|
Warning: Girl blog -contains heavy text
Just needed to put this on paper, to clear my mind.
Perhaps I'm wrong, and I'd love to think I'm wrong but I highly doubt it.
New term began, I was feeling amazing when it was starting some sort of new-found confidence, added to the fact that my parents gave me the go-sign to just pass my courses since I'm only an undergrad.
So about my previous term, I was chasing this one girl for the second half of the term. Then I just kind of said "fuck it" after the term was over and tried to forget/ignore. Keep in mind we are friends which I find surprising because she knows I liked her.
It all started on the second day of classes. I was sitting with my friend before a lecture, and "the girl" comes along and stands in front of me expecting a hi. Trying to ignore the best I can, I let out a half-assed hi. I was wearing a toque for the first two days back -something that I didn't do the entire last term. She was very curious about why I was wearing a toque. Anyhow, she sat behind me and proceeded to give me a very brief shoulder massage which was somewhat unusual because even though this isn't necessarily an uncommon behavior, we've been away from each other for so long I thought maybe she would take her time.
So next lecture, I happen to run into her and another friend of mine (for this blog sakes, we can call her "mutual friend")who I am also good friends with. It was a cold day so the girl (the one I like) runs to the building when we got close. The mutual friend and I kept our normal pace and walked into class. We saw the girl (who ran into class earlier) sitting and had 2 seats saved. So both of us go there and sit beside her. When I did get to the seat she says to me "Hey Tony (that's my name) I saved a seat for you, isn't that nice?" I was still kind of disinterested so I replied with "That's nice...I guess" in which she replied to and said ""I guess?" I thought I was the love of your life!" She went too far with that one, so I said "don't get the wrong idea" and proceeded to sit down.
I think that last bit bugged her a bit, so during the entire class, she tried to get my attention. 3 things that happened (that are worth noting) was one, I was texting during class, and she tried to close my phone (and no it wasnt because it was distracting because she always texts in class and a lot more than I do), one of those playful things. Then she started to write my name on the desk, and then she wrote HER first name and my last name on her book and told me "This would be my name if we got married" I was like "cool..". Then before the end of class she randomly put her hand on mine for a good 15 seconds.
Now that's just cruel. I just wanted to "forget" and move on with my god damn life.
Next day, first lecture, first thing she happens to see is me when she walks in, so we talk for a bit, more chirps flying her way from me, she goes and finds another seat because there wasn't one beside me. For the next one or two classes, we didn't get a chance to "meet" each other but when we did see each other, she gave me "that look".
So I decide to head off to lunch with one of my close friends, and I just text her saying "I'm not going to tonight's lecture with you" just for kicks. This was where I started to gain interest for her again due to the recent events. The obvious response was "why" so I just told her that she was mean. Then the predictable response: the girly no! and then she adds that she is "positive" (she gives me shit for being negative all the time) So I said "Positive and negative equals negative" "Not always" "Are you suggesting that we make a good couple?" "Opposites attract  " "Sorry, I'm no boyfriend material, only marriage material" "I'm too young to get married" "You are out of luck then, but it's the thought that counts" "Always the thought that matters "
At this point, I thought to myself, "I've got this". Next lecture, the usual shoulder rubs, and she shows the mutual friend my texts and seems happy. Night lecture is more or less the same, she tried to pull the "Deep down inside you love me" shit again, so I was like yeah keep on dreaming etc.
The next day was more or less the same again, "Omg we match, we were meant to be" etc. At this point, I conceded, and stopped insulting her and disagreeing with her (I was also tired and not in the mood to "go against her")
Then today, I was just like, fuck it I'll ask her out.
HERE IS WHERE SHIT WENT WEIRD
I asked her out (had to text, because we didn't have class today), she is being all mysterious about it, such as when I asked where we wanted to go she told me "Your house", so I asked if she was eager to meet my parents and she said "My future inlaws". Then stuff.... just didn't happen at all.
I later talked to her on facebook, and she told me that she thought I was just joking around as usual, which is an acceptable excuse I guess. So I explained to her that I was serious. Then I get no reply, and I fell asleep. After my awakening, I see " Ahhhhhhhhh, I see".
That was the last of it, and I just don't want to talk to her again right now, I assume it's just one of those shitty ways of trying to reject me without making me feel bad type of thing, but I just don't seem to understand why she did the stuff she did, when she wasn't interested?
Maybe I'm just mistaken and should try to talk to her again. Maybe not.
And I didn't really think the whole "Friend-zone" shit mattered because of the way she was acting.
But in the end, I really don't care, if she talks to me about it again and good things happen, cool, if not she is still a great friend (hopefully). But if it ends up being the latter, I can't help but feel that I have been fooled.
My current view on it is that she did fool me, and that comes back to the first statement "Perhaps I'm wrong, and I'd love to think I'm wrong but I highly doubt it."
I don't expect positive replies and I'm ready for that.
EDIT: I should clarify, I can move on easily due to the sheer amount of females in my program, and currently after all the replies, I feel completely indifferent to this situation now, and I just don't care how it turns out. Thanks TL
  
|
Well the first thing I ever learned I think was the fact that you can never look at anything girls do from a logical standpoint, because very rarely does everything make sense.
I don't have any advice or tips for you, but hope everything gets better and you can just move on with your life and learn from the experience.
|
Honestly sounds like a pretty immature girl. Don't waste your time
|
The absolute biggest mistake you made was asking her out in text, I wouldn't take that seriously either.
|
I would suggest you make it clear to her how it made you feel and even just as friend she shouldnt do that and ask her what she would of done if she knew you were asking her on a date for real.
|
On January 15 2011 10:14 PanN wrote:
The absolute biggest mistake you made was asking her out in text, I wouldn't take that seriously either.
Yeah that's where I went wrong in my mind too, but I don't see her (alone anyways) outside of class and I had no class today. Besides I didn't wanna ask her out in front of all of our friends.
|
On January 15 2011 10:15 Weaponx3 wrote:
I would suggest you make it clear to her how it made you feel and even just as friend she shouldnt do that and ask her what she would of done if she knew you were asking her on a date for real.
That is a good solution but, I'm not the type of guy to do that, and besides, I'd rather move on and put this entire shit show in my rear view mirror than being pesky and bringing it up again 
|
I think you owe it to her to discuss it more, honestly. You don't have anything to lose now, why not try just talking to her in a private place sometime? Set it up in advance or something.
|
On January 15 2011 10:24 PanN wrote:
I think you owe it to her to discuss it more, honestly. You don't have anything to lose now, why not try just talking to her in a private place sometime? Set it up in advance or something.
Yeah, I just don't want to talk to her about this right now, it just seems like everytime I've talked to her today, this is all I'm talking about, so I'll see how stuff goes next week (most likely business as usual), then perhaps bring it up again or something.
|
Bottom line is that this girl doesn't respect you. If she knows flat out that you're interested, she would have been much more receptive in the first place. At the moment, she doesn't share the same interest as you but she likes the attention and knowing the fact that she's attractive enough to have a guy interested in her.
Don't give her the time of day. You can stay friends, and be nice, but if the subject comes up be honest and tell her that she fucked around too much and you're not interested any more. No other reason than that. Let her know that she was disrespectful and you don't see any reason why you should date her.
She will probably make an excuse etc. at this point, and tell her that you understand but it was a real turn off and you're not interested.
This is really the only dignified way of handling it that I can see.
|
youre getting owned by a cocktease, gather your willpower and ignore her.
|
Just a note, OP is a pharmacy major with a 99:1 girl guy class ratio...
|
Is it just me or does this whole thing seem like its more fitting in high school? The whole bringing up marriage thing at that stage of a relationship seems way out of place and the kind of thing children do. Women do similar shit to what you described all the time, she has you on the hook.
|
On January 15 2011 11:25 Hidden_MotiveS wrote:
Just a note, OP is a pharmacy major with a 99:1 girl guy class ratio...
Nurse*
|
Stop talking to this girl. Seriously.
Honestly, re-read everything you just wrote. She's a waste of time.
|
I know I am harping here, and this is what every body fucking says on this forum.
But seriously, go read David Deangelous ebook "Double your Dating."
It's pretty easy to find for free. If you have an Iphone you can get it for free on Wattpad.
I don't necessarily think it's a waste of time. You just need to proceed correctly.
Read the book. :/
|
|
|
I'm pretty sure no girl that actually likes you would act this way. Dismiss her.
|
Waste of time. Demote to "acquaintance"
|
Thanks for all the good responses, and keep them coming. I think I see this whole situation in a new light now
|
Ah girls. No one has any idea what the fuck they want, and this is a clear example. I think she was trolling you dude. She knew that you liked her, and was just playing around I guess. Don't waste your time with her.
|
I sympathize with you but Elegance, I must laugh.
Hopefully it turns out better.
|
It really irks me that I am using one of my low post count posts to post in this thread, but I really am a sucker for these kind of topics.
Maybe you blew it, maybe there was nothing to blow in the first place, we'll probably never know.
But the one piece of advise I can give you is to man up when you ask a woman out.
- Never text, never facebook it makes you look like a total pussy with weak social skills
- Never ask the women what she wants to do or where she wants to go. Tell her instead. You are the one requesting her company, you should have the plan already. Makes you look really weak when you ask her to make the dating plan.
- It may be common practice for some demographic of people, but I've never actually used the words date or girlfriend when asking a woman out and I've never had any trouble getting dates despite being rather average looking.
Your reason for texting her the request is pretty weak. You had no classes that day, and yet you could not wait another day or two to see her in person? You did not want to ask her out in front of all your friends and yet you could not think of a single moment when it would be just the two of you alone together?
Regardless of the outcome of this event, for future attempts, always represent yourself as confident, fake it if you have to.
On the plus side, you at least had the courage to ask, that's a lot more than what most OPs in girl blogs accomplish.
|
Women are mysterious creatures and she totally trolled you. Either ignore her/just stay friends or ask if she's serious and likes you. If she says no = hopefully you won't waste any time that could've been well spent with her anymore.
|
Dude, you failed the alpha test.
Once upon a time, there was a man who was very attracted to a particular woman. At first, she was just another attractive woman... but the more he got to know her, the more he began to feel attracted to her... and the more time he spent with her, the more that attraction grew into a deep emotional attachment and affection for her.
But there was one problem. As his emotional attachment grew stronger and stronger, he also grew more and more insecure. Why? Because he couldn't tell whether or not she felt the same way towards him. Sometimes she would say things like "You are so important to me" and "I'm glad that you're in my life"... but nothing ever progressed past the "friendship" stage. There was an occasional hug, an occasional kiss on the cheek from her... and once she even held his hand for a long time while he talked about an emotional issue.
But something was wrong with the picture. She just wasn't acting like a woman that was "falling in love". She was acting like a friend. The insecurity that he felt became a spiral that amplified itself... and the more insecure he became, the more afraid he grew of "screwing things up" by kissing her or asking her to be his girlfriend. Plus, the more insecure he became, the less time she seemed to want to spend with him.
After spending many days and nights obsessing over this girl, the man finally arrived at the conclusion that if she only knew how HE FELT, that she would feel the same way. So he made a bold move. He TOLD HER how he was felt.
He confessed that he was in love, and that he would do anything to be with her. She looked at him with compassion in her eyes and said "Thank you... I really mean that... but I don't want to mess up our friendship... you're too important to me..."
This only confused the man more. He didn't know how to take it... Did it mean that she really loved him too, but that she was afraid of something? Did it mean that she wasn't ready for a long-term relationship? Did it mean that she didn't love him, but that she was trying to give him a hint? Did it mean that he hadn't tried hard enough? Did it mean that he needed to put everything on the line and REALLY let her know how he felt?
He finally decided that he couldn't go on like this anymore... he had to be with her. He had to make sure that she knew just how much he wanted to be with her... so he took a big step, bought her a symbolic gift, and wrote her a long, long letter... again confessing his feelings.
And then the unthinkable happened. She didn't reply. He called her three times a day for almost a week before reaching her. She made an excuse about being very busy, and said "I'll try to give you a call soon, I have to go"... and hung up...but he never got a call back. Over the following months, the man tried desperately to understand what went wrong... and what happened.
What a nice, heartwarming story, huh? Sound familiar? I know, let me guess, you are not that desperate. But in one way or another, we have ALL been there. One time or another, the “Ewww! effect” has got us, and we got stuck in the friend zone, and then pushed out of the friend zone even because we wanted more.
Why does that happen? It is ALL about attraction, my friend, all about ATTRACTION. As David Deangelo says, the “Ewww effect is like hammering a railroad spike into the coffin of your relationship!” Why do men keep doing the things that cause the “Ewww effect” over and over? Because they don't GET IT!
Do you want to get it? I mean, really, do you WANT TO GET IT? (I'll give you a hint - SHE wants you to get it, that's for sure!)
Try this on for size - “if you think about it from HER perspective, you'll realize that the moment you do something to "confess", you have created a TURNING POINT in the relationship. Up until that point, you were harmless. I mean, women always know how men feel. She already knew you wanted her. She knew it from the beginning.
But now that you've started pursuing her and talking about how you feel, you've created a NEGATIVE TENSION that is VERY uncomfortable. You've triggered an emotion that is repulsive to women. And it does repel them. You can't "make a woman like you" or "change how she feels about you" by doing nice things for her...Doing "nice" things for a woman who isn't attracted to you HURTS you. It backfires. Worse, it creates the "Instant Ewww" feeling that makes it so she'll NEVER like you.
Men make this mistake over and over again in life because they're doing what MAKES SENSE to them. They're doing it because they don't have an understanding of ATTRACTION. I mean, if you have a friend, and you like them, and you want to make them like you more...and you do some nice things for them, they will probably like you more.
On the other hand...if you have a woman that you "like" in a romantic way and she doesn't "feel it" for you, and you do something nice for her because you want HER to like you more, it will BACKFIRE... and she will not only NOT like you more, she will most likely distance herself from you. Guys think that they need to communicate when they like a woman... as if that's part of the necessary process of getting a girl.
In their minds, it goes like this:
Like her -> Tell her you like her -> She likes you
Well remember... if you follow this pattern yourself with women who aren't ATTRACTED to you, then it's going to BACKFIRE. If she's not into you, then it goes like THIS:
She thinks of you as a friend -> You tell her you like her -> She gets the "Instant Ewwws" and never wants to be around you again...
There are really TWO answers to this problem. The first answer is what to do if you're in a situation where you like a particular girl, but you don't know if she likes you back.
DON'T GET HEAVY WITH HER.
Don't buy her a big gift and write a love letter...Don't send her ten dozen roses to her work with a note that says, "From your secret admirer". Don't call her three times a day.
And DON'T CONFESS YOUR LOVE for her.
Asking a woman if she's interested in you in a romantic way or if you are "her type", will actually DESTROY the chances that she'll like you. Really.
I'd copy and paste more but just sign up to David DeAngelo's newsletter.
|
HEH Tony Camplo, with another epic post.
My plan now is again, business as usual, ignore her, look at some other girls, not like it's hard for me either because I'm in a female infested program, hence why I'm not desperate to call her back or pissed at the fact that this story happened.
If she tries to bring this shit up again I'll just say (as someone here suggested) It was a one time deal, and she left it on the table, so it aint happening again. That should send a message
|
On January 15 2011 13:12 Ximeng wrote:
It really irks me that I am using one of my low post count posts to post in this thread, but I really am a sucker for these kind of topics.
Iirc you don't get postcount from posts in the blog section.
|
Nice replies...I'll add my 2 cents of analysis lol.
Looks like you liked her, she knew this, then you went apart or didn't talk long or what not, and now after you ignoring her/not talking to her or what not, she now was just trying to get attention from you, because she was confused as to how any guy could possibly not be interested in her! Especially after she had you like a doggy on a chain b4!
So yeah...then when you finally give in, she's basically uninterested anymore at that point, because she knows she can have you whenever she wants. Etc. etc.
Waste of time imo. Just pursue some other hot girl in your class, this one will be after you again in no time at all, or not. Doesn't matter either way
|
It sounds like she's playing with you. She finds out you really like her from before, then she is trying to get you to admit you love her or something like that. She's just teasing you, some girls are demented like that. I would just move on.
|
I learned a few years ago that asking someone out in any form that isn't "in person" is a terrible idea. The first person I got the nerve to ask was over instant messenger. A friend gave me bad advice to do it that way so I went for it and got turned down. Whatever, took like a week for the sting to go away, but no big deal. We were still friends and talked a lot, but over the next two months she re-explained why she didn't say yes on two separate occasions giving two separate reasons different from the first! To this day I still joke about asking my first girl out only to be rejected three times for three different reasons when I only ever asked once!
So save yourself the trouble - ask her out in person. Something along the lines of "I was serious, you know. I really like you and would like to take you out. How does Xday and Xtime sound?". Otherwise you get this ambiguous crap! The great part is that no matter what she says you can question her odd behavior and ask her to stop without worrying about the texting or facebook misunderstandings!
Edit: Or you can forego the whole thing and stop being friends with her. College girls are fun, but most of them REALLY need to grow up. My last girlfriend was a recent graduate at 21 and had a bunch of maturity issues. Maybe there's someone else in you female infested program...
|
HEH
Guess what I just found in my car.
Her fucking student card. HMM let's have some fun with it
|
You might have scared her away with the marriage talk. It's not just guys who dont want to jump right into that kind of serious commitment.
|
I knew it. Just from the title, I knew this would be a girl blog.
|
On January 16 2011 08:00 Chef wrote:
I knew it. Just from the title, I knew this would be a girl blog.
Sounds like you had this happen to you before
|
|
|
|
|
|
EPT
