The Day in News

- Welcome everyone, this is The Day in News, the daily e-sports news show broadcasted from New York City, I am chobopeon.

Big news in the world of StarCraft today. Geoff ‘iNcontroL’ Robinson has just sent word out via twitter that the biggest news in the history of e-sports is coming down the wire very soon. This, after an exhausting six months of teasing from the very articulate and large carnivorous mammal who plays for team Evil Geniuses. Very exciting stuff, we will be keeping you updated to the second on that.

Moving on to a tragic American story, Sean Day[9] Plott, who was recently sponsored by Motel[6], is being questioned by police after three Michigan teenagers were found naked and dead from alcohol poisoning in one boy’s basement. The Detroit chief of police says, apparently the three boys were avid Day9 Drinking Game fans. Pictures have been leaked to the internet and although we will refrain from showing those pictures out of respect for the families, suffice to say that the corpses were covered in Twinkie cream.

In related news, Liquid Tyler Wasieleski, who was recently sponsored by Stride Gum, picked up yet another major sponsorship courtesy of MLG’s big marketing push. Absolut Vodka has entered the e-sports fray by sponsoring the very popular American Protoss player also known as Nony. Ironically, after an exhausting two days working on marketing for the Swedish liquor producers, Tyler was forced to spend most of MLG Dallas in what is best described as a rasberry flavored coma. Tyler later thanked the folks at Stride, saying quote ‘without them, everyone totally would have smelled it on my breath.’

Oh we do have an update on the Geoff ‘iNcontroL’ Robinson situation. Via Twitter, the honey loving Oregon Protoss has announced that he is in fact forging a new North American caliphate. His latest tweet says, quote, “let the unbelievers know.”

In a statement released on the North American Caliphate’s website just seconds ago, iNcontroL is now demanding to be referred to as Sheik Geoff the sublime, adding, quote, “haters just don’t know …. about the e-sports potential of the prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him.”

Very interesting news there and not surprisingly, IGN is actually responding in a rapid fire attack on twitter, team liquid and all the community sites. Very quick response here from IGN, almost as if this was prepared ages in advance and they were just waiting to release this statement as some marketing ploy.

Quote: “IGN is proud to announce that we are going to be launching a series of crusades to restore control of the video games in North America to the rich and rightful owner Rupert Murdoch, peace be upon him. However, let us at IGN stress, the first crusade will probably just a be a test run. Mediocre. You know, It’ll be alright.”

Powerful words from two big players in the e-sports scene there. We’ll be keeping an eye on that for you.

In other news, three Halo players were sent to the hospital at MLG Dallas this past weekend after being found to have overdosed on Adderall, a drug they use to cheat at their game. When they arrived at the hospital, they were given check ups and medical tests and they all did really, really well on the tests.

Finally, a new study by the fine folks in the Team Liquid General section has revealed that twelve year old StarCraft 2 players who have suffered lag widely agree that Blizzard are, quote “total faggots” and that their opponents, quote “won because of the lag, not because they were good or anything like that. faggots.”

That was The Day in News. I am chobopeon. Good luck and have fun.

forgot who deserves credit for the motel6 joke but credit to you!