The Day in News #2

- Welcome everyone, this is The Day in News, the daily e-sports news show broadcasted from New York City, I am chobopeon.

Here is your lead story:

Sean Day[9] Plott is in trouble yet again today. The e-sports celebrity is a paid spokesperson for bear semen energy drink, reportedly the manliest drink on the planet. And now, in a related story, Fox 5 news is reporting that Day9 has been trapped in his small 1971 Ford Pinto in Yosemite National Park for 10 hours as of this broadcast while a group of grizzly bears has been clawing at the windows and tires of his vehicle. Police and wild life experts have theorized that Day 9 must have some raw meat in the car that is attracting the large, hairy predators. When reached for comment, geoff incontrol robinson told Fox 5 news quote - "yeah, there's definitely raw meat in that car."

Moving on, unrest in the Middle East has hit Egypt and Libya among other countries and now it has spread to the Team Liquid's StarCraft 2 strategy section. Chill, the 90 year old despotic dictator who has been responsible for numerous "purges and genocides" over the past 10 years, is on his heels as the rebels have taken over the Forum Guidelines thread and the practice partner thread.

The rebels, many of whom have reportedly spent time in the neighboring country of SCReddit, demand more freedoms and liberties from the regime. Said one anonymous rebel leader, quote "my rage comic and forever bronze artwork got 400 upvotes on reddit. my one liners about imbalance get me to the top of a screddit thread. what the fuck teamliquid, what's wrong with you nazis?"

Whether the upstart rebels will be able to win the war remains to be seen. After all, strongman Zatic, Chill's oldest German son and often a stand in for the head of state whenever chill comes down with a case of chronic dysentery, has organized a militant group of moderators with the stated goal of another murderous purge.

We have brave reporters on the ground there and we will keep you up to date on the situation as it develops. In fact, we will have an exclusive interview with the brutal dictator Chill as soon he's able to get off the toilet.

Next in the news: The legendary State of the Game band of brothers has broken up after over a year of unparalleled success. The President is calling this "a worse break up than the beatles." Geoff 'Incontrol' Robinson has announced that he is leaving the show.

This move comes just hours after the last State of the Game, during which, Geoff's girlfriend and Miss Oregon USA Anna Prosser called and interrupted the show as per usual. But when the call went to host JP McDaniel's cell phone instead of to incontrol himself, and when jp answered, quote, "what's new pussy cat, whoa whoa whoa?", the breakup seemed inevitable.

Now off the 3 hour show, iNcontroL will have to find a way to keep busy. He only has an estimated six hundred other projects he is working on currently with more surely to be announced. Idle hands do the devil's work, incontrol, so I guess that makes you a big hairy angel.

Finally, a new world religion seems to be starting up around a group of psychic martyrs spread around Team Liquid. It's really quite incredible, these divine users are able to predict their own persecution and murder but often go through with it just to show the human race the way, the truth and the light, the only avenue to heaven. when asked for comment, one of the marytrs said, quote, "i'm probably going to get banned for this but who cares? i'm the fucking son of god."

That was The Day in News. I am chobopeon. Good luck and have fun.