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Today i managed to worry myself.
I usually consider myself a smart, relatively rational person. I have never started a fight on the street, i don't treat people badly, i help old people, i hold doors for the person behind me, i let people get infront of me in line if they look like they are in a hurry, and i even try to limit the amount of shit i talk on people on the internet.
But today, something very strange and unsettling happened. I got a call from my mother, asking me if i wanted to accompany her to the local mall.
I have been very sick for the past week, and i needed a couple of things, so i agreed.
But before we go to do our shopping, we need to drop off my younger sister at her job, next to the mall.
And it was in the process of unloading her, that this played out.
We are pulled over the the side of the parking lot. My sister gets out, but before she can even close the door... The car behind us honks.
Wasn't a long or loud honk, just a "get your ass in gear" honk. But when i take a look at my mothers face, and see some degree of fear and distress. I just snapped into action.
I was never mad, my pulse never got up, or had an adrenaline surge.
I open the door, attempt to whistle, but fail. Clap my hands very loud to get the attention of the driver in the car. And scream that i don't accept that shit, followed by a fairly offensive obscenity.
Whereafter they drive off. I close the door again, and we leave.
It wasn't until about 10 minutes later, that i suddenly started feeling really guilty, and shitty about what just happened.
I haven't done anything that douchy in over 10 years.
Nothing actually happened, other than the fact that i scared the people in the other car, my mother, my sister, my sister co-workers and all the bystanders. But the fact that no one was hurt does not make it ok.
I don't have anger issues. Hell i wasn't even angry when i did it.
And i'm usually very aware of what i project to the outside world.
The only possible explanation i have, is that i reacted the same way some otherwise peaceful animals snap at people when they are sick. And i'm fucking drained after an entire week of illness.
That combined with the look on the birthgivers face.
It's weird, i punch, kick and strangle people all week long, and never feel bad about it.
I have never felt bad for an opponent. And we inflict a lot more pain on eachother than a few words flung across the hood of a car, could ever do.
But man, i feel so fucking guilty about that episode. You can be damn sure that will not happen again.
I hate loud, overaggressive douchebags. And being one, if only for 10 seconds doesn't feel good.
How some people manage to be like that all the time, is beyond me.
I wish i could apologize for my behavior, but i'm sure they have already written me off as just some random crazy moron. (As they justifiably should.)
 
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What a disappointing blog, thought you got into a fight or something.
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On February 16 2011 01:05 limonovich wrote:
What a disappointing blog, thought you got into a fight or something.
I fight a lot, physical confrontation is really not a big deal to me.
Yelling like a maniac at random strangers is however. :/
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You sound like a nice person, venting is good for you and you didn't do anything wrong in my opinion.
Be proud of yourself :D
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On February 16 2011 01:08 Blackjack111 wrote:Show nested quote +On February 16 2011 01:05 limonovich wrote:
What a disappointing blog, thought you got into a fight or something. I fight a lot, physical confrontation is really not a big deal to me. Yelling like a maniac at random strangers is however. :/
Just think of it this way: you will probably never ever see that person (or people) so it doesn't even matter what you did or what they think of you. They're strangers. Besides, you didn't do anything serious anyway. Don't get wound up about minor things like this.
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Seriously, all this build up and it ends with you yelling at some guy in the parking lot?
Are you Catholic?
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You keep subtly(not) mentioning that you fight people all the time. Are you a like an mma guy or some shit?
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On February 16 2011 01:31 KinosJourney2 wrote:
You sound like a nice person, venting is good for you and you didn't do anything wrong in my opinion.
Be proud of yourself :D
Heh, thanks. I try to be a nice person.
And as long as i avoid stuff like that again, i reckon i'm moderately successful. 
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On February 16 2011 01:51 m3rciless wrote:
You keep subtly(not) mentioning that you fight people all the time. Are you a like an mma guy or some shit?
Yes, i do fight MMA. And i'm not trying to subtly work that in, in any other capacity than that my feelings towards this has nothing to do with be being non confrontational or or shocked about a run in.
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It was the opposite for me, I was calm and the dude behind me was babbling like a village idiot.
I get out of the car and the truck behind us honks and I look back and hurry out of the way so my parent can start moving the car asap. I put in my IEMs and look back to see the truck driver yelling at me. I didn't react and just went on with my business- I think it made him more pissed lol.
No need to beat yourself over it- you know who you are.
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On February 16 2011 02:03 Rinrun wrote:
It was the opposite for me, I was calm and the dude behind me was babbling like a village idiot.
I get out of the car and the truck behind us honks and I look back and hurry out of the way so my parent can start moving the car asap. I put in my IEMs and look back to see the truck driver yelling at me. I didn't react and just went on with my business- I think it made him more pissed lol.
No need to beat yourself over it- you know who you are.
That is what i would usually have done. Just fucking ignore that shit. ^^
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On February 16 2011 01:08 Blackjack111 wrote:
I fight a lot, physical confrontation is really not a big deal to me.
Much bigger of a douchy thing to say than anything you might have said in the parking lot
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when people honk at me, I honk back
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On February 16 2011 02:50 SlimeBagly wrote:
Much bigger of a douchy thing to say than anything you might have said in the parking lot
Why is that? It affects no one in a negative way that i say i have gotten used to physical confrontations. It's a natural progression. The more you are faced with something, the more you get used to it.
If you put me on the GSL stage, i'm likely to choke, bad. A top code S player, not so much.
They deal with the pressure of having to play all the time, hence they have learned to deal with it.
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people who stop in the middle of the road or lot to let someoneout and take forever are obnoxious. you deserved to get honked at if it makes you feel better tough guy
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Pulled to the side of the lot? Sounds like you weren't in the way. So why did you get honked at?
This situation is oh so very confusing because I have no idea the context. To me it sounds like you kind of pulled over so that people could still pass but some guy was like "No, fuck this guy I'm not moving for shit because of some dignity BS that means nothing, or because I jack off to some alleged rules so much I can't objectively judge a situation."
Were you just next to the lot and still in the road?
Was it a really busy road? About how busy does it get?
Feel bad all you want, no big deal to be honest, if you were quick about it that's all good and it's easy to get over. If anything, yelling and being obscene to the driver just spends more time.  I understand though, even if someone could justify that it was an okay thing to do, I would still probably feel bad if I treated someone negatively, usually regardless of what they did that enticed it in me and whether or not it I or the other person was in the wrong. And it can tough when you don't feel well and you get a bit tired.
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On February 16 2011 05:58 Hawk wrote:
people who stop in the middle of the road or lot to let someoneout and take forever are obnoxious. you deserved to get honked at if it makes you feel better tough guy
It was the side of a parking lot, and she hardly got a foot out door. But whether or not they should have honked is completely irrelevant. I didn't like my reaction, which i would say is quite clear.
And out of all the comments i have had, this makes the least sense. Using the term "Tough guy" considering the contents of of the actual post might show the poorest understanding of text i have seen in a long time.
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On February 16 2011 06:14 RageOverdose wrote:Pulled to the side of the lot? Sounds like you weren't in the way. So why did you get honked at? This situation is oh so very confusing because I have no idea the context. To me it sounds like you kind of pulled over so that people could still pass but some guy was like "No, fuck this guy I'm not moving for shit because of some dignity BS that means nothing, or because I jack off to some alleged rules so much I can't objectively judge a situation." Were you just next to the lot and still in the road? Was it a really busy road? About how busy does it get? Feel bad all you want, no big deal to be honest, if you were quick about it that's all good and it's easy to get over. If anything, yelling and being obscene to the driver just spends more time. I understand though, even if someone could justify that it was an okay thing to do, I would still probably feel bad if I treated someone negatively, usually regardless of what they did that enticed it in me and whether or not it I or the other person was in the wrong. And it can tough when you don't feel well and you get a bit tired.
It was actually inside the parkinglot, but over on the side near the shops.
There was plenty of room to go around. Which made honking an odd thing to do.
The more i think about it, the less a care. And the people all complaining about there being no fight (except that one guy apparently getting me being a "tough guy" from all of this.) does make it all seem quite a bit less shitty. I'm just disappointed in my self more than anything i guess. ^^
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On February 16 2011 06:17 Blackjack111 wrote:Show nested quote +On February 16 2011 05:58 Hawk wrote:
people who stop in the middle of the road or lot to let someoneout and take forever are obnoxious. you deserved to get honked at if it makes you feel better tough guy It was the side of a parking lot, and she hardly got a foot out door. But whether or not they should have honked is completely irrelevant. I didn't like my reaction, which i would say is quite clear. And out of all the comments i have had, this makes the least sense. Using the term "Tough guy" considering the contents of of the actual post might show the poorest understanding of text i have seen in a long time.
On February 16 2011 01:08 Blackjack111 wrote:Show nested quote +On February 16 2011 01:05 limonovich wrote:
What a disappointing blog, thought you got into a fight or something. I fight a lot, physical confrontation is really not a big deal to me. Yelling like a maniac at random strangers is however. :/
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perhaps being sick stopped you from sparring in mma, letting anger build up and lash out at some random person instead of your sparring opponent
stay healthy!
notsrs
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On February 16 2011 06:37 Hawk wrote:
I fight a lot, physical confrontation is really not a big deal to me.
Yelling like a maniac at random strangers is however. :/
Yes, i fight. I have fought for years. It's as much as hobby to me as Starcraft is to others. It's no different for me to say "i fight." than it is for others to say "i play terran." or "i collect butterflies."
In what possible way, does me bagging on myself for pulling a douchy move qualify as acting like a tough guy right now?
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On February 16 2011 06:50 JeeJee wrote:
perhaps being sick stopped you from sparring in mma, letting anger build up and lash out at some random person instead of your sparring opponent
stay healthy!
notsrs
Heh, i would hope that getting the aggression out isn't the only thing holding back a douchetide. 
I think it's just being sick and unable to do anything physical at all, might have annoyed me more than i realized.
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How can you say you weren't angry? I think you're in denial or don't recognize that you were angry.
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On February 16 2011 07:58 travis wrote:
How can you say you weren't angry? I think you're in denial or don't recognize that you were angry.
I can see how that would be a easy conclusion to come to.
But i honestly was not at angry in any sort of capacity that would prompt such a response.
I think the next blog will include this aspect.
People complained about the first blog being a "brag blog" so i wrote a self depricating one, which most people seemed to like. People were disappointed that there was no actual fighting in this post, but i can remedy that. While making sure it can't be seen as a brag, and rounding the subject of my anger.
Next subject (even though i doubt anyone cares. ) Will be the story of my second fight ever.
There will be a fight, i didn't win. And a big reason i didn't, was anger.
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EPT
