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Edit: Aiee, sorry for the wall of text, and much thanks in advance to anyone that ends up offering advice through this gigantic wall ;; If no one does, that's fine, I feel significantly better just having vented already. /edit.
I really, really hate QQing in a forum (especially a gaming forum, in the blog section, jebus) but I'm feeling like I don't have a lot of people IRL to really ask about my situation, and I figure TL's got a wealth of experience and wisdom I could try to poke.
The lighter topic: I'm a bit lost with where to go with my Masters degree. (more specifically, whether to pursue a thesis, and possibly a PhD afterwards)
I'm currently in my first semester of a three-semester Masters degree (provided I keep taking a full load) for information sciences at the University of Maryland, College Park. My major is technically Library Sciences, although this choice was mostly because 1) I need a Library Major to be legally qualified for certain IS jobs and 2) I was not interested in Information Management, which is much more hardcore comp sci that I think I can handle. The major is a bit difficult to explain to people, so I'll go ahead and outline my ideal and reason for picking this course.
I'm currently working at a really low wage (everyone tells me I'm being paid way too little), but I'm uncomfortable quitting because it's a great work environment, my bosses are very understanding and adaptable, one company I work for is literally paying me even if they don't have anything for me, and in short it's incredibly accommodating through a full-time college education. Not to mention it's going to be hard for me to find a job in my current status.
What do I do? A bit of everything. Legal counsel, copy-editor, writer, literature research (ranging in topics from software development tools to the market reports regarding the medical industry to nitty-gritty searches through scientific articles and patents regarding protein biopharmaceuticals), source code review, and even 90% of tasks related to website development. To an extent there're times I feel like a manager, too, which is a bit weird considering I'm managing my "boss" but there you go. Unfortunately I lack the proper credentials at any of these things, given that my undergraduate major was English (at Scotland, so no real focus, just blanket English). Hence my low pay, and also a lack of confidence on my part regarding many tasks because I really, really cannot say "I know how to do it." It's always "I'll figure it out and get it back to you." It's giving me incredible experience and a lengthy resume regarding skills I have picked up, as well as great references, but yeah.
Moving on from my current job, the reason why I picked info sciences is because I believe (you can disagree, it's fine) that many internet resources are "behind the times." Which is really bizarre because so many resources are trying so hard, infusing so much capital into updating their systems but I feel like these IT/Comp Sci professionals are simply clueless when it comes to actually designing good libraries... and many of the current librarians that oversee some of these systems don't understand IT enough and/or are not familiar enough with the current status of the internet. Down the line I'd absolutely be thrilled to be part of a team actually updating/designing these resources (JSTOR, Pubmed, etc.), as I think (again, right or wrong) that it's a joke to not be using cloud computer/Web 2.0 with these. People don't want to find a gigantic catalogue, they want to be able to find relevant information and, if someone else has done a search, follow their footsteps. Sort of like Amazon, although Amazon's recommended book feature is garbage at the moment.
This leads me to an awkward situation regarding my degree because I'm theoretically attempting to destroy that which my degree is meant to do. Hence, a lot of my classes are like "what can librarians do from hereonforth" and I'm thinking "I AM HERE TO CRUSH YOU." But that's okay.
My first 4 classes (this semester) are all core classes for library science. I am learning a LOT, and being made to think about things I hadn't thought about before. Truth be told my vision of where I want to go in the future (the above two paragraphs) have largely been solidified by what I am learning, and there's so much IT integration into the classes that I'm learning about how to design databases etc. Next semester I'm intending to take the final core class as well as load up on IT stuff.
But! I'm not sure whether I should do a thesis or not. I'll admit part of me is chickening out - that's a lot of work, and I've never done anything like it. It's not a requirement for this degree, so I don't really have peers that I know whom are actually going to a thesis, so it's hard to find any people "who've already done it." Because 99.99% of people taking this degree intend fully to become a certified librarian there's no need for them to.
I also don't know where to go after I graduate. Before you say it, yes, I've talked to my advisor, and after I come up with a preliminary course plan for the next two semesters I'm going to set up an appointment. I'm just wondering if people have suggestions, experiences especially with regards to a thesis. "But haven't you already done a dissertation in undergrad?" Yes and no. I wrote a dissertation, but it was a short story, that I'm very proud of and got good marks for but it's not quite the same as what I imagine is a far more scientific endeavor, and in an educational system I'm not as familiar with. Like, oral defense? What? That sounds terrifying O_O
The second topic is a bit heavier and I'm a bit weary of posting it because I know at least how some of the responses are going to be.
My family's been in a tremendous financial bind for the past few years, largely because both my parents are horribly irresponsible (especially my father) with money and, coupled with his being in the construction business, has led to basically almost no income from him. He's a liar, an idiot (keeps getting scammed by his "business partner"), does unlawful business practices that get him in random trouble, shows no remorse for running up massive traffic fines, and buys expensive cars and gambles. My mother, on the other hand, repeatedly believes in him and just QQs about it when he (inevitably) lies or reneges on his words. They both show no responsibility for their actions, instead blaming each other, and both act as if they cannot do anything to rectify the situation. For the past year and a half, my salary (however meager) as well as huge chunks of my student loans have gone into paying for mortgage etc. which I am not averse to, except that because of the lack of income from my father, and the reality that I do not (and cannot) make enough money to support this chunk of the family, I'm very aware of the "impending doom." What boiled things over was a couple weeks ago, my mother sold a car, then leased another. I shouted at her an entire night, explaining that I was going to end up paying for that shit, and how she was an idiot for not simply carpooling. She yelled back saying I am just a kid, don't know anything, and that he'd pay for the car. The next day, she QQs looking at the contract saying "he signed such a stupid contract." Now she is QQing that he's not returning HIS rented car and that the renting company is constantly calling her, and that she's forced to pay the rent bills because she used her credit card.
Ri
di
cu
lous.
And then she started yelling at me to make more money et cetera et cetera.
Maybe I am a cold person - I would not disagree with that notion, because I am openly selfish and have bizarre "unemotional" views on a lot of things (ie. the question, "If you had a gun, and shooting a child would solve cancer, would you do it?" and without missing a beat I'd say "yes," although I don't know if I can actually do it. How can you? Until you have the gun and the actual decision in front of you it's hard to imagine the actual experience.) However, I really, really cannot help but wish for just walking out of this house, using my student loans and my monthly income to rent an apartment, fight my way through school, and then slowly offer aid while carving out my life. Because that, to me, is the reality I am in. I am not going to drop out of school to find another job, because I have my own future ahead of me that I'd like to hold onto, and I'm even willing to take out bank loans to try to stall mortgage etc. Hence my frustration and anger at the leased car that we can't get rid of for three years (selling a car I own is largely out of the question because it requires the father's signature and I do not expect him to sign off on it, because he's a dumbass like that, yay Korean pride).
Every day, whenever I open my mouth, I am simply battered by a relentless barrage of disparagement regarding my income, my uselessness, my unfeelingness (because I have on numerous occasions remarked I'd personally be significantly better off just living my own life), and my "insanity" when I bring up things such as "what if I accepted a scholarship in Scotland to do a post-graduate degree there?" (because I wouldn't be making the money I am now, howeverm eager). Whenever I attempt to reason with her she simply breaks down in tears and yells incoherent nonsense. Living at home right now is probably the single most stressful thing I've ever felt.
I know some people will argue that I should stick it out with my family. I remember reading a reply by, I believe hot_bid? talking about how the parents are the only unconditional love you have in your life. But when I bring up how I cannot make more money at the moment, it's simply impossible under my circumstances, she talks only about how she needs me to make money until my sister graduates med school (in like 5 years I guess? I mean she still has to get accepted INTO med school, and has to pay her way through it), and I'm not gonna lie, when every day all she talks about is you and your sister's worth as income it's discouraging and belittling. Yes, I know a lot of asian kids probably have to put up with this sort of feeling as well, and maybe it's just my selfishness, my American upbringing that makes me feel irritated at this. I really don't know.
I'm at a loss as to what to do now. I'm certain people have it worse than me, and it's something I try to appreciate, but I just can't. Perhaps I lack empathy. But I will happily admit I'm far more worried about my current state than the greater misfortunes of many others. Hoping people have any suggestions or any ideas on how to get finances in order or whatnot. Unfortunately most of my friends are also postgrad students, have families that are in stable conditions, and/or are old people who are caring for their own families and don't really have advice for my current situation (esp as most of them are immigrants themselves).
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I skimmed, but absolutely do NOT feel responsible for your parents financial situation. It is not up to you to pick up the slack when they are being blatantly financially responsible. Any advice I can give will likely be useless as I've never experience the same thing, but realistically, it seems as if you're being asked for far too much.
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woah i never really thought about it, but i didnt realize you could go to school for librarian stuff that's pretty neat.
Sounds like you're in almost too story book, in a bad sense, of a situation with people that just don't care and don't understand. Wish i could speak from some experience there but I can't
however one thing did peak my own personal interest and ability to share, being an extremely emotionless being myself
On September 21 2010 15:02 Southlight wrote:
s (ie. the question, "If you had a gun, and shooting a child would solve cancer, would you do it?" and without missing a beat I'd say "yes," although I don't know if I can actually do it. How can you? Until you have the gun and the actual decision in front of you it's hard to imagine the actual experience.)
easy. I just imagine what if it was my dad who had cancer, makes it no brainer. I mean yeah it cures it for everyone and that's great but honestly i don't care about everybody else, but if it prevents anyone i care about from getting it then sorry baby you gotta go.
Same thing where if i had a gun with someone who i knew was a rapist, or a repeat DUI offender with no remorse and i knew i wouldnt go to jail, ez bullets!
Anyway, i am also an extremely lucky fellow so here's me sending out all my positive vibes and good luck to your situation in hopes that something nice happens for you.
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On September 21 2010 15:15 Glaven wrote:
I skimmed, but absolutely do NOT feel responsible for your parents financial situation. It is not up to you to pick up the slack when they are being blatantly financially responsible. Any advice I can give will likely be useless as I've never experience the same thing, but realistically, it seems as if you're being asked for far too much.
Hahah, it's tough. I'd like to help, but I feel the obvious limits of my situation, the gradually worsening situation at hand, and my own future weighing so heavily into the equation that a lot of the social "norms" (taking care of family etc.) starts to kick in. There're also so many stories of the eldest son picking up after deceased parents etc. to shoulder his siblings etc. that I'm find it extraordinarily difficult to figure out "what's normal" per se and what's "too much."
On September 21 2010 15:27 Divinek wrote:woah i never really thought about it, but i didnt realize you could go to school for librarian stuff that's pretty neat. Sounds like you're in almost too story book, in a bad sense, of a situation with people that just don't care and don't understand. Wish i could speak from some experience there but I can't however one thing did peak my own personal interest and ability to share, being an extremely emotionless being myself Show nested quote +On September 21 2010 15:02 Southlight wrote:
s (ie. the question, "If you had a gun, and shooting a child would solve cancer, would you do it?" and without missing a beat I'd say "yes," although I don't know if I can actually do it. How can you? Until you have the gun and the actual decision in front of you it's hard to imagine the actual experience.) easy. I just imagine what if it was my dad who had cancer, makes it no brainer. I mean yeah it cures it for everyone and that's great but honestly i don't care about everybody else, but if it prevents anyone i care about from getting it then sorry baby you gotta go. Same thing where if i had a gun with someone who i knew was a rapist, or a repeat DUI offender with no remorse and i knew i wouldnt go to jail, ez bullets! Anyway, i am also an extremely lucky fellow so here's me sending out all my positive vibes and good luck to your situation in hopes that something nice happens for you.
It's actually legally required to have a library sciences masters to be qualified for professional librarian professions, and it's the job of a professional librarian to be a source of research aid to those that seek it. From my experience, however, few "knowledgeable" people actually take advantage of these services, as no one that I know of takes public library librarians seriously, and most people seem to be in a state of "I'm at university, research is something I need to do personally." It's odd. Anyways that's why there's schooling for it, and even a legal requirement in at least the US, UK, and CA. 
The gun for cancer question is an interesting philosophical one indeed, hahah, and my answer was a generalization. Having someone you know personally and hold dear with cancer obviously makes the answer relatively simpler (though most people would still be averse to it, I think), but then you can add complications like the person you must shoot also be a loved one (ie. the devil's deal), or both being irrelevant to you, or even having to shoot a child, etc. Lots of moral variations o/
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What a shitty situation.
I'm not sure about the first situation, I believe that's down to you in the end. However, regarding the second one; it's time to get out. I mean it's one thing being financially supportive to your parents, helping them out here and there (they brought you up, least you can do kinda thing), but to have them repeatedly squander the money you provide is crazy. As you already said, you earn quite a small amount; the fact that you're pouring this (and your student loan) in to their hands just for them to spend it unnecessarily is pretty unfair. I'm sure it's different in an asian household, so from that perspective i'm not qualified to comment, but surely you can see the cycle isn't going to change. At the same time, I can see it's difficult, you can't just leave them because they will obviously keep running in to financial trouble and without your aid will probably end up in a bad situation.
Hmmm, that paragraph is slightly strange, I concluded first, then provided thoughts that led me to question my initial conclusion... All the same though, I think it's time to set out a financial plan, if they can't stick to it, you get out of there. That way you can say you tried your best, but in the end, they just were too irresponsable and giving them your hard earned money was pointless.
I realise this post may be slightly confusing in it's layout, but it's far too early here for coherent thought haha; hope it helps somewhat though.
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Southlight, this is from me, and I hope you take it seriously, for what it's worth. I won't advise you on what to do about your family situation, but here is what you should do about your job:
Block out an hour of your time on a day you have off.
Write out an updated resume with the current skills that you have learned from your job.
Throw a cover letter on there that explains your situation without demanding.
Present it to your boss and ask if he or she can help you. If not, tell them that's fine. But you should try. Really, you should.
Good luck with it.
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On September 21 2010 16:53 ZERG_RUSSIAN wrote:
Southlight, this is from me, and I hope you take it seriously, for what it's worth. I won't advise you on what to do about your family situation, but here is what you should do about your job:
Block out an hour of your time on a day you have off.
Write out an updated resume with the current skills that you have learned from your job.
Throw a cover letter on there that explains your situation without demanding.
Present it to your boss and ask if he or she can help you. If not, tell them that's fine. But you should try. Really, you should.
Good luck with it.
My boss has actually already helped me by hooking me up with another company after I brought up my troubles (not quite as detailed family issue though, heh); this boss is actually paying me for hours I'm not really doing (hence, I'm working for a low wage, theoretically, but per hour I'm actually working I'm actually doing alright) + I'm being paid for hours I work for the other, so he's really been a big help. In that sense, as I mentioned it's really, really hard for me to complain, they've been very supportive with the limited funds they have  It's a startup company so they're working on investor capital and trust in each other, so... yeah
It's a tough situation financially... in that I'm being paid really low (for what I offer), but with all the support they've been doing for me I can't really say they're not doing enough. And really, the trust they're placing in me (to work at home sometimes, to flip around hours so that I can prioritize school) is just something that I don't think I can get elsewhere, at this point, not without a while of trust-building.
It's just, stuck between a hard place and a rock. They'd really like for me to stay on at least as a part-time worker even after I graduate and find a "better-paying job" and I love them enough to consider it in my spare time, it's the least I can do for all the help they've given me.
Thanks for the responses guys, it's helpful getting different perspectives x_x
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Osaka27097 Posts
While your job may be low paying, from what I gather from your post it is enough for you to survive. What is hurting you more than your low wage is the fact that you are giving it away to your parents.
There're also so many stories of the eldest son picking up after deceased parents etc. to shoulder his siblings etc. that I'm find it extraordinarily difficult to figure out "what's normal" per se and what's "too much."
What is normal? As a parent myself (of young children though), I cannot imagine demanding money from my children in that manner. I can imagine telling my children that they are to help pay for the household as a means to instill some experience in financial management, but I simply cannot imagine the situation you are in. If you end up putting your sister through med school, that is commendable. If you end up paying for a new scv suv for your parents, that is foolish.
The easiest thing in the world is to tell someone on the internet to "get out man for your own sake, its your money!". I won't say that. Instead I will say get out, for your parents' sake. This constant cycle isn't doing anything but creating pain, and one day you are going to let it all go in an moment that could cause a permanent breach.
Maybe if you leave now they will be mad at you and won't talk to you for a while, but if you just let it fester and they continue to abuse your relationship with them, what happens in the future may be way worse.
About the question on work in the first half, I spent the last year looking for a better job so I know how tough it is. I totally sympathize with you. But if you are still in school, and with all the stress you have at home, your current job with a flexible and understanding boss may be the relief that keeps you afloat as you go through your education. It will allow you the energy and mental strength to challenge your studies that your home situation isn't providing.
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I dont think I'm really qualified to talk about all this, but anyway here are my thoughts:
I think you should do a thesis, if you have a good opportunity. I'm doing natural sciences, and my thesis was far more interesting and has taught me far more than all the classes I took. It also added some much needed working experience.
Given that you have already a job, this doesnt apply fully, but I think a more diverse experience is always good.
Regarding your family situation: What I would do is getting my own place and try to spend money on things absolutely needed. All money thats left I would save up and use it to support my family where I thinks its right (e.g. paying for your sisters tuition).
Perhaps your talking about the concept of filial piety that is deeply rooted into (at least) chinese thinking. I dont think it means to be fully obedient to your parents, but more to be caring and loving, e.g. calling them at least once per week, even when your fully grown up.
I hope I could help you with your situation
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Thanks Mani, I'll take your words to heart.
@Chaos
I guess I should just man up and do the thesis; every time I go to class and we discuss something related to traditional library vs digital library my heart bleeds for the horrible obsolete-ness of current electronic record systems :'(
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EPT
