|
I'm Christian and have been my whole life. Over the past year I haven't really participated at church or acted out my faith, so in many ways I guess you could say I've been a bad Christian of sorts. If anyone were to ask me of my religious affiliation I would still say Christian tho, it is who I am and God is real to me, even though it is quite difficult lately to witness the reality of Him in my life.
That being said, I got beef yo.
My gf, who I've been with for over two years and who I met in China, then dated long distance for a year and then rendezvoused back in Korea for the last year, is not so cute anymore. I thought she was cute. In fact, she is cute. But damn all the girls here have hot legs and just exude sexiness and I want to bang em all. Slowly, through the sheer force of volume and attrition I find my eyes diverted from my gf's countenance and towards the long, high-heeled slender legs of the Korean female. This has had the gradual effect of me getting sick of my gf, and it sucks that I feel this way. But what makes it even worse is my parents want me to get married next year (I'm turning 26 this year) and they really like her and have been quite forward in expressing their desires for us to get married. Which would be cool if I were in any sense ready to be a man, but I'm not. And it makes me mad at God that he made me fall in love with a girl who by all estimates does not have the facility to lose weight and grow a pair of voluptuous legs that I'd love to crack open like the hinged shells of a mussel with promises of gooey deliciousness inside.
But that's actually not the main issue. Girls come and go, and if things aren't meant to be and my gf does not realize that her figure does not satisfy me and such lack of satisfaction does have a partial effect on my ability to love her completely, then I'm pretty sure I can find someone new. It might hurt a bit and it would be a damned shame for me to eventually make that decision, and I hope I never have to, but I'm willing to accept such a turn of events cuz girls are retarded and replaceable in my misogynistic mind. No, the real issue is money. I'm broke. I'm fucking broke and I shouldn't be; I have a job, it doesn't pay much and it doesn't carry a lot of glory, I'm pretty much a glorified peon, but it's still a job that lets me live comfortably in a relatively nice apartment in one of the biggest cities in the world, doing something I'm kinda partial to (teaching) with lots of freedom and low expectations. Cool beans! But I have no money. And the reason I have no money is partly because my mom made an automatic savings account that preemptively deducts about 600 dollars from my paycheck every month before I even get to touch it. That's been going on for about three months now and I'm pretty proud that I have that going for me, though it does reduce my paycheck about one-fourth.
But what about the other three-fourths? Let me tell you where that money goes: to my parents. Why? Cuz they have no job. Yes, it is true: my parents are jobless and have been for the last three months. An unfortunate turn precipitated by a hobbled, depressing economy? That's the common theme these days, and is actually applicable several years back when we got fucked royally by the housing market, but unfortunately that is not the case this time. No, my parents have no job because my dad quit his job because he wants to become a pastor. He's finished his education and wants to plant a church, and if he is successful in planting said church than there is a system set up that gets him a relatively good amount of financial support. But he hasn't been successful, which is ok. That's not why I'm mad at him. I respect it when people reach for their dreams, and find people who do so to be pretty awesome overall.
But I am mad at him. And I'm mad at him not because he's trying to live his dream and answer his calling or whatnot. I'm mad cuz he's fucking 54. I'm mad cuz my mom, who grew up dirt poor in some village somewhere during Korea's post-war reconstruction and drank hella dirty water as a child, has been diagnosed with hepatitis C for the past 10 years: that murky, indecipherable disease with no known cure that slowly consumes ones liver, its effects manifested in the jaundiced skin and brown specks in the eyes that splotch up when her body's taxed by the stresses of the world. She almost died five years ago, one cyst the size of a fucking tennis ball, benign in that it wasn't cancerous or even metastasize-able, but still sucking the life out of her like a monstrous stealth mosquito. And she can't handle stress well. So how the fuck is she supposed to be healthy if she has no money? cuz you quit your job? How responsible is that?
God provides? Ok, fine; He does. But maybe you could hedge towards the responsible and not test God's all-encompassing power by throwing away every materialistic comfort you have, no matter how mundane they may be. Maybe you could have just kept your job while trying to plant a church. Or maybe you could have not attempted this whole seemingly misguided ordeal in the first place. How embarrassing is it to come and have to ask me for money? And it's not like I mind; I don't mind giving you guys money, but why the fuck do I have to feel the burden of responsibility in supporting you guys? Once again, I don't mind it. But it's just weird having to have my parents come to me and ask for money, it's embarrassing almost and I can feel the tension when we talk on the phone or when we're both on gmail at the same time but pretend not to see each other. And it's not like my mom can show any sort of weakness in front of him; it's either she supports him or they both die in negativity, but it's so hard on her to swallow her own fears and financial insecurity, and I just don't understand what kind of conviction, faith-based or not, allows my mom to be susceptible to such risk. She's my mom dammit and she deserves to have every fucking luxury cuz she's the best mom in the whole world. She shouldn't have to be carefully arranging her words to hint at me indirectly that they need money fast and lots of it.
And now I'm blogging about it on TL. How retarded is that. And my gf just texted me and apologized for reading through my email and discovering I lied to her last weekend about going to my aunt's house and I actually hung out with a friend girl of mine who's leaving for America and who I used to be really cool with but gave up pretty much all association with because my gf several months prior read through my email and decided we were too flirty with one another. Fml.
Times like this I wish I could call up old girlfriends or at least some sort of bootycall... man I miss being young.
For those who read through this incoherent wall of text and are young, realize this: LIFE SUCKS. So get your education and learn how to save money while you're young. I'd expound on this point some more but I truly feel I'm developing Carpal Tunnel from typing on this laptop, so Imma end this now. Peace.
 
|
Dude, good read.
Have you made any attempt to talk to your parents about their uh...situation, and how it makes you feel?
|
On July 27 2010 23:43 Zeller wrote:
Dude, good read.
Have you made any attempt to talk to your parents about their uh...situation, and how it makes you feel?
not really. If it was anyone else I would cuz I love confrontations but them being my biological progenitors kinda makes things difficult.
O and my gf just texted me saying we should break up for a few days. Reetarded.
|
I'm sorry man. T_T
I hope everything works out for you in the end. The things you have said are reasons I don't believe in a God that does interferes in our lives, but I'm sure that if you take some of that faith you used to have for God and transplant it onto you and those you care about, you will over time not feel so abandoned.
And if your girlfriend is not right for you, then let it be over. This is no longer a time where you need to get married just to make your parents happy.
I hope I didn't offend you with anything I've said....
|
On July 27 2010 23:46 love1another wrote:
I'm sorry man. T_T
I hope everything works out for you in the end. The things you have said are reasons I don't believe in a God that does interferes in our lives, but I'm sure that if you take some of that faith you used to have for God and transplant it onto you and those you care about, you will over time not feel so abandoned.
And if your girlfriend is not right for you, then let it be over. This is no longer a time where you need to get married just to make your parents happy.
I hope I didn't offend you with anything I've said....
nah don't trip it's not like I can talk about it with anyone here, I've pretty much nailed the 3 most uncomfortable conversation topics in one post: religion, girl problems and money problems. I appreciate your post
|
Yeah love1another is right about the girl situation. If she's not doing it for you, you probably should call it quits. As shallow as it might sound, its probably the right thing to do. You're probably going to end up cheating on her and hurting her worse if you don't.
|
It looks like you want to stay with your gf because of your parents. I think if you pay for your parents, you shouldn't also stay with your gf for them. You're the boss now. As four the gf, you are still young. End it better sooner than later. Savings? Savings are for when something unexpected happens. Or for when you decide to give up your job and start a church. Your father is retarded. But I don't think you can support another family and save up money at the same time. Got to choose one there.
5/5 awesome read.
|
you know, im only getting a small window of your story here, but i wish i was you.
My parents are the exact opposite, they just do whatever it takes to make money, regardless if they enjoy it or not, they have no passion, and they want that for me too.
I would also like to have responsibility, instead of my parents pretending they know me and telling me everything about myself and what i should do. And at the same time trying to whip my ass like they're my man servants.
|
thanks. i never thought of it that way
|
can totally relate to your gf problems, felt the exact same way, and on my third try we eventually broke up "for real". But I would rather have it this way, than having to think about each and every day. GL with your problems! seems like your having a rough time right now, but everything will get better with time!
|
ouch at your situation, but you will probably find a way to get through it all, GL with taking care of your folks! you do have enough money for food, drank, shelter, and SC right!?
|
On July 27 2010 23:45 d_so wrote:Show nested quote +On July 27 2010 23:43 Zeller wrote:
Dude, good read.
Have you made any attempt to talk to your parents about their uh...situation, and how it makes you feel? not really. If it was anyone else I would cuz I love confrontations but them being my biological progenitors kinda makes things difficult. O and my gf just texted me saying we should break up for a few days. Reetarded.
a few days? what? why? huh?
|
actually probably just talk to your family and girlfriend and tell them how you feel
|
We don't have the full view of your problems but I think you can solve some things with planned and cautious communication. I think most of people's problems come from miscommunication or lack of it.
You say you believe in god [ and even if you didn't ] it would be responsible for you to talk to your girlfriend and not lead her on. If you don't absolutely love her, its a bit ridiculous to make your parents think you will marry her, or even worse make your gf think you are going long-term after 2 years together.
As for paying for your parents [ in your view: mistakes ] you should consider the Korean nature of life: they took care of you when you were little and helpless, so its your responsibility as a man to return this favor. I don't usually care for these old adages, but it seems pretty reasonable. Some people start doing this earlier than others, seems like you are one of these people. You should be thankful to your God that you have the opportunity to return this favor that he blessed you with. The fact that you have parents who cared for you is more than a lot of people can say.
If you sit and ask your father to speak man to man and not father to child then I think you can get close to solving that problem.
Also try not to lie to your girlfriend...if she's really sorry she went through your email, she's a nice girl and you should treat her as such. Stacking lies on top of lies just makes you an asshole.
^ imho.
|
your gf is hurting right now..
please be a man and decide if you want her or not, dont string her along
anyways... good luck i hope everything turns out alright, you sound like a good son
|
It seems like you're unsatisfied with this relationship if you're always looking at other girls and secretly hanging out / flirting with girl friends of yours. Ask yourself if theres even the possibility of you liking this girl enough to spend the rest of your life with her and get rid of her if the answer is a 'no'. It hurts like hell to be with someone who doesn't really like you.
|
When it comes to problems in life, you have 2 choices
-Gracefully accept them as a part of your life, chin up and dont complain. Instantly they are no longer problems but new part of you.
-Step up and make a change.
Apply one of these two things to each of your problems and you should make it head above water.
|
Just be honest to your girl, be honest to your parents, ...and be honest to yourself- you have flaws as well.
Basically , what you're doing wrong is, you assume everyone should know how you feel or have the same logic as you and realize things that seem obvious(to you)
You can't assume your logic is understood by everyone, as simple as it might be, as everyone is bought up differently, and its pointless because its so easy to just have a conversation or argument so everyone knows how you feel.
Which would be cool if I were in any sense ready to be a man, but I'm not.
In regards to your girlfriend, if you 100% can't love her for who she is, its not "manly" to marry her and live in discomfort.
In actuality, "being a man" would be some shit like this-
-Have you talked to your gf about her looks?
Like , "Hey babe, honestly you're starting to put on a bit of weight there." is apparently harder than just randomly dumping her? I know if my GF told me she preferred me buff as shit - i would 100% not fucking mind hitting the gym 5 days a week.
-Told your dad he is fucking stupid for not having a job?
Your dad should realize his the reality of his situation and if he loves his wife at all , he would work his ass off. So what if hes 54. My dad is 65 , retired amputee war veteran and he works fulltime, does all the shit around the house when im not home, IE mowing the lawn etc. tell him to suck it up
-Told your mom that she deserves every penny you give her, so she doesn't feel ashamed or embarrassed about taking money from you?
tl;dr
I don't like passive aggressive people, personal pet peeve, hope you don't take it personally, as i'm legitimately giving advice
Everything you've typed in this blog, TELL it to your parents, your GF, and anyone else that you feel uncomfortable about.
-Gracefully accept them as a part of your life, chin up and dont complain. Instantly they are no longer problems but new part of you.
or this. but i dont feel that is necessary in this case, except maybe with your dad.
|
Everybody has problems but man ...I hope yours becomes solved or become better to make you happy. It sounds like your not enjoying life or your future at all right now. Which shouldn't happen for anyperson. There is one thing you can immediately solve and that is the girlfriend problem. You sound very convinced that this woman isn't going to be the love of your life or your future signficant other for life.
About your parents, there isn't much you can do but keep supporting them and I too find this a very...'hard' situation, i wish you the best.
This is your life, your future, your choice and your parents, no matter how much they want you to marry her, cannot do anything. Grab life by the throat and take control, do what will make you happy sir.
and btw..what country/city do you live in? it says US in your profile but u said a friend was leavin for the us so i take it your in korea?
|
U play dota before in dxd? I remember u talking about sc before
|
|
|
|
|
|
EPT
