I just got a text from my dad 10 minutes ago. My stepmother's mother died suddenly yesterday, while in Quito, Ecuador. I can't say I knew her all that well, but my stepmother and I are very close, and she must be devastated right now.

The funeral will be held a week from now, and I feel obligated to attend and do my best to console my stepmother. However, I've not yet experienced the loss of someone close to me, so I'm afraid my words will seem shallow and without meaning.

I... I don't know what to do, guys.

I'm tearing up just from writing this; how can I help support her if I'm on the edge of collapse myself?

PhuxPro

United States294 Posts

September 26 2010 04:47 GMT

You go stay brave and courageous during support. You're young, I guess? These kinds of situations happen a lot, where young people are just devastated and have no idea what to do. But there's only one thing to do, and that's to comfort your relatives. It's mutual, really. If you comfort them, they'll comfort you, and the next thing you know, you won't feel hopeless.

My condolences to your step-mom's mother. Stay strong and don't show anyone you're on the verge of total despair.

bbq

United States49 Posts

September 26 2010 04:57 GMT

Not sure what to tell you, but everything gets better and heals with time. As you said, just let her know you're there for her with your presence. Try to see how she's feeling, and based on that you'll know whether to console her or to back off. You don't have to say much to her if words are hard to come by, just attending the funeral is a very supportive gesture in itself. Food and sleep are definitely important if she's feeling very badly.. make sure to keep those routine for both her and yourself. Sorry for your loss, hope things start to look up.

sung_moon

United States10110 Posts

September 26 2010 05:05 GMT

im sorry and u have my condolence

stuff like that are usually the hardest

ClanOverdosed

691 Posts

September 26 2010 05:10 GMT

Uhg, I'm sorry for your loss. My grandmother had been bed ridden for a couple of weeks now and I'm getting really scared, I've never seen her in such a pitiful state. I think I'm gonna be going through something like that pretty soon...

Torenhire

United States11681 Posts

September 26 2010 05:29 GMT

On September 26 2010 13:41 Aeres wrote:
I just got a text from my dad 10 minutes ago. My stepmother's mother died suddenly yesterday, while in Quito, Ecuador. I can't say I knew her all that well, but my stepmother and I are very close, and she must be devastated right now.

The funeral will be held a week from now, and I feel obligated to attend and do my best to console my stepmother. However, I've not yet experienced the loss of someone close to me, so I'm afraid my words will seem shallow and without meaning.

I... I don't know what to do, guys.

I'm tearing up just from writing this; how can I help support her if I'm on the edge of collapse myself?

My (mother's side) grandmother passed away a year-ish ago...I wasn't really close with her but I was closer with my mother, who was obviously very upset about it. She flew out to her mother's place right away, I didn't get there until later.. I tried the whole "be tough and supportive" but after the burial service and everything I couldn't help but cry like nobody's business when my sobbing mother came and gave me a huge hug.

Makes me almost teary remembering it.

Just be supportive of her. She's not going to be upset or hurt because you are.

-HellZerg-

United States409 Posts

September 26 2010 05:54 GMT

Omg, I'm so sorry that your stepmother passed away. :'( Just try hard to stay calm and not overreact at the funeral. It was not your fault that your stepmother passed away; I'm sure she loved you more than you loved her. I hope that your stepmother rests in peace.

Parametric

Canada1261 Posts

September 26 2010 05:58 GMT

From personal experience, hugs help lots and just being there means something in itself. If your stepmother understands that you weren't close with her mother (sounds like she will) she'll appreciate you being there without expecting a lot.

Crying isn't a bad thing.

Some memories will never be happy, but they get better with time, so don't try to be superman and give a super speech expecting to fix everything. Just saying this because it sounds like you wanna say the right thing to make everything better, which is a good thing, but there isn't anything anyone can do to take away the feelings you get from the loss of a loved one, but there are many things you can do to make it easier on those you care about.

Sorry for your loss and remember hugs hugs hugs

n.DieJokes

United States3443 Posts

September 26 2010 06:22 GMT

On September 26 2010 14:54 ProHellZerg wrote:
Omg, I'm so sorry that your stepmother passed away. :'( Just try hard to stay calm and not overreact at the funeral. It was not your fault that your stepmother passed away; I'm sure she loved you more than you loved her. I hope that your stepmother rests in peace.

Its his stepmothers mother

Redunzl

862 Posts

September 26 2010 08:54 GMT

#10

just be there. you dont have to say anything. its not a trick or build order. if she needs something you will be there.

disciple

9070 Posts

September 26 2010 11:05 GMT

#11

im sorry, have my condolence

My granddad died when I was 8 y.o. It was surreal, the emotions and to accept the fact. Its part of life.

Quint

467 Posts

September 26 2010 11:38 GMT

#12

You have to stay strong for your family's sake.

My condolences.

Archas

United States6531 Posts

September 26 2010 13:54 GMT

#13

Thank you, guys. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

I'd rather not go all Disney-movie-esque and say you guys have given me the strength to face this, but you truly have. TL, you guys are the greatest!!