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Perfect TL threads in 10 easy steps!

Blogs > felizuno
Post a Reply
felizuno
Profile Blog Joined May 2010
United States164 Posts
Last Edited: 2011-02-25 01:48:43
February 24 2011 21:18 GMT
#1
Greets TL! After reading this tasty treat here I thought I would reveal the 10 sure-fire ways to make sure Chill doesn't come to your house and murder your whole family :-)

Step 1: + Show Spoiler +

CAPS LOCK

Caps lock is like cruise control, but for cool.

Step 2: + Show Spoiler +

Establish credibility

Start by listing your race, followed by “~2400”, and then the division above the one you play in. Even though you are easily one of the top players in the world you will be surprised how many people haven’t heard of you or seen you play (see step 8).

Keep in mind that your opinion is worth nothing unless you played Brood War. You may find it helpful to mention the race you played in BW or post your old ICCup rank. If you don’t have one, don’t panic, you would have been “A” but for modesty’s sake just put “A-“.

Also, be sure to let everybody know that your low post count is because you’re a lurker and not just some noob. This will help them understand the gravity of your post. I like to visualize Idra marveling “oh wow, in order for this to be one of his 18 posts it must be pretty important!”

Step 3: + Show Spoiler +

Crescendo

Before you reveal whatever tragedy just happened to you on the ladder it is important to give some context. Readers LOVE context. Consider including things like where you live, what you ate for breakfast, or how much you <3 day[9]. Give a brief summary of your experiences in SC2 including things that happened during beta involving unit traits that no longer exist. Tell us how your games were going before patch 1.x eventually ruined all video games forever.

BONUS: Include an extremely detailed list of your computers hardware. Real pros will devote their signature to this because it is super important to let people know that your computer was WAY more expensive than theirs.

Step 4: + Show Spoiler +

QQ hard

This step is extremely important if posting in the strategy forum. Not everybody that reads your post plays your race, and even the ones that do may have never experienced the specific pain that motivated your post.

You’re never going to post a replay of the game in question, so help the reader understand by describing the whole thing in excruciating detail no matter how relevant.

Step 5: + Show Spoiler +

Point the finger at Blizzard

Who made all these completely imbalanced units? Who segregated the servers so they could take bazillions of dollars from you? Who paid the blind person that designed Steppes of War? Blizzard did, and buddy, you better let them know.

Want to know a secret about Blizzard? Nobody that works there had ever been on the internet until about mid-January. They are obviously working hard to play catch up but could always benefit from your genius. Suggest several things they should change about the game. Completely disregard development time and budget/manpower issues.

Step 6: + Show Spoiler +

Point the finger at the no-fun jerks who beat you

Obviously Blizzard is the root cause of your problems, but there is also your opponent’s utter lack of class and maturity. I mean really, come on, grown-ups don’t play Terran. Just because you lost the game does not by any means require you to consider yourself at fault. In fact, since it’s not your fault you shouldn’t even watch the replay. Already watched the replay? Re-install SC2 to make sure you never see it again, even by accident.

It is impossible to beat anybody who makes even one Dark Templar, so don’t worry about it and instead question their sexuality. Maybe then they will learn not to use such cheesy, imba strategies.

Step 7: + Show Spoiler +

Insert 4chan memes

Don’t forget that you lost to this strategy over 9,000 times since last Thursday (or for at least 100 years) and you just any moar. Consider adding a motivational poster.

Warning: If you skip this step nobody will know there is a competition to be the first reply.

Step 8: + Show Spoiler +

Threaten to post replays

NEVER RELEASE YOUR SECRETS! Why would you put so much effort into refining your timings just to give them away to some noob for free? F that! Put it off by claiming to be at work so you cant post the replay until you get home, or if you have more time later. People will understand- and to be honest, when people reply and say “I watched your replay and….” they are just lying anyways.

Step 9: + Show Spoiler +

??????

This includes editing your original post several times but never tagging what the edit was in order to create mystique.

Step 10: + Show Spoiler +

PROFIT!

This is the step where you submit your post to the wrong forum. Organizing forums is what moderators are for and you clearly have more important things to do.

Tl;dr + Show Spoiler +

1. CAPS LOCK
2. Lie about your rank
3. Include any and all irrelevant details
4. QQ mega hard
5. Blame Blizzard
6. Blame every other player ever
7. use 4chan memes often
8. Talk about posting a replay (but don’t)
9. ???
10. Profit!


Edit: As for vGl-CoW's blogs they are better, slightly less sarcastic, and involved thought because he is actually good at thinking. Pretty much I just wrote this at work to kill time, which is why there are no replays. I encourage people to read them after this if you haven't, somebody was nice enough to post the links below.

****
Fundamentals are the crutch of the talentless
Reason.SC2
Profile Joined April 2010
Canada1047 Posts
Last Edited: 2011-02-24 21:35:56
February 24 2011 21:35 GMT
#2
THIS IS AN AMAZING POST.

Let me tell you, I've been playing brood war for years (A- on ICCUP), and I have to agree 100% with this structure.

So last night after eating a wheelbarrow-full of hot sauce and lemon-covered bacon, I logged on to the ladder, (I'm 3200 platinum player on the korean servers which is like.... 9000+ masters here) and played a game against this guy:

[image loading]

I played my standard cannon rush into DT/Mothership composition, AND THE $@#ING GUY SCOUTED MY BASE AND I LOST. Why did blizzard allow scouting before 5 minute mark its so OP I can't believe they broke the game like that WTF. Honestly PvP is the most imbalanced matchup ever, I never win, and my sc2gears stats say that P wins 100% of the time. Honestly wtf blizzard.

I'm pretty sure he was cheating too cause he scouted my base right away. Its like how did he know I was there. Damn maphacks. I will post a replay later maybe if I can find the time from my busy schedule.
BoldMan
Profile Joined September 2010
United States168 Posts
February 24 2011 21:36 GMT
#3
damn u guys got this

how can i be like you guys??

plz teach me ur ways
[b] Bold men make bold statements [/b]
CDRdude
Profile Blog Joined May 2007
United States5625 Posts
February 24 2011 21:39 GMT
#4
Also see vGl-CoW's blogs:

The Art of Posting... is upon us
The Art of Posting, part deux (two) (2)
The Art of Posting Reloaded
The Art of Posting Bonanza
Revenge of the Art of Posting Unlimited

Generally quite amusing.
Force staff is the best item in the game.
MisteR
Profile Blog Joined July 2009
Netherlands595 Posts
February 24 2011 22:16 GMT
#5
Loved this. The tl;dr was priceless.
Nal_Ra/Much/Horang2/Flying fighting!~
krazymunky
Profile Joined June 2008
United States727 Posts
February 24 2011 22:32 GMT
#6
Chill is for sure going to close this thread. The OP him/herself didnt do what he posted!
life of lively to live to life of full life thx to shield battery
nttea
Profile Blog Joined July 2008
Sweden4353 Posts
Last Edited: 2011-02-24 22:37:59
February 24 2011 22:35 GMT
#7
On February 25 2011 06:18 felizuno wrote:

??????

This includes editing your original post several times but never tagging what the edit was in order to create mystique.
Step 10:



Haha this was great, I'm really proud i never do this one^^ always state why you edit a post even if it's a stupid reason cause it's fucking annoying seeing the post has been edited and not knowing why

edit: whops, quoting only a part of a post is kinda hard :p
edit2: was considering removing stating why i was editing for fun, but then i changed my mind.
Rotodyne
Profile Blog Joined July 2005
United States2263 Posts
Last Edited: 2011-02-24 23:05:13
February 24 2011 23:05 GMT
#8
On February 25 2011 06:35 Reason.SC2 wrote:
.....


I've been thinking about that for a while now. I RAGE THE FUCK OUT when there's a scouting probe in my base. Like there is no way to kill it before a stalker or lings or marine comes out, how is that balanced?
I can only play starcraft when I am shit canned. IPXZERG is a god.
eLiE
Profile Blog Joined April 2010
Canada1039 Posts
February 24 2011 23:05 GMT
#9
I'm looking forward to the increase in quality threads due to this article.

You forgot about remembering not to use good grammar and spelling. I hate reading these fake, polished threads. I wanna see a raw wall of text, complete with rediculouses and definatelys, and sentences that go on as far as the eye can see.
How's the weather down there?
zatic
Profile Blog Joined September 2007
Zurich15345 Posts
February 24 2011 23:06 GMT
#10
Step 8 jesus. It's like every second post in SC2 Strat by now. "At work so can't post replay right now".

Look people. That's a snap close. If you can't post a replay right now people can't reply right now. Why not make the thread later then? Jesus fuck this is so annoying.
ModeratorI know Teamliquid is known as a massive building
Torte de Lini
Profile Blog Joined September 2010
Germany38463 Posts
February 24 2011 23:09 GMT
#11
I didn't see my name on this list.
This topic should be locked, completely off the mark :/
https://twitter.com/#!/TorteDeLini (@TorteDeLini)
Sufficiency
Profile Blog Joined October 2010
Canada23833 Posts
February 24 2011 23:21 GMT
#12
I just want to say that this is am amazing post and I have benefited greatly from it. :D
https://twitter.com/SufficientStats
EdSlyB
Profile Blog Joined September 2010
Portugal1621 Posts
Last Edited: 2011-02-25 00:07:30
February 24 2011 23:51 GMT
#13
Somewhere in the hot freaking deeps of TL dungeons Chill is smithing mithril and adamantium into the ultimate ban hammer in antecipation for the hundreds of threads that will result from this guide.

Praise the Lord!!
[image loading]
aka Wardo
chocopan
Profile Joined April 2010
Japan986 Posts
February 25 2011 00:00 GMT
#14
Very dark mood this morning but this thread made me giggle like, well, like I do when I'm not in a dark mood.

10 chocopoints.
Dance those ultras
Fumi
Profile Blog Joined March 2010
529 Posts
February 25 2011 00:07 GMT
#15
I can totally see these instructions in a Fallout-esque video.
Flash, Stats, Reach, Tossgirl <> Boxer, Nestea, MC, Foxer fangirl | http://osu.ppy.sh/u/181432
GreatFall
Profile Blog Joined January 2010
United States1061 Posts
February 25 2011 00:45 GMT
#16
On February 25 2011 06:35 Reason.SC2 wrote:
THIS IS AN AMAZING POST.

Let me tell you, I've been playing brood war for years (A- on ICCUP), and I have to agree 100% with this structure.

So last night after eating a wheelbarrow-full of hot sauce and lemon-covered bacon, I logged on to the ladder, (I'm 3200 platinum player on the korean servers which is like.... 9000+ masters here) and played a game against this guy:

[image loading]

I played my standard cannon rush into DT/Mothership composition, AND THE $@#ING GUY SCOUTED MY BASE AND I LOST. Why did blizzard allow scouting before 5 minute mark its so OP I can't believe they broke the game like that WTF. Honestly PvP is the most imbalanced matchup ever, I never win, and my sc2gears stats say that P wins 100% of the time. Honestly wtf blizzard.

I'm pretty sure he was cheating too cause he scouted my base right away. Its like how did he know I was there. Damn maphacks. I will post a replay later maybe if I can find the time from my busy schedule.


Now this reply made me burst out in laughter! Great witty post!
Inventor of the 'Burning Tide' technique to quickly getting Outmatched Crusher achivement :D
Bibdy
Profile Joined March 2010
United States3481 Posts
February 25 2011 01:01 GMT
#17
On February 25 2011 08:06 zatic wrote:
Step 8 jesus. It's like every second post in SC2 Strat by now. "At work so can't post replay right now".

Look people. That's a snap close. If you can't post a replay right now people can't reply right now. Why not make the thread later then? Jesus fuck this is so annoying.


Because its only when I'm at work and busy not working do I take the time to realize I could ask TL for assistance.

GAWD!
aimaimaim
Profile Blog Joined March 2010
Philippines2167 Posts
February 25 2011 01:04 GMT
#18
5/5 ..
Religion is a dying idea .. || 'E-sport' outside Korea are nerds who wants to feel like rockstars. || I'm not gonna fuck with trolls on General Forum ever again .. FUCK!
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