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Do you take someone's sexuality very seriously? Recently I've been discussing with a friend on msn and I finally came out and said I wasn't sure about my sexuality anymore(the facade of being straight might finally be over), saying my feelings and sexuality are fairly unknown and ambiguous in this time of trying transition.
A few days later I say hi to her and she asks me if I'm gay. I reply by saying "no, lol, why". Such a mistake in retrospect, of course, but alas, this is the heart of my struggle. The ensuing messages are generic dazed and confused questions, climaxing with her saying she can't be in a friendship with someone who lies, and further makes the claim that I lie a lot(since I lied this once).
One of my last messages to her was this:
No, it's a matter of definition and self-discovery, and of one being supportive of someone held captive under a regime of extreme self-manipulative scrutiny leading to the problems inherent in a repression, but you seem to be set on me lying, so I'll let you have it at that. Sorry Bes.
I realize I crossed a line I shouldn't have in our relationship, so I'll retract.
She says dealing with me is so frustrating sometimes, I reply:"then don't, one should end these things and be happy" she then proceeds to block me.
So, I realize my mistake, and my relationship with her isn't really recurrent or important in terms of intimate feelings, but I wonder if I should have just kept things to myself like I have been the past 16 years. I can't help but wonder how my family would react if I expressed such a sexual and personal indeterminacy, though I suppose they may just have known all along. If the repression is to stop, how does one's real life begin?
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Basically don't hold back. You're going to have to work this out eventually or you'll be miserable your whole life.
But also, don't use Bes as a brick wall to bounce ideas off. I suggest keeping a journal for that. Take your most coherent (and hopefully positive) ideas from your journal and write them out for her or whoever else is a good friend to read.
You say your family might know all along, well they probably do. People are bad at hiding their true self, so your repression is probably not as deep as you think or want it to be. Just go for it.
And personally? No, I don't take other's sexuality seriously. It would be like getting all worked up because my co-worker is brown haired instead of blonde. It's just another way to define yourself.
I think what I would take seriously about someone else is what they do in life. Are they a philantropist? caring? cruel? murderer? etc... thats the stuff to recognize and adjust to, not sexuality or looks or any other natural feature.
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To answer the first sentence, no I do not take anyone's sexuality very seriously. I have a friend who is gay, and a girl who's my friend and says she is bi, and some others I'm not even sure about. But at the end of the day, I'm not friends with them because of who they are sexually attracted to or want a relationship with, I'm friends with them because of the person they are. If it makes any difference, I'm a straight guy, but I like to think I'm not very judgmental about others preferences. I just say, let others live their lives as they want, and I'll do the same with my own. I don't know if that helps or answers any questions OP, but that's how I see things.
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I have no idea about sexuality man, I have a gay friend that i think can still turn into a father but would still be gay. So it's really possible you might look hetero but you know still gay inside.
Also, why the hell are you lying? you aren't and you've already gone out of the closet.
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With respect, your friend is an idiot. What kind of friend would be so selfish and unsupportive?
You're basically telling her you're unsure of your own sexuality. I haven't experienced that myself, but I'd imagine it's frustrating. Society isn't always that tolerant or accepting or people that don't fit their idea of a cookie cutter mold of what a person is supposed to be, do, and think, so I'd also imagine there's some fear in telling others that you may not be heterosexual.
Instead of helping you, listening to you, and generally being a good friend, she takes this as a sign that you're a liar. Honestly, I think you're better off without her. She isn't behaving like a true friend.
To answer your first question, no, not at all. It doesn't bother me in the slightest what sexual orientation one has or doesn't have.
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as a few people have already posted, i dont think your actions really should have required such a negative reaction by your friend, though i dont necessarily think she is a bad person. it could be that she just isnt quite sure who you are, or thinks that all of a sudden you are a completely different person. like you being unsure about your sexuality changes you a lot. hopefully she comes around and realizes that shes overreacting though!
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Your friend sounds like a real simpleton.
Don't discuss physics with a toddler. They'll just get frustrated.
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EPT
