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5003 Posts
One of the reasons why I haven't been translating anything is mostly because at this point I view browsing and posting in TeamLiquid as a pure Leisure activity. The biggest reason behind this is because one of the courses I'm currently taking, which is UChicago's Price Theory -- the graduate level microeconomic sequence in the college that is known to have the toughest first year.
Every problem set, me and my workgroup spends about 20~30 hours just working on the problem set. There was a time where we spent 15 hours just talking about one part of a problem (every problem set has 2 problems)... and then it ended up being wrong so we had to redo it. It's definitely challenging, and it's draining enough that I stopped applying to jobs and everything else because I know I won't be able to handle the stress of recruitment on top of this.
Maybe I'm just weak, but I don't know. This is the first time in my undergraduate career where I felt as if I was actually working hard, considering I have managed to get past a bit over 3 years just by half-assing -- considering I spent a majority of my first 3 years getting purely Bs because I spent nearly no time into any of the things I've been doing. Perhaps that's an excuse because at times I just realize I'm just not cut out to do certain things, and that everyone else has a much better aptitude and mentality when it comes to learning than me.
Even when I'm working hard though, I just feel as I could be doing so much better. I feel as if I'm not giving it my all, so to speak. I feel as if I'm missing that 2% that allows me to be competitive. I "understand" the motivation... but I seem to find that there is always something else I want to do when it comes down to it. This feeling has always persisted, and I always thought this would allow me to be "mediocre" in everything I do simply because of this. And this bothers the hell out of me, frankly.
I guess it really bothers me that I had literally not made the most of the opportunities I have given either because I was passive or because I was so stuck up in my own way of doing things. One of the things I pray about nowadays is that I want the "motivation", the "will power", or "discipline" or whatever to live life to the fullest... because I just feel as if I've just been drudging along without ever trying to take control of it and just passively going about life.
If there is one thing that is completely stressing me out right now, it is that more than anything else. Whatever I do in life, I just want to live in a way that I can say that I have tried my best, that I have lived out my life to its full potential, or at least, I have enjoyed every moment
I want to try, but I have no idea how. I mean, if it just involves making most of every moment of your life, I just have no idea how that works, how that feels like, although I can imagine it.
Who knows.
 
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MrHoon
10183 Posts
i know how you feel
along with 8 other people
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I actually, am very familiar with that missing 2% you speak of. I do well in a lot of things. (debate, shooting, JJ, games...) but I'm missing that little bit of motivation that if I had could easily get me to put in that extra little bit of time or work and make me actually GOOD at something.
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Well, its better then feeling like you are missing about 50%, which is how I feel right now.
I just don't have the motivation I should, and I don't have much in terms of excuses. :[
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"Kill you love ones"
That's what they told me, when I started my candidate in science. If you are not married to your education, you'll never live through the 80+ hour weeks.
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Your blog hits close to home.
On November 10 2010 19:06 ThePurist wrote:
스트레스 받지 말고 힘내세염~~
ㅅㄳㄱ
GL
Google translate gives me: "Come on, do not stress trisomy b ~ ~ oi ㄳ"
Trisomy?
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Do your best, then try to be happy. Don't focus on one track, one aspect of yourself, consider yourself a complex wave function  Or buy a shield battery -^
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Answer: ditch that nerd shit and come to Caltech. I'll make you feel real nice 
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United States11393 Posts
On November 10 2010 19:48 Saracen wrote:Answer: ditch that nerd shit and come to Caltech. I'll make you feel real nice
So, he can do even more nerd shit? ;o
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On November 10 2010 19:57 Harem wrote:Show nested quote +On November 10 2010 19:48 Saracen wrote:Answer: ditch that nerd shit and come to Caltech. I'll make you feel real nice So, he can do even more nerd shit? ;o
I was imagining something more special
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Maybe it is not you who want to have that extra 2%, to give your absolute best, to be able to say you did everything you could. Maybe it's your culture forcing that way of thinking on you. It's very benificial for your culture, because 1) some people are really perceptive to that way of thinking and will excel and be happy, 2) some people are partly perceptive to that way of thinking and will perform pretty good but will not feel entirely fulfilled, and 3) the rest will try to be like that, fail at it -- nothing lost for your culture. If they had not tried to be like that, they would perform (as in be cost effective for enhancing your culture) badly too.
I'm trying to give it the cultural / meme / evolutionairy explanation.
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Korea (South)1897 Posts
Find your passion
and you'll find your motivation,
will power is an illusion.
You think people are living up to their potential,
but they are only just busy.
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If I can suggest, it's harder with economics than a lot of other stuff, but try and find inspirational materials. It's easy for me as a games designer because really one can find inspiration anywhere in good games, good stories and just good times. But I have other pursuits that are more sciency and I find, say, if I'm cramming high moral theory that reading the old masters like Mill and plato is fantastic. For science, perhaps economics too, looking to TED, mentoring younger people who are interested, reading the economic actors as opposed to the theorists are all possibilities.
It's my theory that the general human population is split between people who found their life around either creation or consumption. Nevertheless, being healthy mentally as either requires the participation in your non-natural behavior- creators, people who relax and feel at home making things, nevertheless need to absorb the work of others to fire their own creativity. Consumers, who are at home appreciating the work of others, must dabble at least a little to fully appreciate the work and effort that goes into the stuff they enjoy. I find most problems of motivation are due to an imbalance in that regard.
I'd also not be too harsh on yourself for not achieving grades. If you truly enjoy what you do, grades should mean little or nothing compared to the accomplishment you feel in actually achieving the tasks. If you feel you did a damned good job and you get a pass, who cares. It's important not to look at the grade and instantly go 'oh man I botched it' or 'euch, I should have tried harder'.
Trust your guts. if they tell you that you didn't make an effort, then try harder. opposite is true. I regularly get high distinction grades that I feel disappointed with, I could have referenced better, worked harder, been more thorough. Equally, I occasionally get passes that I feel damn pleased with- a segment of code or a bit of level design where I don't have a natural talent, but I know that I worked hard and learned loads, even if the result is awful. The important thing is learning, in the end. Grades are important, of course, you shouldn't ignore them completely, but you shouldn't let them touch your self esteem either.
Saurus out
edit: as a final note, I find 'doing stuff' is a good thing to get you out of a rut. Look for anything to do- poster on a wall, facebook events, lecturer recruiting for projects, contract job, part time position, exercise group, whatever. Put yourself in a mindset of just jumping at anything you can get your hands on, and going. Break your current patterns of behavior. 90% of stuff you do will be boring and you'll probably leave it. 10% however, will stick and give you new stuff to anchor your life around to get a good solid shove into the future.
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I've been trying to summarize they way I've felt since I landed in high school, and this pretty much sums it up for me. It's an awfully strange feeling, but you should know (by what everyone else has said) that you really aren't alone.
Personally, I think the translation things you do is a nice thing to give you a little boost to do something exciting for us. Maybe you can expand there?
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On November 10 2010 21:48 Faranth wrote:
I too can relate to your story, Milkis.
I'm in my first year of university after coming from an academic high school in which I barely ever worked until the very last minute, and always felt terrible. Coming into university I told myself that I was going to overcome the attitudes and problems that put me into that situation in the first place... but clearly I lack the motivation and willpower to actually do it, as here I am dropping one of my courses today for not completing a paper worth 20% of my mark.
Consequently, I'm going to have to overload and take an extra course in the next semester to make up for this failure. I'm hoping that this might finally kick me out of my passive/apathetic mode and get me to start giving a damn about my life, but unless I make serious changes, and soon, I'm only going to make my life worse.
Thank you for sharing. You're not alone in what you're feeling.
It always disgusts me to read posts so similar to my own plight. Motivation is like a unicorn for me. I only ever get brief glimpses of it, it's never fully within my grasp. Having talent and no motivation sucks. Just sitting around wondering if you could ever live up to your potential.
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Why don't you get a mentor?
What they do is teach people how to be motivated, live life to the fullest, etc..
Right now what you're doing by posting here is equivalent to going to a bartender to get airline lessons. It doesn't make any sense to go to Starcraft nerds and learn how to become financially independent and live life to the fullest.
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On November 10 2010 18:28 MrHoon wrote:
i know how you feel
along with 8 other people
im the second
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United States4126 Posts
I feel the same exact way right now and I'm only a sophomore :/
School sucks.
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Mind if I recommend a book? Wild at Heart. It really helped me understand why I am not bold enough, not willful enough, not inspired enough to go do great things. It also helped me focus my attention on what needs to be corrected.
As a warning, it is definitely religious (Christian), but you mentioned that you pray so I thought this might be appropriate.
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On November 10 2010 21:09 MightyAtom wrote:
Find your passion
and you'll find your motivation,
will power is an illusion.
You think people are living up to their potential,
but they are only just busy.
wow. this is maybe the best post i've ever read. Looking at your blog I have the feeling I should read it first before posting here, but I'm 2 lazy now.
Anyway, I think he is absolutely right. I can't speak for myself (yet), but if you find something that you REALLY want to do then being motivated shouldn't be a problem.
On the contrary, the day usually doesn't have enough hours to do everything you want (sports, computer games...). So ask yourself, is price theory REALLY your thing? Or wouldn't you like to study other things much more?
.... gl
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5003 Posts
Wow, more people read TL than I thought T_T
Someone in my Price Theory class just came up to me and asked me if I was Milkis... T_T
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On November 12 2010 04:31 Milkis wrote:
Wow, more people read TL than I thought T_T
Someone in my Price Theory class just came up to me and asked me if I was Milkis... T_T
its sc2 man lol
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5003 Posts
On November 12 2010 04:41 Ilikestarcraft wrote:Show nested quote +On November 12 2010 04:31 Milkis wrote:
Wow, more people read TL than I thought T_T
Someone in my Price Theory class just came up to me and asked me if I was Milkis... T_T its sc2 man lol
nah the guy apparently used to be heavily into BW
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hi guy in milkis' price theory class
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On November 10 2010 21:09 MightyAtom wrote:
Find your passion
and you'll find your motivation,
will power is an illusion.
You think people are living up to their potential,
but they are only just busy.
THIS. You'll realize you're not a good fit in where you're going when you start bitching about every little thing, whether internally or externally. It's rare to find a silver lining to every place you want to go, unless you know exactly why you're going there i.e. you're doing it despite your dislike for it because you know you'll need it.
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konadora
Singapore66356 Posts
On November 11 2010 02:10 Ilikestarcraft wrote:Show nested quote +On November 10 2010 18:28 MrHoon wrote:
i know how you feel
along with 8 other people im the second
you're always second
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On November 12 2010 04:31 Milkis wrote:
Wow, more people read TL than I thought T_T
Someone in my Price Theory class just came up to me and asked me if I was Milkis... T_T
What did you say -_- ?
Did you guys start a new beautiful friendship?
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On November 12 2010 14:10 konadora wrote:Show nested quote +On November 11 2010 02:10 Ilikestarcraft wrote:On November 10 2010 18:28 MrHoon wrote:
i know how you feel
along with 8 other people im the second you're always second
Yes, even second in your heart
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I feel the same way, well most of us do...
I wish I could half-ass for Computer Science/Engineering but it just doesnt work. Though Ive been doing it for about 2 years and well its showing now.
edit: Is there some way to convert my ignorant "high school" mindset to college mode? Getting Bs is not cutting it anymore, being mediocre. 
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EPT
