|
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/Vw6mS.png)
The Infested Archon's Guide to Casting Starcraft 2
So you want to become a professional Starcraft 2 caster like these idiots professionals?
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/LWdU8.png)
The most professional casters in Starcraft 2+ Show Spoiler +Couldn't find any funny pictures of J.P. in my 20 second search. Stop being so boring!
Well, you're in luck. The Infested Archon has created a complete guide to help YOU become a professional Starcraft 2 caster. We here at the Infested Archon have been watching Starcraft 2 for over a decade and have compiled this information using our years of experience. This guide is guaranteed to contain everything you need to know to be the best caster in the world.
- Make sure you talk about how there's nothing to talk about in the beginning of a game. The early game is boring, so the best you can do is talk about how boring it is. No one really cares about the spawning positions or analysis of each player's style.
- Be sure to open the APM tab at the beginning so you can show how fast players can select and deselect workers. This is always a good indication of who's going to win the game.
- Jokingly predicting standard openings such as pylon on 9, supply depot on 10, etc. This is funny every time.
- If players are chatting at the start of the game, be sure to talk about their chatter and repeat everything they say. Not all your viewers are literate and the chatting has a great effect on the outcome of the game.
- Always comment on the “metagame.” It doesn't really matter what you say, just say anything while using the word “metagame.” It will always make you look smart.
- Whenever you open the income tab, remark on how strong MULE's are, even if there is no Terran in the game.
- This one is very important. ALWAYS, ALWAYS say that the game you're casting is high level, no matter what the actual skill level of the players is.
- Pretend to be like other casters and use their phrases. For example, comment on large numbers of one unit by saying “There's sooooooo many banelings” or say “terrible, terrible damage” when an army gets destroyed. This will never get old. NEVER.
- Be sure to question every move the players make, since you've watched way more games that they have, so you know more about Starcraft 2 than they do. Exception: make sure you have a favorite player or a few, and praise every little move they make. If they lose a battle or a game, say that it's clearly because of luck.
- Make sure to leave the least relevant tab open at all times. All the tabs contain useless information anyway. The viewers don't look at them anyway and neither should you. In fact, that's a great place for another banner for all the sponsors you're going to get by following this guide.
- Whenever a drop is about to happen, focus your screen on a player macroing or moving his army back and forth. Drops aren't very exciting and rarely do any damage. But, be sure to realize you missed the drop right after it's done, and the drop is being cleaned up..
- When the game is about to end, make sure you say “...and we should see a 'gg' any second now.” If the player takes too long to “gg,” then keep on repeating that phrase in different variations until the player finally leaves. Feel free to insult the player for taking too long to “gg,” because he is wasting your precious time.
Congratulations! You now know all the trade secrets of Starcraft 2 casters. Now you can go out there and get invited to cast all the major Starcraft 2 events. Oh, your name isn't Sean Plott or Marcus Graham? Well... ummm... good luck! I guess you can cast online or something. I hear they play Starcraft 2 in Korea, so maybe try there?
Follow The Infested Archon on twitter for updates and maybe the occasional bad joke: www.twitter.com/InfestedArchon
+ Show Spoiler [Infested Archon archive] +
 
|
We here at the Infested Archon have been watching Starcraft 2 for over a decade
Absolutely hilarious. These are always very well done!
|
Lolrofl!! Hoju FTW! Loving these... keep 'em comin, buddy!
|
When the game is about to end, make sure you say “...and we should see a 'gg' any second now.” If the player takes too long to “gg,” then keep on repeating that phrase in different variations until the player finally leaves. Feel free to insult the player for taking too long to “gg,” because he is wasting your precious time.
Like last night, when Tastosis did this for a full 4 minutes. Just shut up guys, when he ggs he'll gg, and its really rather annoying. Keep casting and analyzing the game.
Another excellent post as always! I ♥ [IA]
|
so true, casting is a joke
these remind me so much of The Onion.
|
LOL I have to say this was the funniest IA I have read.... much props Hoju!
|
Whenever you open the income tab, remark on how strong MULE's are, even if there is no Terran in the game.
xD
|
On February 08 2011 08:08 MrCon wrote:
Whenever you open the income tab, remark on how strong MULE's are, even if there is no Terran in the game.
xD
To be honest though, MULES are quite overpowered
|
Still not as funny as Idra becoming manner, but that's because it's pretty hard to top that one. Good stuff 
|
On February 08 2011 07:53 Hoju wrote:
We here at the Infested Archon have been watching Starcraft 2 for over a decade
o.o
Edit:
Didn't realize someone else found this as well, xD
|
excellent! reminded me of the MAD magazine for some reason-
why doesn't Hoju have a special icon or star yet?
|
Oooo I loved this one. The quality of these writeups has only been increasing. Great work!
|
|
|
rofl, these just keep getting better.
Amazing, keep it up.
|
NIce work, as always *thumbs up*
|
|
|
LOL! so much truth in this blog!
Keep up the good work! 
|
Make sure to always describe how awesome, beautiful, or perfect forcefields are, even if they block no units or actually keep zealots from being able to attack.
+ Show Spoiler +Artosis is the only caster that calls Protoss players out for bad forcefields.
|
|
|
You forgot to add the part where the caster insults a sponsored level player's build when he is doing a build that the caster isn't familiar with.
It's funny but it's so painfully true.
|
That's what I get for leaving miniWHEAT and one of the cats in charge of making sure no one takes the precious casting book. I'm surprised you didn't give away all the Quake secrets too.
In all fairness though, this is actually really useful.
|
On February 08 2011 10:32 ShadowDrgn wrote:Make sure to always describe how awesome, beautiful, or perfect forcefields are, even if they block no units or actually keep zealots from being able to attack. + Show Spoiler +Artosis is the only caster that calls Protoss players out for bad forcefields.
maybe I'll add that for part 2
"Always say how good a player's forcefields are because there's no such thing as a bad forcefield"
On February 08 2011 13:02 djWHEAT wrote:
That's what I get for leaving miniWHEAT and one of the cats in charge of making sure no one takes the precious casting book. I'm surprised you didn't give away all the Quake secrets too.
In all fairness though, this is actually really useful.
miniWHEAT wants you to spend more time teaching him how to play SC2, so he's trying to ruin your casting career by leaking all your secrets.
|
|
|
Best line lol.
Whenever you open the income tab, remark on how strong MULE's are, even if there is no Terran in the game.
I think tasteless does this every time.
|
On February 09 2011 05:03 darmousseh wrote:Best line lol. Show nested quote +Whenever you open the income tab, remark on how strong MULE's are, even if there is no Terran in the game. I think tasteless does this every time.
I think you might be right. But it's the MULE's fault in the first place for being so imba. lol even when there is no T playing 
|
Infested Archon is the best.
|
Haha this is one of my favourite IAs, maybe because it has the ring of truth to it.
|
This is my favorite so far. Others were a little hitnmiss for my personal taste anyway but this is just outnout funni. Good work!
|
|
|
|
|
|
EPT
