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This is just an update about my co-op adventure that I've blogged about in some of my last entries. This whole post won't completely be out the window if you haven't read them though.
So I moved in to my new place at the beginning of the month here in Salmon Arm, first time on my own. I just feeling like typing this out to keep a little journal and share thoughts or what have you.
My new job is alright, but there are some glaring issues that popped up pretty quickly.
1) I go to school for network and telecom engineering, which the company who hired me for co-op was fully aware of, but I got hired in the electrical plant as a laser profile sensor technician, instead of a network administrator, which I believed I was to be hired as. I was told on my first day that I might move around, so this could change, but I'm disappointed my job only ends up being like 5% related to my school studies. The job itself is pretty cool because I make and repair laser sensors, but regardless, I wanted something in the network and telecom area.
2) I signed a contract for my co-op term being 4 months, with my manager having said we can extend it to 8 months if there is a mutual agreement. I also signed a contract to rent out this suite for 8 months, so if I don't end up getting my co-op extended I and kind of boned and will have to come up with something for the remaining 4 months. I popped in to my managers office a week or two ago to get an update on the extension of my co-op, but she pretty much said "I'll get back to you on it." Pretty well everyone seems to like me, and I think I'm doing a good job, so I don't think she was hinting that she wants to let me go early, but I'm still stressing out over it. She's on vacation now, so that's not helping it much. I've asked around at work and some say I will have no problems getting it extended, while others say it's unlikely. Once again, it's putting me on the edge.
I like all of my co-workers, although I'm by far the youngest person working in the electrical plant, except for this other guy who is about a year older than me that I work closely with. He started about 5 weeks before me, so he is pretty new too, although he isn't a co-op student; just a regular employee. We seem to be becoming good friends, and I believe we're actually meeting up this weekend to hang out. This is nice, because of my next point.
I'm feeling pretty lonely in general. I went up to Kamloops last weekend to visit my sister and brother, dad and step-mom, and my nephew, which was a blast. I was actually really really happy to spend time with some of my family up there. I didn't realize how much I missed them until I had to head back Sunday. I don't have any friends or family here in Salmon Arm, other than this friend I've met at work.
I'm also feeling a little exhausted in general. Current weekday schedule typically goes: Wake up early morning > made breakfast > go to work > run errands, go grocery shopping, etc > make dinner > do dishes and laundry > couple hours before I head to bed then repeat cycle. I'm not saying I deserve empathy or anything, I know it's a standard cycle after you move out on your own, but I seem to be drinking lots of coffee and wanting to just take those free time hours at the end of the day just to go to bed early for more rest. I wish I had more time to fit in some games or TV or something.
Basically everyone in my family is broke/in debt. I got my first paycheck last Friday and used it for groceries and paying off my visa and car insurance and all that other stuff I need. I still have a bit of a balance on my visa and just lent my mom $100 off of my visa last week to help her pay her bills. She just asked for $250 more, and I really don't want to put that on my visa to be able to lend her it. I have to pay Februarys rent in a couple days on the first as well. I feel really bad telling her I didn't think I could fit it in my budget to lend her it. I've lent her money years ago and never saw it back, so maybe I'm just feeling selfish in that regard.
Stress just seems to be building up more and more, although I undoubtedly would still prefer living on my own than back with my mom and brothers for a lot of reasons.
Maybe a year or so my friend got me in to djarum black clove cigarettes, though I never actually bought them. I'd only have one every so often when he would offer me one. On my 19th birthday this last November, when I turned 19, I decided to buy a pack of my own. After that one, I've bought one more pack, at the beginning of this week. I used to like them just as a little treat every now and then because I like the way they taste, which was maybe 2-3 a week, but I've had one once a day since I bought this pack at the beginning of the week. I know it's a bad habit to get in to, but having a single beer after I get home from work or a djarum black helps keep the stress down. I don't want to form a bad habit out of this, but I don't feel the need to just stop completely. I think 2-3 a week like I had it before is a nice little treat (it takes almost as if a cigar I suppose. I can't stand regular cigarettes). I think if some of the above things were going better I would be less inclined to have a smoke, but that's not the greatest excuse regardless, and I know that.
I can't help feel I may be slightly bi-polar, especially since the last few years have seemed so up and down emotionally. I know there's a lot of bi-polar history in my family, which traces back to a lot of depression issues that have been floating around noticeably. My youngest brother has ADHD and some other issues as well and my mom is trying to get him in to a foster home or something because she doesn't think she can deal with him anymore.
I suppose I'll leave it at that. There's small things I could ramble on about forever, but that's the big picture. I don't expect people to say too much, I just wanted to get some of it off my chest. I'm off to bed now.
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Your mom asked you to take out a cash advance on your credit card to pay her bills... and is considering foster care for your younger brother?
Listen I know so little about you and I could be way off base... but that sounds like a pair of pretty shitty things to be doing as a parent. *edit* - didn't read a section of your post lol -
I think you should talk to her about the money situation so that she doesn't begin always expecting you to pitch in a few hundred here and there. I don't know how your job pays but its pretty clear you're just starting off, and you have expenses of your own. Just tell her straight up that you can't afford to send her $ all the time.
+ Show Spoiler +And honestly, stop the smoking. I know they're not regular cigarettes but its scary how quickly an innocent little habit like the one you're describing can turn you into a pack a day smoker. Take it from a pack a day smoker... I started the same way as you, and regret it very much.
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Sounds like you're doing fine tbh.  I don't know about you but I have a really hard time dealing with big changes in my life at first, before everything settles and I start to make friends and have a solid routine etc. When I move somewhere new I'm usually stressed as hell during first couple of weeks. It's funny how adaptable we are though, pretty soon your new surroundings will probably feel more natural than places where you spent the majority of your life.
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Yup, sounds exactly like 90% of all heavy smokers' "how I started smoking" stories. I think probably 90% of all people who can tell that kind of story are heavy smokers, as well. If you don't think it's a problem and you can control it, stop smoking for a month. You'll feel the pull of the cigarettes, although not as badly as if you continue smoking longer, and it'll give you a taste of how hard it is to quit smoking.
Good luck on getting the extension.
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Clinical bipolar disorder is pretty severe; we all get moody under stress but bipolar disorder is probably one of the easiest ones to mis-self-diagnose. Giving yourself a label like that can also be somewhat of a self fulfilling prophecy, because rationalizing your moodiness just lets you wallow in it rather than find ways to get past it. From what I've seen, cognitive behavioral therapy is pretty good for this kind of stuff, maybe you should try it out :D (I'm actually going to give it a try once I get back in the states for my recurrent despondency). Though if cost is an issue, you can always read books about cognitive behavioral therapy, because CBT is more about strategies for perceiving and responding to things than anything else, which doesn't necessarily require a therapist.
If you want to read a first-hand account of what actual bipolar disorder is like, I'd recommend "An Unquiet Mind" by Kay Redfield Jamison, it was pretty gripping for me.
http://www.amazon.com/Unquiet-Mind-Memoir-Moods-Madness/dp/0679763309
Oh also, you should try and get exercise somewhere in your schedule (preferably morning), it'll give you more energy than you'd expect.
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Don´t lend money if you won´t get it back, even if it´s your mom she should be adult enough to not even ask her kids. There is no rule like "i raised you and no you pay for it".
Like Spirit said, rather find something relaxing for YOU, go out do sport and meet other ppl. Oh and yes forget the smoking, once you started you have a hard time to go back.
Your life just started, get the best out of it :D
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My mom didn't ask me specifically if I would take it off my visa, she just asked if she could borrow some.
About my younger brother, she's tried getting him counseling and putting him on medication. I hasn't seemed to help, and he's even switched schools after he threatened to attack his teacher with a bat, so I wouldn't say she's just being lazy about it, but I think she figures if she can't get him better help soon than he is going to live up to his talk of suicide.
I actually have a very close friend who was diagnosed as being bipolar back in high school, and I've already read up on it a bit. If I have it at all, it would be a very mild case, but I find I get signs of virtually all the symptoms pretty commonly.
On January 28 2011 18:08 BottleAbuser wrote:
Yup, sounds exactly like 90% of all heavy smokers' "how I started smoking" stories. I think probably 90% of all people who can tell that kind of story are heavy smokers, as well. If you don't think it's a problem and you can control it, stop smoking for a month. You'll feel the pull of the cigarettes, although not as badly as if you continue smoking longer, and it'll give you a taste of how hard it is to quit smoking.
Good luck on getting the extension.
I think I'll give that a shot actually to see how it pans out.
Thanks for all the comments.
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Hyrule19030 Posts
Blacks taste great....but I couldn't ever really smoke them. Cloves were too much for me.
And the working world sucks. Not enough free time. If you skip breakfast you can sleep a little later (that's what I do) and have a big lunch.
Your job sounds cool, if stressful. But it's a co-op! I actually recommend not extending. Let them know you enjoyed the job, but want to get through university as quickly as possible. Maybe they'll offer you a job when you're out, or if you have another co-op maybe you can go back.
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Lately I've just been having a quick bowl of cereal in the morning instead of bacon/eggs/etc to get in another 10-20 minutes on sleeps.
My last year of school doesn't start until September, so even if my co-op can't get extended I won't be able to finish school any earlier. My programs courses aren't available in the summer.
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Hyrule19030 Posts
Oh...well then just extend.
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Did you go to the public library or something to post this? 'cause I remember you saying that you wouldn't have internet.
When I first moved out for university I felt a bit lonely too since I didn't know anyone in the city, but I think school helped keep my mind off things.
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Last week I got my own internet connection set up, although it was quite problematic because telus is a piece of shit and kept trying to screw me over. I didn't think I would be able to have my own connection in my basement suite but I have my own phone line so it was possible. Up until then I've been using the computers at work, public library wifi, neighbourhood wifi, etc.
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Hey I'm in a coop too! Finishing up my first month today implementing unit tests for the IT guys.
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Calgary25979 Posts
On January 28 2011 16:03 Grobyc wrote:
I'm also feeling a little exhausted in general. Current weekday schedule typically goes: Wake up early morning > made breakfast > go to work > run errands, go grocery shopping, etc > make dinner > do dishes and laundry > couple hours before I head to bed then repeat cycle. I'm not saying I deserve empathy or anything, I know it's a standard cycle after you move out on your own, but I seem to be drinking lots of coffee and wanting to just take those free time hours at the end of the day just to go to bed early for more rest. I wish I had more time to fit in some games or TV or something.
Real life sucks, right? I love when college students bitch because they have 4 hours of class followed by 3 of homework. Then you work a real job and realize that every day requires like 2 hours of travel, 8 hours of work, 2 hours of errands. There's so little time to actually DO anything.
I remember at my worst, I was pretty much coming home from work, working out, going to the grocery store, cooking dinner, eating, cleaning up, going to bed. That was my life M-F. -_-
Anyways, sounds like you're doing well so gj!
Edit: Never loan money to family members as a "loan". I mean, tell them a loan, but in your mind you should think of it as a donation. Only give them whatever you're willing to never get back.
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EPT
