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Active: 34769 users

C&C: Nigerian Wars (Part 4)

Blogs > 419
Post a Reply
419
Profile Blog Joined December 2010
Russian Federation3631 Posts
Last Edited: 2011-02-03 00:36:27
February 03 2011 00:12 GMT
#1
Do you think that you can mess me.
-Ben Azuaka

Part 1: http://www.teamliquid.net/blogs/viewblog.php?id=185133
Part 2: http://www.teamliquid.net/blogs/viewblog.php?id=186650
Part 3: http://www.teamliquid.net/blogs/viewblog.php?id=188347

As always, this is moderately long, so be warned.

The riveting conclusion to the Azuaka Tiberium saga has arrived! When we last left off, Ben Azuaka had told off the GDI in no subtle terms.

I pick another angle, this time with where it all started. The Boston arm of the Brotherhood of Nod. I kick things off with a vaguely ominous threat.

To: Ben Azuaka
From: Kil1an Qatar
Subject:
Body:
Listen you little shit, I've given you a week to come up with the tiberium. I have sent the MoneyGram to this Dele Ojo fellow as you requested, after he sent me the payment information.

Now, I will expect the Tiberium by January 10th or I will revoke your position as a full member of the Brotherhood of Nod

Seeing as you're acquainted with Mr. Skid and Mark...I'm of the mind to send them after you again...I hope I haven't made a mistake. When I do, others inevitably suffer.

---------------------


To: Kil1an Qatar
From: Ben Azuaka
Subject:
Body:
Kil1an,

You need to send the funds too my financial consultant account by today. You can make the payment to this information below today.

Receiver's name : DELE OJO

LAGOS,NIGERIA.


Receiver's name : John Chris Morgan

LAGOS,NIGERIA.



Receiver's name : MR. JULIUS NWAZUO.

LAGOS,NIGERIA.


Receiver's name :MR. FRANK MORGAN

LAGOS,NIGERIA.


I did not receive any MONEY GRAM INFORMATION TO PICK UP THE FUNDS AS PROMISED BY YOU

Looking forward to hear from you.

Regards.

Ben.


---------------------
Nice guy, gives me a bank account too:

To: Kil1an Qatar
From: Ben Azuaka
Subject:
Body:
Kil1an,


BANK OF CHINA (HK) LIMITED.
BRANCH: 136 SANG FUNG AVE BRANCH
BANK ADDRESS: G/F NO.136SAN FUNG AVE SHEUNG SHUI NT HONG KONG .
SWIFT CODE: BKCHHKHH
ACCOUNT NO: 01259892046931
ACCOUNT NAME: YANG LING MIN.


You can send funds to this information below if you cant make it with MONEY GRAM or WESTERN UNION.


Ben

---------------------


To: Ben Azuaka
From: Kil1an Qatar
Subject:
Body:
Its about goddamn time.

My application for the release of corporate funds had been put on hold due to your lack of contact with me, but now the process should move along faster. Expect to hear about the application status towards the end of this week.

Kil1an Qatar

---------------------



To: Ben Azuaka
From: Kil1an Qatar
Subject:
Body:
Mr. Azuaka,

I am quite pleased to inform you that my application to use our secret corporate accounts to send money to you has been granted.

Could you please resend the payment information, both Moneygram and bank account? I would like to make sure that no mistakes occur with the transfer this time around.

K. Qatar

---------------------

Oh dear, it appears the account he gave me has been closed.

To: Kil1an Qatar
From: Ben Azuaka
Subject:
Body:
K. Qatar,

Here is a new bank account where you are to make the transfer today.


BANK OF CHINA ( HK ) LIMITED.
ADDRESS: 136 SAN FUNG AVE BRANCH.
SWIFT CODE: BKCHHKHH
A/C NO: 01287592508620
A/C NAME: JIANG CHUANG HONG.

As soon as the funds as been paid i will looking forward to receive the payment SILP.

Thanks once again.

Ben.

---------------------


To: Ben Azuaka
From: Kil1an Qatar
Subject:
Body:
Mr. Azuaka,

I have some news to share. Yesterday, we lost contact with the clerk conveying the fund paying order to one of our secret bank accounts. It appears he has been detained by the GDI. Luckily he has no information that will the GDI to find our bank accounts so the money is safe.

However, this means that alternative measures must be taken. I have ordered that one of my operatives personally deliver the money to you. He will be carrying the money for the entire tiberium purchase, the full 27,000 USD. Thus, I expect that when he pays you the money, that you have the entire tiberium shipment on hand. He will have the proper measures for containing the tiberium so no worries about that.

He's a familiar face: John Terrell Clark, and I understand that while you have some unpleasant history with him, he is my best operations man, and I trust him with the money completely.
I will be contacting our assets in Africa to arrange a plan for getting you your money. In the meantime, I suggest you get in contact with him and patch over whatever differences of opinion you might have had.

---------------------
The bait now shifts to Mr. Clark of Nod.

To: Ben Azuaka
From: J Clark
Subject:
Body:
Well, looks like I drew the short [st]raw. The lady in charge is making me travel to Africa to get you your payment in person and collect the Tiberium.

Now, sooner or later I'll be booking a flight to Accra, Ghana, according to where you said the Tiberium was ready. Kil1an's got contacts to get me border documents. I project to travel there within 2-3 weeks. You can reach me at +44 701-760-2283 if you have any questions. I will update you with instructions as the time draws nearer.

JT Clark

---------------------


To: J Clark
From: Ben Azuaka
Subject:
Body:
Dear JT Clark,


Thanks for you ? i got your mail and its well understanding. PLEASE NO ONE GO HEAVEN IF HE OR SHE DID NOT DIE, There is no need of you coming if you get the part payment of tiberium from you and Kil1an first.

Please if you want to call to please do on +44 709 2981 772.

Please where are you coming from and which border document will she get for you.

Please note that i must get part payment as I AM NOW ALSO A MEMBER OF THE NOD, conformed from Co. Puppo or Capt. Oxanna Kristos in Svalbard - Norway. and Father w4nk in Finland.


From Ben.


---------------------
1) What the fuck?
2) Don't ask about "Father W4nk"

To: Ben Azuaka
From: J Clark
Subject:
Body:
Its not about you being a member. Its about the GDI cracking down hard on Nod assets everywhere. We can't rely on insecure bank and Moneygram transfers. Not now.

I will be arriving next week, on January 18th, 2011, on a private flight into Kotoka International Airport. I'm not currently authorized to give you my flight number as I don't want the GDI getting wind of this. The Boston cell is among the most powerful of the Nod cells ever since Svalbard was raided -- believe me, I will have the proper documentation and "inducements" necessary to get on the ground in Ghana.

I will be staying there a week. Any more and I run the risk of capture. We will be utilizing dead drop protocol. I will place the money at a location specified by a code that I will send you once you are in position. The code has a secondary control, only set to work if you are in Accra -- this is because the information I will send you, while encrypted with a 124-gazilobit keycode, will eventually be cracked by the GDI. You need to work fast. If the GDI is able to do so and get forces into position to intercept the money, that would be disastrous for our organization. Do you understand?

The code will also give you instructions as to where to drop the tiberium. They are simple instructions, but again, they can only be transmitted when you are in position. I am trusting you as a full member of Nod to hold to your word.

Please call or email me if you have any questions. No mistakes. For the glory of Kane.

JT Clark

---------------------


To: J Clark
From: Ben Azuaka
Subject:
Body:
Dear JT Clark,

Thanks for your mail, Please note that the marchandise does not owned by man. The marchandise will not been package and keep at its location without the part payment.

I am a Nod member and must get the part payment by wire transfer of WU/MG if i did not get any payment on this note its better you STOP any other further mail from today because i will not reply to your mail if you not accept my own order.

I completed the NOD form so that i will get payment plus my interest but you and Col. Puppo never say the truth on this matter.

Please note that your coming is useless to me if you did not do as i said, and will not reply any of your mail any more.

Thanks,

Ben Azuaka.

---------------------


To: Ben Azuaka
From: J Clark
Subject:
Body:
NEGATIVE. I am a full Captain in the Nod hierarchy. You have no place to give me any orders.

I do not know how to make this matter any clearer. Its far more dangerous for me to make a WU transfer than to deliver your money in person. GDI forces are all over the place. They're watching the banks, the Western Unions, the Moneygrams, everything. That crazy bitch Summers' ZOCOM thugs are all over Raynor Square, fucking up everything, trying to find our command HQ. I am not going to put myself in serious jeopardy just to make things slightly more convenient for you.

I WILL be traveling to Accra next week. I WILL be staying there for a week. If I do not receive the Tiberium then, then its obvious that you are a traitor and I will ask the Nod High Command to put out a burn notice on you. And trust me, you do not want a burn notice. You think the time Puppo sent those two jackasses after you was bad? I will personally have Kovacs at the Black Hand take you out. And Kovacs is 10x more crazy.

Have a nice day,
JT


---------------------


To: J Clark
From: Ben Azuaka
Subject:
Body:
Dear JT Clark,

You full captain in the NOD hierarchy mean nothing to me, if you and Nod want my marchandise part payment must be made to me, Do you think that you can mess me.

If you send me your fight time table and i confirmed it and will see you as i am a very good friend to the Benin republic president, I will tell you come Benin and have you Tiberium.

If you are ok with me fly Benin.

Regards.

---------------------
Yes, in fact I've been doing so for 3 months.

To: Ben Azuaka
From: J Clark
Subject:
Body:
I am currently in Cotonou. Damn hotel couldn't get the wireless configured so I couldn't get online. Where the hell are you?

JT Clark

---------------------


To: J Clark
From: Ben Azuaka
Subject:
Body:
Dear JT Clark,

I got your mail, Without the part payment my company which i represent will not listen me, and no where a tiberium is sold without the part payment. Once i have the some money from you then, the packaging will be done with a solid wooden.

The part part should be $15,650. and must be send to our company financial consultant name by western union only to.

NAME: MRS IFEOMA EKWENYE,
ADDRESS: 12 PIPE LINE ROAD IDIMU,
LAGOS- NIGERIA.

So send the payment informations of the western union, then the balance will be paid by you at the pick up location in Cotonou.

So i will for the payment as soon as possible.

Regards,

Ben Azuaka.

---------------------


To: J Clark
From: Ben Azuaka
Subject:
Body:
Dear JT Clark,

PLEASE CALL ME NOW ON: +234 709 387 6211. AM WAITING FOR YOUR CALL.

BEN.
CALL NOW: +234 709 387 6211

---------------------


To: Ben Azuaka
From: J Clark
Subject:
Body:
You need to call me on my Nod-secured line at: +44 701-751-5576. I don't want the GDI officers in Africa listening in.

I'll try to reach you when I have a secure connection here.

JT Clark

---------------------


To: J Clark
From: Ben Azuaka
Subject:
Body:
Dear JT Clark,

Please send me the address of the hotel and the number of the hotel, if i don't speak with you, i will not come.

Ben.

ohshit
---------------------


To: Ben Azuaka
From: J Clark
Subject:
Body:
Where the fuck are you? I tried calling you repeatedly and no answer.

JT Clark

---------------------
aaaaaaaaaaaaand finally burned:

To: J Clark
From: Ben Azuaka
Subject:
Body:
ITS LIKE YOU ARE BIG FOOL AS YOU EMAIL IS COMING FROM AMERICA AND YOU TELL ME BENIN. WHO ARE YOU FOOLING, STUPID MAN.


---------------------
But wait, there's more! He doesn't quite realize how he's been burned, and pins the blame on Brotherhood of Nod hudlooms. As his parting shot he sends me this gem. Oh no, he's going to send the GDI after us!

This definitely ranks among the top 5 rants I've gotten (note: he sends this to Ms. Noyoinaichi and ccs all the Nod members in on it)

To: J Clark
From: Ben Azuaka
Subject:
Body:
Miss Butsukake Noyonaichi,

YOU ARE A BIG FOOL AND THE WRITER OF THE MAIL YOU SAID THAT IS MY WIFE MUST DIE AS Col. Finocchio DEAD.

YOU Miss Butsukake Noyonaichi AND MISS TINY BEAVER AND THE CAMP MANAGERS WHO SAID THAT HE IS IN BENIN MUST DIE IN DAVIL NAME THIS MONTH, I WILL SEND YOUR PIC AND OXANNA PIC TO THE GDI TODAY AND TINY PICTURE.

YOU ARE STUPID AND ALL NOD MENBERS OF KANE.

THE NOD AND TINY BEAVER THINK THAT THEY PICTURE I SENT TO THEM AND MY ADDRES IS MINE. I COPY PIC FROM INTERNET AND SEND FILL NOD FORM AND GET ANOTHER PERSON PIC FROM INTERNET AND SEND TO TINY BEAVER, YOU ALL FOOL SINCE YOU CAN FINE THAT I SENT TINY AND NOD TWO TYPE OF PIC.

BYE FOR NOw FOOLS.
THE GDI AND ZCOOM WILL MEET YOU TADY

---------------------

And that ends the C&C bait. Its certainly been a fun and wild ride.

Thanks for reading. Got another bait in the publishing pipeline but its pretty different (and 100x more crass) than the others.

See you soon!

*****
?
DoXa
Profile Blog Joined August 2010
Switzerland1448 Posts
February 03 2011 00:36 GMT
#2
this series was so funny, thank you very much! can't wait for more baits :D
CCGaunt
Profile Blog Joined April 2010
United States417 Posts
February 03 2011 00:45 GMT
#3
hahahhaha
these are so good!

:D
Take me to Korea
Mr. Wiggles
Profile Blog Joined August 2010
Canada5894 Posts
February 03 2011 01:17 GMT
#4
Congratulations on another hilarious read. Bravo! :p
you gotta dance
Starparty
Profile Blog Joined December 2004
Sweden1963 Posts
February 03 2011 01:45 GMT
#5
What an amazing series, this is probably one of the 5 best stories ive read on team liquid the last 12 months!
The artist formerly known as Starparty
QuixoticO
Profile Blog Joined March 2010
Netherlands810 Posts
February 03 2011 01:57 GMT
#6
Holy shit I just read everything and it's amazing. Now that's what I call world class trolling.
"Suum Cuique" - Cicero
FractalsOnFire
Profile Blog Joined August 2010
Australia1756 Posts
February 03 2011 13:47 GMT
#7
On February 03 2011 10:57 Nyxs wrote:
Holy shit I just read everything and it's amazing. Now that's what I call world class trolling.


And trolling for a good cause too!

Wait what? How is that possible...
Starparty
Profile Blog Joined December 2004
Sweden1963 Posts
February 04 2011 01:46 GMT
#8
come on, this series is really awesome guys, it takes some time to read it, but oh god its so worth it
The artist formerly known as Starparty
Eben
Profile Blog Joined September 2008
United States769 Posts
February 04 2011 02:04 GMT
#9
totally worth reading all of it start to finish, amazing.
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