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Well, this is the first time in my life I create something resembling a blog but I feel this is the only way for me to let out all I have right now.
3 days ago I lost my 13 year old dog to cancer and I have to euthanize him. It was my first dog out of 2 brothers and when the other one left, I think they will be my first and last dogs because never I thought this was going to be so fucking hard on me.
I just can cope with it right now, I'm broken and I can stop thinking about it, it died in my arms like when you try to don't fall sleep, breathing deep and closing your eyes. I guess that being so close and making it so personal as to be there when everything happened is making it more difficult but I didn't want it any other way.
I buried him on the family land I just did not want to let go of his corpse, his characteristic smell filled my senses and I knew it was going to be the last time I would feel that smell.
People told me that his brother was going to make it easy on me but is all the opposite, I think he just don't realize that he is not coming back, always looking to the door waiting for him, sleeping on his brother bed and barking all day, restless and not sleeping.
For some people this may be dumb and pointless, after all is just an animal, but for me was like a child, pure and innocent, without hidden agenda or second thoughts, a being that just wanted to be loved and loved back just as much as I loved him.
Thanks for reading this lengthy post and sorry for my English.
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When my dog died I remember looking up quotes about the loss of a pet and this has always stuck with me, it helped.
"The dog is a gentleman; I hope to go to his heaven, not man's." ~ Mark Twain
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i lost my first pet (rabbit, around 8 years?) and it was absolutely painful
the only thing that helped was time, its cheesy but its so very true. so if it feels like you're helpless and you can't get out of the ditch - so did i, and most people feel the same way
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Grief takes a long time to work through, and, to be honest, I don't think anyone every works through it completely.
I'm really sorry to hear about your dog. It sounds like you loved him, in which case you definitely improved his life by being in it.
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Losing my first dog (That I was old enough to remember) was brutal. Border Collie, and she was so happy and active all the time. I remember coming home from either 7th or 8th grade and she didn't get up to say hello when I came home. I went to go see her and she looked like she REALLY wanted to get up but couldn't move.
Took her to the vet and it turned out that she had a really bad case of Lyme's Disease, and it really sucked because she showed NO symptoms of it the days before, and we were always really good about checking her for ticks at the end of the day. She eventually was in too much pain so we had to put her down, it was hard on me.
The only thing that really helped me out was, as opsayo said, time. Eventually you start remembering the good parts and not the fact that she's passed away. Eventually you will start to talk of the good times and not feel sad, but happy. Just have to make it over the mountain first.
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Wow, I'm sorry.
We're most likely going to be losing my first one soon.. I just know that I have to enjoy the time with it that I can. It really gives you a good mindset on life in general: enjoy it as much as you can in the short time it lasts, and don't sweat the small things that really don't matter in the big picture.
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So you euthanized him in your arms? wtf? Dude you should go to a vet or pound or something for them to take care of that. It's cruel to do it yourself. I would feel pretty bad myself if I killed my own dog.
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On February 25 2011 14:52 xxSK8rGUy277xx wrote:So you euthanized him in your arms? wtf? Dude you should go to a vet or pound or something for them to take care of that. It's cruel to do it yourself. I would feel pretty bad myself if I killed my own dog.
I highly doubt that he euthanized the dog himself. He was probably with the dog at the vet's where a trained professional performed the euthanization. It's not uncommon for an owner to want to be with their pet as the pet is put to sleep, kind of as a way to see them off properly, say goodbye, etc.
I think it's an appropriate and admirable, although obviously very painful, thing to do.
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I'm sorry about your dog. Reading your description of his brother is what really got me. gl to you and your dog's surviving brother.
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Man im so sorry for your loss. I lost a dog when i moved because it drowned in my pool, so i came home and had to fish it out and it was all stiff . By far the worst feeling ive ever had to experience, because my dog was the only friend i had until school started up because i had just moved it was like losing a best friend. I will never forget holding it and just bawling for like 2 hours, then even though it was after midnight i decided to bury her. I still wish i could have said goodbye, so feel lucky knowing that your dog died in the arms of somebody who loved it.
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give it a few days then just let rip with the tears. always takes me a few days for it to really sink in....i'm not 1 for the corny, sympathetic stuff and i think the best thing to do is just let it out when it's sunk in 
also getting a new pet is a great idea in a few week/months when you feel ready
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How do you get past it?
You don't. Accept he's gone, it's extremely sad. Cry, a LOT. Take an entire day (or more) to dedicate to thinking of him and doing things he liked to do.
For example, if he liked you to cook, make something that day. If he laid with you while you watched a certain TV show, watch that show. If he always was around you while you played a certain game, play that game.
Make a day dedicated to him, he deserves it and that dedication to him will help you get a little bit of that sadness out.
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Thanks everyone for the support, it feels great to share with some people that while don't feel like you, knows what it is to lose a loved pet.
On February 25 2011 15:07 HULKAMANIA wrote:Show nested quote +On February 25 2011 14:52 xxSK8rGUy277xx wrote:So you euthanized him in your arms? wtf? Dude you should go to a vet or pound or something for them to take care of that. It's cruel to do it yourself. I would feel pretty bad myself if I killed my own dog. I highly doubt that he euthanized the dog himself. He was probably with the dog at the vet's where a trained professional performed the euthanization. It's not uncommon for an owner to want to be with their pet as the pet is put to sleep, kind of as a way to see them off properly, say goodbye, etc. I think it's an appropriate and admirable, although obviously very painful, thing to do.
HULKAMANIA is right, he couldn't walk and I have to carry him myself everyday in the last 3 weeks to do about anything and taking him to the vets is the last thing I wanted to do. He smelled really gross because I couldn't be there 24/7 with him and sometimes, I have to clean him up and all so in the last day I just clean him good so he would be really beautifull, even with is skin hanging off his bones because of the treatment and all, he did go from a nice 90 pounds Labrador Retriever to 45 pounds.
![[image loading]](http://img37.imageshack.us/img37/6233/lucasymateo.th.jpg)
Those are Lucas y Mateo, the one in the right is the one I lost. They were brothers but were so different from each other and is sad to say but Mateo was my favorite one, everyone loved Lucas from the start because he was more active and effusive, really naive and approached any person in the street to greet them. Mateo on the other hand was serious and calm, didn't let anyone other than close family members to pet him and took the guardian role really serious (didn't bite anyone in his whole life thought  ), just like me.
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wow man thats one of the saddest things I've ever read on this forum made me tear up a little bit..
sorry about your dog, you gave him a good life and he lived for 13 years, you did everything you could so just be proud of that, in time it'll get easier.
Can i ask how you euthanized him? I hope you didn't strangle him or anything thats fucked up man... You should have taken him to a vet :/
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our family lost our golden 2 years ago to a type of cancer as well that resulted in major muscle atrophy. towards the end of his lifespan, we got another golden puppy and they played together for a good summer before sunny's condition became terminal.
after he passed, we hung his collar up on the wall to remind us of him.
that, and he had taught a lot of his old habits to our new golden whiskey so it still feels like he's with us.
i hope you're feeling a bit better soon, its definitely not easy to cope with specially when they've been with you for so long.
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On February 26 2011 02:55 ProjectVirtue wrote:
our family lost our golden 2 years ago to a type of cancer as well that resulted in major muscle atrophy. towards the end of his lifespan, we got another golden puppy and they played together for a good summer before sunny's condition became terminal.
after he passed, we hung his collar up on the wall to remind us of him.
that, and he had taught a lot of his old habits to our new golden whiskey so it still feels like he's with us.
i hope you're feeling a bit better soon, its definitely not easy to cope with specially when they've been with you for so long.
This is why you get a puppy when your old faithful dog is getting up and years. Lets the old guy train the new guy to behave just like him, so the old guy can "live on" through the new little guy.
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i'm sorry for your loss. i've never had a death in my family (dogs, family member, etc) so i don't know exactly how it feels but after you have mourned your loss, teach yourself to move on and forget about the past. dwelling on it can't certainly help your mental state. my girlfriend still has a hard time with the death of her dog and it's been years, but she is also very emotional too.. time will only dull the pain i think. the only way to not feel any pain in the long run is to replace those thoughts and ties to that dog by getting a different dog that you can bond just as much with. not a dog that will remind you of him. get a puppy or some other young pet that you can bond with for the next decade. sorry for your loss man.
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Really sorry for you man. Teared up a bit reading this since i recently lost my 14 year old dog and best friend. I haven't really gotten over it yet, but atleast it gets easier after a while.
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My condolences. Very very sad to hear and you write about it so poetically. Cherish the times you had though, because it sounds like you had a truly precious relationship with Mateo. I know what it's like. Quite hard to go through, and there's always just a hole. For myself, at best, I just don't dwell on the loss of two of my dogs, but when my thoughts sometimes wander to their absence, it is just great sadness .
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On February 25 2011 14:52 xxSK8rGUy277xx wrote:So you euthanized him in your arms? wtf? Dude you should go to a vet or pound or something for them to take care of that. It's cruel to do it yourself. I would feel pretty bad myself if I killed my own dog.
God, this post made my jaw tighten. Jesus christ, really man?
I'm sorry to hear that, it must be tough. My golden retriever is starting to slow down. He's about 11 now and he doesn't swim like he used to, although he still loves it. 2-3 more years with him I'd say. But I for sure would like to be the one holding him when he goes. I have an urge to walk him right now, just to spend some time alone with him.
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EPT![[image loading]](http://img37.imageshack.us/i/lucasymateo.jpg/)
