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I haven't written about girls in a while now, perhaps it has to do with the fact that I haven't been completely into a girl since last May or so. In any event I figure I could at least entertain those who are completely bored at the moment. 
Anyways, I met this girl at work a while back. We work at the same place but do different things.. normally I avoid getting too attracted to people from work due to potential problems, but I figured this would be a good opportunity. I got her number as somewhat of a joke two Fridays ago and texted her.. only to see her keep responding. Heck, it wasn't even her only responding.. if I didn't bother to reply, like if I fell asleep or started doing something else, she would keep sending messages.
I quickly discovered that this girl has very, very low self-confidence. It kinda shocked me cause she's very pretty, one of those girls that has like 1000 friends on Facebook and a bunch of guys commenting on her pictures, "liking" them, etc. I refuse to be one of those guys as I find that complimenting girls in the early stages can be harmful.. Anyways, there's a lot to the story but we had kinda talked on and off until this Saturday night when we started texting again. Everything was going well: of course we had flirted and stuff and it was pretty obvious she was attracted to me... and then all of a sudden "her" tone changed. I got a message basically telling me that she was already talking to a guy and basically dating him, which I replied to with something simple like "that's cool, peace." She started calling me a few minutes later telling me she needed to talk to me.. I didn't bother to answer, but eventually she just texted me telling me that she was with her ex-boyfriend and he had been using her phone. On a lighter note, I wish I had called the phone right then because I want to see if her ex was going to imitate her voice or something lol . She told me he hates my guts for talking to her and doesn't want her to find anyone else.. I told her I was B- on iCCup and wasn't afraid of anyone. (Okay, that very last sentence actually didn't happen.)
Of course right then I realized this was a trap situation, but she kept texting me that night telling me how I made her happy, how she liked me, how I was a nice guy and her boyfriend had cheated on her in the past and how he was a jerk, etc. I replied on a few occasions telling her to just let it go. Then on Sunday she texted me in the morning telling me we needed to talk.. later telling me that I was making her cry. Of course I had done nothing wrong so I told her to stop trying to guilt me and to let it go again. I ended up having to work that night and actually had to be near her due to the nature of the job. She would hide her face every time I was near her, but I would always catch her looking at me from across the room. She started texting me Sunday night again, and I asked her just to be honest and tell me what was going on.. eventually she said her and her ex boyfriend were still talking and I said that's cool, but I felt like I had been lied to (lead on) and wanted nothing to do with her from then on. And that's that.
IMO, it's sad that a girl can be so attached to a guy that has hurt her in the past, but really it makes sense. Like I said, she has absolutely no self-confidence.. when I joke about her being cocky she would get kinda offended and say that she wasn't even good looking. This guy is all she's really ever known. I think she's passing up an amazing opportunity just because I know I would treat her well and all, but I believe there's a winner and a loser in every situation.. and I'm not the loser in this one. I honestly hope this guy never hurts her because some day, if he does, she'll most likely look back on this and think about how she missed out. You can't save someone who doesn't want to be saved.
It would make sense to end the blog there.. but I'm not going to. Should I be hurt or heartbroken? I really don't think so. If you recall, I've been hurt in the past and have even written blogs on here relating to that.. but for some reason, I have a really, really optimistic attitude about life right now. I'm generally a very happy person and in the past few months, my life has been going well and I've been enjoying every moment of it.
There's no huge sense of sadness. I've been through so much in the past two years and every struggle has given me experience to learn from. Perhaps it stung at first, but I've only gotten tougher and tougher mentally. My confidence has built up over time, to the point where it's evident in all areas of my life. For example, when I used to play someone that I thought was pretty good in Starcraft, I would be shaking and incredibly nervous.. but I'm not like that anymore. I'm not very easily intimidated by anyone and love to live up to challenges, love being the underdog. This new-found confidence has already carried me pretty far in meeting new people and not being so awkward socially like I used to be, and I'm just happy.
As far as the mental toughness issue, the best example you'll ever find of a person that is mentally tough would be none other than Michael Jordan. Yes, he was the greatest basketball player of all time.. some of that was skill, the other part of it was the fact that he refused to be scared by anyone and he loved living up to challenges. The best example for him is the flu game against the Utah Jazz in 1997, where he scored 38 points while having the stomach flu and only waking up three hours before the game. THAT is mental toughness. This is the person that I idolize in terms of mental toughness. Going in to any situation not being afraid, but knowing that if you do your best then you're going to be okay.
I kind of went off subject there (whatever the subject was originally, who knows ) but I kinda have a lot of thoughts on my mind at the moment and hope someone can get some enjoyment out of this. I just feel so positive for the future, I know that even if things didn't work out with this girl, there's many, many more out there. In the past, I felt much regret for making mistakes and had a huge desire to go back in fix those. There's no regret here. Hopefully this serves as some sort of encouragement for someone, as the road only gets better after you go through pain or heartbreak.
Thanks for reading
 
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Personally, I feel like you're being a little harsh.
I'll keep it short, but it seems like you're being a little hard on her, and you only valued talking to her to get into her pants. I mean, is it so bad to be friends with her?
Granted, if by talking to her ex-boyfriend, you mean sexing her like crazy, than yeah you were being led on. But I wouldn't completely abandon it - seems like a bit overreacting.
But its an odd situation, and i don't think there is any clean solution. So whatever. Coworkers anywho...yeah... 
Also: Michael Jordan did take a near year break after his father died - is that mental toughness?
+ Show Spoiler +JK 
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On February 22 2011 15:22 Comeh wrote:Personally, I feel like you're being a little harsh. I'll keep it short, but it seems like you're being a little hard on her, and you only valued talking to her to get into her pants. I mean, is it so bad to be friends with her? Granted, if by talking to her ex-boyfriend, you mean sexing her like crazy, than yeah you were being led on. But I wouldn't completely abandon it - seems like a bit overreacting. But its an odd situation, and i don't think there is any clean solution. So whatever. Coworkers anywho...yeah... Also: Michael Jordan did take a near year break after his father died - is that mental toughness? + Show Spoiler +JK
Hmm, I kinda get what you're saying. But I'm probably one of the most conservative people as far as dealing with girls that I know.. I can assure you that I wasn't just in it for what you think haha. I kind of get the impression that she just likes attention from guys and that may have been ultimately what she wanted.. but if her ex boyfriend is gonna apparently hate me and she's gonna stick with him then I'm fine with just getting out of there.
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I read this entire post because I saw MJ being mentioned when I scanned over it (the 23 in my ID is not a random choice), and I applaud you for using him as an example of mental toughness. As for the rest of your post, best thing you did was put an end to things when you found out another dude was involved. No point in wasting more time on a hopeless situation.
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On February 22 2011 15:25 GoShox wrote:Show nested quote +On February 22 2011 15:22 Comeh wrote:Personally, I feel like you're being a little harsh. I'll keep it short, but it seems like you're being a little hard on her, and you only valued talking to her to get into her pants. I mean, is it so bad to be friends with her? Granted, if by talking to her ex-boyfriend, you mean sexing her like crazy, than yeah you were being led on. But I wouldn't completely abandon it - seems like a bit overreacting. But its an odd situation, and i don't think there is any clean solution. So whatever. Coworkers anywho...yeah... Also: Michael Jordan did take a near year break after his father died - is that mental toughness? + Show Spoiler +JK Hmm, I kinda get what you're saying. But I'm probably one of the most conservative people as far as dealing with girls that I know.. I can assure you that I wasn't just in it for what you think haha. I kind of get the impression that she just likes attention from guys and that may have been ultimately what she wanted.. but if her ex boyfriend is gonna apparently hate me and she's gonna stick with him then I'm fine with just getting out of there.
Fair enough. Whatever is true of that situation that is going on with her and her ex-boyfriend, it seems toxic.
If life had a savefile that you could load up later, it would be interesting saving it, playing the knight in shining armor just to see what happens.
But in real life, it makes much more sense to let this one go.
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You tell her that she has to make a decision. To do something and suffer the consequences for it, and end up in a better or worse place. Or to do nothing and suck it up while you're in a worse place. That's the advice I always give my friends, guys or girls. If you aren't going to do something about it, you have no reason to complain. If you want something, go get it instead of complaining about it. Some people are just afraid of failing, letting others down, or making others feel bad.
Sure you could help her out, and be her knight in shining armour. But what happens next? She learns nothing, and gets the idea that if she's in trouble and complains, someone will always help her instead of helping herself. You can tell her to dump him, but ultimately she has to make that decision herself.
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Damn I wouldn't have done that.
I would've told her exactly what you posted here; about her confidence and the trashy ex-boyfriend etc.. It seems to me she wanted you to be her knight in shining armor and you blew her off, which confuses me since I thought you liked her initially.
I mean, you seem to be an all right guy and women around the world have the shittiest low lifer boyfriends and are just waiting for something better. I don't know how much time has past between the events told here and you writing this blog, but I'd go up to her in person and just make the move. Screw her jealous ass pussy boyfriend. If someone asks you for a glass of water... just give it to them.
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On February 22 2011 15:40 Sultan.P wrote:
Damn I wouldn't have done that.
I would've told her exactly what you posted here; about her confidence and the trashy ex-boyfriend etc.. It seems to me she wanted you to be her knight in shining armor and you blew her off, which confuses me since I thought you liked her initially.
I mean, you seem to be an all right guy and women around the world have the shittiest low lifer boyfriends and are just waiting for something better. I don't know how much time has past between the events told here and you writing this blog, but I'd go up to her in person and just make the move. Screw her jealous ass pussy boyfriend. If someone asks you for a glass of water... just give it to them.
It was just this weekend. I don't know if she was looking for that or if she just wanted the attention and she was trying to keep me hooked.. Who knows.
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On February 22 2011 15:53 GoShox wrote:Show nested quote +On February 22 2011 15:40 Sultan.P wrote:
Damn I wouldn't have done that.
I would've told her exactly what you posted here; about her confidence and the trashy ex-boyfriend etc.. It seems to me she wanted you to be her knight in shining armor and you blew her off, which confuses me since I thought you liked her initially.
I mean, you seem to be an all right guy and women around the world have the shittiest low lifer boyfriends and are just waiting for something better. I don't know how much time has past between the events told here and you writing this blog, but I'd go up to her in person and just make the move. Screw her jealous ass pussy boyfriend. If someone asks you for a glass of water... just give it to them. It was just this weekend. I don't know if she was looking for that or if she just wanted the attention and she was trying to keep me hooked.. Who knows.
Well, that's the whole issue isn't it? You acted under the assumption that she was just teasing you and was never going to give you a chance, and acted appropriately under that assumption.
However, the whole question, like you point out, is: is it A or B? YOU HAVE TO FIND OUT MAN!!!!! Make your move!! Go up to her in person, while you guys are alone doing some work thing, grab her hand and tell her that you like her and you think she'd be better off having a hot, wild and passionate romance with you than being with her chump, jealous boyfriend who's so pathetic he answers his significant other's text messages - I mean WTF is that all about?
Just do it!!! The benefits of one possible scenario are overwhelming and for the alternative, well, there is always youporn!
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Really, I think you handled the situation pretty well. I don't see why you should be heartbroken or sad cause like you said, there are plenty of cute fishies in the sea; many without ex-boyfriend issues.
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EPT
