EPT
Here I am, stepping into the blogosphere. I thought it was gonna be more like Tron or Hackers but so far it's been kind of a disappointment. Squeezed that fucking Powerglove on for nothing.
I was pretty hesitant at first to start one of these things because I wanted to at least contribute something and the only concept I could come up with up was post huge pictures of fat naked people for a few days.
Then, it hit me. What's the one thing I do best, better than anyone else? Post, of course! I'm still trying to get official recognition, but I'm sure that'll work out soon.
So, in this blog, at least for the time being, I will be training you dumb little babies in the fine Art of Posting. This is pretty much what Sun Tzu would have written if his country was full of computers instead of angry little yellow dudes interested in taking each other's land.
Let's get this slutwagon rolling!
CHAPTER 1: THE ORIGINAL POST
In our very first chapter, we will be discussing the Original Post (OP). This is the first post of a thread, the very foundation.
A solid, concrete foundation can support a mighty towering thread, while a shaky pile of mud will make it collapse into a torrent of cat pictures from the very first page.
(Note: Build your foundation on an Indian burial ground like Religion or Gay Rights and you're fucked either way.)
Since I'm a mean spirited little jerk and because it's easier to point out flaws than merits, I will show you a series of wrong approaches and how to correct them. Both segments will be conveniently hidden under the Spoiler tags, so one push of your greasy digit will make all the beautiful words appear! Ah, posting, such a miracle...
+ Show Spoiler [Part1] +
Part 1: Content
First of all, you need content. Over 70% of closed threads get closed because of their lack of content (source: my ass). Let's take a look at what can go wrong.
+ Show Spoiler [The Wrong Approach] +
This thread doesn't contain any information, just a movie to watch. Only the loneliest people will watch a random movie because they have nothing else going on in their sad little lives, and you really don't want them in your thread. They just won't leave.
Let's look at the right way to do this.
+ Show Spoiler [The Right Approach] +
Seems a lot better, don't you think? Of course you do!
However, there's still a very important element lacking to make it a Great Post. We'll discuss this in part 2.
First of all, you need content. Over 70% of closed threads get closed because of their lack of content (source: my ass). Let's take a look at what can go wrong.
+ Show Spoiler [The Wrong Approach] +
On May 28 2007 14:01 A VERY BAD POSTER wrote:
youtube YOUTOOB ut00b lol
youtube YOUTOOB ut00b lol
This thread doesn't contain any information, just a movie to watch. Only the loneliest people will watch a random movie because they have nothing else going on in their sad little lives, and you really don't want them in your thread. They just won't leave.
Let's look at the right way to do this.
+ Show Spoiler [The Right Approach] +
On May 28 2007 14:01 AN OKAY POSTER wrote:
Here's a video you might like, I know I loved it at least! It's part of a Cops episode, where the officer arrests a black midget performing tricks on the side of the road, and the little dude tries to escape! I won't spoil it for you guys, but it gets pretty crazy.
This is a must-see for fans of law enforcement, little people, street entertainment and happy endings!
Here's a video you might like, I know I loved it at least! It's part of a Cops episode, where the officer arrests a black midget performing tricks on the side of the road, and the little dude tries to escape! I won't spoil it for you guys, but it gets pretty crazy.
This is a must-see for fans of law enforcement, little people, street entertainment and happy endings!
Seems a lot better, don't you think? Of course you do!
However, there's still a very important element lacking to make it a Great Post. We'll discuss this in part 2.
+ Show Spoiler [Part 2] +
Part 2: Discussion
Much like cars and people, threads don't run on sunshine and farts (well, maybe cars do, in a way). They need a powerful fuel to keep them going: the clean fuel of potent discussion!
To this end, it's vital that you include several avenues of discussion in your OP. You can ask people about their dumb opinions, unimportant experiences or laughable feelings.
Don't forget the note in Part 1: avoid Indian burial grounds!
This time, our wrong approach is the right approach from Part 1! This means that I'm either going somewhere with this, or that I'm just full of shit. It's fun to keep people guessing!
+ Show Spoiler [The Wrong Approach] +
Sure, it has content, but you can't grow a thread on just a few lols and the occasional lmao. For those big juicy 5 pagers, you need debate, discussion and an influx of fresh material. The best way to do this is get people (I'm taking the liberty of calling the savages who walk the desolate plains of the internet "people") talking, and the best way to get them talking is to ask them questions.
+ Show Spoiler [The Right Approach] +
Much like cars and people, threads don't run on sunshine and farts (well, maybe cars do, in a way). They need a powerful fuel to keep them going: the clean fuel of potent discussion!
To this end, it's vital that you include several avenues of discussion in your OP. You can ask people about their dumb opinions, unimportant experiences or laughable feelings.
Don't forget the note in Part 1: avoid Indian burial grounds!
This time, our wrong approach is the right approach from Part 1! This means that I'm either going somewhere with this, or that I'm just full of shit. It's fun to keep people guessing!
+ Show Spoiler [The Wrong Approach] +
On May 28 2007 14:01 AN OKAY POSTER wrote:
Here's a video you might like, I know I loved it at least! It's part of a Cops episode, where the officer arrests a black midget performing tricks on the side of the road, and the little dude tries to escape! I won't spoil it for you guys, but it gets pretty crazy.
This is a must-see for fans of law enforcement, little people, street entertainment and happy endings!
Here's a video you might like, I know I loved it at least! It's part of a Cops episode, where the officer arrests a black midget performing tricks on the side of the road, and the little dude tries to escape! I won't spoil it for you guys, but it gets pretty crazy.
This is a must-see for fans of law enforcement, little people, street entertainment and happy endings!
Sure, it has content, but you can't grow a thread on just a few lols and the occasional lmao. For those big juicy 5 pagers, you need debate, discussion and an influx of fresh material. The best way to do this is get people (I'm taking the liberty of calling the savages who walk the desolate plains of the internet "people") talking, and the best way to get them talking is to ask them questions.
+ Show Spoiler [The Right Approach] +
On May 28 2007 14:01 AN EXQUISITE POSTER wrote:
Here's a video you might like, I know I loved it at least! It's part of a Cops episode, where the officer arrests a black midget performing tricks on the side of the road, and the little dude tries to escape! I won't spoil it for you guys, but it gets pretty crazy.
This is a must-see for fans of law enforcement, little people, street entertainment and happy endings!
Have any of you ever had encounters with hyperactive midgets?
Has anyone ever seen any really old midgets? I don't think they even exist.
Do you think midgets are human? I mean, leprechauns aren't are they? Neither are gnomes... What about dwarfs?
What about retarded midgets? What if they were raised by wolves? Or by midget wolves?
Do animals have midgets? I bet an elephant midget would look a lot like Dom Deluise.
Feel free to discuss these questions!
Here's a video you might like, I know I loved it at least! It's part of a Cops episode, where the officer arrests a black midget performing tricks on the side of the road, and the little dude tries to escape! I won't spoil it for you guys, but it gets pretty crazy.
This is a must-see for fans of law enforcement, little people, street entertainment and happy endings!
Have any of you ever had encounters with hyperactive midgets?
Has anyone ever seen any really old midgets? I don't think they even exist.
Do you think midgets are human? I mean, leprechauns aren't are they? Neither are gnomes... What about dwarfs?
What about retarded midgets? What if they were raised by wolves? Or by midget wolves?
Do animals have midgets? I bet an elephant midget would look a lot like Dom Deluise.
Feel free to discuss these questions!
So, there we go! If you're not a complete idiot, you might be able to make a decent OP now. An excellent OP will require creativity and a good premise, but those kinds of threads can only be forged by the mightiest of Posting Gods, and I just don't want you kids anywhere near my level. It's good to be the King.
This concludes the first seminar on the Art of Posting, and I'll probably educate you further in the near future. I don't know when, but it doesn't hurt to check, does it? You don't even have to move or anything. Just sit there like the slazy slob you are and have your anime-stained fingers point your mouse at my blog.
You people disgust me.
