Disclaimer: This is me whining about my life. It'll be boring most likely. I'm having a really hard time writing this in a coherent manner so forgive me.
So, hey. Little bit of background: I'm 21, from Quebec, I'm a geek/nerd, I live with my gf, I play some poker and work 10 hours a week for some money. We're both in school.
I'm roughly 2 years late in my studies - because of various issues, I had to stop going to school and work for a while. This also had the effect of permanently staining my track record. Now I'm back in school with a bunch of 18-19 year olds who seem like kids to me (no offense). My grades are a long shot ahead of the average for most classes except maths... Apparently integrals > me. The school I'm in is called a "CEGEP" which, in Quebec, is (sort of) a transition between high school and university. It's mandatory and pretty easy for the most part.
My schedule is far from overwhelming; I have a lot of free time. Plenty of time to get stuff done, but I don't. And I mean, I really don't get stuff done. I just can't sit down and study or do homework without feeling sick (literally sick). When I have to do something, then hopefully I'll do it later - but to have higher odds of doing it at all, I preemptively open my books at the right pages and put them on a table nearby so that getting started is less tedious when I do decide to get it done. YES, opening my books to start working is actually a step that annoys me. Sometimes I just skip it all. There are a few homeworks worth 5-10% of the final grade that I simply didn't do.
A lot of people say they're lazy, but I'm 10x worse. I'm ridiculously unhappy with the state of my life now. A while ago, school didn't feel so bad when I basically didn't have anything to do or when there were classes I was interested in. I thought I would just power through, but now it looks impossible. It's just CEGEP... In about 8 months, I'll have this degree which, on its own, does nothing but open the door to university.
There's no way in hell I'll be able to take university seriously. If I'm miserable in CEGEP, university will be impossible for me.
My life right now is very much like this: I wake up, completely disgusted that I have to go to school. I drive there; the whole time thinking "FML". I barely listen in most classes. I get back home, so glad it's over. I sit at my computer chair - then it strikes me: I have to do this team project with 2 complete retards. F- it. I'll just do fun things! And so, I start starring blankly at the monitor, clicking around, reading forums - threads like this one, then shrugging it off and clicking around some more. I'll boot up SC2 or whatever game, play for 30-45 minutes and get bored with it.
And it's all so sad, at this point, to be "happy" I like to buy stuff so I'm excited about it for a few minutes or a few hours. Like, I buy a new graphics card and it'll take 10 days to get to me. In my mind, it means that: I have to do this exam and finish this project AND THEN I receive the card and I'm happy for 45 minutes. Then I won't care. After I receive the card, I have to find something else to be happy about, or I just stay bored.
Right now, there's no real happy times in the near future... In the far future, I can think of Diablo 3 off the top of my head, though it might be disappointment, it'll keep me busy for a bit.
I'm just at this point where I don't feel like I can actually progress much further in life. I don't have the will power that's necessary to accomplish anything. I can probably make a decent living off of poker and whatnot - but I really don't want that at all... So yeah, here I am, anxious and stressed as hell because stuff didn't turn out well for me - not so far, and it's not looking good.
The famous line "you fail at life" always seemed to me like a joke. Not so much now...
I'm not that far gone yet but i'm getting there aswell, and I'm turning 18 soon. i used to have all these hobbies. competitive gaming, video editing, guitar, graphical design. this was only a year or so ago. now nothing even interests me anymore. school is fucking shit. 8 hour days 5 days a week, don't learn shit, surrounded by close minded people i can't bring myself to like, loads of homework, no choice on what you learn, everything is mandatory. I'm in gymnasium, which seems to sound the same as your school, it's required for 3 years between highschool and uni. I've been missing loads of classes lately. If I get thrown out, I'm basically fucked for life. But I'm not doing anything to help myself.
If you don't behave like them They call you crazy And if you wont slave for them They call you lazy Well I say... They wanna take your mind Turn it into a prison Lock you inside Then they call that livin' Well I say...
Feels a lot like I feel. I'm at university, 25 years, in my 4th year now(basically 1 term behind where I should be), and I couldn't care less if i get my BA or not. Only thing that really fires me up is scoring on some random girl or winning at a computer game, or listening to loud music while drinking alcohol. But I have a job as a journalist out there on the horizon, if I make it through, and thats what sort of keeps me going.
My advice would be: Keep your eyes on a long-term goal (like studying something fancy at the Uni) which can only be accomplished by getting the shit done that's up right now. Allow yourself to relax though.
i'm not that far gone yet but i'm getting there aswell, and i'm turning 18 soon. i used to have all these hobbies. competitive gaming, video editing, guitar, graphical design. this was only a year or so ago. now nothing even interests me anymore. school is fucking shit. 8 hour days 5 days a week, don't learn shit, surrounded by close minded people i can't bring myself to like, loads of homework, no choice on what you learn, everything is mandatory. I'm in gymnasium, which seems to sound the same as your school, it's required for 3 years between highschool and uni.
But you have 40 hours of school a week. I have about 28 (not counting homework/projects/studying). Even that's hard for me and it's so little.
Well I have issues with 'god, jsut do your damn work, stop procrastinating' and with just having a passion for my school.
Simply put, I don't care about ym current classes. They are basic level, so I know I can get by without reading the work, and puttin minimal effort to breeze to a B at least.
What I do, and its been working so far, is simple. (side note, I am full time student with about 30-40 hour a week job and social stuff)
Get home from work. IMMEDIATELY, AND I MEAN LIKE DON'T EVEN SIT DOWN IMMEDIATELY, grab my shit, head away from my game comp, away from my xbox, and get to work. My 7 hour work day just turned into 9 or 10. But if I don't take the break, if I don't go 'well, just 30 mins or whatever game' then I just get crackin, and get it done.
Same for exercise, but that's another topic I guess.
Seems to work the best way. The MOMENT you get out of your job, or the MOMENT you wake up, get to work. You will be surprised how much easier it is to not go 'awww, well just a little break' if you have not already had one yet that day.
Smoke a bowl, take a deep breath, remember that you are alive on this beautiful planet and look at the sky. This brings me to a wonderful state of clearheadedness where I can really put my problems and life in perspective with the world as a whole. Sure makes me feel better and want to do shit, hopefully you too!
On November 11 2010 16:52 N3rV[Green] wrote: Smoke a bowl, take a deep breath, remember that you are alive on this beautiful planet and look at the sky. This brings me to a wonderful state of clearheadedness where I can really put my problems and life in perspective with the world as a whole. Sure makes me feel better and want to do shit, hopefully you too!
Yeah, I'm sure weed would -really- help him right now.
I use to not get my work done all the time, and even now, if I miss the deadline, there is a chance it will never get done until the last second of the last day it can be turned it late.
But honestly man, why?
Why don't you just do the work, most busywork crap still only takes about an hour or two at most. I can understand waiting until late the last night to do the work... but to not even turn it in and instead play a game is irresponsible. I'm 18 and in college and I haven't missed but one assignment this semester. Yet but in middle school I was just like you, probably because I realized that the grade did not matter at all and I felt like I could skate by no matter what (which I did). But once I hit high school, I knew the impact of grades on my future, and I did not falter so much on my academics. Did I miss some assignments, sure, but i knew what I had to do in order to get it done.
And here I am now, in my ever-so-slightly-above-average-college with a major essay due tomorrow that I started on six hours ago. It's not even halfway done, class starts in eight hours, and here I am on TL. But you know what? I am still going to get up early, get it reviewed by an academic tutor before class tomorrow, and make changes to it in the schools library before the class.
On November 12 2010 02:28 Mothra wrote: Drop out of school and take a minimum wage, slave labor job in retail or something. Do that for 6 months or so then see if you feel any differently.
Yeah I can play poker for significantly more than that and even without an education I could get a semi-decent job through friends - on the other hand that too would bore me to death.
EPT
