germany you don't have to be homeless unless you want to, you can get a small apartment and everything, the government is paying for you, those who live on the street here decided it by themselves, so it's their own choice to not have a warm home and have their own food.
here in the US we dont have welfare THAT good...
In Germany there are actually a couple of people who slip through the cracks of the system and don't get welfare. But yeah, in most cases you can just go to the social security office (don't know the correct term) and they'll take care of most of your issues. In my experience most homeless people here have some kind of mental problems (maybe they become like that after years of living on the street) which keep them from reaching out to the government for help. Anyways, it was a very generous thing you did there OP. Props to you, man! And I kinda know how you feel. The misery of others is so depressing.
EPT
doing these types of things always makes me feel good too!
