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"When I Play..."

Blogs > blahman3344
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blahman3344
Profile Blog Joined March 2009
United States2015 Posts
May 14 2010 01:00 GMT
#1
During the beginning of my sophomore year in high school, I wrote this poem:

A young boy chose his instrument of choice
Not knowing that one day it would become the voice
Of reason
His skills improving every season
Trying to get better for many days
So that someone will listen when he plays

He becomes good
Just as he should
He has ambition to become the best
To be better than all the rest
But the only thing standing in his way
Are the people who say:
“You just plain suck
You’re out of luck
You can’t be the best
So just give it a rest
You won’t be good, there is certainly no way
That people will listen when you play”

That’s when he drew the line
Things just weren't fine
He wanted to so badly just to prove them wrong
So he kept practicing till his skills became strong
When it was finally time for them to see
They heard him play and they could all agree
That his skills gave the crowd one heck of a buzz
But what they really didn’t see was:

they wait on his every note, every phrase
listening to the beauty of his improving ways
he says “The crowds mine
listening to the divine
sound coming from my horn
all other melodies torn
by the melody
being the only remedy
to the slump of music in this modern day
so that’s why they listen when I play”

As you may or may not know, I play saxophone in my school's concert band/jazz band. During the end of my freshman year and beginning of my sophomore year, I started receiving a lot of crap from people and was being bashed about my ability (this was before i got into the jazz band). This poem I wrote partially because I needed a way to blow off some steam from all that was happening.

I decided to post it here in order see what you guys think. I know it doesn't have the best rhythm flow and that some of it sounds kinda awkward, but this is something i spent around 15 minutes working on, and i didn't really care too much about about the mechanics of the poem itself.

Feedback/criticism would be appreciated. =)


whew...400 posts @_@

I like haikus and / I can not lie. You other / brothers can't deny
EsX_Raptor
Profile Blog Joined February 2008
United States2802 Posts
May 14 2010 01:02 GMT
#2
I liked it , but for a second I thought it was about laddering on ICCup lol.

And it also sounds more like a rap but that's just me (-tor).
M155_G33k
Profile Blog Joined March 2010
United States470 Posts
Last Edited: 2010-05-14 01:05:47
May 14 2010 01:04 GMT
#3
Wow, that was really good. It was loosing a little rhythm I guess but I didn't really notice. I have no real rhythm so I can't sing/ read poetry =p So I can't really say anything about that. The words though were really good. Congrats on 400 ^_^

edit:Yah I can see how that is like ICCup. It sounded like your instrument would be the keyboard and your song SC haha
"It can't be a NE Lan without any problems!" ~ "Starcraft is like sex. After a rough round, sometimes you just need that cigarette."
blahman3344
Profile Blog Joined March 2009
United States2015 Posts
May 14 2010 01:07 GMT
#4
On May 14 2010 10:04 M155_G33k wrote:
Wow, that was really good. It was loosing a little rhythm I guess but I didn't really notice. I have no real rhythm so I can't sing/ read poetry =p So I can't really say anything about that. The words though were really good. Congrats on 400 ^_^

edit:Yah I can see how that is like ICCup. It sounded like your instrument would be the keyboard and your song SC haha



hah yeah, when i read the first couple of stanzas, i realized that it could sound like it relates to starcraft XD
but the last part kinda shows that i was talking about music, lol

and thanks =)
I like haikus and / I can not lie. You other / brothers can't deny
M155_G33k
Profile Blog Joined March 2010
United States470 Posts
May 14 2010 01:21 GMT
#5
Yah further down, it is obvisous you are taking about music. I had my sister (who is a drummer and likes to write poetry... -.-) look at this too and she loved it. She said to "look closer to the rhythm in the third stanza because it is a little choppy and doesn't flow man..." Her words not mine lol I swear sometimes she is high.... *rolling eyes* haha
"It can't be a NE Lan without any problems!" ~ "Starcraft is like sex. After a rough round, sometimes you just need that cigarette."
ella_guru
Profile Blog Joined August 2009
Canada1741 Posts
May 14 2010 01:30 GMT
#6
It's all good man. I'm a musician a bit older myself..

Try to find the reasons inside , that way, your confidence will never be shaken. I study at university and there are better players than me, but I am never bothered.

A real martial artist doesn't study to beat up people, but to find the mental strength to take himself to the limits , and to calm the mind.

This is why I play.
Each day gets better : )
Abenson
Profile Blog Joined December 2009
Canada4122 Posts
May 14 2010 01:36 GMT
#7
Ahh...
Great poem o.o
However, I must admit I don't play instruments, so I can't really give any good feedback D:
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